Why Can't I Find A Sack Of Drug Money?

I have a new supervisor. The bad thing about getting a new one is that you have to get used to someone new grading your calls. She wants us to be Chatty Cathies on the phones and connect with the customer. If someone mentions shopping, then I should say something about what a busy time of year it is or some shit. I'm not good at that. Have you ever spoken with someone and one of their lips kind of curls out? (Think Elvis but the bottom left side of the lip instead of the top.) All I could do was look at her glittery lipstick (why on earth would you draw attention so such a lip?) whenever she was over enunciating things that she felt were important because that's when the lip tries to jump off of her face. She's worked at the bank for a very short time and has never done customer service there on the phones. I've been there 6 and she was telling me shit that I already knew and I had to sit there and bob my head up and down like a sheep and pretend that she had just invented the wheel.

We got our holiday gifts at work. One of our partners is a theme park. I get a little envelope and think, "cool, theme park tickets." But no. There are 4 tickets in there to golf courses and they expire at the end of the year. And you can't combine the tickets and use them all at once to take your whole family golfing. And I don't own any motherfucking golf clubs anyway. (I used to have a driver that I'd smack toadstools with but it ran away. I need to get a new one before toadstool season.) I know you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth but really, who the hell is going to be able to use these things in the next 3 weeks? The golf courses that they are to are ones that are usually booked up well in advance. Bah-humbug.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I was at my Mom's house and Old, Old Lady of the Hills lived in the house next door. (I have a lot of dreams where I'm at my childhood home.) It was late at night and she couldn't sleep so my sister and I went over to keep her company. When she fell asleep, I snooped through all of the books on her shelves and then put her records away. The odd thing was, I put the records in the freezer. I had another dream awhile back and in that dream a guy lived in the house next to my Mom's and he was Sara Sue and Cissy Strutt. And I think he could fly. Or maybe it was me that was flying. I don't remember. I also dreamt (on a different night) that Cissy was my housekeeper and she lived in the pantry. You see how half of her face is hidden in her profile photo? In my dream she was peeking around the corner of the pantry so I could only see that same portion of her face.

And when I'm not having weird dreams, I'm sucking my thumb to keep myself from clenching my teeth as I sleep.


moooooog35 said...

I've never dealt with anyone with "Elvis Lip" - but we had a manager who stuttered really badly at my last job.

..not funny for him...but it felt like I was meeting with Porky Pig every day. Took everything I had to keep from laughing.

Handicaps = funny.

patti_cake said...

I would love to find a big sack of drug money too. I'd spend that shit right up. I feel ya on the new superviser. WTF on giving you golf course passes? That's just stupid.

bekah said...

Put the golf course tickets on Ebay and make some money.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Boks an records in the freezer, eh? LOL! Well, I feel honored that I am appearing in your dreams....And relieved that nothing really horrible happenrd in that dream......

Golfing Tickets??? And you have to use them before January 1st??? This is NOT a good bonus, at all! I would be very pissed!!
I hope you do find a Big Pile of Drug Money, Chickie...then it would be Bye Bye to old Curly Lip!

Chickie said...

Moooooog35 - I can deal with handicaps (since they can't be helped) but this chick just really goes over the top with her facial expressions when she's saying something "important". It's hard to not focus on her lips because I'm curious as to what trick they may do next. And she's one of those people that swings their hands all over the place when they're talking. It's like watching a one person play.

Patti_Cake - When I can't sleep, I like to think about how I'd spend a sack of cocaine dusted twenties. The good thing about the new supervisor is that she told me that she likes to do new things. She'll be in a position in the bank for about 6 months before she moves to another department. So I figure we'll be rid of her by summer.

Bekah - That was my first idea til a piece of paper fluttered out of the envelope saying we'd be fired if we sold them and they were for our family's use only.

Lady of the Hills - You kept the stuff in the freezer to keep it fresh.

It's not like we expect bonuses for Christmas at work but damn, if you're going to give something, make it useful!

Midwestern City Boy said...

Even if you do find a sack full of drug money, you can't do anything with it. If the rightful owners ever found out that you have their money, they are likely to cut you up into piece parts or something unpleasant like that just tom make sure that no one else ever "finds" their money again.

Midwestern City Boy
Married In Ohio.

Sara Sue said...

When did you switch from Sweetie's wang to the thumb??

Chickie said...

Midwestern City Boy - If I found a sack of money, I'd take my chances!

Sara Sue - Only at night when I'm annoyed and he's asleep. Sometimes I just want to suck on something and not have any pressure to perform.