If I Had A Nickel For Every Time...

I've said, "Why don't you go have yourself a nice tall glass of fuck yourself?"

I've tripped over Stinky dog.

I've tripped over Tiny dog and sent her ass flying.

I've accidentally injured Sweety.

Tiny has slipped me some tongue when I'm kissing her nose.

I've heard a child whine.

I've got behind some dumbass while driving and almost chewed through my wrists at a redlight.

Sweety fixed the garbage disposal after I've had too much fun with it.

I've been the last person to touch an appliance before it died.

I would be so rich right now.


Liar Liar said...

Okay, while I can't say that I use the "nice tall glass..." comment, I do commonly at least think the statement, "Have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up" so often that my nickel collection on that account might rival yours.
I don't trip over my dogs much. Instead, the tall one receives a knee to her butt for stopping right in my way, and the shorter one is too hyper to sit still long enough for me to 'accidentally' touch him.

The doggy french kiss? I may be the most-stricken-ever victim of that cruel plot to make humans taste dog breath. Yeah, it's gross, but it never fails to make me laugh. So although I may not be rich in nickels, at least I'm rich in belly laughs.

The appliance thing, that's just scary.

patti_cake said...

Yep you'd have a king's ransom wouldn't you? :)

bekah said...

Don't you mean "accidentally" injured Sweety?

And Prinny totally makes out with me, too. I got sick of it so now I make smoochy noises and let her kiss my nose instead of my mouth.

Chickie said...

Liar Liar - I don't say the "glass" comment too loud. It's more of a screaming whisper.

Patti_Cake - And if not a king's ransom - at least a bag full of nickels.

Bekah - I'm gonna try the nose smoochy thing. Tiny gives her tongue too freely for me to be comfortable with it in my mouth.