Setting: I'm in bed and Sweety is driving home from bowling.
Me: Hey, Sweety! How are you?
Him: Eh, okay.
Me: How was your game?
Him: It sucked. I bowled like a one-legged Grandma.
Me: Oh. I'm so sorry that you had a crappy game.
And then I get to the point of my call...
Me: Can I have a chicken?
Him: What? Hello? What did you say?
Me: A chicken. I'd like a pet chicken.
Him: Sure, when we move to Oklahoma in 10 years.
Me: No, I mean now.
Him: Where would you put it?
Me: In a covered pen in the backyard. We're getting a fence so nobody would know she was there. I'd get a small coop.
Him: You're kidding, right?
Me: *crickets chirping*
Him: Where are you looking at chickens?
Me: There's someone online that has one he needs to get rid of.
Him: What the hell would you do with it?
Me: Pet it. She's blind in one eye and very gentle. The other chickens pick on her. She'll let people pet her. I'd keep her clean. And she'd live outside.
Him: You've got a dog. You've got a dog in the bed with you right now, don't you?
Me: Yeah, but I won't let the chicken in the bed. If I throw the dog out of the bed, can I have the chicken?
Him: No. No chickens.
*
*
*
Unfortunately, I will be unable to make a home for Fuzzy Britches here. I'm very disappointed. Until this, I'd been able to talk Sweety into anything. I even tried using my feminine wiles later on to talk him into it but it was to no avail. Rats.
11 comments:
Yeah, th ol feminine wiles thing aint likely t werk here. Tell a guy "Oooh, baby, I jus NEEEEEED t get my hans on a chickin" an ... well ... my gess is he AINT gonna take that LITTERALLY!
You are nuts :_)
Chickie
Keep trying.
Maybe you could get a big birdcage and then tell him it is a rare golden parrot from the tropics.
I love how you were going to throw Tiny out of the bed if you could have a chicken. Poor Tiny dog.
Tiny dog could lick the blind eye!
Tiny Dog would not be too happy about being kicked out, would he???
Joey Polanski - This is the first time feminine wiles failed. I guess that Sweety does have his breaking point.
Titus - And your point is?
Mike - Oh, I dunno if I would have exploited a half-blind chicken the way Tiny is exploited here. I be the chicken is shy.
Bo Snagley - I keep trying to weasel it into conversations, "Hey, Sweety you look nice today! Can I have that chicken? Would you like soup for lunch?" but it's not working.
Bekah - I wouldn't throw her out of the bed forever. I just meant for that night. I can't give up my little bed warmer!
Anne Arkham - That's an angle I may have to work. I know Sweety's sick of seeing Tiny lick Stinky's eyes.
OOLOTH - I think Tiny'd like a chicken in the backyard. It would give her something to look at when she's hanging out on the porch with Stinky.
I think Zube Boy would have a very similar reaction. Unless we were able to get the chicken here and get him feeling all sorry for it. He's like that with animals.
Zube Girl - I thought of getting the chicken here and then winning him over but I was afraid if that didn't work that he'd eat her.
Dogs eat chickens. Even when they're pet dogs and pet chickens. I've had first-hand experience.
Anaglyph - Oh. I didn't think of that. Maybe it is for the best that the chicken won't be joining us.
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