6/3/08

Take Your Monkey to Work Day

Sweety and LittleBrother(11) are at baseball practice. BigBrother(13) usually goes with them. When they are gone, I like to drink liquor and lay around naked while playing on the internet. I was getting ready to drink gin out of the bottle, when I noticed that I could hear someone bouncing a basketball outside. I took a peek and saw that BB had stayed at home and was playing with a neighborhood kid. I am so glad that I realized this before peeling off my clothes. That would have been awkward.

I hate dry pretzels. I pick them out of Chex Mix and let the canines have them. Stinky gets the ones that look like knots and Tiny gets the straight ones. I think it's funny to look at her with a pretzel cigarette hanging out of her mouth.

For the love of Pete. I no sooner than type that last paragraph before I hear Stinky Dog let out a series of farts. I look down and see that she is puking up her freshly eaten pretzels. I guess the spicy kind don't agree with her. I'm sorry, Stinky. Tiny is suffering no ill effects from the pretzels. She managed to eat half of the "good part" (no pretzels!) of my snack while I was scurrying around, cleaning up the puke. She is an opportunist.

Roger went to work with me yesterday. I got to work and decided that I'd look like a real weirdo if I toted him in under my arm so I stuck him inside a sack.

Being smuggled in. Working Hard

He enjoyed his day at the shithole. I'm going to keep the sack in my car so he can come with me everyday. I thought about leaving him there on my desk but I'd miss him in my backseat and he would probably get stolen. Then I'd get really mad and would burn the building down. I don't want to have to do that. Sprinkling gasoline. Running around the building with matches. That's just too much work.

16 comments:

AmyD said...

And yet... I can totally see you running around the office sprinkling gasoline in a pink tutu with a little gasoline wand or something...

That would be great. The Gas Fairy.

Chickie said...

AmyD - How did you know I'd pictured doing it in a pink tutu? With running shoes on. And white fishnet tights. And my hair in a bun so it wouldn't catch fire easily. And lipstick smeared all over my face.

I've given this entirely too much thought.

Monogram Queen said...

Yes I am very glad you didn't get naked before you realized you were not home alone LOL How awkward!

I am certain someone would have stolen Roger. Best to keep him in the bag and under wraps. His cuteness/stripiness knows no bounds.

Chickie said...

Monogram Queen - Normally, I take my clothes off as soon as I hear the car leave the driveway. I called Sweety and asked why he didn't tell me BB was staying and the first thing he asked was if I'd been seen naked.

People at work take anything that isn't nailed down so I know poor Roger wouldn't last long!

Mike said...

Tell me that part about drinking Gin right out of the bottle again.

Chickie said...

Mike - It is good and makes your nipples hard. You feel like you've smoked a big fat one when you're done. This week's HNT will be just for you.

moooooog35 said...

I'm assuming you didn't pose your monkey in the "Monkey Masturbation Pose" because of Human Resources frowning on that type of shit.

F*cking HR.

Always raining on our masturbating monkey parades.

Thomas said...

I think I am getting monkey envy.
Where can I get one?

TV

Shover Robot said...

I'm getting monkey envy too, my friends at work would love him!

Chickie said...

moooooog35 - HR is exactly the reason he didn't have fun on my desk! When I went to lunch, I put him a drawer so he could have some alone time. It didn't seem right to photograph him in there.

TV - See the post right under this one. Ginamonster makes them when the whim hits her but I'm too lazy to link here.

Everyone could use a good sock monkey!

Shover Robot - He was commented on several times when he was on my desk. He's just so charismatic!

here today, gone tomorrow said...

Now I really want you to burn the building down just so I can see you in the tutu and white fishnets. I'll stand by helpfully with fresh lipstick.

Chickie said...

here today, gone tomorrow - I'll fly you down when I am ready to breakdown. I'll even let you use the airport closest to you!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Oh I think you are right...Roger WOULD get stolen! He is just so cute, someone would lift him, for sure! What a great Mascot!
Poor Stinky...She...She has a delicate tummy....And Tiny has a cast-iron stomach! LOL! She is something, isn't she?

Chickie said...

Lady of the Hills - I felt so bad that Stinky got sick. I'd never gave her those kind of pretzels and it didn't occur to me that they wouldn't agree with her.

Come to think of it, I've never seen Tiny vomit. She's not going to give something up that she worked so hard to eat!

Ginamonster said...

Monkeyss....I am hoping that there will be more soon. I have been really busy with derby stuff. But things should be back to "normal" soon.

Chickie said...

I will keep my eyes peeled for siblings of Roger's!