This is how I roll.
By: Tiny Dog Oy
11:55 p.m.: Go outside and potty.
Midnight: Go to bed.
3:30 a.m.: Whimper at the bathroom door til the biped wakes up and takes me back outside to squirt out 4 drops of urine.
6:15 a.m.: See "3:30 a.m."
6:20 to 6:45 a.m.: Cry at the bathroom door to be let out into the rest of the house while the human female seethes in bed while listening to my cries.
6:47 a.m.: Run for my life as the human female beats the floor around me wildly with a newspaper while saying "For the love of Pete! Shut up! Is an hour of sleep too much to ask?"
6:48 to 7 a.m.: Sit in my cage and wait for the alarm clock to go off. Rocket out of my cage and into the house when the bathroom door opens.
7:00 to 7:20 a.m.: Steal food from the big dog for breakfast. Prance around and look cute.
7:21 a.m.: Go back outside and take a dump.
7:25 to 7:37 a.m.: Make this sound (turn your volume up all the way to get the true feel for my beautiful voice) until the human's ears start to bleed and her eye gets twitchy and she puts me in the bed with her. I know she has a step for me so I can get into the bed by myself but I prefer to be carried. Get thwarted in my attempt to lick her twitchy eye.
7:37 to 7:40 a.m.: Stand at the end of the bed until the big dog sees where I am and where she is not. Thoroughly lick my coochie and toes.
7:40 a.m. til ?: Spoon against the human and take all of her life force that is needed to help me fall into and maintain a coma for at least 2 hours.