Setting: 5 a.m. I'm in bed and Sweety has just left for work. I give him a ring on the cell phone.

Me: Hey, you have some cute little tail lights.

Sweety: Thanks, we do a lot of butt crunches to make it look nice.

Me: Do you know that you can take birth control pills and fool your body into thinking you're pregnant and you'll start to lactate?

*crickets chirping*

Me: Isn't that the neatest thing?

Sweety: What makes you think I'd know anything about that?

Me: I dunno. You have a lot of random information in your head. I think that it's very interesting.

Sweety: Why? Are you planning on needing to do that?

Me: Well, I thought maybe I could nurse Tiny dog. You know, bond.

And I was abruptly hung up on. So I called him back. The first 5 minutes consisted of me trying to get my cackling under control.

Me: Sorry about that. I thought it was funny.

Sweety: I was talking about our dominating chihuahau last night. About how she humps Tasha's head. I think she needs a little doggy strap-on.

Me: How could you even think such a thing about my sweet little dog! Anyway, they don't make them that small.

Sweety: You think I'm weird? You just suggested forcing lactation so Oy could lick it off.

Me: Oh no, I'm not going to make her lick. She'll suckle.

Sweety: Suckle? Oh shit. I've gotta go. Love you. Bye.

Me: Hey, wait you know I'm not really thinking of nursing my damn dog? Right?
I was just kidding. Have a good day Sweety.

I can only imagine the visions dancing in his head today. Heh heh heh. I can be one sick fucker.


Zube Girl said...

I LOVE it! It's so much fun to fuck with their minds. :-)

And not to mention, the image I'm going to have dancing in my head now. Heh.

bekah said...

You never cease to have me cracking up, nearly pissing my pants from trying to sustain my laughter because dammit, I'm still at work while I'm reading this!

BO Snagley said...


Chickie said...

zube girl - I could just hear his wheels turning as he tried to decide if I was serious or not :)

bekah - If I could get you to piss your pants it would be one of my greatest accomplishments.

bo snagley - Yeah, that's what he said!

Midwestern City Boy said...

You and Sweety are absolutely meant for each other. This conversation is priceless.

Chickie said...

mcb - And you wanna know something really disturbing? I'm trying to figure out how to make a little strap-on for Tiny dog. I think Sweety would appreciate it.

OldLady Of The Hills said...

You've got me laughing out loud every time I come to your blog. You and Sweety sound wonderful and so do your dogs! Thanks for the cheer and a really good laugh.

Chickie said...

old lady of the hills - I'm glad you like it here! Thank you!

L said...

okay, that was too funny

Chickie said...

l - I live to freak Sweety out.