Setting: Bedtime. Just getting settled in.
Him: This is the hardest part of your new schedule for me.
Me: What? Don't you like having me here?
Him: Well, yes. But I can't fart now before I go to sleep.
Me: Sorry. You'll adjust.
Him: I'll just get all fat and bloated from holding it in I guess.
Me: That's okay. I'll stick you in your bloated belly with a short knife in the morning like you have to do with bloated cows and then you'll be good as new!
Him: (The only sound is his feet hitting the floor as he runs to eat a handful of Rolaids.)
I think the togetherness is getting to me.
Sasha said...i guess it's all a matter of getting used to now, isn't it? ;)
anne arkham said...I gotta have my own bedroom.
Chickie said...Sasha - I suppose it is. I think it's harder for him than me though.
Anne Arkham - That sounds like a very good idea.
OldOldLady Of The Hills said...Funny, as always, but serious too. I'm with Anne...I have to have my own bedroom!
BO Snagley said...just get some air freshener and some ear plugs and you will be fine
Chuck said...Ah, just let him fart. He'll feel better and it just might bring the two of you closer together...
scorpy said...Yeah, I don't know how I'll fare once we get moved and are actually on something like the same sleep schedule.
At least this way, though, I have little helpful quotes from you to pass on and help us adjust! ;)
shannon said...At least he feels that he doesn't want to fart and bother you...mine, farts away. Luckily he doesn't pull the covers over my head before doing it, but he stinks!!! I have been woken from a dead sleep before...
Midwesten City Boy said...You guys are meant for each other. I don't know how this conversation got started but it's priceless. Definitely never a dull moment in Hurricane Alley.
KyuBall said...I'm with Shannon on this one...at least he's being thoughful. She may be onto something, though, as well on men and the rank death gas that their bodies produce. How do we do it? How do we turn perfectly harmless meals into noxious vapor. I'm completely amazed at my body's talent for creating WMD's. Perhaps I should save that discussion for my blog. Sorry.
bekah said...We just have a "fan" rule that after bed farting you MUST ALWAYS FAN THE SHEETS so the stink doesn't stay under the covers and you roll over unsuspectingly and then it smacks you in the face like a ton of bricks.
Chickie said...OOLOTH - But if I had my own bed I couldn't touch him with my foot before sleep. Maybe sacrifices will need to be made.
Bo Snagley - I have the ear plugs but I refuse to keep air freshener in case of this sort of thing. Ew.
Chuck - He can go out of the room to fart and then when he comes back I'll be so grateful that it will bring us closer. If this is what's needed to bond more then we are close enough.
Scorpy - I didn't realize what an adjustment it would be for both of us to be in bed at the same time. Good luck to you!
Shannon - Usually he'll go into another room but I guess he'd really enjoyed the nights that I wasn't at home and he could just let loose.
MCB - That conversation happened just like you read it. I was fixing to go to sleep when he decided to share his dilemma with me!
Kyuball - I've woken before and my eyes were stinging from something that he had produced. I guess it is amazing if you think about it.
Bekah - I think I would be just as pissed if he fanned that stuff up one me.
Zube Girl said...Oh, how our poor men suffer for us, eh? Heh.
Chickie said...Zube Girl - I guess it's hard for him to practice that self-restraint thing. I asked him what would he think if I just let loose with all my bodily functions when he was around and he said he'd like it. Ick.
