Driving Sucks Herpe Infested Donkey Balls

We're back. Woo.

What a long drive. I swear, if I NEVER see Tennessee or Kentucky again, it will be too soon. Sweety drove the first part of the trip and it was my turn to drive in Tennessee. In the dark. With a light rain. Through the mountains. And surrounded by semi trucks. If I could have relaxed, I'd have shit my pants. It was the most nerve wracking 3 or 4 hours of my life. I know that Sweety wasn't able to sleep too much while I drove due to the fact I was continually stepping on the brakes. When I first got behind the wheel, we drove over a huge hill (mountain?). It was so steep that you couldn't see which way it was turning or if it went straight down. That pretty much set the tone for the leg of the trip.

When you're driving while sleep deprived, it is hard to explain to your Sweety why you are laughing like a loon at the idea of steering your car into a swamp in Louisiana. Picturing my little car flipping through the air really tickled me. He elected to drive soon after that.

And if you are a passenger, it is hard to convey the comedy that is derived from imagining whapping the driver across the head with your foot. That one got me to giggling so hard that I couldn't breathe and when I explained to Sweety why I was laughing - he didn't get it.

My sister watched the canines while we were gone and Tiny Dog really showed what a shithead she is. (Tiny. Not my sister.) She snapped at a kid and whenever she was on the couch with my sister, if anyone or any animal tried to sit on the couch too - she would attack them. Thanks, Tiny. Next time I'll leave you in my bathroom with the neighborgirl coming over to check on you occasionally if this is how you're going to act when you're a guest somewhere.

Oh! Let me tell you what some asshole said about my Mother. My stepdad was teasing his 19-20 year old nephew and said something along the lines of, "Everyone says we look alike so hope you have good luck with the ladies!" and his dad (my stepdad's sister's husband) says, "Yeah, look at you! You're married to an old, Korean woman!" and his son (the nephew) pipes up with, "And she can't even speak English very well!" What.The.Fuck? How rude is that? My Mom is a freaking saint. She took care of her mother-in-law during the last months of her life. Where the hell was asshole brother-in-law when that was going on? And to be raising a son who could come up with such a snappy add-on of the "doesn't speak English" comment? I told my stepdad that if he'd give me their address that some chocolate dipped Tiny Dog turds would be mailed but he elected to send a letter to them instead letting them know what he thinks.

I must go to bed and try not to think about going to work tomorrow.


OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

That drive sounds horrific in every way......It's like you took 'the backroads'...except you just took "The Roads"....lol! OY!

I think you should send those Chocolate Dipped Turds, anyway...What a rude inconsiderate nasty little creepy turd that son is...!!! How dare he be so shitty to your Mom? Give mke his address and I'll send him some Sweetie Turds, not covered in anything!
He will never know who sens them...especially with a California Post Mark....!
Actually, I think Tiny's Turds and Sweetie's Turds are too good for him! How about I sens him some of mine??? (lol)

Midwestern City Boy said...

Living in Ohio, we have driven through the mountains of Kentucky and Tennessee many times on the way south to places like Georgia and Florida. Its especially "fun" at night. You never get used to semis barreling by at 80 MPH.

Patti said...

Oh yeah i'd definitely get revenge on that asshat. Nobody disses Momma's. Nobody.

Regal said...

Mean people suck. Ignorance sweetie.

themom said...

Yes, those were MOUNTAINS!!! And yes...I would send the chocolate dipped turds anyway. Some people are so moronic!! I believe in getting even--bwahhhahaha!!

Cissy Strutt said...

In Germany, I drove on the autobahn with Schatzi being "really calm" beside me, and Pookie in the back seat with his eyes closed, gripping the seat.

Do any of you know the autobahn? There's no speed limit. There. Is. No. Speed. Limit.

After that I made the boys drive on the autobahn, while I did ladies' driving in the towns & villages.

Mike said...

I have driven through that part of the country several times and it never fails to amaze me how dangerous it can be.

Of course after driving most of my life in Michigan with flat, straight roads where you can see forever, the whole concept of mountain driving is kind of scary.

Elise said...

That kid and his father need a slap round the face! How rude!

I would have snapped if I went on the trip. I bet you're glad to be home. You never appreciate distance between people until you spend time constantly on each others lap.

Welcome home babe xx

Chickie said...

Lady of the Hills - ...I think Tiny's Turds and Sweetie's Turds are too good for him! How about I send him some of mine??? That is a fine idea! I can't believe that didn't occur to me! :) Hee, your comment made me LOL.

Midwestern City Boy - If we ever have to travel through there again, we'll try to time is so we're not there in the middle of the night.

Patti - I'd like to but my stepdad decided that wouldn't be nice. Maybe he'll change his mind someday...

Regal - So true.

themom - I'm a fan of getting even too. I have faith that something rotten will happen to the dumbass.

Cissy Strutt - I would be as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs if I were to ever be on the autobahn. No, thank you!

Mike - The last time we went to TN, Sweety drove and I slept so I didn't realize what I was going to be driving through before I got behind the wheel.

Elise - I was really surprised that my stepdad didn't pop them one. I think he was so stunned at what they said that he didn't have time to react before they went out the door and left.

It is good to be home!

The Phosgene Kid said...

I find a couple stiff drinks help me relax on long drives...

Chickie said...

The Phosgene Kid - I'll try that next time!