I Heart Texas!

I have finally gotten to lovely East Texas! Woo hoo! I'm at a friend's house, waiting for her to get home. I can't wait to see all of my friends. (all 3 of them) Tomorrow, another friend is picking me up and we'll do some running around at our old haunts. I have promised Sweety that I won't drink enough tequila to incapacitate myself. I'm gonna be here til Thursday morning and that should give me plenty of time to visit everybody.

The friend I'm visting now has one whacked-out dog. The dog's a powderpuff chinese crested dog (she looks kinda like a mangy cotton ball) and she's blind. For awhile she was only blind in one eye and they put a marble in that eye (for some reason, I found that hilarious). Since she's blind in both eyes now, my friend has grown the dog's bangs out so you aren't looking at the empty sockets. She's also very nervous about the other dog that lives here so she just keeps her blind self hidden under the bed. She has some kind of toy that she thinks the world is after so she must protect it under the bed. Sometimes I like to call and call to the dog on the answering machine just to imagine how much it freaks her out.

We got totally eaten up by chiggers and mosquitoes while at my Mom's house. We rented a cabin at a park and brought bug spray but neglected to use it. I am an itchy mess.

It took for freaking ever to load my half nekkid post. It took two tries and about 30 minutes to download the photo. My Mom came outside when Sweety was getting ready to take the photo and I had to explain the "half nekkid thursday" thing to her. She now thinks there are a lot of crazy people on the internet.

I'm gonna go bond with the blind dog now.

Greetings From Oklahoma!

My favorite part of being in Oklahoma? Being able to get half nekkid in the yard and nobody can see!



Happy HNT!

Middle Of Nowhere

We're at my Mom's house in Oklahoma. There is no cell phone access for us and for me to connect to the internet, I have to use a long distance number. And when I go outside the only people to see are cows. I love it here.

Bekah - Thank you for your invitation to lunch but we flew to Dallas and then drove here. But if we ever make that long-ass drive, you can bet I'll meet you for lunch. And drinks.

Best quote from our trip so far: Sweety and BB(11) are watching t.v. when a Viagra commercial comes on. "What would you DO with it for FOUR HOURS?" asks BB. Sweety just laughed and left the room.

I'll holler at the internet next Friday when I get to civilization (Texas) and don't have to pay for internet access!

Adios!

Thankyouandamen! My vacation has arrived! No more work til July 7! This time tomorrow, I will be at my Mom's house in Oklahoma and I am sooooo looking forward to it. We're going to stay at her house a few days and then go to Texas for a few. Sweety and the boys are coming home on the 2nd but I'm staying in TX til the 6th to visit with my buddies.

I see lots of drinking and gin-rummy playing in my future. And good Mexican food! And barbecue! My diet can just go and fuck itself for the next couple of weeks.

Two big things that I'll miss while being away: our bed and wireless internet service.

I shampooed the carpet the other day and meant to go back over it before we left but it's not going to happen. I'm sure the carpet will still be here when I return.

I'm really hoping that Tiny Dog doesn't go back to her old wall eating ways. I'd hate to have to smack a bitch down as soon as I get home. Last year when we were on vacation was when she started that hole and she hasn't bothered it since it was fixed. Hopefully, Neighborgirl will pay the canines enough attention so they don't feel the need to tunnel out of the house.

And I am feeling TREE-MEN-DOUS guilt over not taking Tiny with us. But I think Stinky would really miss her (or maybe she's appreciate the break from her wacky little friend?) and I'm afraid that she would sneak out of my Mom's house and get eaten by an owl or some other critter. And that would really put a damper on the rest of the vacation.

I'm supposed to be packing for all of us but I've hit a snag. BB(11) has next to no pants here. He says there aren't any at his mom's and he can't drive so I know he hasn't toted his clothing off somewhere so where the hell are they? He may have to recycle the same 3 outfits while we're away.

I better go finish getting our ducks in a row.

But via the magic of painfully slow dial-up service, I'll probably be doing some posting while we're on the road.

*cough* *sneeze* *gag*

Too sick for HNT. I thought I had allergies but it seems like the bird flu.

If I make it, look forward to a GLORIOUS HNT post from Oklahoma when I'm there next week.

And my damn panties are giving me a wedgie too. This day is gonna suck donkey balls.

Out & About

This was done when BB(11) and I went to Universal and Islands of Adventure last week. Sweety thought it was a nice touch that the artist gave me cleavage even though you couldn't see any in the shirt that I was wearing.

I Thought It'd Be Funny

If you're kissing on a penis and your nose starts to run: The penis owner will NOT think it's cute if you wipe your nose on the side of his weenie. Even if it's just a little bit of the kind of snot that's clear. He will run away screaming and traumatized.

Sometimes my sense of humor is a bit off.

Fat Rat

Heh, I made out like a bandit this weekend. We went to the jewelry store and mall to get our jewelry checked for loose stones. While we were there we were kind of talking to the saleslady and her customer. When saleslady was checking out customer I heard her say "If you want to give your leftover coupons to those nice people behind you, I won't tell." My ears pricked up and I moseyed in to investigate. Turns out that the customer had $800 in coupons that you could use on anything as long as it was twice the cost of the coupons. And I've (I mean, Sweety & I) have been wanting to upgrade the diamond on my ring. We'd already upgraded it once in making the climb up the ladder to what I've had my eye on my whole damn life. When I'm in the jewelry store I get all nervous and sweaty and I babble a lot. So when I was smacking Sweety on the arm telling him to take the coupons he just thought I was talking crazy and drug my sweaty self out of there.

About 15 minutes later (after I coherently explained to him what the coupons were for) he told me to go back and see if the lady with them was still there. If she was it was a sign to upgrade my ring. She was and we did. Since it needed to be sized I don't have it yet but I have been looking at the diamond certification in the meantime.

And after he spent money on that he felt like buying something else so we got a new bedroom comforter set and some sheets. The sheets were sorely needed because there is a huge hole in the old sheets on the side I was sleeping on. I hated to buy a whole new set because it was just the fitted sheet that was ripped and when I go to TX a friend of mine is going to mend it but Sweety said he it was ridiculous to buy a compressed dinosaur and then go home and sleep on a ripped sheet. I'm still taking the ripped sheet with me on vacation so my friend can fix it - I'm attached to it.

Ew. I just spit out the biggest snot wad EVER. I spat it into the sink and it tried to say something but I hit it with a wooden spoon before pulverizing it in the garbage disposal. My sinuses are seriously effed up right now. Coughing, snotting and sneezing all over the place. I think I feel better today than I did yesterday. Really. I do. Or maybe I'm just trying to convince myself?

I figured out a way to fix it so I can surf my blogroll on my cell phone! Whooppee! I had to make another blog with just the blogroll on it and now I can read all day (or when I'm on a scheduled break) at work. I can't comment anywhere because it's just too hard to do with that tiny keypad but just reading keeps me amused. So a big "Thank you" to everyone that lives on my blogroll - you're helping to keep me from going postal at my job.

I've gotta go finish shampooing the carpet and then I pick BB(11) up from his mom's to go to the orthodontist and after I drop him off I pick up LB(9) to go miniature golfing. What a relaxing day off that I'm having!

Equal Opportunity

I don't care what country you are from or what color you are or what kind of accent you speak with or whether or not you have a good grasp of the English language...

If you are stupid then my patience will be very thin.

And that is all I can really say about the issue.

Not Much Here

I only have to work 4 more days between now and when I go on vacation on the 23rd! Woo hoo! And then, I'll be off for 15 days! BIG WOO HOO!

LB(9) didn't go to the theme park with us on Wednesday because he didn't want to ride the roller coasters so I told him that just me and him would do something next Tuesday. It turns out that they're going to be at their mom's since we'll be leaving on vacation on Friday but she was kind enough to agree to allow me to pick him up from her house Tuesday for some fun ant then I'll take him back to her that night. I'm glad that Sweety was able to work that out with her because LB was pretty crestfallen when he was told that I couldn't take him somewhere because he wasn't going to be at our house. I think we're going to go to a big miniature golfing place and then for pizza somewhere. I like doing things with the boys individually sometimes because we have better conversations than when they're together picking at each other.

The lovely Naomi aka OldOldLady of the Hills is doing something neat to celebrate her birthday month. Each day she's posting pictures from her life and stories. I'm the nosy sort of person that likes to pore over peoples photo albums and baby books and year books so I'm really loving these posts. I think I'm going to do something like that before my birthday in August.

It seems that I had something of great importance to say but it has left my head. Maybe it will return soon.

Self-Hobbled

BB(11) and I went to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure today. We got there at the 9 a.m. opening and left at 9 p.m. (For the mathematically challenged - that is TWELVE hours on my feet.) Guess what kind of shoes I wore? Flip-flops. What the hell was I thinking? Usually, I wear sneakers on a trip like that but the flips are comfy around the house and to the store so I thought they'd do for an all day trip where I'd be tromping across concrete.

I was sorely mistaken.

The balls of my poor feet are all blistered up now. They started to blister about 30 minutes into our trip but I figured "Eh, it's too far from my head to kill me." I soldiered through the fiery pain so we wouldn't have to cut our trip short. I didn't think it would be fair to rain on BB's parade just because I didn't have the good sense to wear proper footwear.

We did have an awesome time! Got to ride everything that we wanted to and some new things too. (By the way, if you're ever going to either of these parks: It is so worth the extra $20 to get the Express Passes! No long lines!)

He said it goes down as one of his best days. Mine too :)

Note To Sweety

If your lovely wife buys you tickets at a horribly inflated price to a baseball game that you want to go to - don't fucking call her REPEATEDLY at 1 a.m. in a beer fog to pester her. Just don't.

There are some dog butts that need a good scrubbing with a toothbrush.
I must go now.

Sloth Personified

I've spent approximately 9 hours in bed today. Either dinking on the computer or napping. I'm getting bedsores but that's okay because Tiny likes to eat them. And if it makes Tiny dog happy, then it makes me happy.

It seems that the neighbors that are 2 houses up the street can see into our backyard if they are in theirs. I realized this when I traipsed outside nekkid-as-the-day-is-long to let the dogs out. I'm pretty sure that I was spotted because when I went back outside to let the dogs in the neighbors were all turned around on their back porch looking in my direction. Oh well.

A large chunk of my time on the computer has been spent fussing with my template. As you can see, it's still the same so that was 3 totally wasted hours. Does anyone out there know how to make a drop-down box for your blogroll? I found out how to make a drop-down archives list but I don't want to do just that - I like stuff to match.

I kicked around the idea of getting my eyebrow pierced today but Sweety torpedoed the idea. It's something I've been wanting to do for awhile but not if he's going to scowl every time he looks at me. It wouldn't be worth the extra aggravation. I know when to pick my battles. But perhaps I will get a new tattoo when I go to Texas. Heh, maybe I'll say "fuck it" and do the eyebrow while I'm there.

Wow, I'm starting to seriously hurt from all this laying down. I must go find some other position to lounge in.

Notes

Stinky & Tiny Dog,

Since you were home alone today while I was at work, I now know it is possible for you to hold your bladders for at least 12.5 hours. No more of this getting up in the middle of the night for a piss, okay?

Love,
Mama

*

To the Gargoyles/Monsters prancing on the roof:

Please stop. You're making me go crazy and it's not a long trip.

Signed most humbly yours,
The naked chick cowering under the bedspread

*

Sweety,

I hope small children are poking your nostrils while you try to sleep.
I hope you have fun.
I hope your plane doesn't crash.

Love,
Chickie

*

Dear Tiny Green Grass Plugs,

Please don't die while Sweety is gone and you are under my care! I know I only watered you once today instead of twice, but I promise to water you extra tomorrow to make up for it.

Sincerely,
Not a Green Thumb

*

Blogger,

It would be nice if you wouldn't eat my posts.
Have I done something to anger you?

Chickie

*

Dear Internet,

Sweety is gone this weekend to a bowling tournament in Texas. I thought I was looking forward to being home alone but I was mistaken. I spoke to him earlier and I guess he's sharing a room with our friends kids; A mean part of me hopes that the kids talk a lot in their sleep or sleepwalk. That would be a nice payback for Sweety's snoring self.

I will tell you a secret:
When I'm home alone, I drink right out of the containers.

Happy HNT!

Mending BB(11) after his head whacking incident.



It's not healing as quickly as it should because we haven't kept him out of the pool as much as we should. No more swimming til his noggin is healed! And you see those shorts that Sweety has on? Those actually belong to BB. Sweety's been watching what he eats and exercising and it's starting to show. Go Sweety! :)

And here are the angels poking some innocent lobsters. It wasn't bad enough that we were going to boil them - I had to keep the boys from tormenting them during their last hours.



Have a Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!
And if your Thursday seems to be unhappy: At least you're having a better day than the lobsters.

Stupid Pool & Mighty Dog

The dumbass pool inspector for the city came by this morning. At 7:48 a.m. We were told yesterday that he'd be by after 8 a.m. and that he'd call first. But he didn't call and when BB knocked on the bedroom door to let me know that he was here, I didn't wake up because I sleep with earplugs in. And of course, we failed the inspection! It seems that the dumbass pool company didn't have our electrical work done properly and the water level in the pool was a 1/2 an inch too shallow due to a small leak in the pool. I will be soooooo glad when the pool is totally done with and I can quit worrying about having strangers in my backyard!

Just so you know, you haven't lived til you've seen a chihuahua stare down a couple of lobsters.

Wasted Day

The boys and I were confined to the house today because we'd been told that the city code inspector would be by (between 8 a.m. & 3 p.m.) to inspect our pool enclosures and that we needed to be here so he could check the alarms inside the house. So we were here all freaking day long and when Sweety got home, we saw that the inspector had come by and put a note on our fence saying that we failed the inspection because he couldn't get into our backyard. WTF? Why didn't you knock on the damn door, you knothead? So Sweety calls the city office and gets the guy's cell phone number.

Sweety: It says here that we failed. Why is that?

Inspector Dumbass: I couldn't get in the gate.

Sweety: Well, isn't that what the city wants? People NOT coming in and drowning in our pool? There is a latch on the inside if you reach over the gate.

ID: Huh?

Sweety: My wife was here all day and didn't hear you knock on the door. Did you knock on the door?

ID: No. That's not how we do things. The gate needs to be open so we can inspect it.

So how the hell was he going to check the alarms inside our house? Squeeze in the effing window once he got into the back yard? So, he's supposedly coming tomorrow and will call and let us know what time so I'm not stuck here all day long.

I swear that between the boys picking at each other and Stinky dog "woofing" her fool head off - there wasn't more than 74 seconds of consecutive silence all day.

Happy 666!

Maybe I'm wrong about there not being a God because I've seen proof of Satan's work.

I am certain that both boys are possessed. The small one has tiny horns and the big one is hiding hooves instead of feet.

Further evidence:
Shrieking voices that could have only originated in Hell.
The unmistakable odor of sulphur and brimstone whenever they are near.

The dogs and I are going to go round up some holy water and chicken blood so we can perform an exorcism. And silver bullets. I think this exorcism will need lots of silver bullets.

Are We There Yet?

On the 23rd of this month we'll be going on vacation and I am SO READY for it. It'll be nice to have a few days to slug around on my Mom's couch and walk around petting her hair.

Sometimes, when I get stressed, I poop. A lot. Friday at work I got all freaked out about something work related and came home to evacuate endlessly in the comfort of my own home. I can only hope that my leaving early combined with the work related thing won't result in something bad. I'm pretty sure that I'm suffering from some major burn-out at work. It's been said by supervisors that the position that I'm in (customer service for the credit card) isn't one that is meant to be a long term position and that most people leave after 2 or 3 years. I'm going on 5 right now.

We welcomed a new cell phone to the family yesterday: A Sony Ericsson w600i. He is beautiful. I spent all day at work today rubbing his lovely orange exterior. Of course, I did NOT spend all day reading blogs on his tiny screen under my desk because that is against the rules... And even if I had, that will be a short lived bit of fun because the unlimited media package is only free for a month and then we have to pay for it and that won't be happening here. But there are some nifty games on there to help pass the time. (And I'm also NOT playing those at work because that would be against the rules too.)

Did anyone else out there see Big Love? That show kicks ass. I don't care what you think about that sort of thing - it's a good watch.

Could Stinky dog snore any louder? I think not.

A Poem

I'm calm now. No cursing like a sailor here.

Road Rage Rant

I curse a lot when I'm livid.

Sign of the Times

In 2 months and 6 days, I will be 30. Woo hoo.

I don't think I mentioned it, but one reason for getting my hair highlighted was to help hide the gray. A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that the most time consuming part of getting ready to leave the house was the plucking out of gray hairs.

Imagine my dismay as I was toweling off after my shower tonight and spotted 2 of those gray things living happily on my coochie. For Pete's sake, I'm just not ready for a gray coochie. I yanked those suckers out and I will be shearing the whole area tomorrow.

I apologize if this was TMI but I had to tell somebody.

HNT: A Twofer!

Me & the girls after some beauty sleep.



And Sweety (emotionally half-nekkid), drunk and making kissy faces at the camera.

Whoa, Sweety just put his manly bits on the laptop screen to get my attention.
I must go now. I've got things to do!

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!