I have a little tiny cheese grater that I use to rub my left eye with when I'm annoyed. And I really need that bitch today. Where the hell is she? Probably ran off with the kitchen tongs.
If you are a 5th grader and you want help with your homework, then dammit, let me help you. When I offer a "suggestion" (which is probably the answer, helllooo!) don't cut me off and tell me that word isn't right because you've already used it. I hate to be the bearer of bad news little son, but this means that your other answer is WRONG too. And then don't get all pissy because a bunch of your answers are wrong because you are in an all fired hurry to finish your homework so you can go kick your little brother's ass. And by the way, I can hear you kicking his ass.
Ah, fuck. I'm fixing to go get the broom and threaten my sprogs.
I am now back. Instead of having to resort to violence I told them if I heard another peep outta them, instead of having pizza for dinner they will have brussel sprouts cooked with butter and garlic. Which I love but they can't stand. LB said he'd puke if he had to eat that. I said I'd make him eat the puke. They are as quiet as church mice right now.
Bwwwwahaaahaaaha!
5 comments:
I used to tell my cousins that I babysat that if they didn't behave we were going to have bread sandwichs for lunch.
Whatever works!
mike - Thanks! There's always something going on over here.
bg - The brussel sprout threat was the best so far. I may even start keeping them in the icebox.
Kids. I can't believe that they would be messing up when pizza is imminent. And aren't thy supposed to think that adults are smart?
...and if you throw up....you can EAT YOUR VOMIT!!
Good idea Chickie. Did you ever consider TEACHING the youth of today?
mcb - I guess it had never occurred to the children that I would deprive myself of the crispy pizza that I so love in order to punish them. They are aware now that my wrath knows no bounds.
sk - My typing teacher used to put thumbtacks on our desks to we wouldn't put our wrists on them and then cover our hands and keyboards with a piece of paper.
I have actually kicked around the teaching thing. I'd want to get to them when they were still 5 or 6 though. Before they get brave enough to be really bad.
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