Nocturnal Fun

I know that I've mentioned that Sweety sometimes talks in his sleep. Last night, I took it to a whole new level.

For about the past 4 or 5 nights, I'll think that we are having a real conversation and then he'll start talking about crazy shit and I'll realize that he is dreaming.

He spooned up against me last night and cranked up the following conversation.

You really do hate Tom Cruise don't you?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Why? Whyyyyy? Do you hate him?

I think he's a crazy little fucker and I have no use for him.

So you don't like any of his movies?


Color of Money?

Never seen it but I don't like it.

How can you say that when you haven't seen it? You really do have a black heart for Tom Cruise. I feel sorry for him. He will die soon.

And now we have maybe a minute's worth of silence.

What do you want?


What do you really want the most?

At this point I'm trying to decide if he's awake or not because he does like to poke at me about my disdain for Tom Cruise so maybe he is truly awake. I decide to conduct an experiment.

A bottled water from the icebox.

A bottled water is what you want the most?

Yes. Would you get me one, please?

I'm thinking if he's really asleep that he'll just roll over and maybe pretend to get a water from and imaginary icebox. Instead he sits up and I think, "Oh, shit. He's awake! I'm gonna have to drink all of that damn water!". He gets out of bed and crashes into the wall. That's when I realize that he it asleep.

I follow him into the kitchen and when he opens the icebox, I flip on the light and ask him what the hell he's doing. I can see the look of surprise on his face and when he answers it's in a small, pitiful voice.

Getting you a water?


No reply.

Why are you getting me a water?

Um, I dunno...

At this point I am laughing hysterically and he is standing there naked and confused.  He runs whimpering back to bed. I go back and tell him of the conversation we've been having.

We are laying there for about 10 minutes and he pipes up.

I'm scared to go back to sleep. What if I wake up and I'm driving naked to the beach?

Don't worry. I'll protect you.

No you won't! You just made me do a trick!

That was before I realized that your unconscious self needed protecting. I won't do that to you again.

I can't wait to see what sort of fun tonight's bedtime holds.


Mike said...

My oldest daughter was a sleep walker and we used to have all sorts of fun with her when she was little.

One night I told her that a laundry basket was her bed and she laid down in it and went back to sleep. It made it much easier to carry her back to bed.

212degreedesigns said...

i'm laughing so hard i'm crying...

"you just made me do a TRICK!"


Thomas said...

The missus does the talk in her sleep bit and it gets freaky.

I think there is more than one person on the inside of her noggin


Anonymous said...

"You just made me do a trick!" Aren't YOU afraid what Sweety might do to you the next time that you are asleep?

themom said...

OMG - he thinks you made him "do a trick". (Well, you did) I was laughing so hard, coffee went everywhere...dammit!! You are tooooo funny!

Joey Polanski said...

Bettr bhave yerself, Chick.

Else Sweety may NEVR tell you what he does t you when YER unconscious.

AmyD said...

Your post is making me do that evil laugh. Mike asked me, "What are you over there chuckling at?"

But he asked in that, "Gee I hope I don't sound nervous" voice.

Hee hee.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Well that is quite a nights romp...lol! You and Sweety have busy days and busier nights....! I've never known anyone who talked in his sleep....It has to be pretty funny, a lot of the time, if you have no idea what they are dreaming about....!

Cissy Strutt said...

Next time, make him clean the bathroom.

Monogram Queen said...

Ooh Ooh make him bark like a dog chickie... or better yet oink like a pig. I can see some real possibilities here!

bekah said...

You must have a magical and golden poon, because I don't know why else this man would put up with so much torture from you...

here today, gone tomorrow said...

Poor Sweety...

The Phosgene Kid said...

Hope he was prophesying in his dreams and Cruise really dies. That'd be neat. If Cruise does bite the dust start asking him which horse will win at the track...

Chickie said...

Mike - How cute! I used to have my niece sit in a laundry basket for movie time. I’d plop her in there with popcorn and a drink and then bundle her up in a blanket. Point it all towards the t.v. and then I’d get a 2 hour catnap.

212degreedesigns & themom - You’d think after a couple of days that he’d forget about it but nooooo. He’s really put out that I had him do something for my own amusement.

Thomas - I think that’s the case with LittleBrother(11). I’m pretty sure that he channels the devil or something in his sleep.

Midwestern City Boy & Joey Polanski - I am certain that once he goes to sleep that he doesn’t wake. No fear here. I accidentally whacked him a good one in the nose when I was asleep. He stays clear of me.

AmyD - Sweety calls that kind of laugh my crazy laugh. He tries to be scarce after hearing it

Lady of the Hills - This is horrible but sometimes when I can’t sleep? I’ll elbow Sweety and ask him what he’s doing and he will describe his dream to me.

Cissy Strutt & Monogram Queen - You have given me a great idea! I’ll direct him to the computer and have him transfer money into my checking account!

bekah - Honestly, he has told me that is why he puts up with so much. Hurray for the power of The P!

here today, gone tomorrow - Ah, he’s okay. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?

The Phosgene Kid - He’s more of a bad even prophet. Natural disasters are his specialty. The big tsunami, those Russians caught in a submarine, miners trapped in mines and something else...about 2 weeks before each of those things he told me that something big pertaining to blah-blah-blah was going to happen. He’s creepy.

Anonymous said...

alright as a really close friend i have to tell u that u bitch wayyyy to much and sometimes ur really annoying cz all u do is complain about how sucky ur life is and stuff. STOP. god sumtimes i just wanna slap u for it. im sorry. i still love u as a friend but i felt that u should know this and maybe try and act or behave just a little differently. i dont want this to hurt our relationship so im stayin anonymous.

Sara Sue said...

LMAO!!! I love the idea of him cleaning in his sleep state! Oh ... and Anon ... what a coward!

Chickie said...

Anonymous - Um, if you know me in real life - this is the very last place to leave an anonymous comment. I've only told 4 people that I know about this place and I only talk to two of them on a semi-regular basis... I also pay for a nifty service that tells me where people are visiting from. Your isp, what kind of computer you're using and your location within a city block.

It would have been nice if you'd have just told me this. I'll tamp down on the bitching.

Sara Sue - I'm really compiling a list of the things that I'm going to ask him to do. Going to try and keep him confined to the bed though so he doesn't fall down or anything.