Did you happen to notice me elsewhere today?
If you click on the picture there, you can see a bit more.
8/30/07
Waking Up
He always wakes up with a mohawk. I like it. He reminds me of an owl when he looks like this.
Happy Half Nekkid Tuesday!
Happy Half Nekkid Tuesday!
8/29/07
OMFG
Here's a hypothetical situation for you...
Say you've had a bit to drink and that you are going into your garage to put some trash in the bin and you notice a couple of roaches dancing about. You say to yourSweety significant other, "Hey! What the fuck is going on with all of these bugs?"
And he tells you to check the blue suitcase. (The blue suitcase is where you store a wide variety of latex and silicone sex toys and your medium-sized rabbit fur whip.) You open up the suitcase.
And see a motherfucking roach motel in there. (insert a scream so high pitched that the dogs don't hear it and insert a dance where you nipples get hard and you spin in a circle while trying to get away from the suitcase.) A BIG motherfucking roach motel. Like little shiny roach armor running from the light and deep into the rabbit fur whip when you crack the suitcase open.
After you almost vomit in the garbage disposal,Sweety your significant other tells you that he peeked in the suitcase a couple of weeks ago after seeing roaches go into it and decided to leave it for you to find since you told him "no" when he asked you then if he should throw it out.
I did not know it was some sort of test when he said that we needed to throw some things out and should he toss the blue suitcase. I thought it was a jab at our sex life that was not up to par.
Tomorrow (later today?) I'll reply to comments left on previous posts. This needed to be expunged from my system.
Say you've had a bit to drink and that you are going into your garage to put some trash in the bin and you notice a couple of roaches dancing about. You say to your
And he tells you to check the blue suitcase. (The blue suitcase is where you store a wide variety of latex and silicone sex toys and your medium-sized rabbit fur whip.) You open up the suitcase.
And see a motherfucking roach motel in there. (insert a scream so high pitched that the dogs don't hear it and insert a dance where you nipples get hard and you spin in a circle while trying to get away from the suitcase.) A BIG motherfucking roach motel. Like little shiny roach armor running from the light and deep into the rabbit fur whip when you crack the suitcase open.
After you almost vomit in the garbage disposal,
I did not know it was some sort of test when he said that we needed to throw some things out and should he toss the blue suitcase. I thought it was a jab at our sex life that was not up to par.
Tomorrow (later today?) I'll reply to comments left on previous posts. This needed to be expunged from my system.
8/28/07
What's That I Hear? It's Nothing!!!
As much fun as the boys and I had this summer, I am glad they are back in school! It's nice having a couple of hours alone on my days off. And since the COAEW decided (after 6 years of using a certain visitation schedule!) that she wants the boys more, I don't have to take them to school every other Tuesday! I get to sleep in! Yaaaay!
The way it has been (ever since BigBrother(12) was in the first grade) is that the boys are here Monday through Wednesday night and every other weekend. COAEW told Sweety that she can't bear to go without seeing the boys for 5 days (because on our weekends she doesn't see them from Saturday morning til Thursday afternoon) and she wants them on the Mondays after our weekend. He told her that he thought it was funny that after 6 years she's decided this (he also told her that he thought she was doing this to look like a more involved parent to her husband-to-be. she had nothing to say to that, just snotted and cried), that he felt it was a bad idea and that if the boys' grades start to slip that it's her fault but if she wants them on those Mondays - then so be it.
I hope it works out because it was nice snoozing til 8 a.m. today.
The other night I was letting the dogs out. I carried ChiChi off of the pool deck and placed her in the grass because it's hard for her to get around. I turned to walk up the deck and heard a little "plop!" in the water. I'm thinking it's a frog but I can't see it so I keep walking towards the house. Then I hear the sounds of something splashing in the pool. My first thought was that it was a huge frog and if I got to close it would jump on me and smother me so I ran to the porch and closed the door behind me and stared at the pool. I was going to wait for Sweety to come home so he could get it out of there. Luckily, sanity prevailed and I peeked into the pool to see ChiChi swimming for her life.
It was dark that night (no porch light was on) so a few nights later when I took the canines out, I turned on all of the outside lights and was sitting in a chair while I waited for them to do their business. ChiChi finished up and started walking towards me and instead of walking around the pool, walked right into it. During the day she sees the pool but her night vision isn't too good. I've started carrying her to the grass and then picking her up as soon as she's done with her business so we avoid any other unfortunate incidents. I don't think she really liked swimming.
The way it has been (ever since BigBrother(12) was in the first grade) is that the boys are here Monday through Wednesday night and every other weekend. COAEW told Sweety that she can't bear to go without seeing the boys for 5 days (because on our weekends she doesn't see them from Saturday morning til Thursday afternoon) and she wants them on the Mondays after our weekend. He told her that he thought it was funny that after 6 years she's decided this (he also told her that he thought she was doing this to look like a more involved parent to her husband-to-be. she had nothing to say to that, just snotted and cried), that he felt it was a bad idea and that if the boys' grades start to slip that it's her fault but if she wants them on those Mondays - then so be it.
I hope it works out because it was nice snoozing til 8 a.m. today.
The other night I was letting the dogs out. I carried ChiChi off of the pool deck and placed her in the grass because it's hard for her to get around. I turned to walk up the deck and heard a little "plop!" in the water. I'm thinking it's a frog but I can't see it so I keep walking towards the house. Then I hear the sounds of something splashing in the pool. My first thought was that it was a huge frog and if I got to close it would jump on me and smother me so I ran to the porch and closed the door behind me and stared at the pool. I was going to wait for Sweety to come home so he could get it out of there. Luckily, sanity prevailed and I peeked into the pool to see ChiChi swimming for her life.
It was dark that night (no porch light was on) so a few nights later when I took the canines out, I turned on all of the outside lights and was sitting in a chair while I waited for them to do their business. ChiChi finished up and started walking towards me and instead of walking around the pool, walked right into it. During the day she sees the pool but her night vision isn't too good. I've started carrying her to the grass and then picking her up as soon as she's done with her business so we avoid any other unfortunate incidents. I don't think she really liked swimming.
8/27/07
Hmmmm... (now with better linkage!)
You might think that this is the most revolting video ever, but as a someone that likes to make things smooth - I think it's interesting.
Wonder what I'd need to do to cultivate this sort of thing on Sweety's body?
I found the video on another server so hopefully you can all now peek at the grossest thing I've ever seen. Click here on an empty stomach. I didn't realize how many videos like there there were on the internet til I started looking to find this one somewhere other than the first place I found it. My stomach is kind of queasy now.
Wonder what I'd need to do to cultivate this sort of thing on Sweety's body?
I found the video on another server so hopefully you can all now peek at the grossest thing I've ever seen. Click here on an empty stomach. I didn't realize how many videos like there there were on the internet til I started looking to find this one somewhere other than the first place I found it. My stomach is kind of queasy now.
8/25/07
Saturday Blah
Could I be anymore blahed out? Probably not.
We're having friends over tonight so we spent today making the house presentable. It's still not squeaky clean but it'll do. It comforts me that the people coming over have pets too. I've never been to their house but I tell myself in my mind that it must be messier than mine since they have more pets than we do. That thought comforts me as I try to nonchalantly pick Stinky Dog hair off of their kid when he finds it.
Something the exwife said to Sweety the other day - "She (speaking of me, the great and fabulous Chickie) does things with the boys that you can't do!" This was spoken rather scornfully as if Sweety does nothing with they boys and I do all of the fun things with them. It occurred to me today that I do things that she does not do with them either. Pot calling the kettle black, yes?
Is anyone else out there watching Flight of the Conchords? It is so odd. I am addicted.
It seems that I started this post with the intention of saying something of worth but it has flitted from my brain.
I'm going to go sniff the furniture while it still smells like cleaning polish.
We're having friends over tonight so we spent today making the house presentable. It's still not squeaky clean but it'll do. It comforts me that the people coming over have pets too. I've never been to their house but I tell myself in my mind that it must be messier than mine since they have more pets than we do. That thought comforts me as I try to nonchalantly pick Stinky Dog hair off of their kid when he finds it.
Something the exwife said to Sweety the other day - "She (speaking of me, the great and fabulous Chickie) does things with the boys that you can't do!" This was spoken rather scornfully as if Sweety does nothing with they boys and I do all of the fun things with them. It occurred to me today that I do things that she does not do with them either. Pot calling the kettle black, yes?
Is anyone else out there watching Flight of the Conchords? It is so odd. I am addicted.
It seems that I started this post with the intention of saying something of worth but it has flitted from my brain.
I'm going to go sniff the furniture while it still smells like cleaning polish.
8/23/07
Little Blood Sucking Bastards
This is what happens if you get in the pool at night and leave just your head sticking out of the water. You get 2 mosquito bites on your nose and it swells to skin splitting size within 30 minutes. For comparison, that's my regular nose on the right. Sweety said that I looked like the saddest person in the world after the bites.
Geez, looking at these photos side by side, I can see what a difference there is between the camera phone and my digital camera.
Happy HNT!
Geez, looking at these photos side by side, I can see what a difference there is between the camera phone and my digital camera.
Happy HNT!
8/22/07
La-La-La! It's a Meme!
Sara Sue has tagged me with a meme (go read hers here).
I'm supposed to list the rules for the meme but I'm not because I'm not tagging anyone. If you have a meme that you want to have stomped to death like a weak kitten - tag me with it and I'll be happy to not pass it on.
Without further ado, 8 Random Facts
Aren't you happy to know these things?
I'm supposed to list the rules for the meme but I'm not because I'm not tagging anyone. If you have a meme that you want to have stomped to death like a weak kitten - tag me with it and I'll be happy to not pass it on.
Without further ado, 8 Random Facts
My head has a dent in it. It's kind of like a ditch on the top/back part of my noggin. I guess my parents didn't shape my head properly when I was a fresh baby.
I can not get out of bed without hitting the snooze button at least once. (Unless I've overslept and then I get out of bed like a scalded dog.) My body needs that extra 10 minutes.
I'm a good storyteller. When I was a kid, I used to tell my sister stories after we went to bed. The boys beg for stories every night (and, ahem, so does Sweety...). Sometimes it's easy for me to make one up but sometimes it's not.
Driving scares me. I'm always afraid that someone is going to sideswipe or plow into me. By the time I get to my destination, my butt is so tense that I have a cramp. This fear of people hitting me leads me to drive really fast so I'm not near anybody else on the road.
Things that haven't been discovered yet that live in the ocean freak me out. The idea of all of the possibly carnivorous things that live in there that people haven't even laid eyes on scares me out. When we go to the beach, I'll get about chest deep in the water and then get to thinking about the monsters and then I can't get out quick enough.
Laughter is my default emotion. If there's a situation where laughter isn't appropriate then I'm probably doing it. If you think I'm mad at you but you're not sure because I'm laughing too hard to talk then you should run. I'm trying to decide how to best kill you and I'm laughing with glee just thinking about it.
My left tit is bigger than my right one, my right eye is bigger than my left one and my right hand is bigger than my left. This keeps me balanced out.
I believe in aliens and feel there is a strong possibility that alternate universes exist. Have you ever read The Talisman? If you haven't then you need to because it is the best. book. ever. In it a kid flips from one reality to another. I usually read the book at least once a year and for a couple of weeks after reading it I spend a lot of my spare time trying to flip over. I hasn't worked yet. That makes me sad.
Aren't you happy to know these things?
Even Though They Sometimes Stink...
I love Chi Chi and a good Oriental Lily.
I think her ears lay back to give her tongue room to flop out. I also think she has the big tongue to balance out the abnormally large coochie. Keeps her from tipping over.
No tongue out here because she was busy eating something that she found on the ground.
These are my most favorite kind of flower.
I think her ears lay back to give her tongue room to flop out. I also think she has the big tongue to balance out the abnormally large coochie. Keeps her from tipping over.
No tongue out here because she was busy eating something that she found on the ground.
These are my most favorite kind of flower.
8/21/07
Sometimes I Just Grit My Teeth & Smile
What is the very best part about the cuntofanexwife sending her other kid to the boys' school? That I get to see her on Tuesday and Wednesday when I'm picking up LittleBrother(10)! Goody goody gumdrops!
LB is on the Safety Patrol and it's his job to take down the flag at the end of the day. He gets out of class a few minutes early to do this and is done right when all of the kindergartners get out of class. So we get to walk out to the parking lot with the COAEW and LB's little brother.
Have I mentioned that small talk with people I despise is my specialty but it makes my head hurt? When the COAEW said, "It's hot enough to kill ya!" it was so hard to not reply with, "I can only hope!" I tried to think of a way to say it where it would seem that I was joking but couldn't pull it off.
I'm trying to be a nicer person but it is hard. And I know that it is most unkind to refer to her as the COAEW but calling her their mother crawls on me (Though I am most aware that she is. All hail her mighty uterus!). She told Sweety the other day that since she was their mother that if she wanted to get drugs and show them to the boys or beat them that it was her right. Sounds more cuntly than motherly to me...
This school year may require the refilling of a xanax prescription.
Gonna go bake in my car for an hour to wait for BigBrother(12) to get out of school. yay.
LB is on the Safety Patrol and it's his job to take down the flag at the end of the day. He gets out of class a few minutes early to do this and is done right when all of the kindergartners get out of class. So we get to walk out to the parking lot with the COAEW and LB's little brother.
Have I mentioned that small talk with people I despise is my specialty but it makes my head hurt? When the COAEW said, "It's hot enough to kill ya!" it was so hard to not reply with, "I can only hope!" I tried to think of a way to say it where it would seem that I was joking but couldn't pull it off.
I'm trying to be a nicer person but it is hard. And I know that it is most unkind to refer to her as the COAEW but calling her their mother crawls on me (Though I am most aware that she is. All hail her mighty uterus!). She told Sweety the other day that since she was their mother that if she wanted to get drugs and show them to the boys or beat them that it was her right. Sounds more cuntly than motherly to me...
This school year may require the refilling of a xanax prescription.
Gonna go bake in my car for an hour to wait for BigBrother(12) to get out of school. yay.
8/20/07
Blah, blah, blah.
The air conditioner was fixed on Friday! Yaaaaay! It's been so nice to not sweat all of the time for the past two days. And we got lucky and didn't have to replace the whole unit like we thought we were going to have to do. It'll probably crap out on us soon but at least we dodged having to pay for that right now.
School starts tomorrow! Yaaaaay! This means that I will have a few hours to myself on Tuesdays and Wednesdays where I'm not amusing children. I can't wait to spend my newly acquired time cleaning the house and picking leaves out of the pool and doing yardwork! Or napping...
We have lots of lizards around here. They're always clinging on the screen on the back porch. The whole porch is screened in so sometimes there might be a half dozen out there. I like to get on the opposite side of the screen and then thump them off with my finger. They make a nice soft splat/thud sound when they hit the ground. I'm pretty sure that it doesn't hurt them because they hop up off of their backs and climb back onto the screen. I think it just startles them. I don't do it everytime I see them out there because I don't want them to start expecting it when they see me. It's good to keep them on their toes. It's almost as much fun as kicking the hell out of toadstools.
That waste of flesh that Sweety bred with tried to give him shit on Friday and he totally lost his marbles on her. He said lots of things to her regarding her lifestyle and her parenting that were true and she bawled her beady little eyes out. Good. I hope they dry out and pucker up like raisins. Then I hope ants eat them right out of the sockets.
Holy shit. I go from talking about how I like to abuse reptiles to having ants eat someone's eyeballs. I think I need to relax.
Maybe I'll go cook something.
School starts tomorrow! Yaaaaay! This means that I will have a few hours to myself on Tuesdays and Wednesdays where I'm not amusing children. I can't wait to spend my newly acquired time cleaning the house and picking leaves out of the pool and doing yardwork! Or napping...
We have lots of lizards around here. They're always clinging on the screen on the back porch. The whole porch is screened in so sometimes there might be a half dozen out there. I like to get on the opposite side of the screen and then thump them off with my finger. They make a nice soft splat/thud sound when they hit the ground. I'm pretty sure that it doesn't hurt them because they hop up off of their backs and climb back onto the screen. I think it just startles them. I don't do it everytime I see them out there because I don't want them to start expecting it when they see me. It's good to keep them on their toes. It's almost as much fun as kicking the hell out of toadstools.
That waste of flesh that Sweety bred with tried to give him shit on Friday and he totally lost his marbles on her. He said lots of things to her regarding her lifestyle and her parenting that were true and she bawled her beady little eyes out. Good. I hope they dry out and pucker up like raisins. Then I hope ants eat them right out of the sockets.
Holy shit. I go from talking about how I like to abuse reptiles to having ants eat someone's eyeballs. I think I need to relax.
Maybe I'll go cook something.
8/18/07
8/16/07
Not My Preferred Manner
I like to sleep pretty well covered to protect myself from gargoyles and zombies but it's just too hot for a blanket right now. It's also probably too hot for the gargoyles and zombies to be out so I guess I'll be safe.
Happy HNT!
8/15/07
You Might Be A Redneck If....
You sit up on a Tuesday night, guzzling tequila shots and between those shots you and your husband have to go outside to water the heating/air conditioning unit.
Guess what? The bastard air conditioner is not working properly a-fucking-gin. I think we're going on day 5 of it not working the way that it should. It worked for a tiny bit after being fixed (and I use the phrase "fixed" very loosely) Saturday night and conked out again the next day. I didn't blog about it but it died on Friday night and we had to have someone come out and dink with it and then it croaked again on Saturday and then it died again on Sunday. And we've been some sweaty folks ever since. The stupid ass that worked on it Saturday put the wrong damn size of motor in the thing and it's not big enough to run the unit without it overheating and blowing out. So, when Sweety is here he babies the motor and runs it for 10 minutes or so at a time til it starts to overheat and then turns it off for a bit. (Or we go dump a bunch of water over the motor to cool it down.) The fucktard a/c repairdork is supposed to be coming back soon with the proper sized motor.
I used to be the kind of person that thought it needed to be at least 76 degrees in the house for me to be comfortable but these past few days have changed my ways. I now know that I can live quite well if it is 81 or 82. Living a day without any kind of cool air circulation and letting it get to about 90 in here helped me see just how comfy 81 is. When we get the a/c fixed, I might start keeping it warmer than 76 in here. Maybe that will help the unit live a long and happy life and it will never want to stop working for us.
Right now the a/c is just flat off. Me and the sprogs had to go somewhere and Sweety told me to turn it off when we left just in case it decided to catch fire (Yeah, last Thursday the old motor actually burnt up. My niece was outside in the pool and Sweety was inside. Our neighbor smelled something burning and asked Sylvie if she smelled something burning and she told him that she did and that she didn't like it so she was trying to keep her head underwater for as long as possible. The neighbor then peeked at the a/c and saw that it was crispy and alerted Sweety. We told Sylvie that if you ever smell fire anywhere or at anytime that it's a good idea to let a grown-up know.) and now I'm afraid to turn it back on.
I guess I'll take the boys to the grocery store so we can walk around and suck up their conditioned air before the heat rash under my tits gets any worse.
I think I'll throw a party to celebrate when summer is finally over.
Guess what? The bastard air conditioner is not working properly a-fucking-gin. I think we're going on day 5 of it not working the way that it should. It worked for a tiny bit after being fixed (and I use the phrase "fixed" very loosely) Saturday night and conked out again the next day. I didn't blog about it but it died on Friday night and we had to have someone come out and dink with it and then it croaked again on Saturday and then it died again on Sunday. And we've been some sweaty folks ever since. The stupid ass that worked on it Saturday put the wrong damn size of motor in the thing and it's not big enough to run the unit without it overheating and blowing out. So, when Sweety is here he babies the motor and runs it for 10 minutes or so at a time til it starts to overheat and then turns it off for a bit. (Or we go dump a bunch of water over the motor to cool it down.) The fucktard a/c repairdork is supposed to be coming back soon with the proper sized motor.
I used to be the kind of person that thought it needed to be at least 76 degrees in the house for me to be comfortable but these past few days have changed my ways. I now know that I can live quite well if it is 81 or 82. Living a day without any kind of cool air circulation and letting it get to about 90 in here helped me see just how comfy 81 is. When we get the a/c fixed, I might start keeping it warmer than 76 in here. Maybe that will help the unit live a long and happy life and it will never want to stop working for us.
Right now the a/c is just flat off. Me and the sprogs had to go somewhere and Sweety told me to turn it off when we left just in case it decided to catch fire (Yeah, last Thursday the old motor actually burnt up. My niece was outside in the pool and Sweety was inside. Our neighbor smelled something burning and asked Sylvie if she smelled something burning and she told him that she did and that she didn't like it so she was trying to keep her head underwater for as long as possible. The neighbor then peeked at the a/c and saw that it was crispy and alerted Sweety. We told Sylvie that if you ever smell fire anywhere or at anytime that it's a good idea to let a grown-up know.) and now I'm afraid to turn it back on.
I guess I'll take the boys to the grocery store so we can walk around and suck up their conditioned air before the heat rash under my tits gets any worse.
I think I'll throw a party to celebrate when summer is finally over.
8/14/07
Man Overboard!
The sprogs and I went to a waterpark today and damn near drowned in the fucking wave pool. We went out to where it was 8 feet deep because there weren't a lot of people there and we were hanging onto the ledge on the edge of the pool. You know, the lack of people should have clued me in that it wasn't a good place to be. When the lifeguard turned on the wave machine he started blowing his whistle and yelling at LittleBrother(10) to let go of the ledge. Sure, he'll let go of the ledge and then drown as the waves smack his little body against the wall of the pool. It took us a good 5 minutes to dog-paddle our asses to shallow water and it was the longest 5 minutes of my life. I couldn't catch my breath for the waves crashing over my head and I was worried that LB was going to drown. And then I was afraid he was going to latch onto me trying to save himself and kill us both so I decided to get away from him and let the lifeguard do his job if it came to that but I could hardly swim away. It took us all 45 minutes and a bowl of ice cream to calm down after our near death experience. Other than that, we had a fantastic time.
For the love of Pete, why, oh why does the exwife feel the need to poke me? I got an email from her yesterday (and I've never gotten a "hey, howya doin? sort of email from her): hi...long time no see. I'd like to reply with something along the lines of: no shit, sherlock. lets keep it that whay. (i'd misspell "way" on purpose just to make her feel at home. she's not the world's best speller.) Instead, I'm not going to reply to it and assume that she sent it to me on accident.
Let me tell you something horribly immoral and unkind that I was going to do but decided not to. The EW is enrolling her youngest boy in the school that LB and BB go to even though she's not in our district. I'd been telling Sweety that I was going to tattle on her and it was really bugging him. He felt that it was evil of me to ruin a 5 year old kid's kindergarten year. (By the way, I feel that it would be evil too. Too evil for me to actually do but I'd talk about it just to get Sweety's goat.) Sweety was so distraught over the fact that I'd make a small child cry that he finally said that he'd give me whatever I wanted if I'd just not do it. Part of my coal black heart wanted to squeeze him for a new chihuahua puppy but I figured that that's just wrong. It was wrong to let him think that I'm that mean. I mean, I know that he knows that I'm capable of some pretty devious stuff but I didn't want him to think that I flat didn't have a heart and would really wreck some kid's school year unless he gave me a dog. So I told him that I wasn't going to tattle and he didn't need to bribe me to not do it. Maybe he will appreciate that small bit of niceness and reward me with a puppy anyway. Probably not.
However, I am evil enough to park in those parking spaces labelled "For Expectant Mothers". I figure that since women used to squeeze out a kid while they were plowing the field and then get back to work that they're capable of walking a bit to get to the mall. And hey, I might be a mother someday! So let's just label me expectant now. (I won't hog up the very last space though. That seems too not nice. But if I see more than one then I guess that the pregnant women are all staying home and what's the sense of wasting so many primo spaces?) I had the boys and my niece last week when we went to the mall and I slid into one of those spots. My niece reads the sign and says that I shouldn't be there. I tell her that I might be a mother someday so I was parking there today. She started laughing so hard that she cried and said, "My momma only had me inside of her! You don't have any babies in you! You egg is cracked and no good!". I'm wondering if she has some sort of psychic streak.
Please excuse my excessive use of italics and parentheses in this post. I've been talking to myself a lot in my head lately.
For the love of Pete, why, oh why does the exwife feel the need to poke me? I got an email from her yesterday (and I've never gotten a "hey, howya doin? sort of email from her): hi...long time no see. I'd like to reply with something along the lines of: no shit, sherlock. lets keep it that whay. (i'd misspell "way" on purpose just to make her feel at home. she's not the world's best speller.) Instead, I'm not going to reply to it and assume that she sent it to me on accident.
Let me tell you something horribly immoral and unkind that I was going to do but decided not to. The EW is enrolling her youngest boy in the school that LB and BB go to even though she's not in our district. I'd been telling Sweety that I was going to tattle on her and it was really bugging him. He felt that it was evil of me to ruin a 5 year old kid's kindergarten year. (By the way, I feel that it would be evil too. Too evil for me to actually do but I'd talk about it just to get Sweety's goat.) Sweety was so distraught over the fact that I'd make a small child cry that he finally said that he'd give me whatever I wanted if I'd just not do it. Part of my coal black heart wanted to squeeze him for a new chihuahua puppy but I figured that that's just wrong. It was wrong to let him think that I'm that mean. I mean, I know that he knows that I'm capable of some pretty devious stuff but I didn't want him to think that I flat didn't have a heart and would really wreck some kid's school year unless he gave me a dog. So I told him that I wasn't going to tattle and he didn't need to bribe me to not do it. Maybe he will appreciate that small bit of niceness and reward me with a puppy anyway. Probably not.
However, I am evil enough to park in those parking spaces labelled "For Expectant Mothers". I figure that since women used to squeeze out a kid while they were plowing the field and then get back to work that they're capable of walking a bit to get to the mall. And hey, I might be a mother someday! So let's just label me expectant now. (I won't hog up the very last space though. That seems too not nice. But if I see more than one then I guess that the pregnant women are all staying home and what's the sense of wasting so many primo spaces?) I had the boys and my niece last week when we went to the mall and I slid into one of those spots. My niece reads the sign and says that I shouldn't be there. I tell her that I might be a mother someday so I was parking there today. She started laughing so hard that she cried and said, "My momma only had me inside of her! You don't have any babies in you! You egg is cracked and no good!". I'm wondering if she has some sort of psychic streak.
Please excuse my excessive use of italics and parentheses in this post. I've been talking to myself a lot in my head lately.
8/11/07
(insert title here)
Hot. It is freaking hot. The son of a bitching air conditioner bit the dust on us - again. It's after midnight and Sweety is in the backyard giving the a/c repairman a handjob in the hopes of getting the damn thing fixed without too much expense. I have a feeling that his handjobs aren't worth that much. So I'm sitting in the house, sweating with the canines. It doesn't smell too good. (on a sidenote - Sweet, tiny, baby Jesus, who has never sweated a day in his glorious little life: Please keep the hurricanes and power outages away from me. I need conditioned air. Thank you and amen.)
Speaking of the canines...
Every morning, when Sweety gets ready for work, at around 5 a.m. I take the dogs out to excrete. And every morning, I am seized with the urge to pop a squat and take a piss in the backyard too. I never think to go before I let them out and the longer I wait for them to find the perfect spot, the more I need to go. I haven't done it yet but I probably will before I die. The urge is just too strong. I think it would feel liberating.
When I went on vacation, I had every day covered to be off of work except for 5.5 hours on my last day. So I called in sick to work. I fully expected to get my ass ate up at work about it but guess what? I got a raise! A 10% raise! Maybe I will start buying Tiny and Stinky premium dog food now. You could have knocked me over with a feather when my supervisor told me. I thought she was calling a meeting to put me on probation for missing too much work but instead it was a good thing. The horrible confrontation that I spent the last week of my vacation fretting over didn't even happen! Yay! Go me! The raise has motivated me to be an even better butt-kisser during my 40 hours a week in Customer Service Land. My lips hurt.
Speaking of the canines...
Every morning, when Sweety gets ready for work, at around 5 a.m. I take the dogs out to excrete. And every morning, I am seized with the urge to pop a squat and take a piss in the backyard too. I never think to go before I let them out and the longer I wait for them to find the perfect spot, the more I need to go. I haven't done it yet but I probably will before I die. The urge is just too strong. I think it would feel liberating.
When I went on vacation, I had every day covered to be off of work except for 5.5 hours on my last day. So I called in sick to work. I fully expected to get my ass ate up at work about it but guess what? I got a raise! A 10% raise! Maybe I will start buying Tiny and Stinky premium dog food now. You could have knocked me over with a feather when my supervisor told me. I thought she was calling a meeting to put me on probation for missing too much work but instead it was a good thing. The horrible confrontation that I spent the last week of my vacation fretting over didn't even happen! Yay! Go me! The raise has motivated me to be an even better butt-kisser during my 40 hours a week in Customer Service Land. My lips hurt.
8/9/07
All I Need Is A Rubber Ducky
Bekah was kind enough to photo my nekkidness a couple of weeks ago when we got to hang out. That tub was a-may-zing!
Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!
P.S. Sara Sue, when I slack off some Thursday, just remember that there were three lovely HNT photos for your viewing pleasure today! :)
Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!
P.S. Sara Sue, when I slack off some Thursday, just remember that there were three lovely HNT photos for your viewing pleasure today! :)
8/8/07
A Good Day
The sprogs and I went to the beach today and had a large time. I was going to take the kids to one place but then found another smaller beach without so many people. I was really proud of finding my "secret" beach but when I told Sweety about it (after we got home), I was informed that the reason that there weren't many people there is because some sort of sewage plant dumps into the water not too far from there. So, we won't go back but we're not any worse for wear for being there. The kids did get a little crispy even though I used a whole freaking bottle of SPF 50 sunscreen on them and my sinuses are really clean from all of the seawater that swished through my head. There was one mishap just as we were leaving - BigBrother(12) got smacked by a big wave and scraped his face on the ocean floor and got a bloody chin. I'm just glad he didn't drown on me from the shock of it all.
8/7/07
Happy Birthday To Me
When I walk in today, what do I see?
This big ass t.v. in the bedroom. Sweety said that he went to the jewelry store and couldn't find a good gift and decided to swing by the electronics store to look at a camera for me. He didn't find a camera but he saw this and felt it said, "Happy Birthday, Chickie!". (He said that I'm getting a surround-sound system for Christmas.) I told him that it is perfectly okay that he didn't get me a birthday gift but to not try and pretend that he bought this for me.
Took the kids to see Underdog today. It was an alright way to kill a couple of hours but if you haven't seen it, I suggest waiting for it to hit DVD. Tomorrow we are going to go and roast at the beach. I haven't been there in a coon's age and am not looking forward to the hot but the kids love going.
I've taken to feeding Chi Chi in the sink (See how her tongue is? It's always hanging out like that. I like to touch it.) so Tiny doesn't try to steal her food. Chi Chi only has one tooth so she gets to eat wet dog food and Tiny has a huge issue with that.
And here you can see that Chi Chi has a huge issue with small hands.
DropShots
This big ass t.v. in the bedroom. Sweety said that he went to the jewelry store and couldn't find a good gift and decided to swing by the electronics store to look at a camera for me. He didn't find a camera but he saw this and felt it said, "Happy Birthday, Chickie!". (He said that I'm getting a surround-sound system for Christmas.) I told him that it is perfectly okay that he didn't get me a birthday gift but to not try and pretend that he bought this for me.
Took the kids to see Underdog today. It was an alright way to kill a couple of hours but if you haven't seen it, I suggest waiting for it to hit DVD. Tomorrow we are going to go and roast at the beach. I haven't been there in a coon's age and am not looking forward to the hot but the kids love going.
I've taken to feeding Chi Chi in the sink (See how her tongue is? It's always hanging out like that. I like to touch it.) so Tiny doesn't try to steal her food. Chi Chi only has one tooth so she gets to eat wet dog food and Tiny has a huge issue with that.
And here you can see that Chi Chi has a huge issue with small hands.
DropShots
Oops.
Well, I stepped in a little bit of shit with BigBrother(12) yesterday. Sweety and the kids picked me up from work for lunch. Sweety and I were eating at one table and the kids were at another about 3 feet away. Sweety starts telling me that the cuntofanexwife was asking him if we wanted her old cell phones when he was picking the boys up. I replied with something along the lines of, "Why don't you take one time to tell her that we don't want anything that she is ever giving away so she can save herself the air of asking you?" (A couple of weeks ago she left messages for Sweety seeing if we wanted a washing machine. No. Look here, I'm trying to get all of the shit that was in this house when she was here out. I don't want to bring any new stuff in.) I said this very, very quietly but BB was really straining his little ears and heard me. BB got in a pissy mood and we didn't realize that he'd heard the conversation.
Later, BB tells Sweety that he heard what we were whispering about. He felt that his mother was making a nice gesture and that we were being ungrateful. Sweety explained to BB that since I've been here and in the not-so-recent-past she's said and done some things that are not very nice and that she's BB's mom so he'll always love her but me and Sweety aren't required to like her.
I feel horrible that he overheard me and was afraid the BB was going to be pissy with me but he's been very nice today.
Later, BB tells Sweety that he heard what we were whispering about. He felt that his mother was making a nice gesture and that we were being ungrateful. Sweety explained to BB that since I've been here and in the not-so-recent-past she's said and done some things that are not very nice and that she's BB's mom so he'll always love her but me and Sweety aren't required to like her.
I feel horrible that he overheard me and was afraid the BB was going to be pissy with me but he's been very nice today.
8/4/07
Chi Chi Has Landed!
The tiny, old, senile, bitchy dog with the giant coochie has arrived. Tiny Dog is having a hard time coping with the new addition. She's hyperventilating into a paper bag right now while she tries to chew through her wrists. I told her that Chi Chi probably only has a short time left on this earth but it did not calm her down. I swear, Chi Chi smells like death. Or maybe her ears just need a good cleaning.
8/2/07
What Are You Looking At?
This is what you get when you take my photo after I've gotten all sweaty while on a walk and tell you to not point the camera at me.
Happy HNT!
Happy HNT!
8/1/07
Happy Hump Day! Go & Get You Some!
This is what Tiny Dog looked like not too long ago. Notice the abundance of fat rolls that were the result of too many of my home-cooked dinners bites of fast food burgers and tequila.
And now! The newly svlete Tiny Dog! Before, if she was laying down like she is in the second photo, you couldn't even see the spikes on her collar for all of the extra flesh.
She's been zooming around the house like a young pup for the past few days. I guess you would be lighter on your feet if you lost a third of your body weight.
The ExWife made a point of telling Sweety that her and her fiance weren't sleeping at each others houses. Saving all that good stuff til they get married. The boys have been informed that when they are at her house on a weekend now that they have to go to church on Sundays. Boy, that skanky bitch has really turned over a new leaf! Just last November she was telling they boys that they were getting to have a "slumber party" with whoever-she-was-fucking's children and now she's got religion. Good for her. Funny though that she is lying about where she lives so she can send the boys' brother to school in our district. It would be a real inconvience if someone tattled on her. *cough* *cough*
My lovely niece will be coming to visit for the next week! I can't wait! We're going to get her this Saturday and she'll stay til next Sunday. We haven't seen her in a year. I can only imagine how tall that she's gotten. I can't wait to hug her.
School starts for the boys on August 20 and I must say that I'm beyond ready for that. BigBrother(12) has the go-bug and thinks that we need to go somewhere all of the time. It will be nice to have my Tuesday and Wednesday mornings to myself again.
This is Day 3 of my Be A Better Spouse Plan and it seems to be working. I think the main thing that is helping Sweety be in a better mood is all of the sex. I plan to throw it on him until he begs for me to leave him alone. I swear, his complexion has even cleared up in the past couple of days. He says it's because he's getting rid of the toxins that build up in his system. I also cooked supper last night and have managed to stay on top of the laundry and the housecleaning. I wonder how long this will last?
And now! The newly svlete Tiny Dog! Before, if she was laying down like she is in the second photo, you couldn't even see the spikes on her collar for all of the extra flesh.
She's been zooming around the house like a young pup for the past few days. I guess you would be lighter on your feet if you lost a third of your body weight.
The ExWife made a point of telling Sweety that her and her fiance weren't sleeping at each others houses. Saving all that good stuff til they get married. The boys have been informed that when they are at her house on a weekend now that they have to go to church on Sundays. Boy, that skanky bitch has really turned over a new leaf! Just last November she was telling they boys that they were getting to have a "slumber party" with whoever-she-was-fucking's children and now she's got religion. Good for her. Funny though that she is lying about where she lives so she can send the boys' brother to school in our district. It would be a real inconvience if someone tattled on her. *cough* *cough*
My lovely niece will be coming to visit for the next week! I can't wait! We're going to get her this Saturday and she'll stay til next Sunday. We haven't seen her in a year. I can only imagine how tall that she's gotten. I can't wait to hug her.
School starts for the boys on August 20 and I must say that I'm beyond ready for that. BigBrother(12) has the go-bug and thinks that we need to go somewhere all of the time. It will be nice to have my Tuesday and Wednesday mornings to myself again.
This is Day 3 of my Be A Better Spouse Plan and it seems to be working. I think the main thing that is helping Sweety be in a better mood is all of the sex. I plan to throw it on him until he begs for me to leave him alone. I swear, his complexion has even cleared up in the past couple of days. He says it's because he's getting rid of the toxins that build up in his system. I also cooked supper last night and have managed to stay on top of the laundry and the housecleaning. I wonder how long this will last?
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