You know, there's a lot of extra-curricular shit that goes along with being a parent. I thought parenting was just keeping a kid alive and not beating it. I didn't know there was other stuff that comes with having a kid.
Volunteering at the school: I hate helping out at the school. But I do it with a smiley face because the boys like it when I chaperone a field trip or help out in the class. It didn't bother me so much when they were small but as they get bigger it's like being in a room full of adults. Nope, don't like it at all.
LB(9)'s teacher sent home a note today asking if we could please help out at the school carnival. I'd honestly rather poke my eye out with a rusty screwdriver but since they are begging for volunteers, I feel almost obligated to say yes. The weekend of the carnival is a weekend they're at their mom's and just last night I said to Sweety "Hey! The boys are at their mom's for the school carnival! Yippee! We won't even have to go to the damn thing this year!" I told LB that I'll help only if he helps out with me. Usually he is an anti-social individual but he readily agreed. Rats.
School projects: How I loathe school projects! Sometimes, getting BB(11) to understand something is like teaching a cupcake to do a trick. He has a science experiment that is due the 27th of this month. He became aware of the assignment many moons ago but just recently brought home the packet with the rules in regards to it. He wanted to simulate a tsunami. Yeah kiddo, let's reenact a horrible natural disaster! Maybe we can make tiny people and drown them! Perhaps some dismemberments are in order! (I actually said the previous phrase to him and his eyes lit up like stars. He thought I had a great idea!) After reviewing the rules, we found that water can't be used in the experiment. Dang. Soon, I'll get to pull out my hair in bloody clumps while trying to get him to understand what he'll be doing the project about. I simply cannot wait! It promises to be a great bonding experience. Last year his project was about The Bubonic Plague and I was just as freaked out about it but he did a good job. I'm sure (I hope) when this one is over I'll look back on it in the same manner.
Morals: Teaching them right from wrong and all that good stuff. BB asked if he could help LB and I in the booth at the school carnival. And then he wanted to know if it would be okay if he took the tickets that people gave to us to play our games and go use them on the other games at the carnival. Instead of just saying "no", I felt that I should back that up with why it would be wrong and then make him tell me why it would be wrong after we talked about it. I wanted to be sure that he understood exactly what "stealing" meant.
The boys are also becoming masters of sarcasm; My heart swells with pride when one of them makes a well-spoken snarky comment to the other. But then my ears want to bleed when the inevitable fussing begins after the comment. I guess I can't have my cake and eat it too. I've been trying to tamp down my sarcastic streak when I'm around them but sometimes I can't help myself.
BB announced today that SpongeBob is gay and this led to a discussion between them over which cartoon characters were gay. The only thing I contributed to the conversation was that I don't think the Telletubbies are gay but I'm not so sure about SpongeBob but it didn't matter if he was. BB then told me that he heard on the news that SpongeBob and the Telletubbies are so it must be true. I told him to not believe everything he sees on the t.v. And then LB got my attention so he could show me the two SpongeBob toys that he'd arranged in a compromising position. I really wanted to just die laughing but I didn't think that would be appropriate.
Screwbally kids, I love them but I'll be glad when they're grown.
9 comments:
Simulated Tsunami, no worries! When I was a little kid I made many a tidal wave in the bath tub. My mother wasn't to impressed becasue there was more water on the floor than in the tub.
I don't think cartoons have sexuality, except Willam Flintstone, of course. She's hot, but then I always did have a thing for red heads.
Back during my nanny years, I was watching Sesame Street with the entire family. One of the kids asked about the nature of Bert and Ernie's relationship. The parents got quiet, but I quickly chimed in, "Bert and Ernie are married!"
"Screwbally kids, I like them but I'll be glad when they're grown."
Wow,you're one frozen female! I get the feeling they live with you a lot and you don't "love" a 9 and 11 year old!! How sad for you....and them.
I love "Like trying to teach a cupcake a trick"...LOL, LOL, LOL! Great line, Chickie...these kids are funny, but then so are you and Sweety...I mean in a good way, my dear!!!
The Phosgene Kid - Luckily the boys are into showers more than baths so we haven't had our own tsunami!
I always liked Betty more than Wilma.
Anne Arkham - The boys were naming cartoon/t.v. couples that they thought were gay and I was surprised that Bert & Ernie weren't mentioned.
Anonymous - I do love them tremendously. But thank you ever so much for your pity.
OOLOTH - He's a good kiddo and he's catching onto stuff but sometimes it takes awhile.
You can't have your cake and eat it, but you can teach a cupcake to sit still while you gently lick the ever so delicious frosing off the top. Mmmm, frooooosting.
(I'm still doing the anorexia thing, so I'd kill for a cupcake right now.)
And in my opinion, Spongebob probably swings both ways.
I think Spongebob is actually asexual, after many hours contemplating the matter. Squidward, though, will be attending marches any second now. :)
Bekah - Maybe you could just chew up the cupcake and then spit it out? Or is that tiptoeing into bulimia?
I started to say that to them about SpongeBob but I don't feel like explaining that one yet.
Bonanza Jellybean - Oh yeah, Squidward is definitely hiding in the closet. God only knows what he does when the camera isn't on him.
Squidward is the gayest squid I ever did see! I think he's only in the closet because his agent told him it might make him less popular if he came out.
I do like the spitting-out theory, but I don't have enough will power for that. I'm weak. It's better that I don't even touch a cupcake. (And because anorexia is so much healthier than bulemia!)
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