From Barking Dogs to Killer Semen

My usual work schedule is 10 hours on Sunday, Monday, Thursday and Friday. Last week, I did 4 days in a row. Sunday through Wednesday so I could be off on Thursday and Friday. It was horrible. It made me grateful for my real schedule because 2 days in a row is about all I can handle there. Last week was like one long day from Sunday to Wednesday. It was Groundhog Day, except I didn't get the girl at the end.

I got to go on a field trip on Thursday instead.

Sweety, me and the four seventh graders that we were in charge of walked all over Epcot. I am an idiot and wore new shoes. I'd purchased them the night before and they were very comfy in the store. I put them on Thursday morning and Sweety told me that they would end up hurting my feet. To shut him up, I wore them around the house for an hour or so with socks on.

I took the socks off when we left the house and Sweety insisted on taking them in his pocket because he knew I'd need them later in the day. How right he was. I now have photographic evidence that I am becoming like my mother more each day. I looked like a total dork with those socks on and my feet still hurt but at least they soaked up the blood. After stomping all over the place in those shoes for 8 or so hours - they are nice and broken in now. It will be a pleasure to wear them in the future.

Being off with Sweety yesterday was great! We had some of the best bbq around and then just goofed around. Since we were in Orlando, we decided to go to the Oriental Supermarket and discovered that it had closed. So Sweety found another one and got me all of the things needed to make kimchi. He will be doing that for me later today. He fucking rocks.

We got home a bit before 6 p.m. and decided that we would have something to drink. Out of everything we had, I felt that a 302 was needed. (That's 2 shots of Bacardi 151) It had been a good 9 years or so since I'd last had one. Sweety didn't want to do it but by mocking him with the question of, "hey, does your pussy hurt or what?" with some gentle prodding, he had one too. I forgot that shit burns. My throat is still sore today. I have never in my life thrown alcohol away but part of me says that we should dump the rest of that bottle. No good can come out of it.

After sex, are you a hop right up and go to the bathroom person or do you stay in the bed for a bit? I'm a hop right upper. I don't want to leak anything on the bed that I'm gonna have to sleep on later. I don't know how it happened, but as I was rolling off the bed like a ninja last night, something slick hit the floor before my feet did and I damn near broke my neck when I slipped in it. As I was scrubbing it up with I towel I was muttering, "Die, you little motherfuckers! Die!" Sweety wanted to know who I was talking to and I told him it was the murderous sperm. He said it was disturbing that I'd talk to it like it was a living thing. But aren't there millions of little doctors and lawyers in every wad some guy blows? Sweety now fully understands why I squeal, "Doctors and lawyers! Plumbers! Great poets!" and emit tiny screams when flushing the toilet after sex.


Zube Girl said...

BWAHAHAHA! I nearly gagged on my coffee! Squash those doctors and lawyers I say. You post has brought a whole new meaning to an incident involving sex on the floor, an arc of doctors and lawyers streaming over my head and landing on the electric baseboard heater and making a fabulous sizzling sound. FRY DOCTORS AND LAWYERS, FRY!!!

Chickie said...

Zube Girl - Oh wow. I haven't cooked any of them yet. But your story makes me want to. I wish we had a heater like that.

here today, gone tomorrow said...

It's when you write a post like this that my appreciation for you reaches the worship zone. God, you crack me up.

Chickie said...

here today, gone tomorrow - The worship zone? I knew there was a reason that my butt got all tingly a few minutes ago! That's what happens when my greatness is recognized. :)

Regal said...

Okay, my mistake for reading these at work and then laughing out loud at..."as I was rolling off the bed like a ninja last night, something slick hit the floor before my feet did and I damn near broke my neck when I slipped in it" OR "Doctors and lawyers! Plumbers! Great poets!" and emit tiny screams when flushing the toilet after sex" BUT I too run like a ninja ... preventative maintenace so I won't get a UTI. I like to make congraulatory comments to make my beau laugh afterwards. My comment on Saturday was "That was like the olympics!" or something to that effect. He seldom laughs out loud and I look for every opportunity to make him do so - he's such a challenge.

Patti said...

Oh i'm a hop up and run to the bathroomer and the wet spot FREAKS me out LOL

Sounds like an awesome time though!

Ginamonster said...

Hop and run. Then a how shower where all those little guys get boiled into something that reminds me of fried egg...
There will be some giggling next time.

Chickie said...

Regal - Ick to UTIs. That's another reason I hop up too. One time (ONE TIME!) I didn't take a piss after sex and got one. We were on freaking vacation and I had to find a doctor the next day. The memory of that keeps my ninja skills in line.

Patti - You know what I do sometimes if I'm feeling ornery? I'll roll off the bed on his side so if there's anything left behind then he gets it.

Ginamonster - Ha! Fried egg! You are right. That is what it looks like!

Anonymous said...

I know that this post is old; but I couldn't resist commenting.

The part about killer sperm is just too funny! Do you have something witty to say to them every time?

And here's a suggestion that I'm sure Sweety would agree with. If you have sex two or three times a day, there probably wouldn't be as many of them (since they wouldn't have as long to build up) so the puddle would be smaller.