Per L, yesterday was National Read A Book Day. I decided to share my favorite excerpt out of the book I'm rereading now:
Magical Thinking.
This is after he finds a rat in his tub and has doused it in Raid to try and kill it...
The rat/thing was still alive. I had to close my eyes and then reopen them again to make sure what I was seeing was fact. The rat/thing was not dead, not injured or impaired. I'd felt certain that once the Raid soaked through its coat and into its skin, the creature would be dead. But no. It was charging from the front of the tub to the back, furious and crazed.
The little fucker.
Then with hideous, calm precision, I locked the drain and turned the water on full blast and scalding hot. I did this automatically, dutifully, without a trace of emotion. I was simply a nurse administering pain medication to my comatose patient, an electrician changing a fuse. I was somebody from PETA handing out a brochure on the street.
I was going to drown the rat/thing. And while I was at, I would boil it, too.
He ends up using a flashlight beam to give the rat a seizure. For some reason, this whole sequence tickles the hell out of me. Maybe because I could picture myself doing this.
6 comments:
I could see myself doing it, too, and then feeling guilty as sin about the whole thing.
I don't think I'd feel a lot of guilt. Rats are nasty. And they have ugly teeth.
If I gave a rat a seizure with a flashlight beam, I'd probably be really proud of myself.
If I ever find a rat in the tub it's going to have a VERY bad day. Raid and hot water would be the least of its problems.
mcb - I don't think I could beat make something bleed, but I could surely drown it.
Heh. Rodent killing is something I'm good at. Butkus brings me mice in various states of semi-injury. I kill them to put them out of their misery.
I did not ask to be The Slayer. I was chosen.
Anyway, here's what you do: Get the rat/thing in a bag, either paper or plastic. Holding the bag closed, whip it against the floor as hard as you can. The rat/thing will be killed instantly and painlessly, and there won't be any blood.
anne arkham - The Slayer? You take it pretty seriously. I'd be afraid to smack them in a paper bag. What if it rips? I take the ones that the cat drags up and just bury them in a plastic bag in the trash to smother. I may employ your method next time. Sounds like a great stress reliever.
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