Happy Cinco Diciembre!

Thankfully, she did not pee on her feet.Stinky went to the groomer's today and came back a brand new dog! She smells great and her teeth have been brushed. The first thing I did upon picking her up was sniff her mouth and it was like peppermint. While she was gone, Tiny was a nervous wreck. Poor thing. She finally lit a bunch of candles in the bathroom around Stinky's food bowl and laid in Stinky's bed and cried while she waited for her buddy to return. I don't know what will happen if Stinky kicks the bucket before she does. When it's Stinky's time to go to dog heaven, I hope she has a heart attack, falls on Tiny and smothers her. That way Tiny won't have to deal with the grief.

Our Christmas present came today! A massage chair! We've been looking at them for a couple of years and said to heck with it and went ahead and got one. They do a payment plan over 3 years with no interest. On every gift-giving occasion til it's paid off, we'll sit in the chair and tell each other, "Happy Valentine's Day" or "Happy Birthday" or "Merry Christmas". It is fanfuckingtastic! I laid back in it for 2 massages this morning and then passed out. It was like masturbation without the mess.

Chi Chi is not happy with the chair's arrival though. We had to move some furniture around to get it into our room and in the process ended up moving her bed. The whole time that I was in the chair, she was stomping around it and giving me the hair eyeball. She'll get over it. The chair has places for your hands (it looks kind of like a blood pressure cuff and it inflates and something in there massages you) and for a moment, I wondered what she'd do if I crammed her in there. She'd fit. But I'll never do that. I know it would be most unkind. I'm going to give her a nice little massage tonight (by hand) after she's bathed to make up for my mean thought.

BigBrother(13) just finished up with a science project (thinking about it makes my eye twitch) and has one due January 28 for social studies. The thought of it makes me want to cry. Are all 13 year old boys thick-headed or is it just mine? Most of my time is spent making sure that he knows what the fuck it is that the project is about and then helping him get it all tidy on the presentation board. It doesn't sound like a lot of work but it is. I'm pretty sure that all of my grey hairs have sprouted during school projects. Sheesh, my scalp is itching just thinking about it. I've tried to talk Sweety into letting BB do this project at his mother's house but Sweety won't hear of it because he knows it would look like shit. I think the kid needs to do at least one project over there and have it be craptastic with a bad grade so he can fully appreciate all of the effort that we bleed into projects at our house.


moooooog35 said...

Holy shit.

That looks like a cross between an electric chair, gynecologyst rack or Jack Bauer Interrogation Special.

I'd call it, "Electro-gyno-massage 24"

...just to cover my bases.

Chickie said...

Moooooog35 - When I sit in it, I feel like one of those old ladies in an ad for those chairs that lift you up til you're standing.

But it feels so damn good in it that I don't care.

mace said...

My brother is a chiropractor and has a few chairs like that in his office. I tried it out. I liked it, but it wasn't as good as masturbation.

Anonymous said...

Ok...Lurker, . I have enjoyed your posts for a year or so.....payback...I am a teacher...(Master's Degree....brag-brag),artist, and project master! Let me know (comments) if you want help with the Social Studies project.Be glad to help. Jan

here today, gone tomorrow said...

Poor Tiny!

Sara Sue said...

Does this mean we can't call Stinky Dog stinky anymore?? I want one of those chairs!

patti_cake said...

Awwww your Stinky pic has me jonesing for a Basset even more than ever! I just perused the ads and no Bassets for sale. Just as well I guess...
This made me laugh in spite of myself...
"When it's Stinky's time to go to dog heaven, I hope she has a heart attack, falls on Tiny and smothers her. That way Tiny won't have to deal with the grief."

You need to check out the stocking stuffer I bought in my post today. I thought of you while I was buying it. I said "Now of all people Chickie will appreciate this"

Mike said...

Last night my son called telling us that he needed poster board. I assumed it was for another project and broke down in tears. Turns out it wasn't for a project after all.

Why do teachers do that to us??

Chickie said...

Mace - Either I'm not masturbating properly or you didn't run the chair correctly.

Jan - Thanks for coming out of the woodwork! If we get stuck, I'll send out an SOS!

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow - I think she's a bit of a drama queen.

Sara Sue - Stinky will be her name from now on. I rarely even call her by her "real" name (Tasha) around the house anymore.

If you wanna come over, I'll let you take the chair for a spin!

Patti_Cake - Honestly, after seeing Tiny moon around the house the other day, that's how I hope the doggy deaths go down.

I'm going to have to get some of those for our stockings!

Mike - It's just to keep everyone on their toes. BB ended up getting an honorable mention for his project. It was scored 16 out of 100 or so projects.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

What is the name of that chair Chickie? I WANT ONE!! (LOL)

Poor dear Tiny...And that wonderful Stibky, all clean and sweet smelling!
You are funny! You hope the way those deaths go down....LOL...Well, I don't blame you! It sounds like Tiny will be bereft! Poor dear.

Ginamonster said...

You're nice. I didn't even bother asking for help on my projects so they all looked like a kid did them. Unlike all of my classmates.

Sara Sue said...

Ohhhh really?? I promise to wipe up after myself when I'm done!

The Phosgene Kid said...

Does the chair come with the bicycle seat attachment for the ladies??

Chickie said...

Lady of the Hills - The chair is called iDesire and you can check them out at brookstone.com

You know what the best thing is? Stinky's bath was almost a week ago and she still smells good! Tiny may have to get used to her buddy being gone for a few hours, once a month or so.

Ginamonster - I was worried that BB's project would look like he had too much adult help but Sweety saw the other projects and said there was no way the kids did them. Luckily, when I was in school, our school was so small that we never had projects!

Sara Sue - No worries about wiping up. Tiny will take care of it!

The Phosgene Kid - Hey! There's a good idea!