In A Nutshell

BigBrother's braces came off last Friday! Yay! I took him to a movie to celebrate on Saturday. He got to eat all of the popcorn and sticky candy that he could hold.

Sweety and I fussed on Thursday and Friday over stupid things. Too stupid to waste time typing it up. I spent all day Friday trying to decide which friend's house to crash at when I decided to load up the dogs and leave this state. We made up on Saturday. It's a good thing because I hate moving.

People at work are losing their fucking minds. The lady that sits next to me had a bit of a nervous breakdown yesterday morning and had to leave. That afternoon, a couple of other people on the team got into a shouting match. I fully expect someone to come in someday with some sort of automatic weapon and start shooting up the place. I'm thinking of moving to another seat that would provide more coverage if I needed to hide under it during a bullet storm. I'm. Not. Kidding.

The dogs are making us crazy. Stinky Dog has taken to slurping on her toes and smacking her lips excessively when it is bedtime. Sunday night, I ended up taking all of the furry bitches to sleep with me on the couch so Sweety could go to sleep because they were being so loud. He couldn't get to sleep while listening to Stinky's slurps, Chi Chi's foghorn snore and Tiny Dog digging at her blanket. I said to Stinky as we were walking out of the bedroom, "I hope you have a good night, you fucking idiot." and Sweety thought I was talking to him. He told me later that he laid awake in bed for 2 hours, amazed that I was nervy enough to say such a thing. As soon as the dog parade and I got into the living room, Stinky knew that she was going to sleep on the couch with me and started tap dancing all over the place. I swear that she was smiling. I get on the couch with her and she puts her head down on my legs and goes right to sleep. No licking or slurping or anything. And she starts to snore loud enough to shake the couch. Chi Chi was on the floor and I realized that the senile bitch had gotten up and was barking at our bedroom door. I leapt off the couch to get her before Sweety could get out of bed and stomp her into oblivion. Put her on the couch with the rest of us and she curled up on my chest and fell asleep and started an earth shaking snore in rhythm to Stinky's. I didn't get a lot of sleep that night. But when I did get to sleep - I woke up promptly with cramps in both of my legs from the contorted position I was in. I walked in circles in the living room for about 45 minutes. Until Sweety got up at 4:30 to go to work.

Have you heard of Avon Instant Pedicure Strips? A chick at work sells the stuff and I bought some. Did my toes on Saturday night. They don't look the greatest if you get right up on them, but from where my eyes are (about 5 feet 8 inches away) they don't look too bad. Better than naked toes. I did get some of the stuff stuck on my skin but you can use an orange stick (well, I don't have an orange stick so I used a shish-k-bob skewer) to smooth between your skin and nail and the polish strip peels right off of your skin. It wasn't as much fun as getting a pedicure by some pretty girl with a low-cut blouse but it was cheaper.


Mike said...

Not sure what it is with animals these days but our dog and our cat are both doing that slurping thing at night. The cat is much worse than the dog--or maybe I am just more tolerant of the dog, but yeah, either way, they are both slurping fools these days.

Thomas said...

It is allergy season here, for humans and dogs.

The tree pollen so thick you almost need windshield wipers to drive with. Of course, according to the vet, since the Pekes are so low slung and close to the ground, they get a double dose of all things pollen and dust related. Talk about snoring, snorting, and sneezing furballs.

Good luck with Sweetie. I am sure you can smooth things over with him.


Patti said...

Congrats on Big Brother getting his braces off! Feb was a year ago when I got rid of mine. Sweet tiny baby jesus that was a happy day!
You crack me up with the dogs. We are so alike.
Did I ever tell you about how i used to get up at o'dark o'clock, sneak outside in the pitch dark with a shovel and fill in any holes our Basset Flash dug the evening before while out for his even constitutional just so Stacy wouldn't whip him.
You are a great dog Mommy!
P.S. i'm glad you & Sweety made up, moving IS a bitch!

Chickie said...

Mike - The slurping doesn't bother me because I sleep with ear plugs. Sweety has agreed to try sleeping with ear plugs tonight. This may save our marriage and the dogs lives.

Thomas - Yeah, the dogs are allergy prone when the seasons change. I'm going to start wiping them down with baby wipes when they come inside. I heard that will help get the pollen off without having to give them a full on bath.

Patti - The filling the holes for your dog is hilarious! The things we do for our pets!

The Phosgene Kid said...

Funny how dogs invariably wind up running the show!

Anonymous said...

The dogs don't deserve you, you are too nice. I would have let Sweety send them off to someplace to sleep by themselves. Then perhaps the next time they wouldn't be so noisy. After a while they would learn. (Or at least develop a Pavlovian reflex.)

P.S: do you really check out what the manicurists have in their low-cut tops?

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL...Your description of your dogs and their
"needs" and sleep sounds, is hilarious! I know it is No Fun while it is happening, but the way you write about it just tickles the hell out of me! Poor dear little Chi Chi....and Stinky...so endearing to "read" about....LOL! and Tiny...well, Tiny is a country unto herself in a way, isn't she? And she has always had my heart, from the moment I first met her here on your blog!
I wish someone could have taken a picture of you with the three hounds lying there on top of you----everyone, asleep! (Well, not 'everyone' as it turns out....lol)

Chickie said...

The Phosgene Kid - They certainly have figured out how to get their own way. :( I am sleep deprived for it though.

Midwestern City Boy - If the dogs are sent off somewhere else to sleep, they just cry all night. I mean it. All.Night.Long.

re: p.s. Yes. I'm a perv like that.

Lady of the Hills - I swear, we have the oddest crew of animals! But I love them so!

Ginamonster said...

Sounds like those critters have you just where they want you. Those are the reasons I don't allow critters in the bedroom.

I'm mean, I know.

Amy said...

I laughed out loud about Sweety thinking you had called him a fucking idiot! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

OMG. That was awesome.

themom said...

You are such a well-trained puppy mommy! With a beautiful pedi to boot! Ain't life sweet?

moooooog35 said...

I accidentally bought "Avon Instant Pedophile Strips" instead of the pedicure ones.

This is my defense argument, and I'm sticking to it.

Chickie said...

Ginamonster - You're not mean. You're smart! I so wish that we had put them in another room to sleep from the first day we got them. That is a bell that can't be unrung. They'd fah-reeek out if I tried to put them somewhere else now.

Amy - I will admit, I was thinking something along those lines towards him as I trekked to the living room but what came out of my mouth was totally meant for Stinky Dog.

themom - Life is good if the only thing I have to bitch about is my slurping dogs. At least they are healthy! *knock on wood*

moooooog35 - Dude. I have no words. I'd love to have a beer with you.

Regal said...

You crack me up....talkin' to Stinky and Sweetie thinking you were talking to him.