For about the past 4 or 5 nights, I'll think that we are having a real conversation and then he'll start talking about crazy shit and I'll realize that he is dreaming.
He spooned up against me last night and cranked up the following conversation.
You really do hate Tom Cruise don't you?
Yes. Yes, I do.
Why? Whyyyyy? Do you hate him?
I think he's a crazy little fucker and I have no use for him.
So you don't like any of his movies?
Color of Money?
Never seen it but I don't like it.
How can you say that when you haven't seen it? You really do have a black heart for Tom Cruise. I feel sorry for him. He will die soon.
And now we have maybe a minute's worth of silence.
What do you want?
What do you really want the most?
At this point I'm trying to decide if he's awake or not because he does like to poke at me about my disdain for Tom Cruise so maybe he is truly awake. I decide to conduct an experiment.
A bottled water from the icebox.
A bottled water is what you want the most?
Yes. Would you get me one, please?
I'm thinking if he's really asleep that he'll just roll over and maybe pretend to get a water from and imaginary icebox. Instead he sits up and I think, "Oh, shit. He's awake! I'm gonna have to drink all of that damn water!". He gets out of bed and crashes into the wall. That's when I realize that he it asleep.
I follow him into the kitchen and when he opens the icebox, I flip on the light and ask him what the hell he's doing. I can see the look of surprise on his face and when he answers it's in a small, pitiful voice.
Getting you a water?
Why are you getting me a water?
Um, I dunno...
At this point I am laughing hysterically and he is standing there naked and confused. He runs whimpering back to bed. I go back and tell him of the conversation we've been having.
We are laying there for about 10 minutes and he pipes up.
I'm scared to go back to sleep. What if I wake up and I'm driving naked to the beach?
Don't worry. I'll protect you.
No you won't! You just made me do a trick!
That was before I realized that your unconscious self needed protecting. I won't do that to you again.
I can't wait to see what sort of fun tonight's bedtime holds.