9/25/07

Neighbors & Frogs

After I got my new car awhile back, I decided that I wanted some kind of emblem or something to stick on the back. Make it easier to find in the parking lot. I stumbled upon this during my search.



When I first saw it, I thought it was an alien. I like aliens. Then I found out that this is the emblem for the "Flying Sp@ghett1 M0nster". (I fucked up the spelling so if someone googles it they won't land here.) What is this mythical creature? The Flying Sp@ghett1 M0nster is invisible and created the universe. After reading about its origins, I ordered the emblem and its been living happily on my car's butt for weeks now.

A couple of weeks ago, Sweety calls me outside because he said that NeighborGirl had a question for me. I was busy cooking dinner and didn't want to go outside but I did and she wanted to know what the emblem meant. I told her to google it and went back inside. Sweety told her that it was the polar opposite of having a Jesus Fish on your car.

Fast forward to yesterday. Sweety gets home and the NeighborGirl's parents are outside of their house and call him over. (Yeah, they are these neighbors.) They want to know what the Flying Sp@ghett1 M0nster is and Sweety just tells them that I am a different kind of cat. They tell Sweety that NeighborGirl told them that I told her to google it so I'm guessing that they already knew all there was to know before they questioned Sweety but nothing else was said about the emblem or its meaning. Their conversation with Sweety veers towards the cuntofanexwife and NeighborWife says that maybe this new man is COAEW's path to a better life and being a better person. She asks Sweety, "If Chickie asked you to go to church with her, you would, right?". He laughed and told her that he would but that would never be an issue. She responds with, "Chickie doesn't believe?! (insert horrified gasp here) Sweety responds that he doesn't feel like it all holds much water either and that he doesn't discuss religion or politics. He says that he feels that the COAEW is being hypocritical and that she's been a huge bitch to me for the past 6 years. Why, now that she's "found religion" and wants to be friends, should I bother? NeighborHusband remarks that "two wrongs don't make a right" and at that point Sweety walked away. You know, I'm not much of a turn the other cheek sort of person. Unless it's my butt cheek so I can donkey kick you while you're kissing it.

Someday, I will have a 10 acre lot with a house smack dab in the middle of it.

I won't get into it all, but the COAEW has really been stomping all over my goat the past few weeks. Not just stuff that I bitch about here but other shit too. I said awhile back that I'd been yanking Sweety's chain and telling him that I was going to rat out the COAEW about sending her youngest kid to the same school that LittleBrother(10) goes to but that I wasn't really going to do it. Well damn, I was pissed off enough to do it the other day and Sweety asked me not to. After a few hours, I told him that I'll keep my yap shut but I'd rather tattle. (I have changed the whole way that I pick up LB on Tuesdays and Wednesdays just so I don't have to converse with that fried cunt. Why should I feel the need to do that when she doesn't even belong at the school? She has fucked up my chi.) Later, Sweety tells me that to prove to me that good things happen to people that do good things (or don't stir up trouble) that he will get me an iPhone this weekend. Doesn't sound like a reward to me. It sounds like a bribe. I'm not getting the phone anyway. I want to wait until you can use the phone for MMS messages and to record videos - then I'll let him buy me one. Gee, I am such a bitch. (When he mentioned getting me a dog in exchange for my silence that seemed really wrong. Like it would be really wrong accept a living being for doing something nice. But an electronic device? I'll take that.)

A few days ago it rained for just about 24 hours. During that time, about a dozen frogs found their way into our pool. I tried to scoop them out with the net because I knew that the chlorinated water would kill them but they were stupid and ran swam way from my mighty Net Of Safety. We found all of their bloated little dead bodies on the pool floor later. They were easy to scoop up then. They all had a lot of fun before they croaked. (Hahahaha! croaked! I slay myself!)

Stupid fucking frogs


I'm staying out of the pool til I'm sure that all of the frog sperm has been filtered out.

13 comments:

Cheri said...

I just found your site via Emma Liar - so far I really like what I see/read. Sounds like you have one of those "fun ex's" as I call them. I've only had one - and they lives 1000 miles away - thank god! Good luck with it - sounds like you're handling it quite well!
Just thought I'd say HI (and blabbe on) lol

Regal said...

I'm guessing that the momma possum came back to get the baby but I didn't see her do it. I'm sure she waited until we were away.

You HAD one? Are they friendly???

Chickie said...

Cheri - Thanks for coming out of the woodwork! I would cry tears of gratitude if my fun ex would move 1000 miles away...

Regal - I only had the possum for maybe a week or so. It was just a baby so it was friendly. Came home from school one day and it was face-down in it's milk dish with a little milk bubble coming out of its nose. I think it committed suicide.

here today, gone tomorrow said...

"mighty Net of Safety". My day is made when you have a new post up. And welcome to the unholy Church of the FSM.

Mike said...

FSM. Now there's a deity I could live with.

Thank God none of my neighbors talk to me much. I'd probably be in prison if they did.

Chickie said...

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow - I wish you all could have seen me stomping around the pool with the net. I even gave the frogs a speech about how I was trying to save them but it fell on deaf ears.

I like being a Pastafarian.

Mike - What more could you ask for from a diety than it be edible?

I'm just going to pretend that I don't have any neighbors. Much like I've been pretending for the past 6 years.

Sara Sue said...

Do "Pastafarians" smoke the ganga mon?

Amy said...

Damn nosy neighbors. The bastards.

Kat said...

I love your FSM! All hail Lord FSM!
oobla OObla!

Midwestern City Boy said...

Frogs usually have a death wish. They jump right back into the water when you scoop them up. But, after a while the bloated dead bodes float to the surface and end up in the skimmer. They're black by then but thy are easy to dispose of. I always put liquid shock in afterwards just to be sure.

Chickie said...

Sara Sue - I'm not sure. I bet the FSM would give you the green light though - as long as you ate a bunch of pasta when you got the munchies.

Amy - So true.

Kat - He is something else!

Midwestern City Boy - If I was to find a skimmer basket full of dead frogs, I don't know if I could get in the pool ever again. We managed to get these out while they still looked like they were sleeping. Matter of fact, that's what I told myself. They were sleeping and woke up when we tossed them over our fence.

bekah said...

Wow. The frogs totally had a giant fuck-fest in your pool. NASTY. Time to shock the pool.

Chickie said...

Bekah - The pool did get a good shock. I can't help but see their bodies in their though whenever I walk by it.