Bombs Away!

I have found a new hobby! It ranks right up there with punting toadstools, smacking toadstools with golf clubs and dropping eggs in the garbage disposal.

*insert drumroll here*

Hurling things into the retention pond behind our house!

So far, a frozen tomato (Yes, there was a frozen tomato in the refrigerator. I should clean and inspect it more often.) and 1 egg have plummeted to their watery deaths. Another egg and a piece of meatloaf didn't make it to the burial at sea and landed somewhere on the ground. In retrospect, I should have cut the meatloaf piece in half before throwing it. I'm really disgusted that a good throw was wasted. I waited all day long for it to be dark to throw that meatloaf!

I'm not strong enough yet to get stuff all the way to the pond when I'm standing on the pool deck. I have to get right up to the fence and then throw my little heart out to enjoy hearing the satisfying "plop" in the water. With some practice, I plan on being able to sit in the lounge chair and make it to the pond.

I despise tomatoes but am thinking of getting a plant just so I'll always have ammunition. I hate eggs too. I should probably get a chicken to eat bugs out of the yard and I could use the eggs for throwing!

Didn't See That Coming

A good friend of mine died in November of 2006 (I spoke of it here & here.) and her mom sent me a video today. It had different pictures of her and her children and was set to a sad song. At the end of the song, there was some audio of my friend's voice and that is when I lost my shit. It made me sad but it was nice to hear that she did sound just as I remember.

Wee-Woo-Wah

Do you believe in psychics? I think that some people out there have a gift for feeling things. Amy mentioned Crys at InnerStep a couple of weeks ago and I had to give her a try. (See internet? This is how much I trust you. I will take the word of someone on the opposite side of the United States!)

I must say that I was really impressed with the reading. She voiced a few things that I've been thinking to myself for the past few weeks but hadn't said to anyone. As soon as I got the reading I told a lady I work with about her and she got one too and said that it was informational and a good reading.

And I will conclude this tiny post. I've been wanting to tell you all about this but didn't want to stick in in with a post about a dog race or killer semen.

What A Joyous Day!

So far, I have:

Slammed into every piece of furniture I came in contact with.

Slipped in the tub.

Burned myself with the tip of the iron.

This is shaping up to be a grand Monday!

Holy Hell, People.

Sweety and I were into hour 4 of lounging lazily around the house when his cell phone rang. It was the exwife. Letting him know that her five year old had been involved in a 4-wheeler accident and that if he wants LittleBrother(11) to play baseball tonight that he can pick him up from the emergency room.

Let me first say that I hope the kid is okay. Apparently, the 4-wheeler flipped over and he's been opened up from his elbow to his shoulder the tire that was still spinning spun out on his leg. No stitches were needed.

Secondly let me say - why, oh why, do you let a kid that small get on such a vehicle? And let it go fast enough that it can totally turn turtle?

The boys have been warned that if they are injured at their mother's house and it requires an emergency room visit and if they live that they will have to pay the insurance copay amount. So far, so good.

Sweety is on his way to get LB and I've gotten up and put some clothes on and am having a bit of wine. It will help keep me from asking LB any inappropriate questions (Like, was he at least wearing a helmet? Were you riding today too?) and it makes me feel calmer about having to put pants on.

Oh! The shirt that I got for contributing to Obama's campaign came in today! Sweety's eyes rolled back in his head and he had a small seizure when he saw it. I had to put it on immediately.

Maybe I should go drink another 302.

From Barking Dogs to Killer Semen

My usual work schedule is 10 hours on Sunday, Monday, Thursday and Friday. Last week, I did 4 days in a row. Sunday through Wednesday so I could be off on Thursday and Friday. It was horrible. It made me grateful for my real schedule because 2 days in a row is about all I can handle there. Last week was like one long day from Sunday to Wednesday. It was Groundhog Day, except I didn't get the girl at the end.

I got to go on a field trip on Thursday instead.

Sweety, me and the four seventh graders that we were in charge of walked all over Epcot. I am an idiot and wore new shoes. I'd purchased them the night before and they were very comfy in the store. I put them on Thursday morning and Sweety told me that they would end up hurting my feet. To shut him up, I wore them around the house for an hour or so with socks on.

I took the socks off when we left the house and Sweety insisted on taking them in his pocket because he knew I'd need them later in the day. How right he was. I now have photographic evidence that I am becoming like my mother more each day. I looked like a total dork with those socks on and my feet still hurt but at least they soaked up the blood. After stomping all over the place in those shoes for 8 or so hours - they are nice and broken in now. It will be a pleasure to wear them in the future.

Being off with Sweety yesterday was great! We had some of the best bbq around and then just goofed around. Since we were in Orlando, we decided to go to the Oriental Supermarket and discovered that it had closed. So Sweety found another one and got me all of the things needed to make kimchi. He will be doing that for me later today. He fucking rocks.

We got home a bit before 6 p.m. and decided that we would have something to drink. Out of everything we had, I felt that a 302 was needed. (That's 2 shots of Bacardi 151) It had been a good 9 years or so since I'd last had one. Sweety didn't want to do it but by mocking him with the question of, "hey, does your pussy hurt or what?" with some gentle prodding, he had one too. I forgot that shit burns. My throat is still sore today. I have never in my life thrown alcohol away but part of me says that we should dump the rest of that bottle. No good can come out of it.

After sex, are you a hop right up and go to the bathroom person or do you stay in the bed for a bit? I'm a hop right upper. I don't want to leak anything on the bed that I'm gonna have to sleep on later. I don't know how it happened, but as I was rolling off the bed like a ninja last night, something slick hit the floor before my feet did and I damn near broke my neck when I slipped in it. As I was scrubbing it up with I towel I was muttering, "Die, you little motherfuckers! Die!" Sweety wanted to know who I was talking to and I told him it was the murderous sperm. He said it was disturbing that I'd talk to it like it was a living thing. But aren't there millions of little doctors and lawyers in every wad some guy blows? Sweety now fully understands why I squeal, "Doctors and lawyers! Plumbers! Great poets!" and emit tiny screams when flushing the toilet after sex.

Hey Jude

Today Sweety and I are both off of work! Yay! I can't remember the last time we were off on a Friday and didn't have something to do so this is nice. Heh, I've been awake for 2 hours and still haven't put on any clothes. Life is good.

I have things to talk about but no time to blog right now. In the meantime, please enjoy this impromptu couch concert.

On Your Mark! Get Set! Um, What Was That?

The sun rose bright and promising this morning. It seemed like the perfect day for Tiny Dog to kick ass and take names at the Chihuahua Race. We've been training for a couple of weeks and thought we were ready. The plan was that Sweety would let a hungry Tiny Dog know that he had a piece of beef jerky for her at the finish line and she would sprint to it and bring us fame and glory. It didn't go quite as planned.


See that little bit of white in the middle of the circle? That's Tiny Dog's belly facing the sky after I launched her out of the start gate and into a somersault. It was a grievous error on my part and she was not able to recover. (It also didn't help that the guy in the yellow shirt at the end of the gate had a pocketfull of dog treats. When the gate opened, a few of the dogs on our end made a beeline to him.) She was a bit disoriented after she righted herself and wanted to come back to me instead of going towards the finish line. Needless to say, she finished in last place.

The lady next to Sweety saw Tiny go ass over teakettle and sarcastically said to him, "Well, wasn't that a fine start?". Heh, that bitch's dog didn't win either. Neener-neener.

But we learned a lot. We'll be ready to smoke the competition next year. Next year, Tiny Dog and Chi Chi will both be entered. I think Chi Chi's poor eyesight and excellent hearing would work to our advantage. She couldn't see the other dogs to be freaked out by them and could hear Sweety yell "treat!" over all of the noise.

If you watch closely, you can see Tiny do the flip right after the gate is opened. We're in lane 10 - the one fartherest to the right.


Here's the link if you can't see the pathetic video above.

Secrets

See this? This is my addiction and it is spiraling out of control. That cabinet hangs above our toilet and Sweety happened to open it the other day when he was taking a whiz. He then wanted to know if I was stocking up for a nuclear war. Because you know that bath items and smelly wax things would be hard to find afterwards. (If you'd like to more closely examine my secret shame, you can click that photo to big it up.)

All that soap stacked in the right corner? It's gonna take us months to use all of that. Yet, I still want to order more. But I am fighting the urge. Most of it was purchased from Capella's Garden. They have a clearance section where you can buy a bundle of random soap for $5 and right now shipping on anything is 4.95. I have a coupon (DEAL - if you want to start a soap problem) for 10% off. They only have 5 more bundles left. I have been looking at those for 2 day, dying to buy them all. But really, where the hell am I going to put them? (The temptation was too great and I went to the site to see how much it would be to buy them all. 26.20 with the discount. Okay, I'm really clicking away from that page and not going back for awhile.) Sweety may send me to rehab if he starts finding soap stashed in other places. Sometimes they have bundles of bath bombs on sale in the same manner and I have been hitting their page an ungodly number of times per day to try and catch that because I wouldn't be able to help myself and would buy them all.

There are other things in the cabinet that I have a huge yearning for also. Those little white sacks? They are asprin shaped wax melts and I love them and want to have their tiny, round, sweet smelling babies. They are just the right size to chop in half and put in my wax melter and the smell lasts for around a week or so of pretty much continuous use. But I already have 10 of them. That's at least 3 months of good smell in the house and how far in advance do I really need to plan?

I feel that I must say this - I don't get anything from talking about these places. I have even tried to convert my neighbor to the soap. I called him over here and gave him some lotion for his granddaughters and a bar of Ginger Bubbles Soap. He asked me what was the soap for and I exclaimed (with a feverish look in my eye) "It is the greatest soap ever it's made from goat's milk and smells great and I think EVERYONE should use it so I'm giving it to you to become addicted to!!!" He slowly backed out of the house while thanking me and sprinted down the sidewalk.

And all of those links under the "Spend Your Pennies" sidebar title? I really buy stuff from all of those places. Um, except for the NKOTB one. I'm just monitoring that site to see if they happen to come close to me with their new tour. And then I'm going. (Wow, this post really reveals what a nerd I am.) I didn't get to see them when I was a kid and dammit, I will go this time around!

Happy Wednesday!

For some reason, I've been having a hard time focusing on things for the past few days. I feel antsy.

Am I the only person with a totally filthy computer? I was just looking at my laptop and realized that there is probably enough stuff (food? grime?) on the screen and keys to sustain me for at least a week if I got lost in the wilderness with it.

LittleBrother(11)'s attitude has been in the toilet for the past few weeks and Sweety had a talk with him about it this weekend. LB said that he is put out by the volume of children that are at his mother's house when he is there and the fact that he feels like BigBrother(13) gets away with things over there. Sweety told him that if he was angry about something that happened at his mother's house that he needed to leave that shit on our doorstep when he got to ours. That we were all tired of dealing with (and listening to) the crappy attitude that he was dishing out to everyone at our house. It seems that the talk has worked so far. There has been much less whining and tattling this past week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this will not be short lived. Otherwise, I'll have to resort to extreme measures. I don't know what those will be (i have a feeling that ripping t.v.'s off of walls would be involved) but I've warned the boys that if I have to do something to bring peace to the house that they will not like it.

This post cracks me up. I love reading about Amy's kiddo, Maggie. She sounds like such an interesting little child. I think she should ship her to me for a few weeks. I could teach her some things and send her back, even more wicked older and wiser.

Squee!

Do you like to pop bubble wrap? I looooove to pop it. Most bubble wrap that I get in packages is the small bubble type. The other night, I got a package that had bubble wrap with bubbles the size of quarters! Squee!

I was planning on walking on it to pop it but Sweety told me to see the surprise he had ready for me in the garage.


I'm sorry that the video is so dark. It was 11 o'clock at night and I didn't want to drag a lamp outside to light the place up.

Before he started the show, I told him that I thought the sound of the car's engine would drown out the popping of the bubble wrap. Sweety came over and whispered in my ear (so you couldn't hear it on the video) to "shut the fuck up and trust me". Then, instead of turning the car on - he pushed it over the bubble wrap.

You can hear me gasp as I realize that he was clever enough to push the car so I could enjoy the sound of the bubble wrap expiring. Sweety said to tell you that the video is worth listening to just so you can hear how I laugh like a crazy person when I'm excited.

He really knows how to make me happy.

On Your Mark! Get Set! Go!

Tiny Dog will be kicking ass in the Chihuahua Race in a couple of weeks. We've been doing some training and I think she has a good chance. She's not getting any sort of people food or treats. Just her dog food and Dinovite mixed with yogurt. A couple of times a day, Sweety takes a piece of bacon or something tasty and waves it in front of her face. Then he walks 35 feet away and I let her loose to go get it. If she wins the regional race in Orlando, I may quit my job to devote myself to her training for the national race in California.

One of my friends at work got canned yesterday. I'm pretty bummed about it. I get to where I like talking to someone and then they go away. He was fired over some stupid shit and I hope they don't give him a hard time about collecting unemployment.

My supervisor (aka Bitch with a Giant Camel Toe) was promoted today! Woo hoo! Not that it really means anything to me because as of tomorrow I was being moved to another team with a new supervisor. (My friend was supposed to be moved too and was going to sit beside me. Wah!) I have a feeling that the new supervisor won't be any better than the last because they are thick as thieves. My old supervisor is now one of the top dogs at our site. This just proves that evil wins.

You know what I think is hilarious? When Chi Chi is asleep on my lap and I'm eating something like chips or crackers and crumbs dust all over her like tasty dandruff. It's cute. Thanks to the Dinovite, the bitch's hair is growing back so there's lots of places for crumbs to hide.

Do you remember these things? Popples? My sister and I had them when we were kids. Cute stuffed animals that you could turn inside out and they'd look like a ball. Someone has taxidermied a dog and cat together in such a manner that you can turn it inside out to reveal the other animal. I haven't decided if that disturbs me or if I want one.

My twitter addiction is growing. I feel compelled to read tweets during any spare time and to send in my twitters on a regular basis. You people that haven't signed up yet need to so you can amuse me with your goings-on during the day!

You Heard That?

If the video doesn't show up for you - click here to see it.

Oh, something that I forgot to tell you in the video - Sweety heard me tell my friend, "You know what this experience brought to light? That not so deep down - I'm a quitter." Sweety quoted that one to me too.