8/11/07

(insert title here)

Hot. It is freaking hot. The son of a bitching air conditioner bit the dust on us - again. It's after midnight and Sweety is in the backyard giving the a/c repairman a handjob in the hopes of getting the damn thing fixed without too much expense. I have a feeling that his handjobs aren't worth that much. So I'm sitting in the house, sweating with the canines. It doesn't smell too good. (on a sidenote - Sweet, tiny, baby Jesus, who has never sweated a day in his glorious little life: Please keep the hurricanes and power outages away from me. I need conditioned air. Thank you and amen.)

Speaking of the canines...

Every morning, when Sweety gets ready for work, at around 5 a.m. I take the dogs out to excrete. And every morning, I am seized with the urge to pop a squat and take a piss in the backyard too. I never think to go before I let them out and the longer I wait for them to find the perfect spot, the more I need to go. I haven't done it yet but I probably will before I die. The urge is just too strong. I think it would feel liberating.

When I went on vacation, I had every day covered to be off of work except for 5.5 hours on my last day. So I called in sick to work. I fully expected to get my ass ate up at work about it but guess what? I got a raise! A 10% raise! Maybe I will start buying Tiny and Stinky premium dog food now. You could have knocked me over with a feather when my supervisor told me. I thought she was calling a meeting to put me on probation for missing too much work but instead it was a good thing. The horrible confrontation that I spent the last week of my vacation fretting over didn't even happen! Yay! Go me! The raise has motivated me to be an even better butt-kisser during my 40 hours a week in Customer Service Land. My lips hurt.

10 comments:

Scotty Ice said...

Fantastic post!!

Congrats on the raise! Maybe your supervisor is a fan of your blog. =)

Regal said...

You crack me up...don't know where to begin....pop a squat....or the familiar feeling of doing something like calling out and fretting over it and being called in randomly only to find out gifts are bestowed upon you.

Mike said...

Sorry about your AC. Hopefully by now you got it fixed and Sweety is probably still washing his hands.

The great thing about living out in the country is that when I take Carmen out in the morning if I get the urge to "water the flowers," I can and there is nobody around to see me except for my wife who yells at me for doing it. But, I do it anyway.

The Phosgene Kid said...

Go ahead and take a leak in the backyard - stake out your territory!!

Joey Polanski said...

Lookin forward to yer first potty-post.

The Phosgene Kid said...

Gotch yer cool back yet???

Jess said...

You crack me up!!! Go ahead do it!!! DO IT!!!!

patti_cake said...

Girl I hope you get that a/c fixed FAST. How miserable. Congrats on the raise and not getting in hot water at work. Go YOU!

Sara Sue said...

You know ... if you were to take your camera out there with you, squat down to pee and snap a pic ... that would make a great HNT post. Don't you think?

Chickie said...

Scotty Ice - Oh my, a fan of my blog? I hope not! I think she'd mention if she found it. Prolly.

Regal - And guess what else I got at work? A kick ass bonus on my check tomorrow! I thought that I'd missed too much work for it but I guess not. Go, Me!

Mike - Sweety soaked his hands in bleach but still feels dirty on the inside.

If I had a nifty apparatus to whip out to pee, then I'd do it outside all of the time. I'd never dirty the toilet.

The Phosgene Kid - I think the dogs have already covered every inch of territory. But maybe they'd like it if they smelled me out there?

The cool is not quite back yet. Bah-humbug.

Joey Polanski - You know that I'll let you know all about it when it happens!

Jess - With all of this support, I may get up the nerve to do it!

Patti_Cake - The a/c is just half-assed working but hopefully (keeping fingers crossed) it'll be at full power soon!

Sara Sue - Eesh, I don't think the world is ready for actual photos of me peeing. But wait - won't some people pay for that sort of thing? I might start working from home...