Don't Mind Me

Tiny Dog must learn to Shut.The.Fuck.Up. when I am sleeping. For real. Why can't she be happy that her whiny-spoiled-bitch-ass isn't sleeping on the porch? It makes me not happy at all to have her cry at the bedside during my last hour of sleep on the morning that I get to sleep in. She is on her way to getting her squeaker ripped out. Or maybe I'll let her lick some Drano. That would probably burn up her vocal cords so that she couldn't make too much noise. Okay, I would not really let her lick Drano. But when I am tired and sleep deprived, it is something that I think about. I love Tiny Dog.

I don't love the COAEW. I'm sitting at LittleBrother's(10) school, waiting for him to get out. (As is my custom on Tuesdays and Wednesdays) Have to get up here an hour early to get a spot in the parking lot and who is two cars over? Why it is that skankhole. Yesterday the COAEW parked at the grocery store and walked to the school at the last minute (she told Sweety where she parked when he called to make sure she was getting LB) but today she's found time to get here an hour early? This means that LB will want to walk out to the parking lot with his mother and brother and I will have to walk with them and be nice. Fuck a duck. I'm wondering if she doesn't get here early to park in the lot on just the days that I pick up LB. Probably.

There's some bullshit going on that is making me fucking nuts. That's why I haven't had much to say the past few days. Have you ever thought that you were going to be getting fairly good news but instead it was complete shit? I'm there. I've been in a high state of panic and pooping water for the past week as I fret over it. It doesn't have anything to do with the COAEW or Sweety. Just some lovely litigation that I will be going through. You know I hate talking to people? I'd rather pluck my eyes out and eat them than deal with this crap. Having to talk to people (strangers! ack.) about personal stuff that I'd rather not even voice. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to get fucked. I think that this is going to be karma's way of making me pay for every bad thing that I've ever done. I've skated along the past 12 or so years, spreading my brand of sunshine and I feel that I'm fixing to get some of it back. Lucky me.

My favorite part of having dogs is that when you walk around barefoot, you gather soft, furry slippers on the bottom of your feet. I like it. It makes me feel like the dogs and I have a special bond. See this?


This is what Stinky Dog sheds in 48 hours. I need to get a loom and start weaving the stuff into blankets or something. After I took that photo, I walked into the garage to get the dustpan. Tiny Dog was knee deep in the hair when I came back and was eating the shit as fast as she could because she knows that she's not supposed to be in it. Why do I love this gross little animal?

What does it mean when you dream of masturbating? I'm thinking it means that I need to get laid. It also means that I need to get the house clean today so I can stay in bed tomorrow with the laptop and rub off until I fall asleep from exhaustion. Wow, I really plan big.

Tomorrow is early, early release day at school so LB will get out of school at noon. That doesn't give me much time to execute my plan.

Ah, I see the COAEW in my rearview mirror now as she goes up to the school. I'm gonna flick a booger on her windshield when I walk by. As you can see, I'm doing really well on my plan to not let her existence annoy the living shit out of me.


Regal said...

Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm feeling compassion for you when you speak of bad news that you thought was going to be good news but the way you express yourself and your creative way of using adjectives leaves me with a stitch in my side (aka laughing my ass off).

I hope everything will be alright.

I understand why you can't understand why you love that gross little animal sometimes. I have a cat that acts like a dog and I love him more than I love most people, but sometimes he's a little gross too.

Joey Polanski said...

Yer dreams of mastrbating indickate a need to get laid, and yet yer worryd about gettin fuckd in th litigation?

Hmmm ...

Chickie said...

Regal - I hope everything will be alright too. I'll be glad when this year is over because surely this mess will be done with by then.

Yeah, sometimes I look at Tiny and am just totally disgusted by something she's doing but I'm kissing her feet later.

Joey Polanski - Well, I guess you've explained it for me.

I'm still gonna lay around and surf porn tomorrow though.

Jeni said...

"To dream that you are masturbating, represents your unacknowledged and unexpressed sexual needs/desires. It may also indicate you need to take care of yourself in sensual or emotional ways which are not necessarily sexual. You may need to put forth a little more effort toward some relationship.

To see others masturbating in your dreams, denotes your anxieties and concerns about your inhibitions. It may also be a reflection that something in your waking life is not as satisfying as it might be. Keep in mind that this dream may not necessarily represent sexual inhibitions or satisfaction, but may be analogous to some situation or relationship."


I think your plans for tomorrow sound AWESOME. It will take the stress away.

Chickie said...

Jeni - Those explanations sound right on target. Thanks for the link. I can't believe that it didn't occur to me to use the internet to interpret my dreams!

here today, gone tomorrow said...

I feel the same way about my cat Fiero as you do about Tiny Dog. He has no idea how many times I've fantasized about dropping him out the window (I live on the 6th floor). But then I'd be heartbroken for the rest of my life cuz I love the little thug. I hope all that nasty business resolves itself quickly and with a minimum of damage to you, Chickie.

patti_cake said...

Girl you are in a strange place these days. I hope it gets better for you!

Jeni said...

I would use the internet to wipe my ass if I could