It's Friday! It's Friday!

Some of you asked when I'd see my niece again in yesterday's comments - It'll be this summer. Hopefully, she'll come down for 3 weeks like she did last summer. I talk to her a lot on the phone but that's not that same as hugging on her!

I'm off on New Year's Day! Woo hoo! Unfortunately, I have to work til 9 p.m. on New Year's Eve but 3 hours should be plenty of time to ring in 2007.

One of my friends sent over some fudge yesterday. Holy crap, Batman, it is good! Have you ever heard of Key Lime fudge? Me either but it is tasty. I just had some of the peanut butter flavored along with a glass of milk. *insert lip smacking sound here*

I am so freaking glad that today is Friday! Surely the day will go by quickly. I've got a new book (Stephen King's Lisey's Story) to read at work and that helps the time pass. I'm about half way through it and I really like it. I'm actually reading slower than I need to in order to make the book last longer!

Poor Stinky and Tiny are getting over a minor flea infestation. They were bathed thoroughly yesterday and Sweety's going to bomb the yard for fleas today. I feel bad because for the last 2 days I've been snapping at Stinky to "quit fucking scratching!" and at 3 this morning it hit me to give her some Benadryl. Now we have one sleeping, not scratching madly Stinky dog in the corner! Tiny is too small for Benadryl so I gave her a placebo (rolled up cheese) and it seems to have worked for she is no longer scratching either and is asleep in Stinky's armpit.

My Favorite HNT Of 2006

This picture was taken when my niece visted in July.



I adore both of the little rascals and can't wait to see my niece again!

You can find more encore presentations of HNT goodness here.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

Finish The Sentence

01. I've come to realize that my ex...isn't someone to totally despise.
02. I am listening to...two boys whine and pick at each other in the next room.
03. I talk...in spurts.
04. I love...Sweety.
05. My best friends...are too far away.
07. I lost...a good friend this year.
08. I hate it when people...lie.
09. Love is...a nice snuggle on a cold morning.
10. Marriage is....a job.
11. Somewhere, someone is thinking...Who am I?
12. I'll always be...sarcastic.
13. I have a crush on...Angelina Jolie and Jude Law.
14. The last time I cried was because...I was homesick.
15. My cell phone...is great! I love it!
16. When I wake up in the morning...I always hit the snooze button.
17. Before I go to sleep at night...I put my earplugs in.
18. Right now I am thinking about...putting the sheets in the washer.
19. Babies are...good to pet.
20. I get on MySpace...every day or so.
21. Today I...am home with the kids because they are out of school.
22. Tonight I will...go to bed early. Really.
23. Tomorrow I will...go to work and delight my customers! Woo hoo!
24. I really want...to be happy.

Meme generously provided by BeckyD at Welcome To My Life, Sorry About The Mess.

TGIFO!

Or "Thank Goodness It's Finally Over!"

Bye, Christmas! This year, I was glad to see you go!

The Christmas spirit just didn't invade me this year. I've been pretty homesick this past week or so. My Mom called me yesterday and I cried when I got off the phone. I'll be glad when this summer gets here and I get to visit her and my sister.

My gift to Sweety was a flight simulator game that he'd been wanting. I didn't realize when I bought it that you could also get a joystick controller to use with it. Last night, (with just having the keyboard and mouse to use to "fly" his plane) he played with it for maybe 30 minutes. Today I went and got him the joystick and he's been at the computer for the last 3 hours. Whenever he comes out of the back room, he's all flushed and smiley. Glad that he likes it!

It's cold and windy here right now. Why is it that the moment I take Tiny Dog outside to piss that she's gotta plop down and lick her coochie? I'd think that the cold wind on the spit would be uncomfortable on it. Or maybe she just likes killing time and watching me shiver as I try to get her to pee? Rotten dog. I should hook her up with a catheter. That'd teach her!

Took the sprogs to see Night at the Museum today. It was good. Anything that I can take them to see that is watchable with no cursing in it gets an "A" in my book.

Time for bed. I have to get the house in order tomorrow and must be well rested for it. It's hard work, cracking the whip and making the boys do things.

Does the ringing in my ears bother you?

Thanks for coming around. Merry Christmas to all!

Bink! Bink! Bink!

Bink!

I like to say that when I've been drinking. Whenever my feet hit the floor - "Bink!" (in a really high pitched voice)

It's been a crappy bit that I've slogged through and I'm blowing off (heh, I wrote "blogging off") steam tonight.

Sweety grilled me when I came home. He noticed that my blog posts have fallen off lately and thought that I was doing some top secret blogging elsewhere. He didn't know that I've been spending all my free time sleeping and eating cereal instead of blogging.

Christmas songs have been running through my head today. I even caught myself singing some of them. Silver Bells...Silent Night...That song that goes "have a holly jolly Christmas... And then on my way home all I could hear was the "Gin and Juice" song by Snoop Dogg. I leaned way back in the seat of my SUV and pretended that I was a gangster on my way home.

I might look up what to drink gin with. (Hey, Mike! How do you drink yours? For real.) I held a bottle in the store tonight but didn't get it because I've never drank it before and didn't know how to drink it. I stuck with what I know. Tequila.

Yum. Must find food. And more tequila. And I need to corner Sweety to pet.

Free Porn!

Go to ten.com and enter in this information:

username: sbayer
password: rushmore

They send you a free trial for 2 hours worth of time. You don't have to use the 2 hours at once. You'll need to use an email service other than AOL because AOL is run by people who want to squash fun and they block the email from ten.com.

Christmas came early this year!

Hotbed Of Infection & Irritation

BigBrother has been sick (and out of school) for the past two days. I guess we're passing this flu-like stuff around. Even the dogs seem slow. LittleBrother had it last week but didn't miss any school. It seems to have hit BB a bit harder.

Last Wednesday we told LB if he didn't go to school on Friday (the only day of the week that his mother has to deliver him to school) that he wouldn't get to play in the football game on Saturday. Yesterday, the ExWife calls Sweety to tell him that BB is sick and she says that she doesn't appreciate him threatening her son and what makes Sweety think that LB wouldn't go to school when he's at her house? What.The.Fuck. I dunno, maybe it's your past track record of NOT taking him to school because he whined his way out of it? Looky here, you fucktard - it wasn't presented as a threat, we just let him know what would happen if he didn't go to school. Have I mentioned that I'd like to scrub the EW's face right off?

I told Sweety that he should've told her that he didn't appreciate her introducing his sons to every guy that she happens to fuck. I really like that she'll meet someone and have them stay over at her house when the boys are there. If she was serious with someone I could understand it but that doesn't seem to be the case. I just think she should get laid every other weekend or on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday when the boys aren't there. Maybe she could use the time when they are there to visit with them?

I just had to make copies of Sweety's divorce decree so she can pick it up. He keeps getting letters from the state wanting to know what kind of support he provides for the boys because she's getting state help for her other two kids. The last time, we sent them a copy of the decree and I highlighted the parts where it said that he had custody and that she should be paying child support. I asked Sweety if he wanted me to highlight her copy in the same manner but he declined my kind offer.

I'm gonna go think happy thoughts now. Rainbows and kittens and chirping birds.

Time Killers

That's Sweety wearing bunny ears. He forbade me from posting the photo so I made a mosaic from it here. You can click on it to get a larger view of the photo.

Here is an interesting mind reading site. I did the trick a half dozen times and it got my answer right every time! It must be the work of the devil.

Thanks to Anaglyph & Pusher Robot for culling these goodies from the internet!

Tiny Dog Makes Me Cuss

Hey, the link works now!

Isn't she cute? All snuggly looking? So sweet...



Go here to see what sort of devilment the little rat has been up to. Please forgive my use of profanity.

I'll be glad when Sweety gets home. I took a late nap today and am cleaning the house in bits and pieces. Figure that by the time I'm done, I'll be tired enough to fall asleep and not worry about gargoyles getting in the house and eating me

*cough* *cough*

This morning I got ready to go to work and headed that way and felt so crummy that I came home. I'm still hacking like a cat with hairballs but perhaps I've shaken the worst of whatever it is that we've been passing around.

I fell off the 25 peeps page but I did make it to the hall of fame. Woo hoo! I shall live on FOREVER! Okay, maybe not forever, but til 98 other people stay longer than me and knock me out of the hall of fame.

Well son of a bitch. I just watched Brokeback Mountain and I'm totally pissed off with the ending. Bah. I like happy endings and this was not.

Time to go fetch the children from their mother's. Woot.

Sick. Phooey.

LittleBrother was sick this week. He said that his head hurt reeeally bad when he coughed and I told him that he was imagining it and to suck it up. Well, I've got the shit now and he wasn't kidding. My head is on a continual throb and if I cough or laugh it feels like I'm being stabbed in the temple and all I see is white light while I'm coughing. I feel bad for accusing him of being a drama queen.

I wanted to leave work early but didn't because I'd just received an award today for being a fantastical employee this quarter. And I like my supervisor so I don't want to do anything (such as leaving early) that would make her look bad. So when I was having a blinding coughing fit, I'd pet my award and remind myself that I probably wasn't going to die. But what a relief it would've been if I'd have just keeled over to avoid the head hurting.

I'm all doped up now and hoping that I'll feel better tomorrow.

Sweety is gone for a few days so me and the girls (Stinky dog and Tiny dog) have been living like bachelors. We just had a dinner of Spaghetti-o's and Frito's. I'm picking the boys up from their mom's house tomorrow night on my way home from work so I can take them to their football game on Saturday. Their cuntofamother is unable to take them to the game. As a matter of fact, she hasn't seen them play yet this season.

Good grief. I am dinged out. Gonna go blog surf til my eyes give out.

Update:
It's Friday morning and I feel like what flaming dog shit smells like. What a wonderful day this will be!

A Charlie Brownish HNT

If you wait until December 12 to go buy a Christmas tree...

You'll find that there are no live trees left at the 3 places you went to.

You'll find that the only fake trees left cost $100 and look like toilet bowl brushes. You can buy the display tree of one of the nice fake trees but who wants a tree that everyone else has fondled?

You will buy a tiny tree just to have one.



Next year, we will go tree shopping a bit earlier.

Updates

Remember the gutter slut that hung up on me when I called my credit card company? His supervisor pulled the call and he got written up. Good. Jackass.

And I briefly mentioned a child plowing into my car while he was riding his bicycle in this post. Now that the drama is over I'll elaborate a bit on what happened. I was taking BigBrother to school and was stopped at a 4-way stop. It was my turn to go (and there were no kids in sight on the sidewalk) and I started to go but another car went instead. I was pulled about 1/2 way into the cross walk when I stopped because they weren't going to stop so I could take my turn. I was stopped in the center of the crosswalk for about 5 seconds while waiting for the car to go through and some little moron on a bike decided to RIDE AROUND MY CAR while it was in the crosswalk. I took my foot off the gas and rolled forward about 6 inches. Just far enough to have the kid hit my bumper with his front tire and fall down. He was moving faster than I was when this happened. He was hauling ass through the crosswalk and didn't stop to walk it through like you're supposed to. He got up and said he was okay but that his leg hurt from where he fell down and said he was going to school. (My first instinct when it happened was to drive away and enroll BB in private school somewhere and go trade my car in for a different one.) I dropped BB off at school and called Sweety freaking out.

Hey! Guess what? I just hit a kid on a bike!

What? Noooooo! Noooooo!

Yeah. Really. Why the fuck would I lie?

Oh shit. No! You didn't!

At this point I'm getting pissed because obviously it happened now tell me what the hell I need to do! I was so freaked out that I realized that I was driving around LOST and we live less than 2 miles from the school.

Sweety called the police and they came to the house and I called the school and told them what happened. The nurse there basically said that the kids have been warned to not run between cars and maybe this would make them listen. The officer told me that I could get a ticket for leaving the scene but since the kid left too that neither one of us would get a ticket. The kid was also told since he didn't walk his bike through the crosswalk and since he wasn't wearing a helmet that he was lucky to not get tickets for that.

Long story short, since I was in a car it was considered my fault and the kid cashed in for several thousand dollars worth of pain and suffering for his sprained ankle from my insurance company and now I'm a nervous wreck every time I have to go to BB's school.

Whenever I see a kid run through the crosswalk or ride their bike through it now I want to beat them with a stick. Unaware, selfish little shits.

Awhile back I waxed Sweety's back. It was time to defuzz again last night and I did something different. Instead of wax (since he was such a crybaby last time) I used Magic Shaving Powder. It come in powder form and you mix it with water to get this foul smelling (like rotten eggs) stuff that melts the hair away. The fun part was when I got to splat the cold mixture on Sweety's back and he screamed. (When my back hurts he'll put pain relieving gel on it and he's never kind enough to warm it in his hands first. He just drizzles it COLD on my back while I try not to flinch. So this was my payback for that.) A good time was had by all.

Whoring

Love the peep.

Thanking you in advance for your kind attention.

Nothing Much

It's 8:30 a.m. and I've already consumed 2 ice cream sandwiches. Just wanted to get that off my chest.

This morning I scared the hell out of Sweety. He got up to go to work at 5 a.m. and I just had a feeling that he would have to turn around and come back home so I stood (in the dark and eating an ice cream sandwich) by the door in the kitchen and yelled at him when he opened the door. The look on his face was priceless. Total and complete shock. I'm glad he didn't have a heart attack.

BigBrother hid in the pantry a couple of weeks ago and scared me when he jumped out. He's been warned that he is on my list of people to do something horrible to and that he'll just have to suck it up whenever I get him back. I'm planning on doing something that he will remember as a defining moment in his childhood. I'll put some money in his therapy fund to make up for it.

We are still Christmas treeless. We went to the stores that sell live trees last night and they didn't have any! Sweety has a theory that fake trees cause divorce so he didn't want to get one but we might have to. I see that Midwestern City Boy & California Girl have a nice looking fake tree up - maybe I'll point that out to Sweety as an exception to his "fake trees = doom" theory. Hey Sweety! Maybe fake trees lead to lots of sex!

I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet. I pretty much know what I'm getting for people and plan on fighting the masses at the mall this weekend to get it all done. I like buying things for people but I despise all of the freaking people that are everywhere at this time of year. I've discovered that if I look at the floor and talk to myself as I'm walking around stores that people usually give me space.

Busy Times

We went to Sea World and Busch Gardens this weekend and had a large time. We bought annual passes for 2 years to the places but told the boys that they were only for 1 year and were Christmas presents. Guess what we'll tell them that they're getting for Christmas presents NEXT year too?

Sea World is in Orlando and we went there on Saturday (After a kick ass football game where they boys' team stomped the other team. I think we had 7 touchdowns and they had one.) and stayed for a few hours. I love Sea World! It wasn't crowded and I got to pet stingrays - what more could I possibly ask for?

Then we spent the night in Tampa and went to Busch Gardens the next day. BigBrother and I rode SheiKra twice while Sweety and LittleBrother watched. They are wimps and wouldn't ride it. It was quite a ride! You're taken straight up in the air for 200 feet and then dropped pretty much straight down. I screamed like the bitch that I am but it was fun.

BB has 2 school projects that are due this week and I'm coming home early today to help him with them. Sweety is going away for a few days later this month and I was scheduled to be off early on the day that he returns so I could see him but he said he'd rather have me here today to hold BB's feet to the fire and get the projects done properly. Have I mentioned how much I hate school projects? Well, I do. But I've turned into the school project supervisor due to my extreme pickyness for getting things done right.

We still don't have a Christmas tree. Gonna try and make time to get one today. Anybody else out there without a tree up yet or are we the last slackers to put one up? I think we should leave ours up for a couple of weeks after Christmas since it's going to be up for such a short period of time.

Agh. Time to go to the salt mines.

Things Better Left Unsaid

Shut up, you little punk!

Hey, where the hell are you going?

Keep up with the group! AAAAAAGHHHH!

Slow down, motherfucker. We're not running a race.

What the fuck? Where are all of my kids?

Shut up, you stupid cunt. Are you spraying hairspray on your kid's hair?! What the fuck?! We're on a damn bus. Why don't you go fuck yourself with the hairspray can? Hellloooo! I'm choking here! Idiot.

I said "fuck" "stupid cunt" and "motherfucker" ALOT in my head today. I am bowing out of chaperoning for the rest of this year. I'm gonna let someone else worry about my kid the next time.

Highlight of my day: Watching 12 year old boys break into a spontaneous 70's style dance anytime they heard music.

Woot.

In 4 minutes, I leave the house to go chaperone a field trip for BB's class. I'll be in charge of six 12 year old boys. My stomach hurts. I don't know if it's in dread or anticipation. May the force be with me.

Go show my peep some love. She almost got pushed off the page!

Save Your Money

Went with a friend to see The Fountain tonight. That's two hours of my life that I'll never get back. The visual effects were fantastic but I didn't realize what the damn movie was about until after I saw it and came home to read about it online.

Maybe my mind is just a bit slow tonight. I'm going to give it another watch when it comes out on DVD.

After the movie we went to eat dinner and I was served a nice, crunchy, gray hair (that looked suspiciously like it was of pubic origin) in my pasta.

We would have been better off staying at home and eating macaroni & cheese while watching cable t.v.

Be Careful What You Wish For

A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The crocodile told him, "Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire." The man said, "Okay, I wish my balls could touch the ground."

So the crocodile bit his legs off.