You Might Be A Redneck If....

You sit up on a Tuesday night, guzzling tequila shots and between those shots you and your husband have to go outside to water the heating/air conditioning unit.

Guess what? The bastard air conditioner is not working properly a-fucking-gin. I think we're going on day 5 of it not working the way that it should. It worked for a tiny bit after being fixed (and I use the phrase "fixed" very loosely) Saturday night and conked out again the next day. I didn't blog about it but it died on Friday night and we had to have someone come out and dink with it and then it croaked again on Saturday and then it died again on Sunday. And we've been some sweaty folks ever since. The stupid ass that worked on it Saturday put the wrong damn size of motor in the thing and it's not big enough to run the unit without it overheating and blowing out. So, when Sweety is here he babies the motor and runs it for 10 minutes or so at a time til it starts to overheat and then turns it off for a bit. (Or we go dump a bunch of water over the motor to cool it down.) The fucktard a/c repairdork is supposed to be coming back soon with the proper sized motor.

I used to be the kind of person that thought it needed to be at least 76 degrees in the house for me to be comfortable but these past few days have changed my ways. I now know that I can live quite well if it is 81 or 82. Living a day without any kind of cool air circulation and letting it get to about 90 in here helped me see just how comfy 81 is. When we get the a/c fixed, I might start keeping it warmer than 76 in here. Maybe that will help the unit live a long and happy life and it will never want to stop working for us.

Right now the a/c is just flat off. Me and the sprogs had to go somewhere and Sweety told me to turn it off when we left just in case it decided to catch fire (Yeah, last Thursday the old motor actually burnt up. My niece was outside in the pool and Sweety was inside. Our neighbor smelled something burning and asked Sylvie if she smelled something burning and she told him that she did and that she didn't like it so she was trying to keep her head underwater for as long as possible. The neighbor then peeked at the a/c and saw that it was crispy and alerted Sweety. We told Sylvie that if you ever smell fire anywhere or at anytime that it's a good idea to let a grown-up know.) and now I'm afraid to turn it back on.

I guess I'll take the boys to the grocery store so we can walk around and suck up their conditioned air before the heat rash under my tits gets any worse.

I think I'll throw a party to celebrate when summer is finally over.


Mike said...

A rash under your tits? Is such a thing even possible?

We had to run our air conditioning for a few weeks this summer too. Fortunately that was all because I hate living in AC.

bekah said...

Baby powder is good for heat rash.

Thomas said...

Right now I am sure that the sun is falling on Texas.

If my AC went out like it did last summer, I would just kill my neighbors and live in their house till ours was fixed.

Of course my 70 year old mother laughed at us and said "We used to NOT Have AC, what are you bitching about?"

Old people can suck sometimes.


Cissy Strutt said...

I'm with bekah on the baby powder. It works for me. Or if you don't like talc, use cornflour.

We're coming up to the first day of Spring on 1st September. Soon I'll have reason to bless my ceiling fans.

Joey Polanski said...

Hmmm ...

Who wouda figgrd theres a down-side to havin hot tits?

The Phosgene Kid said...

isn't it odd that when you are outside and it is 76 it feels wonderful, but when you are inside you feel as though you are on a field trip through hell??

Sara Sue said...

Let's try to see the positive here ... you have tequila ... you have great tits ... and now you can post the rash as the HNT post tomorrow!

Sara Sue said...

Oh, and you've been tagged at my place :)

patti_cake said...

I think i'll celebrate along with you when summer is over. I'm damned tired of this heat.
I am going to beach all next week though so you won't hear me whining about THAT.

Chickie said...

Mike - Tit rash is not only a possibility - It is a reality.

I like living without the a/c when it's not so damn hot. October can't get here soon enough.

Bekah - I'll have to dig some of that up.

Thomas - Heh, your mother sounds like my Grandma did. She used to sit in the house and sweat and swear that she felt just fine.

Cissy Strutt - The 1st day of Spring in September? I think I need to move...

Joey Polanski - Every rose has its thorn.

The Phosgene Kid - That has always puzzled me. I guess people are just too spoiled to the conditioned air.

Sara Sue - Trust me, you don want to see the rash.

I'll turn the tag into blog fodder soon.

Patti_Cake - Doesn't all of this hot suck?! I've gotten fond of the beach. Think I'll go some when the kids get back in school.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

That would just piss me off so....I have no patience---especially in the heat---To work people who are so lame that they really do not know how to do their jbs...! Maybe you need a NEW Repairman! (lol)