Thanks to the Airplane Gods, I Am Back.

A little quiz for you. Which one of these things did not happen on my trip?

A) We took the kids snipe hunting and totally traumatized them.

B) I got no sex on the trip.

C) I lost an acrylic nail lighting stupid ass fireworks.

D) I polished my Grandma and Grandpa's tombstone using the shirt off my back.

E) We got complimented on the plane on what polite children we have. Then the stewardess spilled an entire drink on one of the polite little ones.

F) I wet the bed.

G) BB spoke to his mother on our almost last day on vacation and she dropped a bombshell on him that was only a half truth and Sweety got to clean up the aftermath.

H) No children kicked my seat back during any of the flights.

I) The dogs repeatedly ran into walls when we got home cause they were so happy to see us.

J) I made one of the boys apologize to my suitcase after he ran into it.

If you guessed C, you are a winner. Ain't no way I am ever lighting up something that will explode. Fuck that. I hide in the house or close to a vehicle that I can dive under for cover if something goes awry.

We also went to the OKC Memorial. If you ever get a chance to go, I highly recommend it. It was a very moving memorial. They had audio tapes and stuff that were going on when the bomb went off. Very eerie. Made me cry.

And we spent a kick ass night in a cabin in the state park closest to us. We've decided to make it a tradition and have my whole family come with us. My mom was the only one that was able to come but it was lots of fun. Luckily, we didn't lose any children off the edge of the mountain.

The boys are at their dumbass mother's house for the next couple of days. Her stupidity knows no bounds. The lie she told BB was that his dog was at his uncle's for a "test run" to see if he could keep her and BB could visit her every 3 weeks. Actually, the dog has been given to some kind of rotteweiler rescue mission and he's never gonna see it again. She didn't want to tell him all at once though. I told Sweety what's gonna happen is he's having a little meltdown now cause he thinks the dog's at his uncle's and when he wants to go visit it in a few weeks she'll tell him the rest of the truth and she'll tell BB that Sweety knew about it and then Sweety will be getting another phone call to calm BB down again. I say just give him the whole freaking truth and let him be done with it. So later when BB was talking about how he just hated being lied to Sweety told him that he didn't think his dog was at his uncle's and to just understand that things didn't always work out the way you wanted them to. Thanks bitch, for calling while we are on fucking vacation so the kid spends all day crying and brooding. I wish she would spontaneously combust. I think I would eat the ashes just to make sure she was really gone.

Oh, and another thing to grouch about. My pink carry on bags that I was so pleased with? One of them took a shit on me on the way home and ripped. I'm taking that bitch back to Target tomorrow. Ha! Take that you insolent bag!

I will probably elaborate on the other things here at a later date. I need some sleep. We had some rather crummy sleeping arrangements while we were gone. I'm gonna go curl up with tiny dog. I hope she doesn't pee in my bed.