I don't know what happened, but I freaked the fuck out last night. Sweety and I were watching t.v. when a feeling of dread/fear consumed me. I wanted to open the door and just run down the street, screaming at the top of my lungs the whole way. It was like I was scared because I knew that something horrible was fixing to happen to me. I got really quiet while I was waiting for the feeling to pass and after awhile Sweety noticed that I was off and asked what was wrong. I told him I was just going crazy and that I'd be in the shower. After the shower, I calmed down a bit and could breathe without wheezing but it was hard to unclench my hands from the fisted position or blink. I've had my moments (usually before having to go to work but it hasn't happened in a long time) where I've been a crybaby for no reason but never anything like this just outta the blue. I think that our vacation in a couple of weeks is coming in the nick of time.

As vacation time nears, the more antsy I get about it. It'll be so nice to not really have much of anything to do for 2 weeks. For the first week, we'll all be in Oklahoma and Texas and then Sweety and the boys go home and I'll stay for a week in Texas to visit my friends. I. Can't. Wait.

Stinky Dog is one weird animal. I'll feed her in the morning when I go to work and sometimes the whole bowl of food is still there when I get home. We have a ritual (I call it "playing church") that we do before she eats the food that's been sitting out all day. See, she'll eat the stale food if I touch it. So, I'll use my pointy finger to stir the dog food kibbles and then say to her, "It is good, my child." and then she'll scarf the food down like it hasn't been available to her all day. Why does she like the food after I bless it? Why does she feel the need to starve all day long? Dumb (but very lovable) dog.

Patti_Cake has inspired me with her enchanting FUG posts. Lots of times when I'm out and about I see people that make me say, "Whatthehell?" and I decided to be brave and photo one of those folks the other day.

Do you know who Jocelyn Wildenstein is? She's one chick that's had just a wee bit too much plastic surgery. Well, I swear that I saw her in the mall while getting my nails done.

She flounced into the place to get a pedicure. About halfway through the pedi she fell asleep and got a full THO (titty hard on) while her feet and veiny little legs were being rubbed. I was sitting across the room and had to duck when those suckers popped up for fear of losing an eyeball. I've never seen nips like them. I wish that my camera phone was better and my photograph did them justice. I felt kind of weird taking her photo but figured that someone as dolled up as she was wanted people to look at her. See the chick sitting next to her? She figured out what I was doing after I clicked off the 3rd or 4th photo and was laughing her ass off.


Okay, I'm gonna try and be nice to everyone for awhile now to make up for this.


jedimacfan said...

LOL I like your church game. I really did laugh out loud.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Your two dogs are truly the most interesting animals I've ever heard about....I think that is amazing that after you stir the food with your finger and say that blessing that Stinky eats the entire bowl....Maybe you should do that before you leave for work...LOL!

That thing that happened to you...are taking any medication? It really sounded like a very strong reaction in your body to something you ingested---maybe a food that doesn't mix with something else you were eating/drinking/medicines....

Just a thought, my dear.

Regal said...

You are SO funny.

My grass: the ex took really good care of it when we were together and I just can't let it go. It has to look as good as the neighbor across the street or better. I do it all myself and its too big. Just cut it, not too low, fertilized it at the beginning of the year and that was a couple weeks ago. It still looks good but not as bright green. (This was a good lawn year so far!)

Changing my mind: I may have spoken too soon. He's still driving me nuts, (the beau) lately. Although he's a real good guy I think I've known all along he's probably not THE guy for me and it's starting to show in me lately. I've known him for an incredibly long time as we used to work at the same hospital, where he still works. So because we were friends/acquaintances for so long I'm trying really hard to be careful/good/gentle/patient. We've been "together" for 3 years.

Let's see how the next few weeks go.

Love reading your blog and love your sense of humor. When you don't post for many days you are missed.

Joey Polanski said...

Dogs is pack animals. Eatin is a team sport. Stinky mus figgr, "Hey, if no one else is intrestd in playin th eat-game, whynaheck should I?"

patti_cake said...

That is too funny that Stinky does that. Pets have their little quirks just like humans do!
Glad you are going home and get to re-charge your batteries!
LMAO at the freaky FUG lady. You did good Chickie. Real good.

Mike said...

I think all dogs have weird eating habits, but I swear Chihuahuas must be the weirdest. Carmen will not eat the food out of her dish. She takes it out, puts it on the floor and then she will eat it.

Titty hard-on....great!

Midwestern City Boy said...

Maybe Stinky is afraid of choking to death if you're not there to save her.

I never heard of Jocelyn whatshername but someone must have for her to be on that web site. We don't have any celebrities around here so there is no one to take surreptitious pictures of.

The Phosgene Kid said...

Look as though the surgeon used the back of a swinging shovel to do her face...

Scott English said...

Sounds like "panic or anxiety attacks" to me, though a professional in the field I am not. Perhaps something that you might want to look into. May I recommend breathing deeply into your stomach, holding it for a second, and then exhaling slowly. It is supposed to be relaxing. Helps me in similar situations. The vacation will probably do you a world of good too (yay for vacations!)

I'm with OldOldLady of the Hills. Hehehe - you should bless the food before you leave for work ;)

Please tell me that your Jocelyn look-alike is NOT wearing some sort of one-piece lycra outfit!

Joey Polanski said...

Good advice from Scott English, Chick.

On th "panic / anxiety" thing, I mean ... not th food blessin!

If you bless yer dogs food, you coud be repaid wif holy shit.

Chickie said...

JediMacFan - I laugh when I think about it but when we're doing it we are very serious.

Lady of the Hills - I've tried the food blessing before work but if she doesn't want to eat in the morning then nothing will talk her into it.

I have been taking some herbal stuff to help me sleep and I did have some of the side effects during my episode so I'm gonna lay off of it.

Regal - The more domesticated I get, the more I notice people's lawns and yours really jumped out. It almost doesn't look real! :)

Good luck with the beau. I was always horrible at ending things. May I recommend just making yourself totally undesirable so he leaves you?

I try to post often but it has been hard lately because someone is always home with me. Or I'm tired and sleepy.

Joey Polanski - I think that you've got Stinky dog figured out! I'll bet she really looks forward to our special game.

Patti_Cake - Thank you for the FUG inspiration! I thought to myself "If Patti_Cake can take photos of people in public then I can too, dammit!"

Mike - The taking the food out of the dish thing? Stinky and Tiny both do that. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just Tiny because she can only grab a couple of kibbles at a time but Stinky spits out a whole huge mouthful of food on the ground and then picks through it. I love walking through a slimy pile of dog food.

Midwestern City Boy - Don't tell Stinky, but she's out of luck if she starts to choke. I'm not practiced in the doggy Heimlich maneuver.

The Phosgene Kid - I concur. Who looks at themselves and thinks that looking like that is a better option?

Scott English - I was thinking panic-type attack too. I'll try the breathing thing if it happens again. Hopefully, it won't!

The outfit wasn't one piece but it was lycra for the top and bottom. She had matching green high-heeled flip-flops on too.

Joey Polanski - I should have seen a "holy shit" joke coming...

Sara Sue said...

Stinky rules! The so-called panic attack sounds like something Mike went through in Utah. I think he cured it with more booze.

I wonder if the woman who caught on to you taking pics saw the NHO too? Excellent idea for a post!

Are you taking your laptop with you on vacation or are we going to miss two more half-naked Thursdays???

Happy 4th!