You Put What Where?

Yesterday I went to the pharmacy to locate some alternate form of contraception to use til my regular stuff gets here via mail. Whenever I buy anything and there are lots of brands to choose from, I must read the backs of all the packages to decide which one is the most powerful and will suit me the best.

I was totally overwhelmed in the contraception aisle of the store. I really didn't know there were so many things out there. Spermicide pills that you put in your coochie?! Spermicide SHEETS for your coochie?! I found both of those things interesting but what if you want to have sex for longer than the hour or 3 hours that they are good for? (Not that I'm planning a big fuckfest or anything but you never know...) I finally decided on the sponge thing (cause it's good for 24 hours! Sweety'll just have to nail the hell out of me so I get my moneys worth once I put it in.) and when I was standing up (since I was all crouched down to compare all the labels and make myself as inconspicuous as possible) I whacked my head on the display of thermometers.

Rectal thermometers rained down on me while making nice noises on the ground as they landed. I was worried that people would think I'd be having sex using the various forms of contraception that I was still clutching and would then be shoving a thermometer in someone's ass. Now that I think about it, rectal thermometers aren't the most embarrassing thing to be purchasing but I was rattled nonetheless.


bekah said...

What the hell is wrong with regular ol' condoms?

Mike said...

I think you need to start taking a video crew with you when you go birth control device shopping.

God I wish I could have seen that. I probably would have laughed so hard that I pissed myself and then we could have all just walked over to the adult diaper section.

That would have left them all wondering.

Chickie said...

Bekah - I don't like the feel of them.

Mike - Heh, good idea.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL, LOL....It is unbelievable the amount of Birth Contro items they have now at the pharmavy...Believe it or not, I can remmber when someone wanted to buy condems it was practically like buying illegal drugs!!! (lol)
You had to kind of whisper it to the druggist and then he went in the back somewhere and brought out ONE 'rubber', and sold it to you. That was it! We've come a Looookgg way Baby...!
It must have been pretty funny when all those rectal therms. fell on you and the floor!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

HA HA HA! It's been such a long time for me, I don't even know how to spell them anymore!!! Sorry..CONDOMS!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

One More Time: Should read LOOONG...And Chickie, you should do the HOME TOUR thingy, too!

Ginamonster said...

I hate them too. It's like screwin a plastic bag.

I wish I had more options, I live in redneckville. The grocery didn't have them and the drugstore? no selection at all.

Joey Polanski said...

By th way, Chickie ... jus so ya no ...

Througout yer 24 ensponged hours, we (yer loyal readrs) will be expectin hourly reports of tempature readins.

Chickie said...

OOLOTH - I don't know if I could have mustered up the "oomph" to buy ANYTHING if I'd have had to asked the pharmacist for it!

I'm signing up for the tour!

Ginamonster - "Screwin a plastic bag" my thoughts exactly.

Joey Polanski - I'm gonna be to busy to take a temperature reading!

Titus said...

I wold be very careful about having sex until you get your pills. We have a belief in my country that getting rained
on with rectal thermometers is a very, very bad omen. The only way to avoid bad luck is to say five Hail Mary's and and three Glory Be's every night for two weeks. Since you are not Catholic and do not know these prayers; you are screwed.

Midwestern City Boy said...

I don't like the "feel" of condoms either, especially when they're pulling out hairs when I'm taking them off. You'll have to let us know how the sponge works out. Who knows. maybe its a replacement for the diaphragm.

Amy said...

ROTFLMAO - ok, that sucks. Seriously. But, it's still freaking hilarious.

What you need is a good old case of Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome... then you won't have to worry about it at all. LOL

In almost 10 years I've only gotten pregnant once. I think that's pretty good odds. LOL

Anonymous said...

my mum once told me,when i was a teenager and in front of other people,that i was conceived when she was using a coil and spermacidal jelly! she thought it was funny but it made me feel as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit!
Im sure the technology has improved since those days tho!


Recovering Straight Girl said...

I used to love the sponge; back when I was straight and had to worry about such things!!!

HNB said...

Oh lordy, I wish I could have seen that. I would have been mortified had it been me but damn funny when it happens to you.

Gina, hon, shop drugstore.com for all your needs that can't be met in redneckville. I know how it is. Believe me.

Chickie said...

Titus - Thanks for the words of inspiration.

MCB - Ouch on the hair-pulling part! I'll report back on how the sponge went.

James - Heh, I've never heard anyone but me & my dad use the phrase "fart in a spacesuit" before.

RSG - Gee, too bad you don't use them anymore. I have 2 that I could mail to you that I have no use for!

HNB - Maybe I'll start using drugstore.com and save myself some trouble.