Tiny Dog's First Post!

This is how I roll.
By: Tiny Dog Oy

11:55 p.m.: Go outside and potty.

Midnight: Go to bed.

3:30 a.m.: Whimper at the bathroom door til the biped wakes up and takes me back outside to squirt out 4 drops of urine.

6:15 a.m.: See "3:30 a.m."

6:20 to 6:45 a.m.: Cry at the bathroom door to be let out into the rest of the house while the human female seethes in bed while listening to my cries.

6:47 a.m.: Run for my life as the human female beats the floor around me wildly with a newspaper while saying "For the love of Pete! Shut up! Is an hour of sleep too much to ask?"

6:48 to 7 a.m.: Sit in my cage and wait for the alarm clock to go off. Rocket out of my cage and into the house when the bathroom door opens.

7:00 to 7:20 a.m.: Steal food from the big dog for breakfast. Prance around and look cute.

7:21 a.m.: Go back outside and take a dump.

7:25 to 7:37 a.m.: Make this sound this is an audio post - click to play (turn your volume up all the way to get the true feel for my beautiful voice) until the human's ears start to bleed and her eye gets twitchy and she puts me in the bed with her. I know she has a step for me so I can get into the bed by myself but I prefer to be carried. Get thwarted in my attempt to lick her twitchy eye.

7:37 to 7:40 a.m.: Stand at the end of the bed until the big dog sees where I am and where she is not. Thoroughly lick my coochie and toes.

7:40 a.m. til ?: Spoon against the human and take all of her life force that is needed to help me fall into and maintain a coma for at least 2 hours.


Titus said...


Titus said...

CORRECTION: GET RID OF CANINES STOP GET A CAT AND NAME HIM TITUS STOP - DAH DI DI DAH DI DAH, DAH DI DAH (CW or Morse code short hand "for end of message, over to you" for you non-radio folks).

Mike said...

This is amazing Chickie. It is so like my Chihuahua. Absolutely fucking identical in every single way. I am only sorry that I am at work and cannot listen to the audio of her, but then again, I am sure it is the sound I heard all weekend long.

Carmen (my Chihuahua) will walk into a room, look at any available human, and begin to whine non-stop until one of us gets up off our comfortable chair to pick her up and put her up on a chair too. She is perfectly capable of jumping up on the chair or couch, but she just won't. She takes perverse joy in making one of us do it.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Delightful post Tiny Dog...your so sweet to lie against your human and give her comfort...I surely do understand all the trips outside...A dogs gotta do what a dog's gotta do! Amen!

BO Snagley said...

sounds like a good day to me.

Chickie said...

Titus - Before Tiny I was a cat person but I can't imagine having one instead of a dog now. Cats love you but they don't show their love so much. I'm a needy pet owner. I need them to freak out with joy when I get home.

Mike - I think all Chihuahuas are birthed from the same Chihuahua Queen (kinda like a queen bee) that is holed up in Mexico somewhere. Little bossy crackheads.

OOLOTH - I am starting to thing that Tiny dog is using her bladder as a means of manipulation.

Bo Snagley - The only way it could be any better is if it was raining so no sun comes in while we nap.

bekah said...

Oh my God. This is hilarious. Tiny should post more often.

Chickie said...

Bekah - I was contemplating giving her a sedative. Her voice was putting scars on my soul.

anne arkham said...

Three words: Wee Wee Pads.

Chickie said...

Anne Arkham - We tried those. She ate them and then pooped them out for 3 days.

KyuBall said...

My spine hurts. While Tiny is a cute little cuss...that voice makes me what to bash my head against concrete. However, if Yoko-Ono ever needs back-up vocals, Tiny is a shoe in.

Midwestern City Boy said...

I had dogs when I was a kid but none of them were nearly the prima dona that Tiny is. That voice of hers is good. If she lived around here it might scare away the coyotes.

Scotty Ice said...

Great post!!! LOL

Chickie said...

Kyuball - I hold no responsibility for injury you inflict upon yourself as a result of this post.

MCB - The voice may scare coyotes but I think it attracts owls.

Scotty Ice - Thank you!