Yakkity Yak

I ditched a pair of panties in the bathroom of the Red Lobster in Fort Smith, Arkansas a couple of days ago. I'd overestimated the size of my butt when I bought new drawers before vacation and they were too big. Have you ever walked around all day with giant underwear galloping up your crack? I've got one word for you - Chafing. Oh, sweet, tiny, have only had talcum powder on your tiny heiny, baby Jesus. The chafing. I still can't walk right.

I love snooping. The first thing I do every year is open all my Mom's cabinets to see what she has in them. For the past 7 years, it's always been the same stuff. If I ever visit you, I will peek in your drawers too. And I'll straighten your towel closet. My towel closet at home looks like shit but I like to straighten them in other houses. Maybe I just like touching fluffy towels.

When I get to Texas, I'll spend some time at my best friend's (Elaine) house. She lives next door to her Mama and her Mama went to live in the nursing home this year. Sweety, the boys and I will stay in her Mama's house. I am very excited. She has had a lifetime to collect things and I will get to snoop! Elaine knows my fondness for snooping and has given me her full blessing to touch all of Mama's stuff. (Last year, E and me went over there and snooped through her things while she was at the library. I also got to see photos of my friend from when she was growing up. I love stuff like that.) Elaine isn't very sentimental and asked if there was anything that I'd like to take of her Mama's but I told her no. I just want to look at it and pick it up.


Monogram Queen said...

I love love love that you are a snoop! I love the word snoop.
Snoop! Snoop! Snoop! It makes my fingers happy to type it.

Oh lordy lord I had on drawers that were too big too but I kept them on until I got home. Sheer hell.
Have fun on your vacay!

Speck said...

That first line is the best blog post opening EVER!

I like to look through people's stuff too, but only after they're dead; not so much if they're still living. #1 fun thing to do is help a friend clean out the house of a deceased relative. What a treasure chest of interesting junk!

Pusher Robot said...

I have to agree with Speck ... nearly fell out of my chair.
I am positive too that I wouldn't have any problem with you peeking in my drawers.

BO Snagley said...

i have never worn panties that are too big

AmyD said...

You are the only person I know that I would totally take seriously when you say you ditched a pair of panties at Red Lobster.

Sometimes... I seriously want to be you.

themom said...

In MY fantasy world - I would ditch the panties which were too SMALL for my fat ass! Aha, a good "snooping" adventure never really hurt anyone - did it??

Mike said...

I bet there are fewer than 20 people in America that have ditched a pair of panties at Red Lobster.

And you are one of them.


Anonymous said...

As someone who did not pack properly and has run a half-marathon in jean shorts I think I know how you feel.

I've also known people that have ditched their panties; but not a Red Lobster. You are legend.

BTW, I hope your travails in Texas keep you well clear of the hurricane. Stay safe.

The Phosgene Kid said...

Should have left the panties as a tip.

Sara Sue said...

Wonder if the panties ended up smelling like fish?? I love snooping too! Take pictures of the Mama's things, will ya??

mace said...

Now some 16 year old kid who cleans the bathrooms has a pair of your panties to perv over. Or maybe not, but you'll never know where those panties ended up.

here today, gone tomorrow said...

Other people's houses and stuff is fascinating to me, too. Tell us what else you find!

Chickie said...

Monogram Queen - Good, if I ever come to your house then you will understand my need to peekin cupboards!

Next time - ditch those drawers! You will be so glad that you did!

Speck - I'm thinking that first line would open a smash-up book. About what, I don't know.

I knew someone who would buy storage buildings that people had defaulted on or left abandoned and go through them. Sometimes good stuff was found and sometimes it was just junk. I'd love to do that.

Pusher Robot - I'd let you know in advance that I was going to peek so you could put interesting things in them.

BO Snagley - You are a lucky man.

AmyD - You are the only person I know that I would totally take seriously when you say you ditched a pair of panties at Red Lobster. This pleases me immensely!

For real, I think you might be my west coast twin.

themom - I'll share that fantasy with you! I've never had a "bad" snoop. I've also been careful to never snoop where I might find something that I don't like.

Mike - I should start some type of support group. Or a travelling show! We could leave our undies across America. Thanks to you, I'm quitting my day job.

Midwestern City Boy - Oh, I remember when you did that marathon! I'm sure you got the worse end of the chafing stick.

Ha! "You are legend." Sweety got a giggle out of that line too!

The Phosgene Kid - Or a tablecloth.

Sara Sue - The bathroom smelled of fry grease. I will never say that my panties ended up smelling of fish.

Pictures! Yes, I will definitely take some.

Mace - Dude. That had not occurred to me. Ack. I buried them in the sanitary napkin disposal. If someone was brave enough to fish (ha, I said fish) them out then more power to them!

here today, gone tomorrow - I will do a thourough sweep of Mama's house and report back.