Hey! If I get that new schedule - where I'm off on Sundays?Now, did that really warrant hanging up on me? I think not.
We will eat pasta every Sunday! To pay homage to the Flying Spaghetti Monster!
Okay. I'm good with that!
We will give thanks that his noodly appendages keep us from flying off of the planet!
And we'll drink whiskey with our meal!
Except for the boys. I'll give them tea in shot glasses!
The only thing that Sweety finds more vile than cigarette smoke is coffee. The other night, after he got into bed, I put some lip balm on. Coffee scented and flavored. Heh, heh. Then I got into bed and started being all friendly. Right after he kissed me - he gagged and leaped out of bed while rubbing his mouth with the sheet. You should have heard me cackle. It was great.
We watched political happenings on the television last night. That sort of thing is a minefield in our house. I drank a lot (Matter of fact, I drank so much that I feel too crummy to carry through with dedicating this week's HNT to Mike. I need more gin bottles to do what I have in mind anyway.) and ignored Sweety while he needled me for several hours. I didn't ignore him. I just planned what I was going to do to him.
I was busy getting water icy cold in a cup as soon as he got in the shower. He had the cloth curtain open on the shower so he saw me immediately when I walked into the bathroom and told me if I dumped the water on him that I would be sorry. I figured the worst he could do to me was punch me in the nose and decided that I was okay with that, so I got him with the cold water and waited for him to do whatever it was. He turned the showerhead on me and doused me where I stood. I was fine with that because at least the water I got hit with was warm.
If your kid has a unibrow - would it be wrong to pluck it? And I don't mean a little unibrow. Think Bert.
Speaking of Bert...
Ever wondered what he does in his spare time? Wonder no more. That link would be NSFW if it were humans. But it's puppets so I dunno if you'd call it NSFW.