Getting Old

I'm so not gonna handle aging gracefully. If I ever said I was - it was a lie.

I know that Sweety tries very hard to make sure I'm happy. And he does a good job. But last night after a gallon of wine (give or take a couple of glasses) we got to talking about our lives and how they shape up compared to where we thought we would be at our ages. After he said something about how at fixing to be 36 he's so happy with where he is in his life I started to cry and said I thought I'd have more to show for myself when I was 28. Mainly kids of my own. Oh shit. Where did this thought come from? When I saw the look of shock on his face I explained that I loved his kids and didn't want to bear any but when I was younger I just always thought that I would. And being almost effing 30 has made me kind of look around and go "Gee, what have I done that I said I was going to do when I was a grown-up?"

After review of the little life plan I made when I was 18, a whole decade ago, I can check some things off:
A nice house
Happily married (even though not to same person I was marrying at the time)
2 or 3 kids (even though I didn't birth them they're still here all the time, so they count, right?)
A good paying job that I like (check on the first part not at all on the second)

I adore my husband and I know he would LOVE having kids. But I don't know if the little child-bearing twitches I'm getting are genuine or just because I'm getting older and I think I should do it before it's too late. I've probably been reading too many infertility blogs. Usually if I'm thinking of making an off the wall decision/purchase I'll make myself wait 3 days and then see if I still want it. I think for this I'll give it 3 years. I shall revisit this topic with myself in 2008. There. I've made a decision to procrastinate.

On to another topic Chickie dear!

Wow, has the sex life cranked back up!! Loving it!! And he thought that the meds to help make me less stressed would tamp my libido down even further than it was. I asked him yesterday if he was now okay with me taking something and the answer was a resounding yes. I'd forgotten how much I like it. But if I'm stressed and haven't had enough sleep sex is the last thing I want to do when I get in the bed. He's been getting a lot of oral satisfaction the past few months. That little urge of mine hasn't been repressed :)

I gave the stinky dog a bath last night. And she was so freaked out about being the tub that she just stood there and farted in the water. The dog is even grosser than I had imagined. I've thought of shaving her but she's so oily that I'm afraid it would look like a big thumbprint wherever she touched.

Just got off the phone with Sweety. And we've agreed that I don't have baby lust. I'm just ready to get a new dog. I can't wait til I have my less than 4 lb Oy. See, I already have a name picked out for my dog that I haven't even chosen yet. When Sweety talks about it he calls it Oy too. He asked if we could get a cup holder to put on the car window so she could ride in it with her head in the breeze. I surely do not need children. I've spent the last 30 minutes on the phone discussing a dog that hasn't even been through the gestation phase yet.

I'm disgusted with myself. Good night.

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