Highlights From Sweety's Childhood

We were sitting around, watching the telly, when Sweety piped up with, "I wish I had a meat grinder." And proceeded to tell me the grossest thing ever.

When he was a kid, him and his 2 sisters would take their mom's meat grinder and use it to make snow cones. The first batch of snow cones always had a bit of meat and gristle and rust from the machine in it and they'd make the youngest sister eat those. The following batches had a meaty flavor but not as much rust.

I didn't believe him when he told me this so he called his sister to corroborate the story. All he said was, "Hey, do you remember Mom's meat grinder?" and she proceeded to tell the same meat-snow-cone story.

Other tidbits that Sweety shared:

He once buried a coffee can will a bunch of money in it because his dad told him to. His dad gave it to him and told him that he (Sweety) was to be the only person to know where it was and that he'd have to dig it up later. Sweety was 11 and months later, when asked for the money, did remember where he buried it.

Eating nothing but Spam for over 2 months. Sweety's dad was a truck driver and he ended up with some extra.

He used to take an old-fashioned drill (that you just cranked by hand) and drill holes about 2 inches in diameter in the trees in his yard. Then he'd catch lizards and stuff them into their new condos. Sweety's dad kept finding the holes and cursing whoever was out to get him by fucking up his trees.

Going out to eat once a month and three kids shared a kid's meal. This continued til Sweety was 14 or so. He weighed 169 pounds when he graduated high school and was 6 and a half feet tall. He looked like an albino string bean. I found a really great photo of him taken during that time but he has forbidden me from sharting that little nugget. Have I mentioned that Sweety was picked by some college to play basketball for them but he quit college after a few months to come home because he missed his girlfriend? Ironically enough, this girlfriend did not turn out to be his first wife.

Dragging the mattresses into the yard and then leaping from the house on them. There wasn't a lot of parental supervision around when Sweety was growing up.

Living in a house where the parents smoked 6 packs of cigarettes a day. Sweety's sister took a cake to school once and when they cut it open the smell of smoke wafted out of it. Nobody ate any.

I told him that him and his sisters should write a book. I'm sure that Oprah would snap that shit right up.


Regal said...

Well, now your comment on my blog about the biker's drinking the ashes just makes me proud of the bikers. I think if I was drinking you could get me to do that too BUT the smart biker's weren't doing coke!!!

Now Sweety's storied - too funny.

Have a great day!

~*Kelli*~ said...

Funny, my husband has stories like this too. He grew up in rural Michigan, and they were always doing...bizarre things.

Maybe it's just a guy thing?

Gross about the meat grinder though. They're lucky they didn't get really sick.

bekah said...

OMG. The image of him drilling the holes and stuffing lizards "in their new condos" has me cracking up. That's so awesome!

Wow. It's no wonder you two are so perfect for each other. LOL.

Joey Polanski said...

A meat-grindr might come in handy.

Imagine if yer cat-food samwichs startd tastin a little like sno-cones!

Amy said...

Ewwwww. Meat snow cones...

Wow, you know, most of this is pretty sad in a sort of funny way. Why isn't Sweetie a standup comedian?

patti_cake said...

Girl that tidbit about the meat grinder made me throw up a little in my mouth. Arghh!!!

Mike said...

Meat grinder snowcones. God, what a great idea. I don't know why I never thought of that. Simple, yet so effective.

Ginamonster said...

I'm SO GLAD you didn't "shart" that little nugget.

gods, I'm going to giggle all the way home...

BO Snagley said...

thats a great idea
the one with teh coffee can and the money
i may do that one myself

Chickie said...

Regal - I was one of the few that did not partake of the deceased. Doesn't mean that I thought any less of him that the other guys though!

Sweety was on a roll last night.

Kelli - I don't think it's just a guy thing because his sisters were right in it with him. I think it's a "people from a small town with possibly weird parents" sort of thing.

Bekah - Sweety was especially endearing to me when talking about the lizard condos. I was expecting him to finish the story with something like "then I drilled the lizards skulls and shoved them in the holes" and was surprised to find it was his version of playing house.

Joey Polanski - Until now, I'd never thought of cat food as a dessert treat.

Amy - Sweety wouldn't go the comedian route because he wouldn't want to rile his parents. It seems that they have "forgotten" a lot of things that went on when he was a kid.

Patti_Cake - Me too. Me too. I honestly didn't believe him and that's why he called his sister.

Mike - I'll bet they go good with gin.

Gina - Agh. I hate typos. How the hell did I miss that?

Bo Snagley - Make sure to use a kid with a good memory.

Ginamonster said...

I don't know but I loved it, and giggled all the way home from work.

And I am only throwing stones because I live in a glass house.

Cissy Strutt said...

When you are a truck driver, is "ending up with some extra" the same as "fell off the back of a truck"? If so, couldn't something more delicious have been, er, left over?

Thanks for the grinder pic. My mum had one exactly the same. Where is it now?

Chickie said...

Ginamonster - Well, I'm glad that you got a giggle. You know, I don't think I've ever used the word shart on purpose.

Cissy Strutt - I believe that both of those trucker's sayings have the same meaning. I bet after 2 months that eating anything would get gross.

His sister has the grinder. Sweety's going to get it to show to the boys.

Midwestern City Boy said...

Where did Sweety grow up? Some of these incidents are priceless. The TWO if you should write a book. You have some interesting stories from your past too. (Like feeding your mom sleeping pills in her dinner and sneaking out of the house.)

Chickie said...

Midwestern City Boy - Sweety grew up here in Florida. His sister actually lives in the house they grew up in.

I don't know that I would want my parents or anyone I know in "real life" to read my book!

Rich | Championable said...

Those are some cool snippets. The meat grinder is classic.

Chickie said...

Rich ChampionableI got to see the meat grinder yesterday. I can't imagine eating anything that came out of it.