I am such an effing moron. I spent 10 minutes wandering around the parking lot after work looking for my car. When I first got out there I tried to open a car but the interior light didn't come on so I thought it was someone else's car that looked like mine. Basically, 10 minutes was spent circling the aforementioned car before I saw a dent in the side and realized it was my car and that I needed to try and open it again. I'd already decided that my car had been stolen and was wondering how long it was going to take to file a police report and worrying about how pissed Sweety would be when I told him I let his car get stolen.

When I got home I didn't pull into the garage, just parked in the drive so as to not wake the dogs. I'm getting all my stuff together and I hear a car alarm going off. For some reason, I thought I'd accidentally set off the neighbor's alarm. Then I realized that the noise was coming from inside my garage and that I'd hit the button to set the alarm off on the car that was in there. So much for my plan of not waking the dogs or Sweety.

And then, when taking Tiny dog out to pee, I tripped on her and sent her sprawling. I was just glad she didn't get squashed.

I am a danger to myself.

And I think I'm going through early menopause or something. I've been having the most disgusting night sweats. I mean sheet soaking stuff. During the day I'll wake up and move from the puddle on my side of the bed to Sweety's side of the bed. Sometimes I'll sweat up his side and have to move back to mine after it's dried. I looked up some of the symptoms:

hot flushes and night sweats - oh yeah, check and check

aches and pains - yup, but they could be contributed to my lack of exercise

crawling or itching sensations under the skin - oh my fucking goodness, this one has been happening and it's been driving me CRAZY!

headaches - not happening

vaginal dryness - yes again, but i think maybe i'm just dehydrated

reduced sex drive (libido) - eh, it comes and goes

urinary frequency - this is not a problem

tiredness - all the damn time but i am a lazy ass

irritability - not any more than usual

depression - can't blame this one on anything. it's just part of my personality

sleeping difficulty - yes, but i contribute it to my odd schedule

lack of self esteem - i think this one isn't an issue

forgetfulness - damn, i think tonight's losing the car episode illustrates this

The night sweats thing is what's really getting on my nerves. If it continues I may make an appointment with my woman doctor to see if my hormones are out of whack. My sister said she gets the sweats and her doc told her she didn't have enough progesterone. Maybe that's my problem.

The thought of not being able to have kids sooner than I'd anticipated made me reevaluate my stance on spawning. And I told Sweety it's a dumb idea to try and crank out a kid just because we might want one later and it could be too late. But who knows, my biological clock could start going off like the car alarm at any time.


L said...

too funny :)

that is specifically why I purchased an odd-colored car -- so I would stop getting confused in parking lots

scorpy said...

I got some of those same symptoms when on a certain kind of birth control. It kind of sounds like you might not be on any? (Maybe? I can't quite pinpoint a "yes" or "no" on that.) If you're not on any, have you recently gotten off of it?

Just some thoughts. No solutions, just what came to mind.

HIM said...

I hate that feeling, the one where you walk out of the mall and you snap... you have no idea where you parked your car.. doh. I have done that too many times to even keep count.hehehe

Bonanza Jellybean said...

Just make sure when the biological alarm goes off you didn't hit the button by accident. :)

bekah said...

It's never a good idea to have a kid now because you might want one later. You can always adopt a new puppy later on, that's sorta like having a kid.

Chickie said...

l - I'd never thought of getting an odd color to help me find it. That is a very good idea.

scorpy - I don't think that's the problem. I've been eating the same bc for the last 15 years.

him - It doesn't surprise me when it happens at the mall - with all those cars there I'm bound to lose mine. But last night, in a lot of about 10 cars, it freaked me out!

bonanze jellybean - Amen to that! I love tasty little birth control pills. And they're so cute too.

bekah - That is exactly what I decided!

txsm said...

I never got to go through the 'menopausal' thing....had a complete hyst back in 2000, but I know what it feels like when I forget those wonderful HRT pills, like today...massive migrane going...I just want to take a sledge hammer to my head right now!

bekah said...

txsm -- I've found that there are other ways to eleviate the pain of migraines... sledge hammers are not in my top ten. I'd recommend a lot of caffeine, or maybe some rum. I'd do the rum thing, myself. Get drunk, fall asleep, wake up with a hangover instead of a migraine. No sledge hammers, though.

middle-aged man said...

sounds like you got that old man syndrome that i've been dealing with lately. told ya to stay away from me! i'm no good for ya! :P

Chickie said...

txsm - Take a small cheese grater and rub your eye with it when you feel a headache coming on. Voila! Your body now has something else to focus on!

bekah - I like your cure. You should be a doctor.

mam - See? I wasn't just saying that trying to make you feel better!

OldLady Of The Hills said...

I just discovered your blog, and I love it! Your advice about the cheese grater made me laugh out loud! I've been through the menopause and it's sure wasn't as funny as your 'cheese grater' advice.... You know it could be you are struggling with a low grade virus? Many of the symptoms you mention fit that profile, too.
Good Luck, and feel better, soon...and I'm glad I found you!

Chickie said...

oldlady of the hills - Thanks for the info about a virus. I'm always a worst case scenerio person!

Welcome to my world!

txsm said...

Well, couldn't find the sledgehammer, so I got the cheese grater instead...headaches gone, so is eye....lol....

Mike said...

The "losing the car" episode can be chalked up to normality just about, my girlfriend does it all the time. Tripping over the dog from a drunken stupor, and the nightly sweats....well, I'm uh...still thinking over that one. Handy excuses so far.

Chickie said...

txsm - Glad that my cure worked for you. You need to be careful and not rub the eye all the way out though. Leave a little something to rub the next time you feel a headache coming on.

mike - Hey, who said I was drunk? I'm actually much more careful of the dogs when I have been drinking :)