Highlights From Sweety's Childhood

We were sitting around, watching the telly, when Sweety piped up with, "I wish I had a meat grinder." And proceeded to tell me the grossest thing ever.

When he was a kid, him and his 2 sisters would take their mom's meat grinder and use it to make snow cones. The first batch of snow cones always had a bit of meat and gristle and rust from the machine in it and they'd make the youngest sister eat those. The following batches had a meaty flavor but not as much rust.

I didn't believe him when he told me this so he called his sister to corroborate the story. All he said was, "Hey, do you remember Mom's meat grinder?" and she proceeded to tell the same meat-snow-cone story.

Other tidbits that Sweety shared:

He once buried a coffee can will a bunch of money in it because his dad told him to. His dad gave it to him and told him that he (Sweety) was to be the only person to know where it was and that he'd have to dig it up later. Sweety was 11 and months later, when asked for the money, did remember where he buried it.

Eating nothing but Spam for over 2 months. Sweety's dad was a truck driver and he ended up with some extra.

He used to take an old-fashioned drill (that you just cranked by hand) and drill holes about 2 inches in diameter in the trees in his yard. Then he'd catch lizards and stuff them into their new condos. Sweety's dad kept finding the holes and cursing whoever was out to get him by fucking up his trees.

Going out to eat once a month and three kids shared a kid's meal. This continued til Sweety was 14 or so. He weighed 169 pounds when he graduated high school and was 6 and a half feet tall. He looked like an albino string bean. I found a really great photo of him taken during that time but he has forbidden me from sharting that little nugget. Have I mentioned that Sweety was picked by some college to play basketball for them but he quit college after a few months to come home because he missed his girlfriend? Ironically enough, this girlfriend did not turn out to be his first wife.

Dragging the mattresses into the yard and then leaping from the house on them. There wasn't a lot of parental supervision around when Sweety was growing up.

Living in a house where the parents smoked 6 packs of cigarettes a day. Sweety's sister took a cake to school once and when they cut it open the smell of smoke wafted out of it. Nobody ate any.

I told him that him and his sisters should write a book. I'm sure that Oprah would snap that shit right up.