A Conversation and A Sleep Deprived Post

Setting: I'm stuffing my face with baby carrots after dipping them in bleu cheese dressing.

Me: I hate you for introducing me to bleu cheese. I was perfectly happy with my fat-free ranch til you came along. Now, I must have the bleu cheese.

Him: They make a light version of it.

Me: Nah, it's not that much "lighter". If I'm gonna eat it, give me the real stuff.

Him: (looking into the distance with unfocused eyes) Yeah, kinda like yesterday when I picked up that 90 year old hooker... If you're gonna get a hooker, may as well make it an experienced one.

Me: :blink: :blink:

Him: Hey! You look really skinny over there!

But the compliment did not ease the disturbed feeling that he'd just given me.

How could I not adore a man who utters such sweet nothings?

After Sweety got up for work this morning at 5:30 I couldn't get back to sleep. And I know I'm tired because I'm feeling goofy.

But I have made some important decisions while lying awake and petting the fur off the littlest canine. I called Sweety to let him know I'd really like a Nintendo Gamecube bundle with Mario Party 7 (I saw this on sale in the store for 99.99, by the way). And I figured out how to make an eye-patch for Mr. Snagley's blind in one eye chicken, Fuzzy Britches. I almost want to get my own herd of blind chickens just so I can watch the sun glint off their tiny, jeweled eyepatches while they wander around the yard. I do some of my best thinking when I'm sleep deprived.


anne arkham said...

It's your own fault for giving him the idea about the toothless blowjobs.

Dirk the Feeble said...

Mario Party 7 is awesome!

r.fuel said...

Fuzzy britches. Awesome.

Zube Girl said...

A herd of blind chickens would be hugely funny for more reasons than just the eye patch.

Though I'm sure the eye patch will be adorable.

curious servant said...

I like the blind chicken herd idea... but I have a suggestion.

Make the patches useful as well! Have one eye patch a clock. Another one could be a compass. Maybe a third could be a little mirror, or a tiny rendition of the Mona Lisa. This way they could be edifying AND entertaining!

Merry Christmas!

Chickie said...

Anne Arkham - Agh. The most horrid mental picture is with me now.

Armaedes - I love Mario. I played my Gameboy til my fingers were numb.

R Fuel - I'm curious as to how a chicken would earn that name.

Zube Girl - If I ever get a herd of chickens, I'll blind 'em so I can make eyepatches.

Curious Servant - That's an idea! Maybe I could make them vests to wear too. They could keep chickenfeed in the pocket.

midwestern City Boy said...

You don't need any sleep. This post is hilarious.

Merry Christmas to you, Sweety and the boys.

BTExpress said...

Now I know why he's your man, the sweet talker.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year Chickie

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I gotta go over and see Snagleys(?) Blind-In-One-Eye Chicken...
You know the most interesting people Chickie...lol...
And I want to wish you and yours, the Merriest of Christmases and a VERY Happy New Year, too!

Sasha said...

oh oh! i love mario! i didn't care about homework for as long as i could play!! :) ah, those were the days..

Chickie said...

MCB - I actually laid back down for an hour after this and dreamt some whacked out dreams.

BTExpress - He's got a way with words!

OOLOTH - I only know the chicken through the blog but she sure sounds neat.

Sasha - I was so into Mario for awhile that when I went to sleep I'd hear the theme music in my head.