No sunshine and light here

I'm finally over the stomach flu it was that has had me knocked on my butt for the last several days.

While I was at home not enjoying 2 sick days I had plenty of time to think about and how I completely loathe my job. I actually started to go in Sunday but didn't feel too hot when I got there so I left. I used to not mind going to work but with the new system that's been put in the with how the call volume has been through the roof it makes me ill to know that when I get there my computer's gonna be slow and people are gonna be screaming about the same things for 10 hours. I don't mind explaining things to people but I don't like that a lot of the things they're calling in to complain about are just flat out errors that the company has made. I mean, give me the tools to do my job but for crying out loud, don't make it harder for me. The new plan is to hang in there til October at the latest and then quit. Maybe I will realize I'm too greedy to quit. But at least I'll have the option of leaving.

To help me get a grip on the stress or whatever it is that's been on me for the last little while I'm going to the doctor today. I've already decided what I'm gonna say "Look Doc. In the last 3 years I've went from living alone to having 2 stepsons, an exwife to deal with, and in the last 2 months my niece started living with me full time and I have a job that I hate. If I have to go to a meeting at work where I may have to speak I spend whatever time leading up to said meeting puking or praying that the building catches on fire so the meeting will be delayed. I can't talk to anyone about anything going on in my life without crying. I don't go outside if the neighbors or anyone is out there that I might see. And I've developed this nice picking problem. So, can you do anything to help me or is all of this just normal and I don't know how to deal with it?"

I'm not going to tell him about how when I took my dog to the paw park the other day and people talked to her I used my doggie voice to talk back. Even though friends have told me to the contrary I think that's okay. I know she has a voice, she just needs me to translate.

I don't think I used to be this way. I think moving so far away where I don't know anyone and the sudden dash into stepmotherhood has been a bit much. And my niece, Sylvie, being here full time for me to care for has kinda been the icing on the cake.

Sometimes it really pisses me off that I've eaten birth control for the last 10 years but I'm the one with the SUV and a kid all the time now while my sister lives back home and drives a sports car that she can't afford. But I know that this is the best place for Sylvie right now and I do love her to bits. But it sure it taxing trying to teach a 5 year old to read that's a little bit behind in school.

I'll be sooooo glad when the boys are grown (in 9 freaking years) and we can move. Surely I can hang in here that long. Sometimes I wish my husband would consider my plan of just taking everyone and moving to Mexico :)

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