Gag Me With A Spoon

What is the perfect ending to an afternoon spent power shopping?

I come home to find one of my much anticipated comic books!

And the mother fucking envelope is empty! It appears that some buttmunch stole my fucking mail. I'm thinking of mailing some sort of explosive device to myself to see if the asshole tries to open that up too. To put it mildly, this pissed me off.

When I get in the house, Sweety tells me that there is a surprise for me in the bathroom. Maybe he has drawn a hot bath for me? No. Can we say "explosive doggy diarrhea"? Holy crap batman. I have never seen such. Gagged my guts out cleaning it up. I was surprised that the shit wasn't on the walls. Stinky dog has had a couple of instances of upset stomach over the last month or so. I'm cutting her off of people food and have given her new dog food. (Of course, the dog food that I picked out is one that the pet store doesn't carry very often. Didn't figure that out til it was already paid for. But if it helps keep her from scratching and shedding so damn much then I'll order the stuff online.) I hope she appreciates it.

After cleaning up the shitstorm, I went for a pedicure to soothe my traumatized self. It helped. I think I'll go to the drive-thru liquor store now for some additional items to aid in easing my aggravation.

I'll be back later for some blog cruising.

Added on Tuesday 12/4/7 3:03 p.m.
The comic book store is sending me a replacement! They said they'll tape this one good and shut! Yay! My faith in humanity has been restored!


Mike said...

Alcohol always helps with shit-storms.

Chickie said...

Mike - Yeah, it's really helped with this one. It kept me from smothering something/someone smaller that me.

Scotty Ice said...

Someone stole your comics?


I would call in the f'n National Guard and set up roadblocks for a 300 mile radius until I got my books back.....

..but that just me... ;-)

Amy said...

ok, seriously, the comic book thing has me completely enraged your behalf! WTF?!?!?!?!

Midwestern City Boy said...

Why did Sweety leave the surprise for you rather than cleaning it up himself? Or, are they YOUR dogs, whenever they do something messy?

P.S. You haven't seen a shit storm until you've see it fly up out of the toilet because the kids tried to flush something that they shouldn't have.

Midwestern City Boy
Married In Ohio

Sara Sue said...

(PERK) "drive-through liquor store"!!

patti_cake said...

OMG first some asshat steals your comics then a doggy shit storm. Oh my dear you deserve a visit to the drive thru liquor store!

Chickie said...

Scotty Ice & Amy - I am so sad. But (luckily ?) it was just one comic and I'm out only a few dollars. I'm going to order it from someone else that offers postal insurance.

Midwestern City Boy - The dogs are always my dogs. Especially when they've done something "bad". I was kind of glad that he left the mess for me because I didn't have to listen to him bitch about having to clean it up.

Mental note to self : if I have children, disable the toilet flushing mechanism til they go to college.

Sara Sue - And it's only 3 blocks away! I must admit that I've never used the drive-thru though. I like to go in and shop.

Patti_Cake - Amen to that.