Bloggy Tour

I'm part of BooMama's Bloggy Tour of Homes. I did something about a year ago where I took some pictures of the house but for this I used new photos off my messy house. It's just too hard to keep kids alive AND keep the house clean.


The front door. We don't hardly ever use it because everyone comes in through the garage. It is a good place to hide and talk on the phone though!



Where I make my bloggy magic! This is probably my favorite place in the house.


The living room. That's Stinky dog in the corner. She wanted to get in on the photo shoot.




Those cans and bottle on the counter? Not trash! That's art! It took me DAYS to get those things arranged just right.



This is my favorite thing outside. Our new fence that Sweety built and the flower garden that he planted. I think it looks great!

And here are some pictures I took awhile back when my house was clean!

I Wish We Had 4 More...

School starts on August 7. I can not wait.

BigBrother is at an age where it is tons of fun to really torment LittleBrother and it's driving me crazy(and you know that it's a short drive). Constant picking. Incessant picking. We went to the park today and BB went down the slide and it was hot enough to burn him a bit. He came out all "ow! ow!" and all I could do was snicker and think "yeah you little turd. that's payback for being so mean to your brother!"

This year BB will be in middle school while LB is still in elementary. I think it'll be good for LB for them to be in separate schools. Last year, some of BB's friends would give LB a hard time since he was BB's brother.

And the pouting! Oh man, the effing pouting makes me want to gouge my eyes out. Makes me want to gouge their eyes out. I mean, c'mon... I'm taking you to a movie, buying you candy, and you're going to pout because of I don't know what?

I told the kids today that if they didn't straighten up that I'd barbecue them. That started a discussion of how would be the best way to cook someone and what kind of sauces would you use.

I don't care what the hell we're talking about as long as nobody is whining!

Itchy

*scritch scritch*

*scritch scritch*

(me, shining light from camera phone on Sweety to see if I can find the source of the scritching sound)

Sweety: What the hell are you doing?

Me: Ha! I knew it!

What?

That sound. That scritching sound. That's you scratching! Stop it. If you're making so much noise that I can't sleep then it's too loud.

Don't you have earplugs to keep noise out?

*scritch scritch*

*scritch scritch*

Geez, leave your butt alone.

It's my ass. Do you want a tour?



I love conversations with Sweety.

Sometimes The Legal System Works

These wastes of flesh were just found guilty as charged. Good.

Thursday will start the penalty phase for them. I hope they die horrible deaths.

Wow.

We had sex in the pool last night. Ohmygoodness! It was great! Lots of neat things you can do when you're weightless! I want to go to astronaut school now so I can snag a ride into outer space and do it in zero gravity.

As far as using the Today sponge for birth control - I had the hardest time pulling that thing OUT of me the next morning! It took all of 15 minutes. I was starting to think that I was going to need to go to the doctor to have a trained professional find it and yank it out. It will not be replacing my beloved birth control pills.

We didn't go to sleep til late last night and I was still snoozing at 10 a.m. Sweety encouraged my lovely little niece to howl like a banshee at the bedroom door to wake me up. I honestly think that was the most disturbing noise that I've ever been awoken to. I hopped out of bed like I was on fire and was wide awake in less than 2 seconds.

You need to go to the grocery store if you gut a koolaid pouch to mix with your vodka.









I love Stinky dog.

Friday Night Fun

She enjoyed herself.
She got to lick the crusty spaghetti off the walls.

Happy HNT!

LittleBrother, Sweety, Tiny Dog and niece Sylvie goofing around before bedtime.

I love days that end like this.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

You Put What Where?

Yesterday I went to the pharmacy to locate some alternate form of contraception to use til my regular stuff gets here via mail. Whenever I buy anything and there are lots of brands to choose from, I must read the backs of all the packages to decide which one is the most powerful and will suit me the best.

I was totally overwhelmed in the contraception aisle of the store. I really didn't know there were so many things out there. Spermicide pills that you put in your coochie?! Spermicide SHEETS for your coochie?! I found both of those things interesting but what if you want to have sex for longer than the hour or 3 hours that they are good for? (Not that I'm planning a big fuckfest or anything but you never know...) I finally decided on the sponge thing (cause it's good for 24 hours! Sweety'll just have to nail the hell out of me so I get my moneys worth once I put it in.) and when I was standing up (since I was all crouched down to compare all the labels and make myself as inconspicuous as possible) I whacked my head on the display of thermometers.

Rectal thermometers rained down on me while making nice noises on the ground as they landed. I was worried that people would think I'd be having sex using the various forms of contraception that I was still clutching and would then be shoving a thermometer in someone's ass. Now that I think about it, rectal thermometers aren't the most embarrassing thing to be purchasing but I was rattled nonetheless.

Pirates Of Suburbia II

Maybe you thought that the only place to find them was in the safe confines of the living room?

Well, JediMacFan's eagle eye spied them in the middle of some new mischief.

Mr. JediMacFan, thank you for the hardest laugh that Sweety & I have had in awhile. We will tip our beers to you tonight.

Where Procrastination Impedes Recreation

My procrastinating self let my damn birth control pills run out! Agh! They won't be here til the 30th. I thought that I had another pack to go through but I was mistaken. I am so fucked. (ha, ha! not really!)

So, tomorrow I will carry myself down to the pharmacy to find some other form of birth control to use in the interim. I've never really used anything else so this should be a lot of fun.

Maybe I'll just buy Sweety a prostitute. That would probably be easier.

Pirates Of Suburbia

Modern Marvel

Have you seen those doors that have the buttons that you can push to open the door if you're handicapped? We have those at work. Once you push the button, you can't manually shove the door open - you just have to wait for it to slooooowly open up on it's own.

To the people that insist on hitting that fucking button to open the door because they are too lazy to open it themselves:

Knock it off already! Just open the damned door! Don't you people know it takes longer to wait for the son of a bitch to open on it's own? If you just used your hand to shove it open, you could be down the stairs and in the parking lot in the same amount of time that it takes to open up automatically. And another thing...If I'm walking a few feet in front of you and I'm pushing the door open, for the love of Pete, don't hit the fucking button! It makes the door STOP moving and I'm just shoving on it uselessly while the door pushes AGAINST me. You made fucking eye contact with me and could SEE that I was already opening the door. Did you think that I didn't see that handy little handicap logo on the button by the door? Did you think you were doing me a FAVOR by hitting that button? Lazy motherfuckers.

For the record, this isn't the first time this has happened. I hate to be on my way out the door and get behind a gaggle of people who want to push the button and then wait for the door to open up before walking through it. It's even better when you get about half-way through the doorway and it slams shut on you. I love it when that happen!

My Niece

This is Sylvie. She's 7 and has the energy of a category 5 hurricane. It's been 31 hours since she got here and I dread the moment that she leaves. I love her so much that I feel my heart hiccup when I look at her.

Can You Stop The Rain?

My niece, Sylvie(7), gets here today! She's flying down by herself from Oklahoma and will be here for 3 weeks. I can't wait to have her around. She lived with us for around 6 months awhile back and I really miss her!

We'd planned on having pizza tonight and then swimming but it's been raining off and on for the last few hours. I hope it stops soon. The Neighborgirls are here now so the boys are amused and not chirping at me every 5 minutes for something to do.

Sweety was changing his oil in the driveway yesterday. He just jacks up his car and then scoots under it. The jack fell and his car came crashing down - I thought his head was going to be popped like a grape but luckily, he's unscathed. There was a red mark on his back and chest where he got sqooshed but no major damage. When it happened I was shocked and just kind of gasped and he mentioned later that if it had hurt him that I'd have been useless. I told him I was waiting for that adrenaline rush that people get in emergencies so I could lift the car off of him but it didn't come. I'm going to get him some of those ramp things that he can drive his car up on so he can safely tinker under the car. I would really hate to step into the garage someday and find him mashed to death under the Civic.

If I go into the bathroom ONE MORE TIME and there is pee on the toilet seat! I will set the toilet on fire! Agh. Yuck.

We're kicking around the idea of trading my car (honda pilot, suv thing) in for something smaller that gets better gas mileage. We're at odds now over how many doors it needs to have. I want to get a 2 door something and Sweety said we need 4 doors because of the kids. How hard is it to flip up the front seat for them to get in? I figure, I only pick them up from school twice a week so we can go through the inconvenience of lifting up the seats a couple of times a week.

Tiny dog is such an unloyal little bitch. All the kids just came through the living room and she just launched off my lap to go follow them. Stupid dog, doesn't she know they're not going to let her into the bedroom? Ah, here she is back again, looking for some love...

BB(11) got his braces yesterday and he's really hating the fact that he must brush/floss after he eats anything. The EW didn't go to the office while he was getting them on and neither did I. LB(9) and I elected to stay at home and be dazzled by his braces once they were on. BB has always grouched about how crooked his teeth are and now that the braces are on he hasn't stopped grouching about wearing braces. If you were going to hang him with an old rope he'd ask for a new one, I swear.

Time To Get Serious

I expect my body (or my mind) to completely disintegrate on my 30th birthday. I've really got to start taking care of myself. I'm tired of feeling tired.

We went to see a movie (Pirates of the Caribbean - pretty good, btw) and about 1/2 way through the movie my back started to freaking hurt and then I felt like I was going to vomit. I did vomit and during that my fucking nose started to bleed. I mean, just poured blood into the toilet. This was the second nosebleed that I've had in the last month. I NEVER get those! I woke up a few weeks ago thinking that I had a runny nose and realized that I'd bled all over the place. I don't like seeing my blood. Especially when it's coming out of my head. This was the third really fiery backache and third puke session that I've had in a week. Sometimes when my back hurts really bad it will make me sick but it's never happened so often before.

So I am resolving to whip myself into shape. Not because I want to be skinny but because I'm tired of feeling crummy and I know if I lose some weight that it will help my blood pressure go down. I think the high blood pressure is part of what's been making me feel so rotten lately.

Being old and out of shape sucks donkey balls.

It Seems Plausible

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I spied this over at Shannon's and had to nab it!

Life Is Good

Is there anything better than morning sex and then a crunchy pickle & cheese sandwich for breakfast? I think not.

Go check out the guest post at Sad and Beautiful World. It's about Pete's first Independence Day in America. I liked it.

It is time for me to call the insurance company and find out how much they're going to cover on BB's braces. I'm so excited just thinking about dealing with the insurance company's automated system and being on hold forever while waiting for a living person to answer my call! What fun!

Tired

Eating too much dinner, having a few drinks, developing a killer backache...

These are the events that cumulated into me puking my guts up on the side of the interstate last night. What made my roadside pitstop especially memorable is that I was standing in an ant bed and now have itchy, polka-dotted feet as a souviner.

Sweety rubbed down my back with some stinky pain reliever last night but my backache is back again today. Surely it will go back to wherever it came from soon.

BB(11) is getting braces day after tomorrow. I'm still agog at over how much that freaking costs. I've told him that once the braces come off that I NEVER want to look at him and not see teeth. He better run around grinning like the village idiot once his teeth are pretty!

The EW wants to be there when his braces are strapped on so I guess we're going to have quite a gathering at the orthodontist's office. Maybe I will bake her a cake since I like her so much.

Meet Chi Chi

My sister has a chihuahua, Chi Chi. Chi Chi's around 16 years old, going bald, is senile and has no teeth. The dog also has a huge coochie.



She weighs just under 3 pounds and I bet that sucker is heavy to carry around. It's about the diameter of a dime and pokes out around 3/4 of an inch. For comparison, Tiny dog is 5 pounds and hers looks like a pencil eraser.

Maybe coochies get bigger with age? Maybe gravity gets to them? I can't wait to see what Tiny's looks like in 15 years.

A Festive HNT

I was at my friend's house on the 4th (the friend with the blind, eyeless dog) and for fun we decided to dye her dogs blue and red. They were very pleased with how snazzy they looked. Well, except for the blind dog - but she did enjoy the extra attention.



I just flew in from Texas today and my arms are soooo tired.

Have a great Half Nekkid Thursday!

I'm Easy To Amuse

What I Did On Summer Vacation

Quiet Time

It's nice being on vacation with the family but after a week of togetherness it is nice to be alone. I'm staying in Texas til the 6th and Sweety and the boys are going home on the 2nd. They're at his sister's house til they leave and I'll be bouncing around on my friends couches.

It took about 5.5 hours to get here from my sister's house in Oklahoma today. By the end of the trip, I was ready to pull some tongues out. It seems that the boys can't stand to have silence so one of them must ALWAYS be talking. And if there's not any conversation going on, then they will talk to themselves.

Both riding in a car and eating makes me sleepy so I spent most of our driving time conked out. We stopped at Starbucks for breakfast (it was my first time ever dining or getting something from there) and I had a big espresso and promptly passed out once we got moving in the car. Sweety said I'm the only person he knows that can get caffeined up or eat breakfast and then go to sleep. Unfortunately, we can't choose our talents...

Something I've noticed while on vacation? I'm staying up much later than normal. I think that I don't want to go to sleep because I don't want my days (and vacation) to end.

Tiny dog is being missed something fierce. I may have to bring her with us next year.

Oh goody. I just realized that my computer clock is one hour ahead of Texas time so I just gained an hour!

I'll be getting home on the day that is our fifth anniversary. I don't have a clue as to what to get Sweety for a present. He said that a good gift would be me coming home but I feel like I should scrounge up something for him. I read that for the fifth anniversary you should get a gift made of wood or silverware. Maybe I'll use those guidelines to come up with something. Anybody out there got any ideas?