Setting: I'm in bed and Sweety is driving home from bowling.

Me: Hey, Sweety! How are you?

Him: Eh, okay.

Me: How was your game?

Him: It sucked. I bowled like a one-legged Grandma.

Me: Oh. I'm so sorry that you had a crappy game.

And then I get to the point of my call...

Me: Can I have a chicken?

Him: What? Hello? What did you say?

Me: A chicken. I'd like a pet chicken.

Him: Sure, when we move to Oklahoma in 10 years.

Me: No, I mean now.

Him: Where would you put it?

Me: In a covered pen in the backyard. We're getting a fence so nobody would know she was there. I'd get a small coop.

Him: You're kidding, right?

Me: *crickets chirping*

Him: Where are you looking at chickens?

Me: There's someone online that has one he needs to get rid of.

Him: What the hell would you do with it?

Me: Pet it. She's blind in one eye and very gentle. The other chickens pick on her. She'll let people pet her. I'd keep her clean. And she'd live outside.

Him: You've got a dog. You've got a dog in the bed with you right now, don't you?

Me: Yeah, but I won't let the chicken in the bed. If I throw the dog out of the bed, can I have the chicken?

Him: No. No chickens.


Unfortunately, I will be unable to make a home for Fuzzy Britches here. I'm very disappointed. Until this, I'd been able to talk Sweety into anything. I even tried using my feminine wiles later on to talk him into it but it was to no avail. Rats.


Joey Polanski said...

Yeah, th ol feminine wiles thing aint likely t werk here. Tell a guy "Oooh, baby, I jus NEEEEEED t get my hans on a chickin" an ... well ... my gess is he AINT gonna take that LITTERALLY!

Titus said...

You are nuts :_)

Mike said...

A pet chicken? Now I think I have heard everything. Too bad you have talked him into it though, that might have made for some interesting future posts.

BO Snagley said...

Keep trying.
Maybe you could get a big birdcage and then tell him it is a rare golden parrot from the tropics.

bekah said...

I love how you were going to throw Tiny out of the bed if you could have a chicken. Poor Tiny dog.

anne arkham said...

Tiny dog could lick the blind eye!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Tiny Dog would not be too happy about being kicked out, would he???

Chickie said...

Joey Polanski - This is the first time feminine wiles failed. I guess that Sweety does have his breaking point.

Titus - And your point is?

Mike - Oh, I dunno if I would have exploited a half-blind chicken the way Tiny is exploited here. I be the chicken is shy.

Bo Snagley - I keep trying to weasel it into conversations, "Hey, Sweety you look nice today! Can I have that chicken? Would you like soup for lunch?" but it's not working.

Bekah - I wouldn't throw her out of the bed forever. I just meant for that night. I can't give up my little bed warmer!

Anne Arkham - That's an angle I may have to work. I know Sweety's sick of seeing Tiny lick Stinky's eyes.

OOLOTH - I think Tiny'd like a chicken in the backyard. It would give her something to look at when she's hanging out on the porch with Stinky.

Zube Girl said...

I think Zube Boy would have a very similar reaction. Unless we were able to get the chicken here and get him feeling all sorry for it. He's like that with animals.

Chickie said...

Zube Girl - I thought of getting the chicken here and then winning him over but I was afraid if that didn't work that he'd eat her.

anaglyph said...

Dogs eat chickens. Even when they're pet dogs and pet chickens. I've had first-hand experience.

Chickie said...

Anaglyph - Oh. I didn't think of that. Maybe it is for the best that the chicken won't be joining us.