I decided to leave the bugs alone. It's warmer today and most of them ran off (probably into my house) when the sun came up. There are a few stragglers left, but honestly, they're too creepy looking to kill. Some of them have wings! I don't want to start slaughtering them and have some of the little beasts fly onto me. I'm sure that by tomorrow morning they will all be gone.
My stupid laptop is acting all weird. When I start it up, it takes FOREVER to load and the hard drive makes squeaking noises like a dying baby mouse. So I'm using the desktop in the back room. And my stupid AOL isn't working so I'm just logged on through the browser. I don't like that either. But I guess I'll quit bitching and be glad that I can access the internet.
Starting with my first paycheck of the year, I got put on an allowance. I get $40 twice a month. Under this regime, Sweety should have all of the bills taken care of and at zero by the end of the year. But only having a little bit of pocket money bothers me, so I decided to do something about it. I enrolled at payperpost. I thought I could do a few posts about things that I find interesting and get paid for it. Extra pocket money. But alas, it is not meant to be. My blog was rejected because it has adult or mature material. I'll be damned. I guess I'll use Plan B for pocket money which is selling plasma.
Okay, I'm not really going to sell plasma. Only because there isn't anywhere near here that you can do it at. I used to do it though. Eight or nine years ago, when I was in Texas, I sold it like clockwork (twice a week). I didn't need the money then but I liked to people watch there. You can have some really neat conversations with homeless people. I got to be friendly with the staff and they finally asked me why on earth I was doing it (I usually came in after work with my nice "work clothes" on and stuck out like a sore thumb) and I admitted it was mainly to watch people. I also thought it would help me get over my fear of needles but it didn't. It's kind of hypnotic to watch a bunch of your blood exit your body and then have it shoved back in at a high speed. I have small veins and I quit going after some new person working there fucked my arm up royally while trying to hit a vein. I still have track marks from that incident.
1/31/07
1/30/07
Thank You, Internet!
For without you, I'd be more likely to do weird things.
The bugs that I mentioned in the first post today? They're still all swarmed up on two trees in the front yard. It looks like the bark on the bottom of the trees is moving. Just thinking about them gives me goosebumps.
I gave them a close look before I left the house to go to the grocery store earlier today. Before going to the grocery store, I made a quick trip to the local hardware store to price blowtorches. I did find a nice small one (perfect for incinerating scary bugs) priced at $13.22. But I knew if I bought it and came home and toasted those critters that I would be compelled to blog about it. I'd probably even be tempted to video it. And do I really want to scare away the nice people that come by here every now and then? No. No, I do not.
So I put that cute torch back on the shelf. But while I was at the grocery store, I did buy one of those giant lighter things that you use to light candles with. I was careful to peruse them all and choose the one that was 3 inches longer than the rest. If the urge to burn bugs becomes too great, at least I'll have an extra 3 inches between me and their flaming bodies.
The bugs that I mentioned in the first post today? They're still all swarmed up on two trees in the front yard. It looks like the bark on the bottom of the trees is moving. Just thinking about them gives me goosebumps.
I gave them a close look before I left the house to go to the grocery store earlier today. Before going to the grocery store, I made a quick trip to the local hardware store to price blowtorches. I did find a nice small one (perfect for incinerating scary bugs) priced at $13.22. But I knew if I bought it and came home and toasted those critters that I would be compelled to blog about it. I'd probably even be tempted to video it. And do I really want to scare away the nice people that come by here every now and then? No. No, I do not.
So I put that cute torch back on the shelf. But while I was at the grocery store, I did buy one of those giant lighter things that you use to light candles with. I was careful to peruse them all and choose the one that was 3 inches longer than the rest. If the urge to burn bugs becomes too great, at least I'll have an extra 3 inches between me and their flaming bodies.
One More Thing
Do you read Old Fish and Lemonade? If you don't, you should. And you should also go check out his touching tribute to the fallen Barbaro.
Wrecks & Bugs
Not much has been going on here.
Some guy ran into me Thursday morning. I was stopped, with my blinker & lights on, waiting to turn onto the road to get to my house and he rear-ended me. Dumbass. He tried to swerve to the left (INTO oncoming traffic) and hit a truck that was coming from the opposite direction. It totally wiped out the front end of his car and the other truck. The bumper on my car is mangled but that's it. He actually drove under my car. I think the only thing that kept him from decapitation was the metal U-thingy that's on my car's frame that is used to pull it out if it ever gets stuck somewhere. The U-thingy is where his car stopped and peeled over into traffic.
I've been telling Sweety that I want to trade in my Honda Pilot for a VW Jetta but my mind has been changed. If I'd have been in a little car when he hit me, it would've messed my ride up much worse.
It was cold last night in the Sunshine State and Sweety wrapped the trees up in blankets to keep them warm. It was my job this morning to unveil them. I noticed a few little bugs on one of the blankets and flicked them off to unwrap the tree. What did I find on the tree trunk? Bugs! Aaaaagh! Tons of them! I was so freaked out that I knelt in and took a close up photo. I wanted to properly convey their creepyness.
I don't know what the hell those things are but I don't like them. Usually, if I find a big wad of bugs (ants or spiders) I like to kill 'em. These were just too freaky to kill and there were too many of them. I wish I had a blowtorch. I bet they'd stink if you burned them though.
Some guy ran into me Thursday morning. I was stopped, with my blinker & lights on, waiting to turn onto the road to get to my house and he rear-ended me. Dumbass. He tried to swerve to the left (INTO oncoming traffic) and hit a truck that was coming from the opposite direction. It totally wiped out the front end of his car and the other truck. The bumper on my car is mangled but that's it. He actually drove under my car. I think the only thing that kept him from decapitation was the metal U-thingy that's on my car's frame that is used to pull it out if it ever gets stuck somewhere. The U-thingy is where his car stopped and peeled over into traffic.
I've been telling Sweety that I want to trade in my Honda Pilot for a VW Jetta but my mind has been changed. If I'd have been in a little car when he hit me, it would've messed my ride up much worse.
It was cold last night in the Sunshine State and Sweety wrapped the trees up in blankets to keep them warm. It was my job this morning to unveil them. I noticed a few little bugs on one of the blankets and flicked them off to unwrap the tree. What did I find on the tree trunk? Bugs! Aaaaagh! Tons of them! I was so freaked out that I knelt in and took a close up photo. I wanted to properly convey their creepyness.
I don't know what the hell those things are but I don't like them. Usually, if I find a big wad of bugs (ants or spiders) I like to kill 'em. These were just too freaky to kill and there were too many of them. I wish I had a blowtorch. I bet they'd stink if you burned them though.
1/25/07
Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!
We slept in the living room the night before our new bedroom furniture arrived. Stinky dog moved in as soon as Sweety got up for work. You can see Tiny by my head if you look closely.
Happy HNT!
1/24/07
Hola!
Here is the new bed! I fell asleep last night while petting the metalwork on the headboard. I've never had a whole set of matching bedroom furniture before. I love it! It sure dominates the room though. But I guess bedrooms are for sleeping in. We got the bedspread awhile back and it turned out to match the bedframe quite nicely. My excuse had been that I was waiting to get a new bedroom suite before decorating but now I don't have any excuse and must decorate the room.
You never realize how much crap you've accumulated until you start emptying drawers. I threw out 2 big sacks of stuff that was just not needed while getting ready to move my clothes into the new furniture. And now that we have the new stuff moved in, I don't want to mess it up and am having a hard time finding places for the knick-knacks that I have. It just doesn't seem right to clutter up the dresser tops just yet with stuff. The house is such a wreck with the old furniture still in it that I can't hardly concentrate to put everything back in it's place.
And what is even more disheartening is the quantity of stuff that I found that I can't wear anymore. I think I've hit rock bottom as far as my weight goes. Once I lose 60 pounds, I'll have a whole new wardrobe already rat-holed away in my new drawers. Sweety has been commissioned to be my chef. Grilled chicken breasts and salad are going to become my good friends. Whenever I need motivation, I'm going to try to put on some of those small jeans that are mocking me from the dresser.
Check out the newest members of the Polar Bear club...
The boys wanted to go swimming a couple of days ago and we told them to go for it. I really didn't think that they would. They both just bailed off in there. I was glad that they didn't have heart attacks when they hit the water.
Have you ever just had a hard time getting things typed up? I'll think I have an idea to post something and then my mind goes blank when I get to the computer.
I haven't been on the computer too much the last couple of days. Have just been looking at all the disarray in the house and wondering where to start on it. Right now I'm waiting in line to pick BigBrother up from school and I'll just paste this into trusty Blogger later. If all goes well.
You never realize how much crap you've accumulated until you start emptying drawers. I threw out 2 big sacks of stuff that was just not needed while getting ready to move my clothes into the new furniture. And now that we have the new stuff moved in, I don't want to mess it up and am having a hard time finding places for the knick-knacks that I have. It just doesn't seem right to clutter up the dresser tops just yet with stuff. The house is such a wreck with the old furniture still in it that I can't hardly concentrate to put everything back in it's place.
And what is even more disheartening is the quantity of stuff that I found that I can't wear anymore. I think I've hit rock bottom as far as my weight goes. Once I lose 60 pounds, I'll have a whole new wardrobe already rat-holed away in my new drawers. Sweety has been commissioned to be my chef. Grilled chicken breasts and salad are going to become my good friends. Whenever I need motivation, I'm going to try to put on some of those small jeans that are mocking me from the dresser.
Check out the newest members of the Polar Bear club...
The boys wanted to go swimming a couple of days ago and we told them to go for it. I really didn't think that they would. They both just bailed off in there. I was glad that they didn't have heart attacks when they hit the water.
Have you ever just had a hard time getting things typed up? I'll think I have an idea to post something and then my mind goes blank when I get to the computer.
I haven't been on the computer too much the last couple of days. Have just been looking at all the disarray in the house and wondering where to start on it. Right now I'm waiting in line to pick BigBrother up from school and I'll just paste this into trusty Blogger later. If all goes well.
1/22/07
New Furniture!
We're getting a new bedroom set on TUESDAY! Woo hoo! I can't wait! I can't wait to get the shit out of my house that the cuntofanexwife used to have her grubby hooks on!
The stuff with the red x's? We're not getting those things. I've never seen a dresser without a mirror but Sweety pointed out that we don't use the dresser mirror anyway - and he wants to put a flat screen t.v. on the wall there instead. This will totally violate my rule about no t.v. in the bedroom but I realize that sometimes you have to lose a battle to win the war. Is it just me or is it weird to have no mirror above your dresser but a t.v. instead?
And I'll have an armoire to HANG clothes in! Woo hoo! As of now, there is NO closet in the bedroom. I can't wait to use hangers again!
Of course, I will post photos once my stuff gets here so you can check it out in it's new habitat.
I'm thinking of asking Sweety to make a headboard to compliment our furniture for Stinky's new bed. Stinky's new bed is doing a great job of keeping the air circulating around her while she sleeps and I think she doesn't smell as bad. Maybe she was rotting or something from spending so much time in a sweaty pile on the floor. If anyone out there needs a nice, custom-made bed for a stinky dog - I can hook you up!
The stuff with the red x's? We're not getting those things. I've never seen a dresser without a mirror but Sweety pointed out that we don't use the dresser mirror anyway - and he wants to put a flat screen t.v. on the wall there instead. This will totally violate my rule about no t.v. in the bedroom but I realize that sometimes you have to lose a battle to win the war. Is it just me or is it weird to have no mirror above your dresser but a t.v. instead?
And I'll have an armoire to HANG clothes in! Woo hoo! As of now, there is NO closet in the bedroom. I can't wait to use hangers again!
Of course, I will post photos once my stuff gets here so you can check it out in it's new habitat.
I'm thinking of asking Sweety to make a headboard to compliment our furniture for Stinky's new bed. Stinky's new bed is doing a great job of keeping the air circulating around her while she sleeps and I think she doesn't smell as bad. Maybe she was rotting or something from spending so much time in a sweaty pile on the floor. If anyone out there needs a nice, custom-made bed for a stinky dog - I can hook you up!
1/20/07
Spying on Sweety
You can mouse over the photos to read the captions.
No wonder he's so tired in the mornings.
I do apologize for being a shitty blogger as of late. Not commenting back, not checking blogs like normal (obsessively), etc. I've been super pissy. Super pissy makes me want to sleep all of the time because I'm not angry if I'm asleep. I'll get back on the bus soon.
Just when I say that I'm not going to concern myself with that dirty douchewater (and when I say dirty douchewater, I mean douchewater that's green and putrid with infection) of an exwife, she just really lays it on thick. I'm trying to stay calm (god bless xanax) but it is an uphill battle. Last night, she didn't go to a little gathering at BigBrother's school (that she'd told him she'd be at) but she did manage to go the the motherfucking bar last night, leaving BB at home (on a school night, no less) to babysit her fucking crotchlings. But, I'm exhaling and not letting it bother me. Just so ya know, this isn't the only thing that she's done this week, but I've been trying to not blog about her shit. I swear, it's been something new EVERY FUCKING DAY this week. Cum gargling gutter slut.
1/18/07
Happy HNT!
Sweety caught me napping. I'd been there long enough that the comforter left little tracks on my face.
Ah, such a good place to be!
Ah, such a good place to be!
1/17/07
Taking Care Of Business
I've spent the major part of today helping LittleBrother(10) with a social studies project. I've spent so much time dinking with pictures in PhotoShop that my eyes are burning.
While LB and I were working on the project, Sweety built a new bed for Stinky dog. The problem with Stinky is that she sweats a lot. In the morning, when she gets up from her bed, the floor will be slick with sweat. Have you ever slid in Basset Hound sweat and almost busted your ass? Not a nice trip. The bed is a wooden frame with supporting beams under it and it has feet on it to raise it off of the floor and give the underside of the bed some air circulation. Hopefully, this will keep the floor from getting soggy and Stinky dog from growing mushrooms on her side.
I'm sure that you are all familiar with camel toe but have you met her relative the moose knuckle? I found that while looking at useless shit online today (when I should've been working on the social studies project) and just wanted to share.
While LB and I were working on the project, Sweety built a new bed for Stinky dog. The problem with Stinky is that she sweats a lot. In the morning, when she gets up from her bed, the floor will be slick with sweat. Have you ever slid in Basset Hound sweat and almost busted your ass? Not a nice trip. The bed is a wooden frame with supporting beams under it and it has feet on it to raise it off of the floor and give the underside of the bed some air circulation. Hopefully, this will keep the floor from getting soggy and Stinky dog from growing mushrooms on her side.
I'm sure that you are all familiar with camel toe but have you met her relative the moose knuckle? I found that while looking at useless shit online today (when I should've been working on the social studies project) and just wanted to share.
1/16/07
1/15/07
I Give Up
I have reached the end of my rope. It has been mentioned to me (rather meanly) that I need to start minding my own business instead of other people's. And that is right.
In order for me to continue my existence here in sunny Florida, there are a few things that I'm going to have to not concern myself with anymore or else I'm going to go crazy. At the top of that list is what goes on with the boys when they're at their mother's house. They're not my kids so I'm going to quit worrying about them. They have their dumbass mother and Sweety to do the worrying. Well, they have their dumbass mother to do stupid fucking things and Sweety to fret silently over them. If that's good enough for them, then it's good enough for me!
Really, why should I give a sailing shit if she is cheating the government and toting around so many kids in her car that there aren't enough seat belts for everyone? I've already advised the boys that they are to each fight for their own seatbelt when they climb into her death-sled. Not gonna be a kid that I know that bites the dust in the event of something terrible.
What I really mean when I say "things that I'm not going to concern myself with" is that I'm going to ignore shit until I can't take it anymore then I'm going to run into the ocean, screaming, while pulling my hair out in big clumps.
In order for me to continue my existence here in sunny Florida, there are a few things that I'm going to have to not concern myself with anymore or else I'm going to go crazy. At the top of that list is what goes on with the boys when they're at their mother's house. They're not my kids so I'm going to quit worrying about them. They have their dumbass mother and Sweety to do the worrying. Well, they have their dumbass mother to do stupid fucking things and Sweety to fret silently over them. If that's good enough for them, then it's good enough for me!
Really, why should I give a sailing shit if she is cheating the government and toting around so many kids in her car that there aren't enough seat belts for everyone? I've already advised the boys that they are to each fight for their own seatbelt when they climb into her death-sled. Not gonna be a kid that I know that bites the dust in the event of something terrible.
What I really mean when I say "things that I'm not going to concern myself with" is that I'm going to ignore shit until I can't take it anymore then I'm going to run into the ocean, screaming, while pulling my hair out in big clumps.
1/13/07
Bitch, Bitch, Bitch
A couple of posts ago, in the comments, I mentioned that BigBrother(12) will be baby-sitting for his cuntofamother tonight. I am so not pleased.
I happened to mention my displeasure in front of BB while talking to Sweety and the COAM called Sweety and let him know that she didn't want us talking about such things in front of BB. Excuse me? I know she has lost her fucking mind by trying to tell me what and what not to talk about.
When I mentioned my displeasure about the whole thing, I wasn't yelling or screaming or cursing. I just said that I didn't think it was a good idea for him to be alone at home in the middle of the night at a house that has two broken windows (they're covered with cardboard) and at a place where someone tried to break into his mom's car a few weeks ago.
And that stupid whore called Sweety bitching. She has no idea what kind of fury she has unleashed. She doesn't know it yet, but she just fucked herself royally. I have bitten my tongue for 65 months around her and I'm done. I'm working on something that is going to ruin her day. She'll look back on 2007 and say "Wow, what a shitty year."
She made it known that while they boys are at her house that whatever she says rules. Fine.
I know that Sweety isn't going to say anything to her because he doesn't want her to freak out and start telling the boys shit and make them all nervous. His plan is to just ignore things and try to keep the boys from being subject to chaos. I don't like his plan. But I know that's the way it's gonna be and I have got to find a way to learn to deal with it. I've been so pissed off the past couple of days that I couldn't think straight. There is no way that I can live another 7 or 8 years feeling like I've been feeling and I must find some way to deal.
If a meteor would smash her in the bar parking lot tonight, I would be the happiest girl in the world.
I happened to mention my displeasure in front of BB while talking to Sweety and the COAM called Sweety and let him know that she didn't want us talking about such things in front of BB. Excuse me? I know she has lost her fucking mind by trying to tell me what and what not to talk about.
When I mentioned my displeasure about the whole thing, I wasn't yelling or screaming or cursing. I just said that I didn't think it was a good idea for him to be alone at home in the middle of the night at a house that has two broken windows (they're covered with cardboard) and at a place where someone tried to break into his mom's car a few weeks ago.
And that stupid whore called Sweety bitching. She has no idea what kind of fury she has unleashed. She doesn't know it yet, but she just fucked herself royally. I have bitten my tongue for 65 months around her and I'm done. I'm working on something that is going to ruin her day. She'll look back on 2007 and say "Wow, what a shitty year."
She made it known that while they boys are at her house that whatever she says rules. Fine.
I know that Sweety isn't going to say anything to her because he doesn't want her to freak out and start telling the boys shit and make them all nervous. His plan is to just ignore things and try to keep the boys from being subject to chaos. I don't like his plan. But I know that's the way it's gonna be and I have got to find a way to learn to deal with it. I've been so pissed off the past couple of days that I couldn't think straight. There is no way that I can live another 7 or 8 years feeling like I've been feeling and I must find some way to deal.
If a meteor would smash her in the bar parking lot tonight, I would be the happiest girl in the world.
1/10/07
Personality Quiz
| Your Personality Is Like Marijuana |
 You're laid back and easy going, so much so that taking a shower is often too much trouble for you! Nevertheless, you're quite popular, and many people enjoy your company. You're rarely turned down. You're prone to giggle fits, paranoia, and forgetting where you are exactly. |
You're prone to giggle fits, paranoia, and forgetting where you are exactly.
So very true. I don't know what I was thinking earlier today. (Oh wait, I wasn't!) I had to go pee and unzipped my pants and walked to the front door and opened it instead of going to the bathroom. I guess I was getting ready to whiz on the porch.
I found the quiz over at Budda Bong's.
Tiny Dog Rants
Look at me People! Look! At! Me!
I'm going fucking BALD! BALD! What in the Sam Hill is the world coming to?
I'll tell you what has caused this abomination. No, I won't tell you, but I'll spell it. F-L-E-A-S (I don't want to say it out loud because we think all of the little bastards are gone and we don't wanna call them back.)
You see my sweet, polka-dotted face? You know how that got all chewed up? I like to sleep with my head jammed in the pit that Stinky dog's back legs make and that also happens to be primo real estate for those-we-shall-not-name. And it seems that I am super allergic to their horrible little bites. It is so hard being such a sensitive dog.
It certainly doesn't help matters that Mama has me in this godforsaken "Florida" place where fleas fucking thrive year round in the great outdoors. I'll be happy to move to Oklahoma where it gets COLD in the WINTER like it's supposed to. And fleas DIE then.
Good grief. I am ever so grateful that the gnawing bastards are gone and that I'm not all scratchy anymore but will my hair ever grow back?
I don't like to go out in public looking like this. My party style is being severely cramped.
The only thing that cheers me is that Mama feels like total shit (as she well should) that this has happened to me and she gives me tasty cheese bits whenever I look at her with my thin haired self.
Fucking F-L-E-A-S. I hope they all die a horrible fiery death.
I'm going to go squeeze out a grudge shit somewhere in the house for the humans to find later.
This post has been presented by one pissed off Tiny Dog.
I'm going fucking BALD! BALD! What in the Sam Hill is the world coming to?
I'll tell you what has caused this abomination. No, I won't tell you, but I'll spell it. F-L-E-A-S (I don't want to say it out loud because we think all of the little bastards are gone and we don't wanna call them back.)
You see my sweet, polka-dotted face? You know how that got all chewed up? I like to sleep with my head jammed in the pit that Stinky dog's back legs make and that also happens to be primo real estate for those-we-shall-not-name. And it seems that I am super allergic to their horrible little bites. It is so hard being such a sensitive dog.
It certainly doesn't help matters that Mama has me in this godforsaken "Florida" place where fleas fucking thrive year round in the great outdoors. I'll be happy to move to Oklahoma where it gets COLD in the WINTER like it's supposed to. And fleas DIE then.
Good grief. I am ever so grateful that the gnawing bastards are gone and that I'm not all scratchy anymore but will my hair ever grow back?
I don't like to go out in public looking like this. My party style is being severely cramped.
The only thing that cheers me is that Mama feels like total shit (as she well should) that this has happened to me and she gives me tasty cheese bits whenever I look at her with my thin haired self.
Fucking F-L-E-A-S. I hope they all die a horrible fiery death.
I'm going to go squeeze out a grudge shit somewhere in the house for the humans to find later.
This post has been presented by one pissed off Tiny Dog.
1/9/07
Shit to Share
I use DropShots to host the little videos on here. I like it because it's easy. You download this little box and then drag your videos over to it from your hard drive and they are online without any wait time. Anyways, I'm a free member but they sent me a code for people to use their premium service. With the premium service you can have up to 10 minutes on one video and have unlimited video and pictures. If you're interested, go here and use the referral code freefor30 and you get a month of premium service for free. The referral code expires on 1/12/7. I'm thinking of making a new account so I can use that promo and take long films of the dogs being chased around the house.
And another thing that I've put my blog-whoring self up on is Fuelmyblog. There's this big wall of icons and you put a photo up leading to your blog and it stays there for the next 5 years. I used a picture of Tiny dog wearing her lemon hat. I think the world needs to be exposed to her in any way possible.
These things aren't as exciting as free porn, but I thought someone might find them worthwhile.
And another thing that I've put my blog-whoring self up on is Fuelmyblog. There's this big wall of icons and you put a photo up leading to your blog and it stays there for the next 5 years. I used a picture of Tiny dog wearing her lemon hat. I think the world needs to be exposed to her in any way possible.
These things aren't as exciting as free porn, but I thought someone might find them worthwhile.
I Never Take The Obvious
One morning, many moons ago (when I lived in Texas), I walked to the icebox to get something to eat. On the icebox I had this mail-holder thing that you put envelopes in and it was full of mail. On on of the envelopes, there was something much like this:
The thing on the envelope's eyes were closed (napping, I guess) and it was totally sitting on it's feet so it looked like a gigantic booger. I'd never seen anything like this mysterious green blob before and the first thing that came into my mind was "Tiny aliens! Wow! Where are the rest of them?" I poked it with the corner of an envelope but it didn't move. Then I looked on the countertops but didn't find any of his brethren and when I was fixing to scoop it into a glass for further study, it opened it's eyes and hopped away. That's when I realized it was frog.
I'm in the shower last night and had propped my foot up on the edge of the tub to wash it when I noticed a blob of something on the tub floor. It looked like cement. And my first thought was "What the hell is this that just fell out of my coochie? Is it gonna move?!" I turned off the shower so I could examine it closely and found that it was a glop of the stuff that I use to scrub my face with.
I should probably start going with more plausible ideas as to what things are when they take me by surprise. Not everything is an alien baby.
I've got a question for you - At what age is a kid old enough to spend the night home alone?
The thing on the envelope's eyes were closed (napping, I guess) and it was totally sitting on it's feet so it looked like a gigantic booger. I'd never seen anything like this mysterious green blob before and the first thing that came into my mind was "Tiny aliens! Wow! Where are the rest of them?" I poked it with the corner of an envelope but it didn't move. Then I looked on the countertops but didn't find any of his brethren and when I was fixing to scoop it into a glass for further study, it opened it's eyes and hopped away. That's when I realized it was frog.
I'm in the shower last night and had propped my foot up on the edge of the tub to wash it when I noticed a blob of something on the tub floor. It looked like cement. And my first thought was "What the hell is this that just fell out of my coochie? Is it gonna move?!" I turned off the shower so I could examine it closely and found that it was a glop of the stuff that I use to scrub my face with.
I should probably start going with more plausible ideas as to what things are when they take me by surprise. Not everything is an alien baby.
I've got a question for you - At what age is a kid old enough to spend the night home alone?
1/8/07
Making Fun
Saturday was the boys' last flag football game. Thank you and amen! It was quite a game. There was a lot of parent participation from the sidelines (I thought the police were going to be called.) and it was just a big ol' clusterfuck.
Since I happened to have my camera with me, I decided to photograph this fellow that I've been watching all season.
I call him "Q-Tip".
I think he did this to himself 15 years ago and just hasn't looked in the mirror since. And his attitude is just what you'd expect from him.
Since I happened to have my camera with me, I decided to photograph this fellow that I've been watching all season.
I call him "Q-Tip".
I think he did this to himself 15 years ago and just hasn't looked in the mirror since. And his attitude is just what you'd expect from him.
1/5/07
More Randomness
It doesn't matter how good of a blowjob is given, if the blower accidentally squashes one of the blowees testicles after the job is done, the whole thing is deemed a failure.
I found this site where a little Irish girl is making prank phone calls - priceless. Her Irish lilt just makes them so much more humorous.
The dogs run from me now when I point the camera at them. I think I'm wearing out their retinas with the flash.
Is it just me, or is Tiny giving me the evil eye in the second photo?
I found this site where a little Irish girl is making prank phone calls - priceless. Her Irish lilt just makes them so much more humorous.
The dogs run from me now when I point the camera at them. I think I'm wearing out their retinas with the flash.
Is it just me, or is Tiny giving me the evil eye in the second photo?
1/4/07
The First HNT of 2007!
The other night I was stalking Sweety around the house with my new camera. This photo was taken about an inch away from his face and produced the eleventy-billionth flash that he'd had to look at that night.
Interestingly enough, that picture was taken about 3 hours before he got a black eye. Maybe my camera has some sort of doom inducing properties?
Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!
Interestingly enough, that picture was taken about 3 hours before he got a black eye. Maybe my camera has some sort of doom inducing properties?
Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!
1/3/07
Randomness
Go to a hard flat surface - no carpet! Stand up and kind of kick your leg out so your foot is dangling all floppy off the end. Now flop your foot so the ball of it just taps on the ground and makes a gentle smacking sound. Fun, huh? This move brings me much happiness and serenity. It's especially good on slightly damp concrete. You get a gentle mist around your foot.
As much as it pains me to admit it, Tiny dog only looks to me for food. She doesn't love me. I'm coping okay with this horrible realization. Actually that's a lie. I was going to commit hara-kiri (doesn't that sound so much prettier than saying, "I was going to disembowel myself."? Disembowel. What a yucky word.) on the lawn when it hit me that what I've been mistaking as love was only her trying to sniff food on any part of me that she can reach. I didn't want the greedy bitch to eat my guts when I was done so I put the knife back in the drawer.
If there is a parallel universe to ours - you can't blip over to it by concentrating. All you'll get for your efforts is a headache and the loss of thirty minutes of your life.
Where is the house-cleaning fairy when you need her?
As much as it pains me to admit it, Tiny dog only looks to me for food. She doesn't love me. I'm coping okay with this horrible realization. Actually that's a lie. I was going to commit hara-kiri (doesn't that sound so much prettier than saying, "I was going to disembowel myself."? Disembowel. What a yucky word.) on the lawn when it hit me that what I've been mistaking as love was only her trying to sniff food on any part of me that she can reach. I didn't want the greedy bitch to eat my guts when I was done so I put the knife back in the drawer.
If there is a parallel universe to ours - you can't blip over to it by concentrating. All you'll get for your efforts is a headache and the loss of thirty minutes of your life.
Where is the house-cleaning fairy when you need her?
1/2/07
1/1/07
Happy New Year!
I hope everybody has a successful New Year. And if it's not what you consider successful, then I hope at least it is painless.
Guess what that fantastic, amazing, effing great husband-o-mine with the gigantic penis got me this weekend?
A new camera! Wooooooo hoooooo! It makes my old digital camera look like a red headed stepchild. I can take photos in low light with it! And close ups! And video! Video with SOUND (which the old camera was lacking). I heart the camera very much.
We were gonna go out with some friends last but discovered yesterday that they couldn't go so we stayed at home. When I got in, Sweety had cooked dinner (burritos, yum!) and there was a half a bottle of tequila patiently waiting for me. So I drank it all; I'm glad it's all gone so I can quit looking at it in the freezer.
Sweety used the new camera to spy on my drinking ritual.
DropShots
Notice how I smack my lips together after licking the salt? That helps distribute the salt and makes it a better experience.
Guess what that fantastic, amazing, effing great husband-o-mine with the gigantic penis got me this weekend?
A new camera! Wooooooo hoooooo! It makes my old digital camera look like a red headed stepchild. I can take photos in low light with it! And close ups! And video! Video with SOUND (which the old camera was lacking). I heart the camera very much.
We were gonna go out with some friends last but discovered yesterday that they couldn't go so we stayed at home. When I got in, Sweety had cooked dinner (burritos, yum!) and there was a half a bottle of tequila patiently waiting for me. So I drank it all; I'm glad it's all gone so I can quit looking at it in the freezer.
Sweety used the new camera to spy on my drinking ritual.
DropShots
Notice how I smack my lips together after licking the salt? That helps distribute the salt and makes it a better experience.
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