I know that's it's Christmas and everybody is all happy around me but I have shit to say and some of it is not pleasant. Go elsewhere if you are looking for sugar plum fairies and gingerbread houses.
Neglected. Bipeds, I'm being neglected. This being known as Chi Chi is seriously cutting into my Mama-time.
The grouchy bitch hogs Mama's lap. She growls at me when I try to sit beside her. I know she doesn't have any teeth but I am still afraid of her. She's like a witch. I'd be her friend but she is so.fucking.mean. Hurts my feelings.
I can't help it if she is tiny and cute. I am tiny and cute too! It's just that my 6 pound ass next to her 2 pound one makes me look like Godzilla. I can't help it that I am big-boned.
Look at my fur, Mama! My full, lustrous, shiny, begging-to-be-petted fur! Chi Chi doesn't have fur like mine! Sure, hers is soft but it's patchy and thin. It's because she is sooooo old! I'm gonna be around a loooooong time after she is gone and I will not forget how you treated me.
I know that during the day while you touch the computer that I sit on your lap and you pet my ears for hours on end. But what about the couple of hours at night when you and Papa are watching t.v.? Then you let that little bitch sit on your lap and I have to perch on your shoulder. You actually get Chi Chi out of her bed to put her in your lap! What the hell? Just let her stay in bed and put meeeee on your lap.
You think that I don't know that you sneak her up on the bed Saturday mornings to molest her? (your doggy love makes me sick. unless I am the recipient!) I know. Oh yes, I know. I know that you let me sleep in the bed with you every weekday morning but that's just not enough. How dare you give that little bitch 15 minutes on Saturday mornings without me on the bed too? Damn you both.
Oh great. I have to end this post because Mama is leaving the house to go shopping. You know what this means? Stinky and me and Chi Chi will be confined to Mama's bedroom and bathroom. Sometimes she turns the bathroom fan on so we have white noise. She thinks if Stinky can't hear anything going on outside that she won't bark and bother the neighbor. She is so wrong. That fan running all the damn time is horrid. It's like we're prisoners of war and she is trying to disorient us. I make Stinky bark when it is on just to break the monotonous drone of the fan.
I think the holidays are stressing me out. I hope Mama brings me some treats to soothe me.