1/3/07

Randomness

Go to a hard flat surface - no carpet! Stand up and kind of kick your leg out so your foot is dangling all floppy off the end. Now flop your foot so the ball of it just taps on the ground and makes a gentle smacking sound. Fun, huh? This move brings me much happiness and serenity. It's especially good on slightly damp concrete. You get a gentle mist around your foot.

As much as it pains me to admit it, Tiny dog only looks to me for food. She doesn't love me. I'm coping okay with this horrible realization. Actually that's a lie. I was going to commit hara-kiri (doesn't that sound so much prettier than saying, "I was going to disembowel myself."? Disembowel. What a yucky word.) on the lawn when it hit me that what I've been mistaking as love was only her trying to sniff food on any part of me that she can reach. I didn't want the greedy bitch to eat my guts when I was done so I put the knife back in the drawer.

If there is a parallel universe to ours - you can't blip over to it by concentrating. All you'll get for your efforts is a headache and the loss of thirty minutes of your life.

Where is the house-cleaning fairy when you need her?

9 comments:

Joey Polanski said...

I hate to add to yer disillusionment, Chickie; but th house-cleaning fairys a guy.

Chickie said...

First you tell me that I've been eating pepper nutsack and now this? I'm going to hide under the bed and suck my thumb while the world finds some order.

Anonymous said...

Not only is the house cleaning fairy a guy, but he is working as a flight attendant for Frontier Airlines. There's like no way he's coming over.

I used to think Carmen's love for me was unconditional. Now I understand and accept that it is a relationship based solely on food.

L said...

Happy new year! I hate cleaning too....

Anonymous said...

I can honestly say that I stood up, in by biz clothes, and tried that maneuver. I'm totally perplexed.

This was an awesome post. I don't know why I liked it so much... maybe it was perfectly disconnected for an ADHD guy like me.

Rock on.

Chickie said...

Mike - I guess I better start cleaning myself and quit waiting for that guy then.

It just crushes me that Tiny is only after grub. But I'll take what I can get from her.

L - Wouldn't it be nice if dirty houses came into style?

Rich Championable - Was it a bare foot? It has to be a bare foot. It may take you a couple of tries to get it right if it's your first time.

Amy said...

Uh-huh, you all the signs point to a good indication that you could be suffering from Stephen King overdose... if there is such a thing. Personally, I don't think so... but then I read your post.

Chickie said...

Amy - I think you may be right. I catch the overdose everytime I read one of his books. It'll wear off in a few weeks. But til then, I'll periodically try to blip over to the parallel universe.

patti_cake said...

"Where is the house-cleaning fairy when you need her?"

the bitch sure as hell ain't at MY house I can tell you that but if you see her thump her North in the direction of SC okay?