I Think I'm a Suburbanite

What happened to me?

Four little years ago... (fuzz to hazy images) I went out on the weekends. My house was always tidy. I could leave a beer can out overnight. I ran around the house naked all the time. I drove a KICK ASS truck. Ahhh. How I miss my black chevy with the custom chrome wheels. The back end was lowered 2 inches over the back wheels so when you looked at it, it was even. Tinted windows. Single cab. Bench seat so I could sleep in it if necessary. All of the chevrolet emblems were removed. Just black and slick and chrome. It was the first major purchase that I made in my own name after my divorce. Sometimes I'll put in a tape and pretend that I'm driving it when it's dark. How sad is that?

Now I have a suv that seats 8 (honda pilot - we traded in my truck on my 27th birthday. i cried. no wait. i sobbed. but it was the right thing to do at the time.) I have to immediately throw away any empty alcohol containers cause someone might get up early and see them. Actually, I bury them in the bottom of the recycle bin. I have a stinky dog that I got for my stepson but it is terrified of him and looooooooves me. And today (drumroll please) we got a big screen t.v. A fucking 50 inch hdtv dlp. Whatever that is. It's like looking at a car crash. When I walk by it I'm drawn to it like a moth to a lightbulb. Sweety will probably find me dead, with my face pressed against and melted to it someday. Drawn in by it's evil powers. I've always thought big screen t.v.'s were kind of ostentatious. I mean, how much do you really need to watch? But Sweety does love it. I've only heard 3 words out of him this evening. And I don't have to squint to see anything. We went outside to the neighbors backyard and we could see it clearly thru the window. He even took a break from his viewing to mop the kitchen floor. He is such a keeper.

I guess life is good. This must be what it is like to get older. I can't believe that I'm gonna be 29. And then 30. Oh fuck. I miss being young and cute.

I think I'll go have some wine and do the reverse cowgirl later.