Hola!

Yesterday's trip to the lake with Chi Chi was a success. She thoroughly enjoyed the good grass and the sunshine. Instead of going to a restaurant afterwards, we went to a doggy boutique where attention was lavished on her and treats were purchased.


We were the only people there for awhile and I noticed that about a half dozen large birds were circling the downtown area and I wondered what was dead there that they might be looking at. About 20 minutes later, I noticed that the birds had moved and were circling us and I wondered what they had their beady little eyes on. When it occurred to me that they might be eyeballing Chi Chi, we packed up and moved out of there.

I took the Chichister home and then went to Sweety's work to meet him for lunch.

You know, I think everyone is entitled to their opinion but when you are eating in a public place, it would be nice if you didn't talk loudly enough to subject everyone to it. There was a lady sitting behind us that did not shut up the entire time we were there. She was telling her companions all about the email she got that told her how unpatriotic Barack Obama is so it must be true! It was so hard to not turn around and say, "Shut up." She had all kinds of stories to tell because she knew someone "high up in the military".

At one point right after she'd said something stupid loudly and Sweety could see that my head was fixing to pop - Sweety loudly states, "Hey! Do you know what I saw on the news last night? There was this guy, Jack and he had a cow to sell! And on his way to the market - someone gave him magic beans for his cow! Can you believe it? Magic beans!" One of the guys sitting with loud lady looked at Sweety and just died laughing.

Let me tell you something else that I don't like. I don't like a smarmy 13 year old telling me who he feels would and would not be a good president based upon what he heard was on the internet. Kid didn't actually read it on the internet himself but heard it was on the internet. His quote was, "If it's on the internet it must be true!". Sweet, tiny, not old enough to vote yet, baby Jesus. Needless to say, BigBrother(13) and I had quite a conversation. He now knows my stance on abortion and gay marriage and I don't think he was pleased with it. At one point he asked me, "Does Dad know who you want to be president?". I told him yes but that just because you're married doesn't mean you have to have the same political views.

See those shot glasses? They are double shot glasses and I purchased them at the neighbor's tupperware-type party a couple of weeks ago. Aren't they pretty? I learned last night that the way to not drink tequila is with double shot glasses. Before you know it, you and your Sweety will have drank the whole freaking bottle. Oddly enough, I didn't have a hangover today. It had been months since I'd drank any of that and fully expected to feel like hammered shit today. It kind of weirds me out that I didn't. I don't think we will buy anymore tequila.

*blink *blink*

Reminders to self:

Crazy cunt that we ate dinner behind.

Gratuitous Chi Chi The Motherfucking Magnificent Photos

Oy....Baby Oy....Why do you snore so loud and why is my phone so far away to set the alarm? Damn. I love my tiny dog.

BLINK!

She Likes My Cooking!

Yummy!

Sweety mentioned something last night that reminded me of this.

When I was a kid, my favorite way to eat hot dogs was frozen. I liked to either slice them in little slivers or scrape the meat off with my front teeth. Kind of like meat ice cream.

Just thought I'd share.

A Date With Chi Chi

I had been trying to decide what I was going to do on Friday when I took the day off. I'd been kicking around the idea of going to the beach to snoop around and Cissy Strutt's latest photo sealed the deal. It made me really want to go to the beach. This morning I was checking to see which beach I could take a canine to and realized that Friday is the start of Bike Week. Which means there will be people elbow-to-elbow and you have to pay to park anywhere. Not the relaxing day I had envisioned. Part of me wants to go to Daytona to walk around and look at bikes and people watch but I know that Sweety would shit his pants all morning long if he knew I was over there.

There's a town nearby that has a downtown area that's close to the lake and on the lake front there is The Best Grass Ever! Whenever I'm there, I must take off my shoes and squish the grass between my toes. If I had grass like this in my yard - I'd sleep on it. I kid you not. I'm thinking that Chi Chi deserves to frolic in TBGE so I'll load her up and go there Friday morning. (unless it's chilly. then we won't go. she won't walk in the cold. just stands there and shivers. i think she needs heat to get her joints moving.) We shall dine at a neat little German restaurant nearby because you can eat on the patio there with your dog. There is also a dog park in the area but Chi Chi isn't much of a socialite so we'll skip that.

*insert title here*

Back in December, the cuntofanexwife made a big deal about wanting to have the boys the whole week of their Spring Break because they were going to rent a cabin and take all 7 kids to Tennessee. It was going to be the very first family vacation that the boys would go on with her. Well, guess what? They're not going.

Sweety and I contemplated making plans for a vacation during that week since the boys would be gone, but decided not to just in case they didn't go somewhere with the coaew and might be at our house for a few days. She called Sweety the other day and told him that the plan to go to TN had fallen through but they were going to call and rent a cabin at Blah-Blah Island. Sweety told me that she hadn't called yet but when she did that she would find that you have to reserve a place there at least 2 years in advance. I just love it when she promises the boys something and doesn't deliver! (I'm being sarcastic here, okay? I don't love it. It pisses me right off.) Maybe someday she will learn that you don't tell kids that you're going to do something if you're not 100% sure that you will follow through. Continual let-downs go towards eroding that little thing called "trust".

I have admitted to Sweety that Tiny Dog is in the bed with me as soon as he leaves for work in the morning. I also told him that a few nights ago (when he was in the bed too), I let her sleep with us and moved her back into her own bed before he woke up. He was very upset to hear about this. Look, I know she's a damn animal but I like her. She's warm. Like a little heated brick in the night. It's nice. People that live in cold states should get a Chihuahua to sleep with in the winter. I am sure their electric bills would go down.

I'm fairly certain that Tiny understands English. We were having some issues last week where she wanted to yip at me in the night to be let into the bed with us but since Sweety wasn't fully asleep, I couldn't bring her up. Under the pretense of scolding her, I took her into the living room and explained that when Papa is at home that she can not be in the bed but that I am more than happy to get her as soon as he leaves. She promptly crawled into bed with Stinky Dog and didn't make a peep until Sweety left for work the next morning. Within 45 seconds of him walking out of the room, she was yapping at me. Her usual "let me in bed" yap is a tiny, quiet yip. This yapping was full-throated screaming with pinned back ears, eyes narrowed to evil slits and her paws were on the bed with her head as close to mine as possible. I think she remembered my promise to put her in the bed after he left and was making sure that I followed through. I did.

There was a meeting this morning at work to let us talk about our new supervisor. She wasn't there, just her supervisor and someone from our human resources department. Since I'm off on Tuesday, they offered to change my schedule so I could go in for the meeting but I told my supervisor that I wouldn't say anything in the meeting anyway because I don't like talking in front of people. She said that I can meet privately with her supervisor and the HR person later. Now that I think about it, it would have probably been a better thing for me to go in with the group and bitch because then maybe my bitching wouldn't stand out so much. I babble when I'm nervous and I could see myself saying something stupid enough to get myself fired during a private meeting. I'm going to have to rehearse what I want to say and then not fill any silence in the room with babbling. Maybe I'll get lucky and they'll forget about meeting with me.

I'm off of work this Friday! Yay! Hip-hip-hooray! I'm taking a vacation day to celebrate Leap Year. I figure since February 29 only comes around every 4 years that it deserves some recognition. To make it even better - that day is also pay day.

I still haven't bought a golf club. The retention pond behind our house has water in it now and I would love to launch some boiled eggs into it. I need to scour some garage sales and find a used club. I want a fat one. I think it's called a wood? Or a driver? I'll know it when I see it.

You Don't Know What You Have Til It's Gone...

Our wireless router box died on Friday. It smelled like burnt popcorn. We got a new one on Saturday and it only took about 7 mother-grabbing hours and countless calls to technical support to get it working. The tech support group at one point told us that we had erased our i.p. address so we wouldn't be able to connect to the internet. WTF?

Sweety did some button pushing and now we are connected again. He honestly doesn't know what he did to make it work but I am just glad that it is. To put it mildly, I was beside myself during the 24 hours that the connection was gone. I haven't figured out how to make the wireless connection secure (this router is a different brand than the old one) and my brain was too fried to deal with it Saturday night. I'll tackle it on Tuesday or Wednesday when I'm off of work.

The desktop computer says that there are no wireless connections in its area but it is connected through our router. Go figure. It must be magic.

Hey, I have a hypothetical situation for you.*

Say that you've had a bit to drink. And on your way home, you run over someone and kill them. Nobody is around to bear witness and the victim is definitely dead.

Do you think you'd be in less trouble with the law if you called the police and they could see that you'd been drinking and driving and killed someone or would you be in less trouble if you went on home and confessed the next day? Told the cops that you fled the scene because you were freaked out and don't mention the drinking so you just have a hit and run charge?

Would a hit and run be less trouble than a driving under the influence charge?

*Totally hypothetical.

I have never even come close to running over someone. Well, maybe I almost ran over some guy's legs once when he was changing a flat tire on the side of the road in the rain but I did not hit him. Made him sit up straight though.

And I don't know anyone who has done such a thing. This is a question that I like to ask Sweety when he's half asleep.

Toes & Tits

The bath bomb made the water pink. I liked that.

You can click on the toes to see the tits. Unless you're my sister. Spare yourself the mental image.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

Happy Wednesday!

I've been busy surviving, not thriving, at my place of employment and it is sucking the life out of me. We have heard that the new supervisor will be the next person promoted in our site because she is Hispanic and a woman and that the site hasn't met the quota of having that sort of person in the position above hers. To be honest, where I work, the minority is white males. You don't see too many of those walking around as supervisors or higher-ups. When our supervisor is finally promoted, I will be the first person standing in line to bake her a cake, wish her well and send her on her merry fucking way. It has occurred to me that there is not one single Asian woman in a supervisor position. I am seriously thinking of climbing the corporate ladder. I feel with my 6+ years of seniority and my Korean blood and girly genes that I should own the place! (not. that would require too much ass kissing and I'm not up for that. ever.)

Have I mentioned that I am beyond ready for a vacation? I am. I have 4 days off in April and I think Sweety and will go somewhere. Or maybe we'll just stay at home. We haven't decided yet. I'm just looking forward to not having to go to work.

I came home from work Monday night and I was soooo thirsty. But there was nothing to drink. Nothing except grapefruit juice. I think grapefruit juice is nasty so I mixed it with gin the help the taste. It was probably not a good idea to start drinking at 10 p.m. I kept going into the bedroom to wake Sweety and bitch about my job. He had to get up at 5 and finally banished me and the dogs from the bedroom so we all slept on the couch. You know, the couch has my butt print on it from where I sit so much because it's so comfy for sitting but for sleeping? Not so much. Tiny and Stinky loved it though. I let them take the cones off of their heads because if I felt them nibbling or licking holes in their bodies, I could give them a little poke to stop.

We got a new thing to hang on the wall this weekend! This is what is used to look like and here it is now! We went into the store and saw this hanging high up on the wall. It was too high up to see the price tag and we decided that was a sign to not even think of getting it. We'd been wandering around the store for a bit and another couple asked to have it taken down so they could look at it. Then I decided if they didn't get it that it was a sign that it was ours. It took them 20 minutes to decide they weren't buying it (I was circling them like a buzzard the whole time.) because they couldn't fit it into their car. Another guy walked up to look at it when they turned away and I ran up and snatched that bitch up and tucked it under my arm the best that I could. Then I carried it to a corner so I could meticulously inspect it for scratches or dings. It was purchased and lovingly wrapped in paper to protect it and we squoze it into the car and came home.

Sweety wasn't feeling very good and went in the house to take some medicine. Usually, I let him to the lifting and moving of things but since he wasn't feeling well and I wanted to get that picture into the house right now and get it on the wall, I decided to carry it in myself.

Sweety stepped into the garage just in time to see me hoist it out of the trunk and whack it on the underside of the garage door. A little piece of me died when my whole body vibrated from the force of smacking it into the door. Of course, the bottom part of the picture got fucked up. But it's not too bad. I was able to kind of slick it down with my finger and you can't tell that it's messed up unless you are close and looking for it.

What Have I Become?

Mama hasn't been blogging because she's been busy making my life a living hell.


I understand her reasoning behind these cones but it doesn't make it any easier. Stinky has a little problem where she will nibble on her tail. And I have a little addiction where I will also nibble on her tail. So the only way for her to get well to is confine me also.

Can you see the anguish on my beautiful face?

First I spend two weeks thinking that some strange dog is moving in with me only to be told that he's not and then I get my own cone! The inhumanity!

I have it on good authority that the biped will resume her regularly scheduled blogging soon.

Agh. I am such a bitch.

Sammy's owner just called me and wanted to know if I still wanted him even though there was a chance that he still had one testicle up in there. I don't understand why they are wanting to get rid of him. They're buying a house so they can take him with them. He's been in their family for 7 years. I told him that to be honest, I'm not looking for another dog (especially a possibly unaltered male) but if he's going to stick the dog in a shelter that I'd take him and love him. He said that they would work something out.

I feel like shit because I insisted on the surgery (which came out to around 550.00 due to the complications.) and now I'm having to tell them I don't really want him. There is a reason though that all of my dogs are female and it's because I don't want the headache of dealing with a male dog that wants to mark his territory all over the place and if he's not fully neutered then that will still be a problem.

I don't think the dog's owner knows that I spoke with his mother about this earlier today. She told me that the company we work for is putting his family up in a hotel for 2 weeks until they can move into their house and that they are even paying a pet deposit to the hotel so they can bring him. So I'm wondering why are they so keen on getting rid of him?

I'm going to go nurse a guilt induced stomach ache.

All About The Canines

Sammy is doing better and started walking around yesterday. His current owners are going to keep him since they were able to buy a house. It turns out that the veterinarian didn't remove the one testicle that he found. The vet said when he got in there, he saw the one testicle and decided to look for the other one. After 2 hours, Sammy's vital signs were all dropping and he didn't have time to remove the one nut that was available. Okay, I just talked to Sammy's owner and one nut did come out. I still feel horrible that the poor little guy has been through so much but I'm glad he's going to be okay and gets to stay with his family.

And do you know what I know now? Sweety's dog saturation level. Now I know that Sweety would live in a house with 4 dogs. Maybe someday I will move in another sweet Chihuahua. I miss puppy breath.

Tiny Dog is in the first stage of patellar luxation. It's where her knee pops out of socket sometimes. At this point it pops back into place on its own within moments or if I see it happen, I'll pick her up and put it back into place. If your dog is overweight and this is happening it can be helpful if it loses weight. So Tiny is on a diet to lose 2 pounds. Hopefully, this will keep her from needing a ridiculously expensive surgery later on. While I'm at it, Chi Chi is on a diet too because she has arthritis and the less she weighs the better it is on her joints. You'd think I was starving them to death with the way they carry on! They have taken to taking turns licking sticky crumbs out of Stinky's food bowl when she is done. It makes cleaning up easier for me.

The Sleep That Only Mashed Potatoes Brings

I know this photo isn't much different from the many other photos of my sleeping canines but I like it.

On a completely unrelated note - Holy shit. I love Rob & Big.

Odds & Ends

I still haven't heard anything about Sammy. His owner's mom works with me and she was out sick for the past two days. Sweety has been fucking with me and saying that she was gone because she was busy digging a grave for Sammy. Thanks, Sweety. I'm going to call her tomorrow and see how she and Sammy are doing.

Tonight I am going over to the neighbor's house for a tupperware-type party. (This neighbor is friends with the cuntofanexwife and I am keeping my fingers crossed in the hope that she will not be there.) I decided it would be good for me to venture into suburbia and socialize with other people. I haven't decided yet if I'll eat a xanax and have a glass of gin before I go. When I get home - definitely.

Sweety and I went for a walk last Wednesday night. 3.7 miles. That's a lot of walking for a sweet potato that only goes from her car to her cube farm. My legs are still sore. We are doing it again tonight and tomorrow too. When we took off on the walk, I was really hating Sweety's guts because he was making me exercise and I was giving serious thought to kicking his right kneecap off. (Because it was the one closest to me and I knew I'd only get one good kick in and then I'd have to run.) By halfway through the walk, I was too tired to be mad anymore.

My favorite time of day right now is when I wake up. Usually I'm not a morning person but I've been having problems breathing lately (it feels like there is a snotwad of a small frog in the back of my throat and I can't get it out with any amount of hacking) and when I wake up I'm able to spit out a nice wad of something. It makes me feel good. Like my body is doing something for me by collecting that shit in the night and putting it in one easy spot so it can be sent rocketing into the sink. Good grief. I look forward to spitting out snot. That's just weird.

Chi Chi jumped onto my lap the other night! Usually, she very carefully creeps up onto it but she reared back and leapt onto it in one motion. She landed right on Tiny Dog and scared the hell out of her. Have you ever seen a Tiny Dog trying to get away from a smaller Dog of Doom that has fallen from the sky? Funny stuff.

LittleBrother(11) and I finally saw I Am Legend this weekend. It was okay. Sweety and BigBrother(13) didn't go with us because they don't like scary movies. We went to the Flea Market to browse around and then to the bookstore before going to the show. LB has taken a huge interest in gemstones and wanted a book about them. I was so pleased that he was actually asking to go to the bookstore that I couldn't get us there quick enough! We ended up with a book from the New Age section of the bookstore that lists the healing properties of the gems and whatnot. I really don't care what the kid reads as long as he's reading something!

Ha! Let me tell you about something that happened at the Flea Market....

LB and I were methodically making our way up and down the aisles and going into shops and we came to them if they caught our eye. Up ahead, I see an adult novelty store and I'm steering LB to the other side of the aisle because I just don't even want to look at him up against a backdrop of scantily clad mannequins that are holding whips and things. We get closer to the store and he says, "Cool! Look at this!" and runs up the stockade that the novelty store has sitting in their doorway with ropes and things hanging off of it and sticks his head and hands through the wooden holes. I just died laughing and we did get a couple of strange glances from people walking by.

Quote of the day: If lightening hit her right now - I'd walk over and do CPR. I'd suck the life right out til her lung was in my mouth and then I'd chew a hole in it.
Yeah, the coaew is still a 110% dumbass.

Woot! Woot!

Bekah is one of my favorite people. She's short. I like to pat her head.

This was when Tiny and I went road tripping last summer. We must do it again!

A Few Quick Things

Sammy isn't doing so good. His neutering did not go well. I guess only one testicle had descended and the vet spent 2 freaking hours rooting around in the dog's abdomen looking for the other one before giving up. Maybe Sammy just had one nut? Maybe the vet could have looked for it using ultrasound instead of just poking around in his innards for that length of time? I dunno. I do know that poor Sammy has only peed once in the past 5 days and doesn't move around at all. I feel so guilty. And do you know what the real kicker is? You know, Sammy was being fixed because I said we'd only take him if he was fixed? And we were taking him because his family was moving and were afraid they wouldn't be able to rent a new house if they had a dog?

Well, instead of renting - they are buying a house. This means that more likely than not, Sammy won't be coming here to stay if he lives anyway. Ain't that some shit? You have no idea how bad I feel about this.

The place I mentioned the other day, Candle Dippers? The owner noticed that hits were coming from here and gave me a discount code for anyone to use. The code is 756ce4 and it can be used once per person for 15% off of your total order. I'm going to scoop up some more things from there. I've decided that from now on, Chi Chi will be bathed in flea soap and that will be followed by Orange Pomegranate shower gel. I so wish you could sniff her.

Sweety cleaned out the attic today. It is full of stuff from when the boys were babies. Toys, baby furniture, stuffed animals and so on. He didn't toss everything out because he just couldn't bear to part with some of the things. (I tried to take photos of the pile of things that he was crying over before throwing them out but he said he would kill me if I did.) One thing he didn't get rid of was the bassinet-cradle thing. I guess if I ever have our own little dirt urchin, it will spend the first few weeks of its life in it.

I must go now. LittleBrother(11) and I are going to do some running around!

A Good Fish

Happy HNT!

You can click it for the colorized version.

Sometimes It's Creepy In My Head

I'm going to share a couple of things that I think about. These might be considered weird things to wonder about but I think that we all think about strange things but not everyone talks about them.

Have you ever seen a guy do that trick with his penis where he tucks it all in his nutsack and it looks kind of like a giant bellybutton? I wonder how many large marshmallows you could poke in there once the weenie is turned inside-out? I'm going to have to get Sweety drunk and conduct a science experiment.

I know that I've mentioned that Chi Chi has a giant coochie. I can't help but sometimes wonder what could be crammed in there. (gently and with lubrication, of course) I'm thinking she could take at least 3 chocolate M&M's with no problem. Maybe one of the peanut kind.

Bitch is Crazy

What did she spend 10 minutes barking her guts out at? If you look closely at her butt, you can see that she was straining hard enough to almost shit herself.




After seeing Chi Chi get this worked up over her own shadow, you can imagine what it's like when an actual living being invades her comfort zone.

This Isn't An Advertisement!

The dogs have all been eating the stuff that I was hand-feeding Chi Chi for just a couple of weeks and there is a definite difference in them. Stinky's shedding is waaay down. There aren't nearly as many dog hair tumbleweeds blowing about the place and Chi Chi is running sometimes! She has started eating the stuff when it is mixed with yogurt out of the bowl by herself. It just took a few days for her to get used to it, I guess. I'll take the bowl and put it on the ground and she'll get a few licks in then I'll move the bowl across the room and she will flat scamper to it. I move it a few times. I think the exercise is good for her. The Doggy Fountain of Youth is called Dinovite and it will be a staple in the canines diets from now on.

As you may know, the dogs (Stinky and Tiny) have their beds in our bathroom. One of the main things that will sell me on a body wash or bath soap is if it smells really strong. Strong enough so that when I get out of the shower or tub, the room smells like the soap instead of a ready-to-mildew dog. I have found my soap Nirvana. Candle Dippers has fantastic shower gel, cold pressed soap, body mousse (just a tiny dab makes you super soft) and sheafoliate that smells freaking great. (oh, and the candles there are really strong smelling too!) They also have an air freshener spray that is amazing. It takes one squirt per room to make the house smell yummy. I'm partial to the Orange Pomegranate smelling stuff. One bar of the Orange Pomegranate soap has been set aside to bathe the dogs in. I will sniff Chi Chi afterwards until I pass out.

So, do any of you all have something that works really well that I might want to try? I am easily influenced by my peers.