Have a great Half Nekkid Thursday!
9/27/07
9/26/07
Sofa King Wee Todd Ed
Guess where I am? Sitting in front of LittleBrother's(10) school and thanks to my technological wizardry, I am online! I knew there was some way to use my cell phone as a modem for the laptop and I finally got it working. I bet I wasted a good 3 hours last weekend trying to get this shit going and during an IM conversation today, I asked Bekah if she used her phone like this. She said no but that her husband does but he "had the software" for it. That reminded me that perhaps I should install the disk that came with my phone. All of the directions I'd found online were assuming that you had already completed the basic step of installing the stinking software. After that, it took just a couple of minutes before I was online.
Go me! I am so pleased.
Okay, I don't have anything more to say today but someday I might have a blog post that is dying to get out and you all can be dazzled by it then!
Go me! I am so pleased.
Okay, I don't have anything more to say today but someday I might have a blog post that is dying to get out and you all can be dazzled by it then!
9/25/07
Neighbors & Frogs
After I got my new car awhile back, I decided that I wanted some kind of emblem or something to stick on the back. Make it easier to find in the parking lot. I stumbled upon this during my search.
When I first saw it, I thought it was an alien. I like aliens. Then I found out that this is the emblem for the "Flying Sp@ghett1 M0nster". (I fucked up the spelling so if someone googles it they won't land here.) What is this mythical creature? The Flying Sp@ghett1 M0nster is invisible and created the universe. After reading about its origins, I ordered the emblem and its been living happily on my car's butt for weeks now.
A couple of weeks ago, Sweety calls me outside because he said that NeighborGirl had a question for me. I was busy cooking dinner and didn't want to go outside but I did and she wanted to know what the emblem meant. I told her to google it and went back inside. Sweety told her that it was the polar opposite of having a Jesus Fish on your car.
Fast forward to yesterday. Sweety gets home and the NeighborGirl's parents are outside of their house and call him over. (Yeah, they are these neighbors.) They want to know what the Flying Sp@ghett1 M0nster is and Sweety just tells them that I am a different kind of cat. They tell Sweety that NeighborGirl told them that I told her to google it so I'm guessing that they already knew all there was to know before they questioned Sweety but nothing else was said about the emblem or its meaning. Their conversation with Sweety veers towards the cuntofanexwife and NeighborWife says that maybe this new man is COAEW's path to a better life and being a better person. She asks Sweety, "If Chickie asked you to go to church with her, you would, right?". He laughed and told her that he would but that would never be an issue. She responds with, "Chickie doesn't believe?! (insert horrified gasp here) Sweety responds that he doesn't feel like it all holds much water either and that he doesn't discuss religion or politics. He says that he feels that the COAEW is being hypocritical and that she's been a huge bitch to me for the past 6 years. Why, now that she's "found religion" and wants to be friends, should I bother? NeighborHusband remarks that "two wrongs don't make a right" and at that point Sweety walked away. You know, I'm not much of a turn the other cheek sort of person. Unless it's my butt cheek so I can donkey kick you while you're kissing it.
Someday, I will have a 10 acre lot with a house smack dab in the middle of it.
I won't get into it all, but the COAEW has really been stomping all over my goat the past few weeks. Not just stuff that I bitch about here but other shit too. I said awhile back that I'd been yanking Sweety's chain and telling him that I was going to rat out the COAEW about sending her youngest kid to the same school that LittleBrother(10) goes to but that I wasn't really going to do it. Well damn, I was pissed off enough to do it the other day and Sweety asked me not to. After a few hours, I told him that I'll keep my yap shut but I'd rather tattle. (I have changed the whole way that I pick up LB on Tuesdays and Wednesdays just so I don't have to converse with that fried cunt. Why should I feel the need to do that when she doesn't even belong at the school? She has fucked up my chi.) Later, Sweety tells me that to prove to me that good things happen to people that do good things (or don't stir up trouble) that he will get me an iPhone this weekend. Doesn't sound like a reward to me. It sounds like a bribe. I'm not getting the phone anyway. I want to wait until you can use the phone for MMS messages and to record videos - then I'll let him buy me one. Gee, I am such a bitch. (When he mentioned getting me a dog in exchange for my silence that seemed really wrong. Like it would be really wrong accept a living being for doing something nice. But an electronic device? I'll take that.)
A few days ago it rained for just about 24 hours. During that time, about a dozen frogs found their way into our pool. I tried to scoop them out with the net because I knew that the chlorinated water would kill them but they were stupid andran swam way from my mighty Net Of Safety. We found all of their bloated little dead bodies on the pool floor later. They were easy to scoop up then. They all had a lot of fun before they croaked. (Hahahaha! croaked! I slay myself!)
I'm staying out of the pool til I'm sure that all of the frog sperm has been filtered out.
When I first saw it, I thought it was an alien. I like aliens. Then I found out that this is the emblem for the "Flying Sp@ghett1 M0nster". (I fucked up the spelling so if someone googles it they won't land here.) What is this mythical creature? The Flying Sp@ghett1 M0nster is invisible and created the universe. After reading about its origins, I ordered the emblem and its been living happily on my car's butt for weeks now.
A couple of weeks ago, Sweety calls me outside because he said that NeighborGirl had a question for me. I was busy cooking dinner and didn't want to go outside but I did and she wanted to know what the emblem meant. I told her to google it and went back inside. Sweety told her that it was the polar opposite of having a Jesus Fish on your car.
Fast forward to yesterday. Sweety gets home and the NeighborGirl's parents are outside of their house and call him over. (Yeah, they are these neighbors.) They want to know what the Flying Sp@ghett1 M0nster is and Sweety just tells them that I am a different kind of cat. They tell Sweety that NeighborGirl told them that I told her to google it so I'm guessing that they already knew all there was to know before they questioned Sweety but nothing else was said about the emblem or its meaning. Their conversation with Sweety veers towards the cuntofanexwife and NeighborWife says that maybe this new man is COAEW's path to a better life and being a better person. She asks Sweety, "If Chickie asked you to go to church with her, you would, right?". He laughed and told her that he would but that would never be an issue. She responds with, "Chickie doesn't believe?! (insert horrified gasp here) Sweety responds that he doesn't feel like it all holds much water either and that he doesn't discuss religion or politics. He says that he feels that the COAEW is being hypocritical and that she's been a huge bitch to me for the past 6 years. Why, now that she's "found religion" and wants to be friends, should I bother? NeighborHusband remarks that "two wrongs don't make a right" and at that point Sweety walked away. You know, I'm not much of a turn the other cheek sort of person. Unless it's my butt cheek so I can donkey kick you while you're kissing it.
Someday, I will have a 10 acre lot with a house smack dab in the middle of it.
I won't get into it all, but the COAEW has really been stomping all over my goat the past few weeks. Not just stuff that I bitch about here but other shit too. I said awhile back that I'd been yanking Sweety's chain and telling him that I was going to rat out the COAEW about sending her youngest kid to the same school that LittleBrother(10) goes to but that I wasn't really going to do it. Well damn, I was pissed off enough to do it the other day and Sweety asked me not to. After a few hours, I told him that I'll keep my yap shut but I'd rather tattle. (I have changed the whole way that I pick up LB on Tuesdays and Wednesdays just so I don't have to converse with that fried cunt. Why should I feel the need to do that when she doesn't even belong at the school? She has fucked up my chi.) Later, Sweety tells me that to prove to me that good things happen to people that do good things (or don't stir up trouble) that he will get me an iPhone this weekend. Doesn't sound like a reward to me. It sounds like a bribe. I'm not getting the phone anyway. I want to wait until you can use the phone for MMS messages and to record videos - then I'll let him buy me one. Gee, I am such a bitch. (When he mentioned getting me a dog in exchange for my silence that seemed really wrong. Like it would be really wrong accept a living being for doing something nice. But an electronic device? I'll take that.)
A few days ago it rained for just about 24 hours. During that time, about a dozen frogs found their way into our pool. I tried to scoop them out with the net because I knew that the chlorinated water would kill them but they were stupid and
I'm staying out of the pool til I'm sure that all of the frog sperm has been filtered out.
9/22/07
Never Satisfied
"It's a cock, not a car." was that thanks that I received last night while being kind. I think it's polite to get a rag wet with hot water and wipe the weenie off after you've used it. That way it doesn't stick to the sheets or anything and I guess I was over zealous in my cleaning. I still think he should have gritted his teeth and just said, "Thank you." because isn't it the thought that counts?
Scott English had a post the other day that really rang true with me. It was about making fun of things that you covet. I think I am there. I say that I don't like the iPhone. That the smooth screen would attract fingerprints and ear grease and that would drive me crazy. That the phone is too expensive. That my current phone (that I just got a couple of months ago) is just fine. (And it is! I love my phone!) But it sure is one snazzy looking phone. I wish I could find some way to justify getting one. Once you can use it for video, maybe I'll get one then...
Gin passed my lips for the first time while ago. It burns. It would be nice to sip on in a cold place. Right now, it's just making me sweat. I just breathed some gin breath onto Chi Chi and she has scurried off of my lap. Great. Gin is making me an outcast.
Have you seen this commercial? Too cute.
Scott English had a post the other day that really rang true with me. It was about making fun of things that you covet. I think I am there. I say that I don't like the iPhone. That the smooth screen would attract fingerprints and ear grease and that would drive me crazy. That the phone is too expensive. That my current phone (that I just got a couple of months ago) is just fine. (And it is! I love my phone!) But it sure is one snazzy looking phone. I wish I could find some way to justify getting one. Once you can use it for video, maybe I'll get one then...
Gin passed my lips for the first time while ago. It burns. It would be nice to sip on in a cold place. Right now, it's just making me sweat. I just breathed some gin breath onto Chi Chi and she has scurried off of my lap. Great. Gin is making me an outcast.
Have you seen this commercial? Too cute.
9/20/07
Sometimes Drano Won't Work
Between my hair going down the drain and Stinky Dog being washed in the tub...
Sweety has to do a lot of impromtou plumbing work. Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!
Sweety has to do a lot of impromtou plumbing work. Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!
9/19/07
Hiding
It's been raining here all night. It's a good thing because we need it but the canines despise going outside to potty when the ground is wet and when stuff is falling from the sky and they can hear it from inside the house? It's like pulling teeth to get them out the door. They need to learn that resistance is futile and it's just easier to go along.
Stinky has a big problem with bath time. She thought that slinking into Tiny's cage would save her from the tub.
I was afraid we'd have to cut her out of the cage but she managed to turn herself around and get out of it.
Gotta get motivated and do some things.
Stinky has a big problem with bath time. She thought that slinking into Tiny's cage would save her from the tub.
I was afraid we'd have to cut her out of the cage but she managed to turn herself around and get out of it.
Gotta get motivated and do some things.
9/18/07
Post #930
Sheesh. I almost overslept today. After dropping the kidlets off at school and running some errands, I realized that I was still tired and my eyes were all burny. So I set my alarm clock and laid down for a nap. It wasn't easy falling asleep because I don't have any earplugs (more on that in a moment) but when I went to sleep it was hard. I awoke in a panic about 2 minutes before I needed to leave the house to stake out a spot in the drive-through-and-pick-up-your-kid line at the school. Seems I'd set the clock for the time I wanted to get up but then neglected to turn it on. Nice.
Last night I was super tired and we went to bed early (for us) at around 10:30. I woke up to Sweety feeling frisky and trying to convey this to me by humping me like he was Tiny Dog. I don't remember much of it but it went over for him like a turd in a punchbowl. He said he did it twice and that I beat him up. I remember thinking, "Good grief, I am tired. I must let him know that I'm not playing hard to get. He's not getting access." before my arms and legs started flailing about. Before we went to bed, we were watching Tiny hump Stinky all over the house and Sweety said he dreamt of that and had the urge to do it when he woke. How fucking disturbing is that, people? I'm going to make it a point to at least suck his dick every night so all of the poison comes out and maybe he won't have such dreams.
About the earplugs - during the nighttime melee, they fell out. I can't find them anywhere now so that means that Tiny had them for a midnight snack. Awhile back, I found one alongside a pile of poo and realized that I needed to be vigilant about keeping them away from her. I hope they pass easily. Now I've gotta go to the store and get some more because I can not sleep without them.
You can't see it too good since I was being all sneaky with the camera phone, but this is the COAEW and she didn't get the memo that it's in style anymore (or maybe it is and I'm behind the times?) to wear a black bra under a thin white shirt. Does this bitch think she's Madonna? I don't think there's anything wrong with maybe showing some of your underwear as outerwear when you go out but I don't think a good going out time is your kid's Little League game when it's 100 degrees outside so the shirt/bra contrast is marred because you have nice little sweat stains all over the shirt where your muffin top meets your back.
This was at LittleBrother's(10) baseball game on Saturday. The game before us was running late so I had time to sit there and look at the back of her greasy head. I tried to get pictures of when she was beating her two-year old's ass but couldn't whip the phone out in time. If you feel the need to spank multiple times in a 10 minute time span, then I think you're doing something wrong. I finally left my seat in the stands because her kid is so freaking all over the place and sat in a chair by the dugout. It will be my regular spot for the rest of the season. She must be really proud of the white shirt/black bra combo because she wore it last night to LB's Open House too. Looking at the shiny black bra made me want to reach out and give her a titty twister til the nips came off.
I was just thinking...
How neat would it be to be so fat that I could hide Tiny Dog and Chi Chi in my rolls? You know, just kind of stuff them in my side meat. I'll bet Chi Chi would love it. Dunno about Tiny because she likes to see what is going on.
Do you think it would be too weird to taxidermy a dog?
Last night I was super tired and we went to bed early (for us) at around 10:30. I woke up to Sweety feeling frisky and trying to convey this to me by humping me like he was Tiny Dog. I don't remember much of it but it went over for him like a turd in a punchbowl. He said he did it twice and that I beat him up. I remember thinking, "Good grief, I am tired. I must let him know that I'm not playing hard to get. He's not getting access." before my arms and legs started flailing about. Before we went to bed, we were watching Tiny hump Stinky all over the house and Sweety said he dreamt of that and had the urge to do it when he woke. How fucking disturbing is that, people? I'm going to make it a point to at least suck his dick every night so all of the poison comes out and maybe he won't have such dreams.
About the earplugs - during the nighttime melee, they fell out. I can't find them anywhere now so that means that Tiny had them for a midnight snack. Awhile back, I found one alongside a pile of poo and realized that I needed to be vigilant about keeping them away from her. I hope they pass easily. Now I've gotta go to the store and get some more because I can not sleep without them.
You can't see it too good since I was being all sneaky with the camera phone, but this is the COAEW and she didn't get the memo that it's in style anymore (or maybe it is and I'm behind the times?) to wear a black bra under a thin white shirt. Does this bitch think she's Madonna? I don't think there's anything wrong with maybe showing some of your underwear as outerwear when you go out but I don't think a good going out time is your kid's Little League game when it's 100 degrees outside so the shirt/bra contrast is marred because you have nice little sweat stains all over the shirt where your muffin top meets your back.
This was at LittleBrother's(10) baseball game on Saturday. The game before us was running late so I had time to sit there and look at the back of her greasy head. I tried to get pictures of when she was beating her two-year old's ass but couldn't whip the phone out in time. If you feel the need to spank multiple times in a 10 minute time span, then I think you're doing something wrong. I finally left my seat in the stands because her kid is so freaking all over the place and sat in a chair by the dugout. It will be my regular spot for the rest of the season. She must be really proud of the white shirt/black bra combo because she wore it last night to LB's Open House too. Looking at the shiny black bra made me want to reach out and give her a titty twister til the nips came off.
I was just thinking...
How neat would it be to be so fat that I could hide Tiny Dog and Chi Chi in my rolls? You know, just kind of stuff them in my side meat. I'll bet Chi Chi would love it. Dunno about Tiny because she likes to see what is going on.
Do you think it would be too weird to taxidermy a dog?
9/17/07
Crybaby
I had to get up at 4:55 a.m. to be at work by 6. Everything seems surreal. I did this so I could get off early for LittleBrother's Open House. Tired & cranky & crazy at Open House - yay.
Back to work.
Phos, I did this to shove the last post down for ya.
Back to work.
Phos, I did this to shove the last post down for ya.
9/12/07
He Says He Doesn't Love Them
But he is lying.
Sweety says that the dogs are useless to him and that he won't miss them when they're gone. Do you know what he was doing for toothless little Chi Chi last night?
He was eating cashews and she wanted some so he was chewing the nuts up and then spitting them out so she could enjoy their goodness.
I'll forgive the fact that he was putting the prechewed food on my pants leg for her to lick off.
Just another reason that I think he is such a good egg.
Sweety says that the dogs are useless to him and that he won't miss them when they're gone. Do you know what he was doing for toothless little Chi Chi last night?
He was eating cashews and she wanted some so he was chewing the nuts up and then spitting them out so she could enjoy their goodness.
I'll forgive the fact that he was putting the prechewed food on my pants leg for her to lick off.
Just another reason that I think he is such a good egg.
On Religion
It's been kind of alluded to but I've never flat come out and said here that I don't believe in God. The truth of the matter is that I don't.
I spent a big portion of my life when I was a child worrying about religion and dying and going to hell.
There's nothing quite like being molested as a kid and hearing in church that saying "god damn" is a blasphemy and is the one thing that God won't forgive you for to make you wonder about it all when you "grow up". I mean, how screwed up is it that when I was a kid that I told myself that all of the hymns referring to "trust in Him" were talking about the kid that did nasty things to me so I wouldn't feel like I was going to hell? If you go through the archives here, you won't find many references using the "g-d" curse (but maybe you'll find it a time or two because I use it when I'm super annoyed) because I feel like I can cuss without using a word or phrase that someone else thinks is really bad. But if you use that phrase, I'm not gonna bitch about it.
I have gotten permission from Sweety to discuss my lack of religion with the boys.
I have been here (in the boys' lives) 6 years and have never discussed my beliefs (or lack thereof) with them because I feel like it's something that you should find for yourself but since their mother is making them go to Sunday School since her husband-to-be thinks it's the right thing to do - I asked Sweety if it was okay for me to mention to them that it's okay for you to not believe in God. Perhaps it is okay to feel like that you should be a good human being just because that's the right thing to do in your own mind and not because some invisible man says it's the right thing to do.
He asked me how I'd bring it up. My reasoning is that you believe in the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus when you are little. And that maybe God is a grown-up's Santa Claus but if you are feeling GOOD with the religion that you are being introduced to then that is fine and dandy. I just don't want them to lay awake at night and worry that they are going to hell over something small (such as biting their fingernails or feeling like they despise someone for a moment).
Let's just be kind for kind's sake, okay?
I spent a big portion of my life when I was a child worrying about religion and dying and going to hell.
There's nothing quite like being molested as a kid and hearing in church that saying "god damn" is a blasphemy and is the one thing that God won't forgive you for to make you wonder about it all when you "grow up". I mean, how screwed up is it that when I was a kid that I told myself that all of the hymns referring to "trust in Him" were talking about the kid that did nasty things to me so I wouldn't feel like I was going to hell? If you go through the archives here, you won't find many references using the "g-d" curse (but maybe you'll find it a time or two because I use it when I'm super annoyed) because I feel like I can cuss without using a word or phrase that someone else thinks is really bad. But if you use that phrase, I'm not gonna bitch about it.
I have gotten permission from Sweety to discuss my lack of religion with the boys.
I have been here (in the boys' lives) 6 years and have never discussed my beliefs (or lack thereof) with them because I feel like it's something that you should find for yourself but since their mother is making them go to Sunday School since her husband-to-be thinks it's the right thing to do - I asked Sweety if it was okay for me to mention to them that it's okay for you to not believe in God. Perhaps it is okay to feel like that you should be a good human being just because that's the right thing to do in your own mind and not because some invisible man says it's the right thing to do.
He asked me how I'd bring it up. My reasoning is that you believe in the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus when you are little. And that maybe God is a grown-up's Santa Claus but if you are feeling GOOD with the religion that you are being introduced to then that is fine and dandy. I just don't want them to lay awake at night and worry that they are going to hell over something small (such as biting their fingernails or feeling like they despise someone for a moment).
Let's just be kind for kind's sake, okay?
9/11/07
I Could Talk About How...
Tonight was BigBrother's(12) Open House at school.Instead I'll just say: I'm glad that even at my fattest - I don't have cellulite on my face.
His cuntofamother gave BB a dirty look and hissed, "She's only two!" when BB seemed to be embarrassed that his sister was pitching a huge fit and his mom wasn't doing a damn thing about it.
I almost asked her who did the tattoo of her fiance's name on her wrist. Because I might want to show Sweety how much I love him someday too.
I finally told Sweety tonight that when I see her at the school that I don't even acknowledge that she's there. I'm perfectly fine with standing 3 feet away from her and not saying a word. It's actually less stressful for me than making inane conversation. He said that explains why she's been so hateful to him on the phone lately. Sorry, Sweety.
Deja Vu
The air conditioner is broken again.
Shoot me now.
It's a couple of hours later and Sweety has saved the day! Thebastard wonderful a/c is working again! Yay! All hail Sweety!
Shoot me now.
It's a couple of hours later and Sweety has saved the day! The
Don't Mind Me
Tiny Dog must learn to Shut.The.Fuck.Up. when I am sleeping. For real. Why can't she be happy that her whiny-spoiled-bitch-ass isn't sleeping on the porch? It makes me not happy at all to have her cry at the bedside during my last hour of sleep on the morning that I get to sleep in. She is on her way to getting her squeaker ripped out. Or maybe I'll let her lick some Drano. That would probably burn up her vocal cords so that she couldn't make too much noise. Okay, I would not really let her lick Drano. But when I am tired and sleep deprived, it is something that I think about. I love Tiny Dog.
I don't love the COAEW. I'm sitting at LittleBrother's(10) school, waiting for him to get out. (As is my custom on Tuesdays and Wednesdays) Have to get up here an hour early to get a spot in the parking lot and who is two cars over? Why it is that skankhole. Yesterday the COAEW parked at the grocery store and walked to the school at the last minute (she told Sweety where she parked when he called to make sure she was getting LB) but today she's found time to get here an hour early? This means that LB will want to walk out to the parking lot with his mother and brother and I will have to walk with them and be nice. Fuck a duck. I'm wondering if she doesn't get here early to park in the lot on just the days that I pick up LB. Probably.
There's some bullshit going on that is making me fucking nuts. That's why I haven't had much to say the past few days. Have you ever thought that you were going to be getting fairly good news but instead it was complete shit? I'm there. I've been in a high state of panic and pooping water for the past week as I fret over it. It doesn't have anything to do with the COAEW or Sweety. Just some lovely litigation that I will be going through. You know I hate talking to people? I'd rather pluck my eyes out and eat them than deal with this crap. Having to talk to people (strangers! ack.) about personal stuff that I'd rather not even voice. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to get fucked. I think that this is going to be karma's way of making me pay for every bad thing that I've ever done. I've skated along the past 12 or so years, spreading my brand of sunshine and I feel that I'm fixing to get some of it back. Lucky me.
My favorite part of having dogs is that when you walk around barefoot, you gather soft, furry slippers on the bottom of your feet. I like it. It makes me feel like the dogs and I have a special bond. See this?
This is what Stinky Dog sheds in 48 hours. I need to get a loom and start weaving the stuff into blankets or something. After I took that photo, I walked into the garage to get the dustpan. Tiny Dog was knee deep in the hair when I came back and was eating the shit as fast as she could because she knows that she's not supposed to be in it. Why do I love this gross little animal?
What does it mean when you dream of masturbating? I'm thinking it means that I need to get laid. It also means that I need to get the house clean today so I can stay in bed tomorrow with the laptop and rub off until I fall asleep from exhaustion. Wow, I really plan big.
Tomorrow is early, early release day at school so LB will get out of school at noon. That doesn't give me much time to execute my plan.
Ah, I see the COAEW in my rearview mirror now as she goes up to the school. I'm gonna flick a booger on her windshield when I walk by. As you can see, I'm doing really well on my plan to not let her existence annoy the living shit out of me.
I don't love the COAEW. I'm sitting at LittleBrother's(10) school, waiting for him to get out. (As is my custom on Tuesdays and Wednesdays) Have to get up here an hour early to get a spot in the parking lot and who is two cars over? Why it is that skankhole. Yesterday the COAEW parked at the grocery store and walked to the school at the last minute (she told Sweety where she parked when he called to make sure she was getting LB) but today she's found time to get here an hour early? This means that LB will want to walk out to the parking lot with his mother and brother and I will have to walk with them and be nice. Fuck a duck. I'm wondering if she doesn't get here early to park in the lot on just the days that I pick up LB. Probably.
There's some bullshit going on that is making me fucking nuts. That's why I haven't had much to say the past few days. Have you ever thought that you were going to be getting fairly good news but instead it was complete shit? I'm there. I've been in a high state of panic and pooping water for the past week as I fret over it. It doesn't have anything to do with the COAEW or Sweety. Just some lovely litigation that I will be going through. You know I hate talking to people? I'd rather pluck my eyes out and eat them than deal with this crap. Having to talk to people (strangers! ack.) about personal stuff that I'd rather not even voice. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to get fucked. I think that this is going to be karma's way of making me pay for every bad thing that I've ever done. I've skated along the past 12 or so years, spreading my brand of sunshine and I feel that I'm fixing to get some of it back. Lucky me.
My favorite part of having dogs is that when you walk around barefoot, you gather soft, furry slippers on the bottom of your feet. I like it. It makes me feel like the dogs and I have a special bond. See this?
This is what Stinky Dog sheds in 48 hours. I need to get a loom and start weaving the stuff into blankets or something. After I took that photo, I walked into the garage to get the dustpan. Tiny Dog was knee deep in the hair when I came back and was eating the shit as fast as she could because she knows that she's not supposed to be in it. Why do I love this gross little animal?
What does it mean when you dream of masturbating? I'm thinking it means that I need to get laid. It also means that I need to get the house clean today so I can stay in bed tomorrow with the laptop and rub off until I fall asleep from exhaustion. Wow, I really plan big.
Tomorrow is early, early release day at school so LB will get out of school at noon. That doesn't give me much time to execute my plan.
Ah, I see the COAEW in my rearview mirror now as she goes up to the school. I'm gonna flick a booger on her windshield when I walk by. As you can see, I'm doing really well on my plan to not let her existence annoy the living shit out of me.
9/7/07
9/5/07
How I Hate Thinking Up Titles!
Thanks to everyone that came by and commented for yesterday's Dorky Tuesday post! It was fun checking out other people's photos too. Mybrid, nice to see you!
Where am I? I'm at LittleBrother's(10) school, killing an hour before he gets out. When I pulled up, the computer detected wireless internet service (that I was going to "borrow") but now it is gone. So I'll type this up now and post it later. Unless I die in the heat and in that case this post will serve as my last will and testament.
The boys going back to school has reminded me of what a horribly lazy sloth that I am. The past two Tuesdays and Wednesday when I've been off, I have done next to nothing. Well, last week I got my nails done and today I got my hair done but that is all. And I've taken Half Nekkid Thursday photos the past two weeks. Look for something spectacular! tomorrow. Okay, maybe not spectacular but some new half nekkidity. (I'm sure that Sweety will be thrilled to read that. I better get home and do a quick clean before I post this.) I have kept everyone fed though. I should give myself points for that. Nevermind that the meatloaf I so lovingly cooked last night came ready to pop in the oven from the grocery store. It was okay for store bought and I didn't have to touch any raw meat. I'm pretty sure that I've mentioned my disdain here for handling raw hamburger meat.
I like to listen to the other mothers talk as they are congregated on the school sidewalk, waiting for their offspring. Last week's conversation seemed to be in the vein of "my kid is worse than your kid" stories. You know, I can understand your toddler escaping from you once or twice. But if you have 4 stories about how he got out of the house (because he's such a smart little Houdini! Really...Smart? Maybe his mama is just an unaware idiot?) and twice different neighbors called the cops because he was at their house and this all happened before the kid was 5 years old - I'd recommend keeping those stories to yourself. They're not cute stories. They draw attention to the fact that you need to have your uterus filled with sea salt.
Geez, I sure do say "I" a lot huh? I'd like to have something else to say but there's not much of anything. It's either, me, the canines, Sweety, the boys or the cuntofanexwife that is one my mind and out onto the keyboard. I should get a hobby or something so I could tell you all about it.
I'd talk about the coaew but it's too hot here in the sun to get agitated. I'll be getting to see her lovely face in a bit when she arrives to pick up her youngest crotchling. Goody. Where she is concerned, for me, out of sight out of mind is better. Having to interact with the coaew two days a week is getting on my nerves. We are on only week 2 of the school year. I need to learn to deal with my loathing or it may choke me from the inside out before the end of the school next spring.
Hey, do any of you have circles under your eyes or does your skin feel rough under your eyes? I can answer "yes!" to both of those questions and I am always on the lookout for something to make the circles lighter or the skin smoother and I have found it! Oil of Olay Definity Eye Illuminator. It's right at $20 for a bottle and after just a couple of days my skin felt smoother. I think that I suffered a bit on an allergic reaction to it at first because my eyes were really itchy but they aren't anymore. I'll deal with a couple of days of eye itch if it will give me the illusion of being well rested. I should smear some on Chi Chi and see if it rejuvenates her.
Where am I? I'm at LittleBrother's(10) school, killing an hour before he gets out. When I pulled up, the computer detected wireless internet service (that I was going to "borrow") but now it is gone. So I'll type this up now and post it later. Unless I die in the heat and in that case this post will serve as my last will and testament.
The boys going back to school has reminded me of what a horribly lazy sloth that I am. The past two Tuesdays and Wednesday when I've been off, I have done next to nothing. Well, last week I got my nails done and today I got my hair done but that is all. And I've taken Half Nekkid Thursday photos the past two weeks. Look for something spectacular! tomorrow. Okay, maybe not spectacular but some new half nekkidity. (I'm sure that Sweety will be thrilled to read that. I better get home and do a quick clean before I post this.) I have kept everyone fed though. I should give myself points for that. Nevermind that the meatloaf I so lovingly cooked last night came ready to pop in the oven from the grocery store. It was okay for store bought and I didn't have to touch any raw meat. I'm pretty sure that I've mentioned my disdain here for handling raw hamburger meat.
I like to listen to the other mothers talk as they are congregated on the school sidewalk, waiting for their offspring. Last week's conversation seemed to be in the vein of "my kid is worse than your kid" stories. You know, I can understand your toddler escaping from you once or twice. But if you have 4 stories about how he got out of the house (because he's such a smart little Houdini! Really...Smart? Maybe his mama is just an unaware idiot?) and twice different neighbors called the cops because he was at their house and this all happened before the kid was 5 years old - I'd recommend keeping those stories to yourself. They're not cute stories. They draw attention to the fact that you need to have your uterus filled with sea salt.
Geez, I sure do say "I" a lot huh? I'd like to have something else to say but there's not much of anything. It's either, me, the canines, Sweety, the boys or the cuntofanexwife that is one my mind and out onto the keyboard. I should get a hobby or something so I could tell you all about it.
I'd talk about the coaew but it's too hot here in the sun to get agitated. I'll be getting to see her lovely face in a bit when she arrives to pick up her youngest crotchling. Goody. Where she is concerned, for me, out of sight out of mind is better. Having to interact with the coaew two days a week is getting on my nerves. We are on only week 2 of the school year. I need to learn to deal with my loathing or it may choke me from the inside out before the end of the school next spring.
Hey, do any of you have circles under your eyes or does your skin feel rough under your eyes? I can answer "yes!" to both of those questions and I am always on the lookout for something to make the circles lighter or the skin smoother and I have found it! Oil of Olay Definity Eye Illuminator. It's right at $20 for a bottle and after just a couple of days my skin felt smoother. I think that I suffered a bit on an allergic reaction to it at first because my eyes were really itchy but they aren't anymore. I'll deal with a couple of days of eye itch if it will give me the illusion of being well rested. I should smear some on Chi Chi and see if it rejuvenates her.
9/4/07
Ugly Duckling
Osbasso had the idea that this Tuesday, we could share our dorkiest photos. As you can see, I obliged.
Seventh grade was a rough year for me. At the beginning of the school year, I gave myself a haircut. I did the uneven length and wrecked bangs on purpose. Really! Okay, maybe not.
This is my sister and I at the end of that year. My hair grew out and I celebrated by sticking my finger in a light socket. I don't know why my sister has her arms crossed like that. She must have been trying to hide her new boobs.
Seventh grade was a rough year for me. At the beginning of the school year, I gave myself a haircut. I did the uneven length and wrecked bangs on purpose. Really! Okay, maybe not.
This is my sister and I at the end of that year. My hair grew out and I celebrated by sticking my finger in a light socket. I don't know why my sister has her arms crossed like that. She must have been trying to hide her new boobs.
9/1/07
All About The Canines
Check out the girls!
A week ago, you couldn't get Tiny Dog and Chi Chi to close their eyes if the other was in the room and now they are sleeping with Stinky Dog on her big bed. Tiny and Chi Chi aren't friends but they are sometimes tolerating each other. Except for last night. Last night they hated each other and I got up at least nine times to see why dogs were barking or growling or crying at the edge of my bed. They're lucky that I'm not using them as gator bait today. I'm too tired from my lack of sleep to go gator hunting.
Tiny Dog can be such a bitch. Some mornings, after Sweety leaves for work, I'll put her in the bed with me. I didn't do it the other morning because I didn't feel like it. She's so damn hot that I sweat where ever she touches me and I wasn't in the mood for that. So she gets in bed with Stinky Dog and I leave about an hour later to take BigBrother(12) to school. Usually, when I get home all of the dogs are excited to see me and come running out of the bedroom. That day, Tiny Dog did not. Stinky and Chi Chi were crazy all over the place and I look in the bedroom and see that Tiny is still in the dog bed with her back to me. I yell her name and clap my hands and tell here that I have a treat for her but she doesn't move. When I walk over to her and pat her head, she opens one eye and I swear that she sneered at me. She wouldn't get out of bed for her treat so I carried her limp, still angry body to the kitchen and made her eat it. What an attitude.
Doesn't it look like Chi Chi is smiling here? I wonder what she dreams.
I was pestering Sweety for a puppy before Chi Chi came to stay with us and I was kind of annoyed that he'd let Chi Chi come here but not allow a puppy. But I've discovered that Chi Chi is so old that having her around is like having a puppy. She's just as small as Tiny was when we got her, she can only eat soft food, her balance is off, she's confused and sleeps a lot. You know how sometimes old people that are hard of hearing or maybe going senile have a certain look in their eyes? Kind of like confusion but with a little smile? Chi Chi always looks like that. She reminds me of my Grandma and sometimes I get sad when I see her little bug-eyes looking up at me.
A week ago, you couldn't get Tiny Dog and Chi Chi to close their eyes if the other was in the room and now they are sleeping with Stinky Dog on her big bed. Tiny and Chi Chi aren't friends but they are sometimes tolerating each other. Except for last night. Last night they hated each other and I got up at least nine times to see why dogs were barking or growling or crying at the edge of my bed. They're lucky that I'm not using them as gator bait today. I'm too tired from my lack of sleep to go gator hunting.
Tiny Dog can be such a bitch. Some mornings, after Sweety leaves for work, I'll put her in the bed with me. I didn't do it the other morning because I didn't feel like it. She's so damn hot that I sweat where ever she touches me and I wasn't in the mood for that. So she gets in bed with Stinky Dog and I leave about an hour later to take BigBrother(12) to school. Usually, when I get home all of the dogs are excited to see me and come running out of the bedroom. That day, Tiny Dog did not. Stinky and Chi Chi were crazy all over the place and I look in the bedroom and see that Tiny is still in the dog bed with her back to me. I yell her name and clap my hands and tell here that I have a treat for her but she doesn't move. When I walk over to her and pat her head, she opens one eye and I swear that she sneered at me. She wouldn't get out of bed for her treat so I carried her limp, still angry body to the kitchen and made her eat it. What an attitude.
Doesn't it look like Chi Chi is smiling here? I wonder what she dreams.
I was pestering Sweety for a puppy before Chi Chi came to stay with us and I was kind of annoyed that he'd let Chi Chi come here but not allow a puppy. But I've discovered that Chi Chi is so old that having her around is like having a puppy. She's just as small as Tiny was when we got her, she can only eat soft food, her balance is off, she's confused and sleeps a lot. You know how sometimes old people that are hard of hearing or maybe going senile have a certain look in their eyes? Kind of like confusion but with a little smile? Chi Chi always looks like that. She reminds me of my Grandma and sometimes I get sad when I see her little bug-eyes looking up at me.
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