Now Appearing!

Coming out of hiding for today's HNT!

The world's ugliest nightshirt!



I think my Mom gave it to me for Christmas a few years ago. It sat unused in my dresser for the longest time til I decided to look past it's appearance and appreciate it's inner beauty.

It is very comfortable.

To cleanse your brain, you could go look at my nightwear around this time last year. Not so comfortable but it has it's place.

Let's Have A Meeting

Hi! My name is Anna and I'm going crazy!

Hi, Anna!

I've spent the last 2 days - no wait make that several days - either sleeping or eating like a pig. My house is a wreck and my dogs are dirty. And I just feel sad and mean.

That's okay! You'll feel better soon!

But what if I don't? What if this is how I feel forever? Well, since I feel so crappy, I'll try and do something nice.

Sure! That's a great idea! Why don't you go to this website and fill out a holiday card to be sent to a soldier?

Uh, okay. I did it. I still feel like shit though. But at least I'm not eating a MRE for dinner.

And this is the boat that I'm riding in now. I hope I feel normal soon. What's normal for me anyway.

Am I Unreasonable?

You know the class rings that you get with your high school graduation year on them? Did you know that these are peddled to sixth graders? Maybe it's because I come from a school where all 12 grades (all 127 of us) were under one roof and you only got a class ring in regards to graduating high school that I find this idea rather silly. Can anyone give me a valid reason to buy a ring (that's going to be too small by the end of the school year) for a child? (Yeah, I know they can be resized but anyways...)

I can understand getting a senior year ring but this seems ridiculous. Is this a common thing where some of you are? I'd never even heard of a sixth grade class ring til today when BB said that orders were being taken for them.

Am I just a cold hearted bitch who's underestimating the enormous achievement of a child making it to the sixth grade?

Grouchy

If I had a hatchet, Stinky dog would've gotten it in the left temple last night. You'd think that keeping her fed and letting her live inside the house would be enough, wouldn't you? Noooooooo! Not for greedy-ass Stinky! I tried letting them sleep in our room last night but Tiny dog wouldn't stop it with the incredibly loud toe licking so they were banished to the bathroom. It took less than 15 minutes for Stinky dog to start howling under the effing door to let me know how lonely she felt in there. Whiny bitch, I wish I had the heart to beat her. So they got to come back in our room and I laid there and thought about hatcheting her after I chopped off Tiny dog's toes.

I think I've been grinding my teeth while asleep for the past few nights. My jaw hurts and while I'm awake I have to keep reminding myself to unclench it. Argh.

BigBrother got braces on his bottom teeth today. All that metal in his mouth makes him look older. He must've aged 3 years during the course of the visit. While we were sitting in the waiting room I noticed that the kid is getting some seriously hairy legs. I hadn't really looked at them in awhile and was surprised. I wouldn't have been able to pick them out of a line up.

Good grief. The canines are feeling especially needy today. I must go and pet them so they'll shut up.

I love my dogs. Really. I do.

I'll keep you all posted if anything happens in regards to the post below this one.

Don't Fuck With Me

As you may know, I work in the customer service department of a credit card company. I've been there for a number of years and within the last couple of months decided to get a card from the place.

I didn't get the first statement and when I received the second one there was a late fee and I knew that the promotional annual percentage rate would be removed because of this. I also knew that if a customer doesn't get their bill (especially the first one because you don't always know when your billing cycle is) that the account can be updated so it doesn't show delinquent (and you won't lose the promo apr) and the late fee can be credited.

I went online and made the payment and set the account up to have payments made automatically and then called the company (that I freaking work for and know the rules for) and some wahoo told me that he couldn't do anything for me after I explained the situation and told him that I'd made the payment online (which I knew was already visible on his computer). I said "You're telling me that my account cannot be reaged to not show past due and the late fee credited since I didn't get a statement?" And he got all bitchy and told me that's what he was saying and that he didn't know how I thought that other banks did things but that the bank he worked for didn't work that way. At that point I asked for a supervisor. Then the fucker hung up on me.

So I called back and spoke with a supervisor and told him what happened and told him that I worked there (I hadn't mentioned that to the jackass that hung up on me.) and was really disgusted that my first phone call to the company went that way. The supervisor fixed it right up and I went on my merry way.

I do hope that assmunch that hung up on me has his call monitored. We shall see...

Happy Thanksgiving!

You all have a good one.

Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Program...

Check out our back porch!

Before

Old, yucky, painted concrete.

Voila!

Nice, sparkly, slate tile!

Sweety has been hard at work tiling and it should be all done soon. The ceiling to the porch is made of wooden slats and it's all going to look great together. I may move onto the porch when it's done because I think it'll be the nicest room in the house. This was the tile purchased during the coffee tainting incident.

I've gotta admit that I'm very lucky to have Sweety. He has been quite supportive during the past couple of weeks. He did grouch a bit when I came home early on Friday but picked at me until I talked about why I was feeling so crazy. When I feel bad, I like to tamp it down and ignore it and have a meltdown later but Sweety likes to talk things out. I don't like "talking it out" but I do know that that's the better way to do things. And I did feel better after I spilled my guts to him.

The boys played their very first "real" game of flag football this weekend. And they won! Usually when the boys play sports, they're on a team of low-eared babies and everybody picks their nose while the game is going on but not this time! They stomped the other team into the ground. The boys agreed that victory felt good for a change and it made for a nice car ride home. I hate it when a game is lost and everybody is all grouchy. It makes me want to walk home. Winning is good. I hope the streak continues.

I was so relieved to find out that Sweety's sister is hosting Thanksgiving dinner! Yay for socially retarded me! Now I can just make a couple of side dishes to take and not have a bunch of people looking at the dog hair on my carpet. You know what I wish? I wish I could take my own cooking pans to Boston Market and they'd cook up something in them. But since that's not possible, I guess I'll build my own broccoli cheese casserole or something.

Good God Almighty. Tiny dog is asleep on my leg and just farted. My leg is all warm now and I think I'm going to puke.

The sprogs are out of school this week for Thanksgiving break and it's time to scrounge up some lunch for them.

When It Rains, It Pours

Warning: I think I'm rambling.

What a week this has been. I went to Texas last Friday morning and got back Wednesday night. I think I'm in the middle of a tiny metal crackdown. It was hard being in Texas.

My exhusband spoke with me last Wednesday night and asked me if I could get up there as soon as possible to help him out with the things that needed to be done so far as dealing with his sister's funeral and being with his mom. He said if I would come up there and help him get through this that he'd never bother me again. This was the first time that I'd spoken to him in 6 or 7 years. And I don't hate his guts anymore or want him to suffer needlessly so I went to Texas a little sooner than I'd planned on. (I'd planned on getting up there just in time for the funeral and then staying a few days.) It was weird being around him. I guess he's gotten his shit together and doesn't drink like he used to. I think I got to see the person that I knew he could be. We got along like we'd just seen each other yesterday. It was Twilight Zoneish. He told me that he was glad that I was doing okay and I told him that to be honest, I'd cursed him for a couple of years but that I am really happy that he's doing well too. We had a chance to talk and apologies were exchanged over about what a rotten note our marriage ended on. I want him to have a nice life.

The funeral was on Saturday and while everyone was leaving the cemetery the police came and got the kids (my niece and nephew) and took them to their paternal grandfather's house. Their biological dad is in prison and will be there for another 30 or so years. Before he went to prison, he didn't have anything to do with the kids but he wants to exercise his paternal rights now and have them taken in by his family. The kids are totally freaked out. Not only is their mom gone but now they can't be around the people that they know. I was going to try and have his paternal rights severed and try to adopt the kids but after speaking with a lawyer (who told me it was a longshot and would be an uphill battle all the way since I'm no longer related to them and live out of state) decided that it would probably do more harm than good right now. It would cost an arm and a leg and there's not a good chance that I'd win because I'm so far away and not related to them anymore. I just feel so bad because they'd always been told if something ever happened to their mom that they'd go live with me. But of course, their mom didn't have anything in writing.

Right now the kids are at their dad's brother's house but their dad wants them to go to his cousin and his family (people the kids have never met before either). The kids were taken to the cousin's house yesterday and threw such a fit about being there that their dad's brother and his wife came and got them. I hope if they stay with their dad's family that they end up with his brother and wife. Their dad's family had said at first that the kids could go see their mom's side of the family this weekend but it seems that that's on hold. I tried to call the kids last night and was told that they were in the shower and their aunt tried to call too and was told the same thing at a different time. They must've been in one long shower, huh?

Oh and another bit of good luck that's found me - last Wednesday (before I went to Texas), I was driving and some kid basically ran into me on his bike. But since I was the grown up in a car, I'm screwed. Life is so good.

I came home from work early today because I couldn't open my mouth without crying and I've spent much of my day molesting the toilet because my stomach is a wreck and Sweety is pissed that I came home early. I just couldn't stay there. He has a very strong work ethic - he worked once for a couple of days with a broken ankle because there was nobody else there to do the job - and he thinks I should be the same way. I know that everybody goes through shit and deals with it but I just can't today. I resolve to suck it up and go back to work on Sunday and be happy and cheerful in my daily life. Or maybe I'll get lucky and a fucking meteor will smash me and I can sleep for awhile. Speaking of sleep, I guess being in Texas and dealing with everything that's going on has given me some horrid dreams. I'm not enjoying sleeping too much right now and that's usually my most favorite thing.

On a happier note, fat ass Tiny dog lost about 1.5 pounds while I was gone. Now she just has 2 chins instead of 5 and she can run a lot faster.

Hola

Thanks to everyone for the nice comments below and for checking on me. I appreciate it.

I've been in Texas since last Friday morning and am going home tomorrow. I have stuff to talk about and a nice juicy keyboard vomit is forthcoming but I have to get through some things this afternoon first.

Please direct your good thoughtbeams to me in East Texas at 3:30 p.m. EST. They're needed.

What a messed up world.

I just found out that one of my friends died last night. She was my ex-SIL but we've always been really close. She's my age. I guess she felt tired and went to bed and that was it. She'd always said that if anything ever happened to her that she wanted me to take her kids and I'd agreed. We didn't have anything in writing so I don't know what's going to happen with that.

I think I'm going to take a blog break. I need to sit with the covers over my head for awhile. I'll see you all next weekish.

Unconscious Mutterings

Sweety is a big sleep talker. He piped up the other night that when he was reincarnated that he'd like to come back as a canary and live in a big, round, golden cage. We talked for a good 10 minutes about his daily life as a bird before I thought to record it. Notice how I told him that being a white bird wouldn't keep him from being dirty? I like to skew his dreams in an unhealthy manner if the opportunity presents itself.

I have a lot of fun talking to him at night. If I can't sleep, I can start talking to him and hear all about what he's doing in dreamland.

(o) (o)

I think a good rule to use when you are getting your breasts enlarged is to have them be no bigger than 75% of your head size.

There was some chick in the grocery store the other day and, I kid you not, her tits were the bigger than her head. She had a freakishly small pinhead and these big balloons sitting under it. I couldn't help but look at her and imagine her face on her chest also. Have you ever seen a shrunken head? That's what kind of face she had - low ears, duck lips, fish eyes. And the huge chest ornaments just really drew attention to her tiny head.

It so surprised me to look up and see them headed my way that I actually exclaimed, "Holy shit, Sweety! Do you see those?" while jabbing him with my elbow and I wasn't the least bit discreet about it. Generally, I'm not one to curse in public or let someone know that I'm looking at them but my manners were temporarily stunned.

I haven't been able to get the image of her out of my mind and I hope that by purging myself of the experience that the memory will fade.

Good Day

It's been a weird few days for me but today was finer than hair on a frog's ass.

A friend and I went to a day spa. Massage, facial, manicure and hair styled. It was great! I'd never had a massage before and I've gotta say - it was fantastic. Then we went to the movies (The Departed. Pretty good show.) and dinner.

I haven't really went anywhere with anyone since I've been down here. She's the wife of one of Sweety's friends and we've all been out together before but never alone. I was afraid that it would be odd, being out without our husbands, but it was just lovely!

It seems that I started this post off with some witty ideas in mind but I'm too damn sleepy to bring them to fruition. I'm glad that I'm already bundled in bed.

Goodnight.

Well rats. Not "goodnight". Sweety just called. He rode with someone to his bowling game and wants me to meet him somewhere so they don't have to drive all the way to our house to drop him off. He was surprised when I told him that I was already in bed. Hellllooo! It's almost midnight! I think I'll just wear my robe to go fetch him.

Thanksgiving. Gah.

Do any of you all remember my last year's HNT Thanksgiving time photo? It's me, nekkid behind the Boston Market bag because that's where our Thanksgiving dinner comes from because I'm not good at cooking that sort of thing.

The first year we were married - I cooked the giblet bag in the turkey. We wondered why it took so long to cook and then Sweety pulled out the "surprise" when carving the turkey.

The next year - We bought a ham and I cooked side dishes. Sweety's sister was eating with us and cleaned her plate. I realized later that the green bean casserole wasn't done and it was like eating boiled shoelaces. I don't know how she managed to choke hers down. I threw mine away.

Once I cooked a frozen pizza with the cardboard still on the bottom.

Guess what? We're having company for Thanksgiving! Shitshitshitshit. Sweety's Dad and Stepmother. I like them both but I sure do hate having people here. Entertaining and feeding people are not among my strengths.

Last night, Sweety told me I'd have to cook a turkey for everyone and I flipped out. He realized that I was fixing to have a nervous breakdown and told me that we'd continue our tradition of purchasing the meal. Good. I'm hoping his sister will volunteer to have Thanksgiving dinner at her house.

I'd much rather have my in-laws think (know?) that I'm too lazy to cook than know that I'm a sucky cook.

This visit also means that I have to get the house company clean. This will also include shampooing the dog feet smell out of the carpet. What fun.

Quack Quack

Man, I feel crummy. If there was a duck here, I'd kick it. Nothing more humorous than seeing a duck waddle around with a hurt ass.

The weather's been changing here and my sinuses have staged a protest. The protest includes lots of coughing at night, coughing sporadically throughout the day, snot (lots of snot) and an overall shitty mood. I'm a real peach to be around right now.

The whole Halloween trick or treating thing went well. The plan was to go to this carnival in town where a bunch of businesses were giving out candy outside and then I was going to get dressed up and walk the neighborhood with them. By the time we left the carnival and hit a good neighborhood on the way home, the boys didn't want to go around our neighborhood. Which is a good thing for me because the costume I was going to wear was an alien costume with a latex head and it would've been hot as hell in there.

That's BigBrother in the white shirt and LittleBrother.



Small children cried when they saw BB's mask. Tiny dog is terrified of it too.

And here they are with their spoils.



My favorite part of having kids it taking some of their Halloween candy as tax.

Just so everyone knows - I'm totally burnt out on the songs White and Nerdy by Weird Al and Chain Hang Low by Jibbs. These are the boys' current favorite songs and I've probably heard them eleventy billion times in the past two weeks. Shoot me now.

My current favorite song? Weasel Stomping Day by Weird Al. It gets me good and pumped up on the way to work.

Some Affirmation, Please.

I'm cleaning out the icebox and I think some sort of evolutionary process has begun on the bottom shelf. Please tell me that I'm not the only person with an icebox that is so filthy you could plant potatoes in it.

Hello? Anyone?

Happy Halloween!

More Than You Need To Know

I was digging through my purse earlier and thought I'd share it's contents with the masses.



First Row

Earplugs - Just in case I need to take an emergency nap.

Crazy pills - To keep me from setting anybody on fire.

Thumbtack - You never know when you'll meet a boil that needs lancing.

Broken key ring thingy - It has a heart and "Mom" written on the front. LittleBrother gave it to me for Christmas a couple of years ago and I keep it even though it's broken.

Drink coaster from Chili's - Where it's always happy hour!

Birthstone ring - A gift from a friend. It's broken and I carry it around in case I find somewhere that I want to leave it to be fixed.

Soup spoon - Stolen from my favorite Mexican restaurant in East Texas. I used to use it when I was cooking drugs but I've kicked the habit since finding a better use for my syringes. Now I use it for soup.

Second Row

Eyebrow pencil & lipstick & nail polish - Because you never know who you're gonna run into.

Empty bottle of something & empty birth control packet.

Face powder & magnifying mirror - Because I own the world's greasiest face.

Glitter glue sticks & glitter pen - Have I mentioned that I love glitter?

Nacho Libre pen - I love Nacho.

Cough drops & pennies - I always have pennies. Good for hurling at bums.

Two sulfide (?) pills - My Mom gave them to me in June. She said they'd get rid of my sinus infection. I should probably eat them now.

Row Three

Hairbrush - Stolen from Sweety. It's more fun to use since it's stolen.

Identification & credit/debit cards.

Trash & coupons - I'm bad about carrying receipts around forever.
If I see a website or something that I think I might like to cook for the family in a magazine, I'll rip it out and carry it with me forever. I may never utilize any of the recipes but it makes me feel like I'm doing something for my family by carrying the recipes around.

It Wasn't Me

This weekend a friend and her husband went to a home improvement center to purchase tile. Lots and lots of tile. Slate tile and pretty little sparkly accent tiles, pretty stuff. When they got there the staff and management were very uncooperative and all seemed to have their heads stuck up their asses.

The husband had been to the center earlier that morning and a worker had given him a business card and told him that they'd have a new delivery later. When the husband presented the card to the manager on duty later that day and asked where all the tile was, the manager told him that he must have been there last night and not that morning because the person who gave out the business card didn't work that morning but he did work the night before and there was no new shipment. WTF? Did the manager really think the husband got confused and had really been there the night before and not just 2 hours earlier?

The friend and husband were circling their pallet of tile, waiting (for what seemed like FOREVER) to find someone to check them out. Then my friend saw that some worker (who was no doubt as stupid and as unhelpful as the day is long) had left their cup of coffee out in the open, on top of the counter where you put your stuff to be checked out.

So, she stuck her pointy finger in it (the coffee was still hot!) and swished it around a few times. It made her feel better and she hopes that the coffee belonged to one of the idiots that they had dealt with.

My peep has been up for 79 days now! So go click it and keep me there. Click with a cheerful heart and click often. Or at least the once or twice a day that the peeps system will count your vote.

Or else my friend will come to your house and stick her finger in your coffee.

I Feel Dirty

When I was a kid, we had a cat. I spent many evenings with him on my lap while I read books or watched t.v. Sometimes he'd do this little thing where he used his front paws to knead the blanket over my legs and he'd purr loudly while doing it. He really liked it if I gave his head a good hard pet while this was going on. I just saw a video of a cat fucking a blanket and I now realize that's what he was doing. Up until now, I'd always thought he was just doing what cats do to show that they're content.

I am so embarrassed.

Added @ 11:11 p.m.
Here is the video that brought back so many memories.
Thanks for linking this in the comments, Jeni!