12/11/07

From Death to Scat Porn to Bathing

Why must I have the urge to eat uncontrollably and spend money when I'm stressed? Why the hell can't I have the urge to exercise til my feet fall off and clean the house? Aw shit. Speaking of money, I just took a look at my paycheck. The day and a half that I didn't go to work last month will catch up with me on Friday's check. Fuckarooney.

Patti_Cake's little dog, Holly, died. I read that this morning and bawled my eyes out. It reminds me of how old Chi Chi is. (Like her rheumy eyes and wrinkly skin aren't reminders enough. You ever seen someone with half their face paralyzed? That's what she looks like when she wakes up. The half of her head that was on the ground is all smushed up til gravity pulls it back into place.)

We went to our friends house this weekend and the small dogs got to sleep in the bed with me. It only took that one night to turn Tiny dog into a tyrant at bed time. Last night and this morning she was going bonkers because she wanted in the bed. I will consider myself truly successful if I can ever talk Sweety into letting her sleep with us.

I drank moonshine for the first time this weekend. It was a different kind of experience. Next time I have some, I'm going to drink just that instead of other stuff first. Slept like a dead rock that night.

Oh! I also saw the sickest thing ever on the internet. It involves two girls and a glass full of shit. I've seen a lot of stuff online but nothing has ever made me gag uncontrollably. I don't remember what we were looking for online when we stumbled across it. Here's the link. This is absolutely not safe for work. I'm sorry that I watched it because I can't get it out of my head. If you watch it, you'll be sorry also.

I've turned into bath junkie. I used to hardly ever take baths because they took up so much time but I've started doing that on Tuesday or Wednesday nights. It's nice to hide in the bath for a couple of hours and let the little tub jets pummel me. A couple of weeks ago, this online place was having a sale and I bought a ton of bath bomb fizzy things. I have so many that I can't decide which one to use tonight. I think I'll just stick my hand in the box and draw one out lottery-style.

Something else I've discovered? Shea butter creme. (the Passion scent is good enough to eat!) It's the consistency of butter but it melts when you rub it in your hands. I can lube up with that stuff after my shower and not need to lotion up again til the next night. It's kind of greasy going on but it soaks right in. I got some of that a few weeks ago too when they were having a big sale. I bought four tubs of it because I thought I'd give some as gifts but I can hardly bear to part with them. I'm afraid that I'll give it to someone and they'll hate it but not tell me to be nice and then it will languish in their closet and never be used. I gave some to my friend this weekend and told her that if she used it and didn't like it that it would be just fine to give it back to me. Does that make me an Indian (feather-not-dot) giver? I don't think so. I'll probably keep the other three jars for myself so I won't worry about their fate.

I'm normally not one that gives a damn how my gifts are used (if I give you a book, I'm not going to wart you to death, asking if you've read it yet) but I love this stuff so much and I want everyone else to love it too. Or give it back to me. :) Heh, I'm horrible.

Sheesh, could I say "I" anymore? But I guess this is what this damn blog is about.

14 comments:

Pusher Robot said...

I promise next time you warn me about watching something I will TOTALLY fight the urge to click the link...TOTALLY!!!!!!

Chickie said...

Pusher Robot - Pretty horrid, huh? I need shock therapy to erase the images from my brain.

Amy said...

Yeah... SO not falling for that link. Avitable had that on his blog a couple of weeks ago and everyone was going on about how they couldn't make it through more than 15-20 seconds. LOL

That body butter sounds AWESOME!

Scotty Ice said...

wow...I cant believe its taken you this long to find that website.....LOL....I wish I could forget it...ugh

Chickie said...

Amy - It was about 15 seconds in when I started to heave. Ick.

The butter kicks ass! I'm all soft now!

Scotty Ice - So are you saying that you've been visiting that site for awhile? ;)

here today, gone tomorrow said...

I will not click on that link. I wish I had a tub with jets! Bath salts rock, but unfortunately I'm allergic to shea butter.

Mike said...

A friend of mine came over here the other day and told me about that link. I looked at it and wished to God I hadn't. I haven't been right ever since.

Not that I was even remotely right before.

Danielle said...

Yeah, I've heard about that link and I am NOT INTERESTED. But God, once I saw this bizarre German clip with a nun and a priest and...oh man. It was almost as bad.

But anyway, aren't baths just the greatest things ever?

Midwestern City Boy said...

I am so not clicking on the link. But I would like to her more about your moonshine experience. Who made it? And where?

Midwestern City Boy
Married In Ohio

patti_cake said...

Chickie thank you for immortalizing Holly on your blog. I am sure she appreciates being in such good company with Tiny, Stinky & Chi Chi and hey when it is Chi Chi's time i'm sure Holly will be right there to greet her. I know what you mean about not badgering people about your gifts but wanting them to love it as much as you do. I LOVE my stuff from the black box and am still divvying it out slowly to myself. (is it possible to stingy with oneself???).
I am NOT clicking on the gross link if it's as bad as everyone says it is. Augh. I don't need anything making my brain bleed out of my eyeballs today. They are bloodshot enough.

Chickie said...

Danielle - I need to find the nun and priest clip...

Baths rock! Though even they are not soothing my frazzled nerves much anymore :(

Midwestern City Boy - A friend of a friend made the moonshine (at home, I'm assuming). I had maybe 4 or 5 ounces of the stuff and that was too much. About 15 minutes after drinking it, I found things like the ceiling and the carpet or anything shiny to be very interesting and require my intense attention.

Patti_Cake - I hadn't thought about Holly being there to greet Chi Chi. That makes me feel better. I hope Chi Chi is not such a bitch in the afterlife though.

Heh, it is so possible to be stingy with oneself! I'm doing that too!

I really don't recommend the link to anyone. I felt like if I mentioned it though that I should put the link there. I hate it when people talk about something online but don't give a link!

rob said...

Thanks for that link. Quite educational. Makes me feel almost normal in comparison.

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

Mmmm...shea butter is great - unless your kid left the bathroom window open and it's so cold you can't get your hands to heat up no matter how hard and fast your rub them and then it will never melt into your skin.

Chickie said...

Rob - It was my pleasure to provide such a public service.

A Girl, A Boy, and Me - Okay, I guess you have given me one reason that I should be happy to live in Florida. My shea butter addiction works better here!