I'm just going to do a brain dump today and I'm not going to worry that my sentences or paragraphs are structured properly.
Sweety is all freaked out because I'm not happy with my life. I can't help it. But now I have the added stress of trying to be chipper for him when I really want to take chainsaws to people and then jump off of a bridge. It bothers him that he can't fix why I'm unhappy. It's not his thing to fix. It is mine. I literally walk around thinking, "I hate my life." And I know I have a nice life. Food to eat and a nice place to live. But I really hate my job. I know it's just a job and I should leave it at work but I can't. Especially now that The Wicked Witch of the East is my new supervisor. I spend my days off dreading having to go back to work.
And it's not just work. I'm suffering from a big dose of parenting burnout. If I'm not at work, then I am at home with the boys on my Tuesday & Wednesday off. I'm tired of haranguing
When I'm not at work or doing something pertaining to the boys (this would be from the hours of 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. on Tuesday and Wednesday), then I am at home doing nothing. Absofuckinglutely, nothing. Yes, Sweety, I know the house is cluttered. But I want to take these few hours when I am alone to just be the fuck alone and not deal with anything. I'll tidy the house when the boys get home because I use housecleaning as an excuse to not come running every time LB yells my name because his brother is bugging him. I am horrible and I don't care.
My weight is a sticky issue on the home front too. And sex. And intimacy. I look like a fucking sweet potato so I don't want to be touched. And I don't want to touch Sweety because you can't touch him without his weenie getting hard and I don't want to fuss with that. Tomorrow, I hop back on the NutriSystem diet. I did really good when I was on it but have been so lazy that I don't want to bother with packing my lunches. And now I have gained back almost all of the weight that I lost last summer. Woot...Go me.
Financial infidelity. That's one I'm working on too. I have managed to amass (again) a huge credit card debt because I am a fucking idiot. I actually added it all up this morning and still feel queasy. I am done using my cards but I have a deep hole to dig myself out of. And the funny thing is that I have next to nothing to show for it. I didn't buy a lot of stuff to keep. Sweety said I'm the only person he knows who is paying off a cheeseburger that they bought 3 years ago on a credit card.
Heh, I just passed on a piece of wisdom. LB comes up to me with this Christmas tree shaped figurine and asks which end would hurt the most.
For hitting or stabbing?
Turn it around and hit with the base of the tree. If you want to stab someone, use the end with the star. You've gotta know how to use your weapon.
Yeah! *nodding head up-and-down*
Like, if you have a gun with bullets - then shoot the enemy. If you're out of ammo then use the gun as a club.
I'm going to pack up our Christmas decorations now before they are used in some violent domestic dispute.