Run, Spot! Run!

This afternoon Sweety's sister dropped her bassett hound and chihuahua off to be watched by us for the next week.

At around 9:30 tonight - the chihuahua got loose.

Sweety was walking him and he just slipped out of his collar and took off like a bat out of hell. We combed the neighborhood and after about an hour and a half we saw him hiding in the bushes and managed to corral him into the yard.

That was the worst 90 minutes of my life. SIL loves her dog like I love my dogs and all I could think about was how awful it was going to be to tell her that her neurotic little dog had flown the coop.

The little turd is hiding behind the couch right now. I might just let him potty in the damn house so I'll know there's no chance of escape.

Can You Hear Me?

Dear Pete*,

Please let today go by quickly.

Please smite all of the stupid people RIGHT NOW!

Thank you and Amen.



* Since I always yell "for Pete's sake" and "for the love of Pete", I've started directing prayers there too.
I'll let you know how well it works.

Not Half Nekkid Today

Has anyone seen my "oomph" or my "get up and go"? I think they've ran away from home.

I feel so blahed out this morning. I'll be glad when Saturday gets here.

Tiny Dog posted a couple of days ago. She's feeling more chipper than me.

And why have I been having such a hard time posting and commenting with Blogger for the past 2 days? Huh? Whyyyyyyyyyyy?!

I feel a bit of whiny bitch coming on. Have to tamp that down before I get to work.

I Am Such A Nerd

This heat coupled with the love bugs being thick in the air really sucks. (ha! i used "coupled" in the same sentence as "love bug"!) When picking up LittleBrother from school, I had to keep my mouth shut to keep the nasty little things out. Yech.

I finally finished the game that I've been hiding from LB and passed it on to him today. I know that Sweety was sick of looking over and seeing me playing it. Now he can watch LB play it for the next couple of weeks.

BigBrother has a science project that's due the end of October. We came up with (what we thought) was a great idea: Find out which spoils faster - skim milk or whole milk. His teacher vetoed it though. At first she said she didn't want him to taste it because it might make him sick and when we said "okay, he'll just sniff it." she didn't like that either. She said he might get sick from SNIFFING the bad milk. Huh? I really don't think that's possible. She probably thinks that you can get AIDS from a handshake too.

We're going to be dog-sitting next week! Sweety's sister is going on vacation and we're keeping her bassett hound and chihuahua. Her's are both boys and I'm thinking of taping their weenies down to keep them off of Stinky and Tiny. With vigilant supervision, I am sure that we'll have a nice visit. Her chihuahua is the biggest sissy that I've ever seen. He's afraid of his own shadow. They all came over last night for a test run and he'd sit on the couch but divebomb off the back (slamming into the wall in the process) if anyone twitched. I think we'll be able to get him socialized next week. That or give him a heart attack.

And now I'll reveal something even dorkier than having my OWN dog's blog....

I'm going to make one for them while they're here. I guess Sweety told his sister about Tiny's site and they want me to do one for her dogs while they're here so she can keep up with them.

I'm off to search for templates now!

What Doesn't Kill You...

I have a bad habit of being very nondiscriminatory when it comes to eating leftovers. A bit of green on the cheese? Pinch it off! Been in the icebox 3 days? A week? 10 days? As long as it doesn't smell funny or isn't slimy then I think it's okay to eat.

This morning I ate some leftover steak. I'm not sure when it was cooked but I remembered eating it the first time so I figured it was okay. But it seems that was not the case.

This has been a not so good morning.

I think I'll reevaluate my policy on noshing on leftovers.

Play Ball!

I drank too much beer last night and woke up in a motel not knowing where I was. The first time I woke up (at about 2 a.m.), I didn't know who Sweety was. I thought to myself "Oh shit. Who's this guy sleeping behind me that I went home with? I'll figure it out when the sun comes up." I only had 4 or 5 beers but that stuff really hit me hard.

This was our view today:

Please excuse the fact that the 3rd base line is crooked. I'm still getting the hang of taking panoramic style photos with my camera. Next time we go to a game, I want to sit in the seats right behind the dugout. I think that would be cool.

There was some monkey sitting right beside us today and he kept beating on the signboard that was hanging in front of us. It didn't seem to concern him that he was whaling the shit out of something that could fall and squash people down below. To alleviate some of my annoyance - I videoed him. You can view that here. We listened to that beating sound for at least half of the ballgame.

Tiny Dog got a souvenir too.

Nifty!

Check out this site. You put in the url of the webpage you'd like to see and it makes it look like a Word document. Especially good for when you're dinking around at work and don't want your computer screen to look too suspicious.

Toilet Seats, Toadstools & Teachers

Are any of you real germaphobes that always use those little paper rings on toilet seats to protect yourself? Those things scare me. I NEVER use them. (Instead, I always wipe down the seat to make sure it is totally dry before seating myself.) You know how you can get a piece of paper wet and the water kinda crawls up it? I'm always afraid that I'm going to pee on part of the ring somehow and it's going to become saturated and get me all wet before I can leap from the seat. Those paper sheets are good for blotting your face if it's greasy though.

I have discovered something that is even more fulfilling than toadstool punting! Smacking them with a golf club! Wooooo-hooooo! I had myself a blast in the yard a couple of days ago. The whole family came out to watch. Now, the boys know if they see a toadstool to come and fetch me. Sweety wanted to take a photo but I didn't think that the internet was ready for a golf-club-wielding-robe-wearing-bed-headed-Chickie. And I was too excited about getting busy on the toadstools to wait for him to get the camera.

Have you ever wondered what was going on in the teacher's mind during Open House? Go visit Thomas and he can enlighten you. (I totally lost it when he said something about pinching himself.)

Happy HNT!

This week's Half Nekkid Thursday is proudly presented by Tiny Dog.

She's a remote control hog.



Only 2 more days til the weekend! Woo hoo!

*yawn*

I worked yesterday so I could be off on Sunday. We're going to see the Yankees play in Tampa. I'm excited. No dogs + No kids = I can drink beer and eat nachos while watching the game! I don't really know too much about baseball but I do know that I like spending the night in hotel rooms and getting to take an hour long shower without having to worry about the water bill.

Tiny Dog bit the hell out of me last night. I was putting a shirt on her and she didn't like it. Perhaps I should take it as a lesson that dogs don't need to wear clothes? Nah, I won't.

I have to get the house clean today so the dog sitter doesn't freak out when she comes over to walk the canines this weekend. There is a mountain of laundry staring at me and various bits of clutter are mocking me throughout the house.

I wonder, are people that are "morning people" all grouchy in the evening like I'm grouchy in the morning?

Hide Your Babies!

It's Talk Like A Pirate Day and there's no telling what could happen.

Sometimes I See Red

LittleBrother called his mother to pick him up after being in school for 2 hours on Thursday (he felt just fine when he was dropped off by Sweety that morning though) and didn't go to school at all on Friday. He said his stomach felt funny. Wasn't puking or pooping just didn't feel good. Wah-fucking-wah.

You know what REALLY pisses me off about him not going to school on Friday?

As I've mentioned before, out of the goodness of my coal-black heart, I had Sweety tell the ExWife that she could drop BigBrother off here in on Friday mornings and I'd take him to school so she wouldn't have to make two trips out since she lives farther away from the school than we do.

Well, on Friday that stunned cunt didn't take LB to school but she still brought BB out here so I could get up a fucking hour early and take him to school. She did this so Sweety wouldn't know right away that LB didn't go to school.

I guess if you're a high school dropout and make your living by working the system then you don't think it's a big deal if your kid doesn't go to school every day.

Fucking stupid whore. I hate her.

Cupcakes Deliver a Beatdown to Muffins

A couple of weeks ago I bought a crumb cake mix and baked it up in cupcake tins. And it was good. Reeeeally good. <--insert Nacho Libre voice there. Have I mentioned that I've seen that movie twice? Popcorn for the brain and it made me hurt myself laughing. So good that the boys wanted to eat them for breakfast and that gave me an idea. "Hey! I'll let them eat this CAKE for breakfast and then next week I'll make some healthy muffins and they'll be in little baking tins like these so they'll be falling all over themselves to eat them!"

Ha.

The fat-free wild blueberry muffins did not go over as I'd anticipated. They each ate one right after they were made but when I offered them for breakfast the next day they said they'd already eaten some drywall and were full. The box says "Taste so good you can't tell they're fat free." but that's a lie. The only way I found them palatable was if they were cut in half with butter smeared on them.

Oatmeal Brain

I feel like a mush-head. I don't know why. Just do.

Thank you to all of you sweet people that commented on the HNT post!

Once you have kids, do you have to share everything with them? LittleBrother saw that I have a game on my cell phone. It's an adventure game and I've been playing it for a couple of weeks and saving my progress as I go. (I have actually have hidden in the bathroom to play it.) He kept pestering to play it and I let him and he undid about 2 hours worth of work. Now I don't want him to touch it but he's all pouty about it. I don't ask him if I can wear his toy wrestling belts around the house or try to play his game station. Am I being completely immature for not wanting to let a 9 year old wreck my game? Dammit, it's on my cell phone. I shouldn't have to share.

Oh yeah, you know I mentioned that Tiny's been coughing for a couple of days? Last night she gagged out a piece of string that was about 3 inches long. It looked like it was made from the lint that collects in the pockets of blue jeans. I'm just glad it didn't get into her gutwork and kill her. I'm thinking of making her wear a muzzle around the house to keep random things out of her mouth. Greedy dog.

It seems like I had something else to say but I'm too tired and cranky to think.

Hola!

A little something from when Sweety was chasing me around with the camera.



Happy Half Nekkid Thursday! Go here to find more half nekkidness!


Psst! Give this a click and help me out at 25 Peeps!

Ouch!

My foot is in bad shape. I got some new shoes and wore them for the first time on Monday. I had a pair just like them but they'd been worn to pieces so these are duplicates and I wasn't expecting any problems. Whenever I'd walked anywhere that day, it felt like the back of my foot was on fire but I figured it was too far from my head to kill me and just ignored it. When I got into my car Monday night and looked at the damage I realized what a mess it was. The cuff of my pant leg was wet from my foot bleeding onto it. I think the shoe almost severed my Achilles tendon. Now I can't wear shoes that cover my whole foot so tomorrow I'll wear a cute dress with some slingbacks and with my mangled, band-aided foot peeking out.

Something is stuck in Tiny Dog's throat. She's been hacking since yesterday like she needs to yack out a hairball or something. She's eating and drinking okay and I crammed my finger down her throat but didn't find any blockage. For once, I wish she'd just puke and get it over with.

There's some jackass that waits in line to get his kid from school and while waiting he chain smokes and tosses his cigarette butts in the parking lot. He also usually has a toddler sitting in the backseat. I guess if you blow your smoke away from the kid then you aren't contaminating his lungs. He's been getting the evil eye from me for the past month but it's not changing his habit. I am dying to gather the butts and toss them into the back of his nice, shiny, new, 4X4 pickup truck. What I'd really like to do is take one of the fresh ones and stub it out on his truck. I wonder how badly I'd get my ass beaten if I did that? I think I could outrun him.

People that litter with their used cigarettes and people that park their car on the crosswalk are my pet peeves. I need to get busy building a photon death-ray gun.

Personal Injury & Growing Pains

So, this Saturday night while being a bit frisky, I almost broke Sweety's leg. He was laying down and I was doing a position move and sat down on the bed and also squarely on his knee. We heard it crunch. That totally killed the mood. It's still hurting him. Whenever I try to touch him now he cowers down and cries. Eh, he'll get over it. You can replace knees, right? He needs to get himself a nice titanium one.

My little dog is growing up. Here she is about a year ago.
A dainty, well-mannered canine.


And now.
A wall eating, head humping character.


She's got white, bushy, old-man eyebrows now and a beard. I'm thinking of coloring her hair with a permanent marker. That shirt in the top photo? Gone. She ate it.

Being a Slug Today

All of the electronics in my life have been rebelling lately.

I tried to use my camera this morning and got some kind of error message. I panicked for 30 minutes thinking that I'd broken it and was going to have to just throw it away before I got the problem figured out. I should probably just go back to taking Polaroid photos. Easier.

As was mentioned awhile back, I got a new cell phone with magical internet surfing abilities. The first month of online usage was free and then afterwards we bought the unlimited media package so I could be online an unlimited number of minutes. The July phone bill was okay but August's was almost 300 freaking dollars because they didn't have the unlimited minutes set up. I called them and they credited us for $200 and promised that things would be fixed this month. Ha-effing-ha. Cell phone bill for September? $600 dollars! Ack! I just called them and they agreed that it was wrong and are crediting $475 dollars and swore that it would be correct next month. This month they weren't able to issue an instant credit because of the high amount and said they'll call me in 5-7 days when it's credited. I'm afraid something is going to happen and they're going to tell me that I missed something in the fine print of the phone contract and we really do owe that much money. It's nice that they've been so agreeable to crediting things but I'd really like it to be correct from the get go.

Sweety was appalled that I'd managed to rack up $475 in usage time on my phone. Having the phone has really helped with my internet/blog addiction. On my lunch break now I'm able to go read blogs instead of doing things like eating lunch. And this way I don't spend as much time online at home on the computer.

I have totally screwed up our desktop computer. I tried to reformat it and I think it's dead. When payday gets here I'm hauling it to a repair shop to see if a professional can breathe some life back into it.

It's just me and the canines at home this afternoon. Sweety's joined a bowling league that plays every other weekend and I didn't feel like tagging along today. Sometimes, it's nice to be home alone. I will lay around for the next 6 hours and then frantically clean up the place before he gets home so it looks like I've been busy all day.

Has anybody out there ever had a hairdo that their significant other really hated? Did you change it? I got my hair done a few days ago and I had a lot of red put in it instead of just the little bit that was there the last time it was done. (That photo doesn't do it justice. It's almost a crayon red color.) I love it but Sweety hates it. It'll lighten up within the next few washes anyway. I think he should be happy that I don't have blue streaks. I've always wanted blue streaks in my hair. Or maybe he should be happy that the worst thing I'm doing is coloring my hair in a manner that isn't pleasing to him. At least I'm not out sucking somebody else's dick.

Tiny has finally resumed blogging and tossed out a new post. Hmmm, maybe I will give her blog a makeover today.
It is now 2 hours later and I've given my dog's blog a new look. I am insane.

I'm It!

Amy was kind enough to tag me with a meme that I feel capable of doing. She's assigned 5 words and I get to list the first things that pop into my head.

Chagrin - Red & Suffocating (because I feel as if I'm going to hold my breath til I turn red and smother when I'm good and chagrined)

Vodka - Puke (some of my worst vomits ever were after drinking vodka)

Dimples - Butt

Uterus - Empty

Armpit - Florida (I hate Florida)

And then I quizzed my almost sleeping Sweety to see what his answers would be.

Chagrin - Canoe Canoe? What the hell is going on in his head?

Vodka - Shits

Dimples - Ass

Uterus - Reusable

Armpit - Florida

I'm not tagging anybody but if you'd like to play in the comments then here are your words!

Toast

Fried

Web

Bear

Holiday

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

Sometimes, I am a neglectful pet owner and let Tiny dog run out of food. I scramble eggs for her when this happens. The smell of eggs cooking makes me gag but Tiny loves to get an omelet.



And if you are so inclined, you could give my photo on the sidebar a click to help me out at 25 peeps.

Have a great Thursday!

From Headsets to Hit & Runs

I hate seeing people walking around with those phone headset things clipped over their ears. Who can be calling you that it's so important that you must keep that thing strapped to your head all the damn time? I'm a pretty polite cell phone user. I don't talk on it if I'm walking around the grocery store or anywhere in public where other people would have to listen. I'll walk off to the side somewhere and not subject everyone else to whatever I'm gossiping about.

BigBrother and I went to the library this afternoon and saw that there was a police officer there escorting unattended kids out. If you were hanging out at the library, waiting for your mom to pick you up after school then you had to wait outside. I don't think that's fair. It's not like the kids were being loud or anything. BB was afraid the officer would tell him to go outside so he wouldn't go look at books by himself and just followed me around instead. I told him he didn't have to worry about that but he didn't like the idea of the police even speaking to him.

Speaking of police...

There have been a few instances around here over the last few weeks where officers have been ran over. Apparently, the officers on motorcycles will stand somewhere and when they clock someone speeding, they will walk into traffic to shoo the offender onto the side of the road to get their ticket. One guy is being charged with murder because not only did he run an officer down - he also fled the scene. That kinda freaks me out because I could see myself doing something like that. Honestly, I'd probably just keep on driving til I got home and could call Sweety and freak out if I plowed someone down. I just don't think it's a good idea to stroll into oncoming traffic even if you are a policeman. Whatever happened to chasing people down with your blue lights flashing and pulling them over to give them a ticket?



I'll never look at a pickle in the same way.

Yum!

I was having a hard time coming up with new things to cook. Thank goodness that I found PETSorFOOD.com! It'll be a great day when I get to use the puppies that have been ordered.

What would be some good side dishes to serve with Golden Retriever?

What A Crappy Night

I came home from work to find that my beloved laptop was dead. It only took 4 hours and one reformat to get back online.

While dinking with the computer and reassuring the children that I wasn't angry that they were the last ones to touch the computer before it died - Tiny dog took a shit on the floor.

I tripped over Stinky dog and almost broke my leg.

And then Sweety came home to have this conversation with me:

"Hey, lets have a baby soon!"

*blink* *blink* "No, Sweety. Not anytime soon. We will someday. Maybe."

"Why don't you get in shape and THEN get pregnant?"

"Wow! I think that's the most insulting thing that anyone's ever said to me! Congratulations on being that lucky individual!"

On that note, I shooed Sweety out the door and to work.

My oaf of a husband and his computer breaking children will be lucky to see the sun rise.

Start Your Engines!

Sweety did some landscaping today and in the process got burnt to a damn crisp. I know it's gotta be hurting because he's asleep on his stomach and letting out the occasional whimper.

After he got finished toasting himself in the yard, he toted us to the racetrack. When we got there, Sweety snagged us a space in one of the skybooth-thingys but I vetoed the idea because we were all dressed like bums. I felt a little too grubby to be around people that had their shirts tucked in. Our seats were pretty good and it wasn't too hot by the time the race started. It was neat because we were sitting right by one of the turns on the track and got a good look whenever there were any crashes.



There was a kid sitting in front of us and he had a huge mole on the side of his face. And it was hairy. Real hairy. I was dying to smooth it down. If me or one of my loved ones ever gets a big fuzzy mole - I will shave it. I think it'd be distracting enough to have that on your head but to have it look like a tiny bearskin rug makes it worse.

I was able to use the race to introduce the boys to the joys of earplugs! We didn't think to take any the last time we went to a race and we all damn near went deaf. My heart swelled with pride when LittleBrother announced that he wanted to keep his earplugs and use them when he went to bed. He is starting to pick up my sloth-like ways. It pleased me so much to cram them in his ears at bedtime. I can't wait to hear about what a nice sleep he had!

I should seal my eardrums off and hit the hay now too.

The Hounds

Stinky dog doesn't get written up here as much as Tiny because she just doesn't do as much.



Some of Tiny's hidden treasures are circled.

Tiny was puking into my hand while Stinky was lounging. She was on my lap and started to gag and I didn't want her to barf on the couch so I put my hand under her mouth. A wad of foamy spit came rocketing out. I think she ate a hairball and it made her ill but she's okay now. That was the nastiest thing that I've ever willingly touched.

Of Dogs & Kids

First off - Have you seen the photo that Bekah put up a couple of days ago? Go look! I love it!

I feel so sorry for the neighbor's dog. He's an excited terrier of some sort and the poor little guy is always restrained. They don't have a fenced yard so he gets tied up outside at 6:30 a.m. and comes into the garage to sleep in a crate at night. He gets untied and played with for maybe 30 minutes or so a day. And he barks constantly.

Now, I don't think everyone should be a super-fantastic pet owner like me and dress their dog in darling clothes and let it run the household but I don't think that a dog should always be restrained. What's the point of having a dog then? It's not like he's a guard dog. I may see if he can come over for a playdate with Tiny and Stinky in our yard sometime. It is my secret hope that maybe I can buy him from them at some point. They'll probably let him dry up and die on his rope before that happens though.

Last week, when the cuntofanExWife raised my hackles and Sweety took BigBrother for a walk to talk to him? At the end of the talk, Sweety asked BB if there was anything he could do to make his life better. Do you know what BB said? C'mon, just guess.
.
.
.
"You and mom could get back together."

I tried to not take it personally but for a brief moment after Sweety told me what he said - I wanted to give BB a suckerpunch and say "Thanks a lot, kid!". He'd like for them to be together because he thinks his mother wouldn't be stressed out about money. I'm glad that he didn't say that he wanted it to happen because he hates my guts.

The open house for BB's school was last night and I wasn't able to go because of my pesky job. (It had been planned for Tuesday night but was cancelled due to pesky tropical storm Ernesto.) And I was totally freaked out worrying "oh great, BB is going to see his parents together and start thinking about who knows what!". This whole stepparenting thing can be a real bitch sometimes.

Happy September, Everyone!