Not Thinking

I worked overtime today. This is not something I normally do. But I felt guilty because I'd missed a bit of work this past month due to illness and coming in would help make my team's numbers better for the month.

And then after working I decided to go to the mall and buy a shirt. What the fuck was I thinking? I couldn't find shit that fit right. I've decided that I'm not buying any new clothes til I lose 30 pounds. I did buy 2 new bras and some granny panties to wear so you won't be able to see my nakedness if my clothes start getting holey before it's time to buy new ones.

When I got home Sweety was looking at my purchases. And he put my new drawers on. That means that between my weight gain and Sweety's weight loss we can wear the same underwear. If I'd have known that, I'd have saved my money and just started wearing his. The ones he put on had polka dots and a sparkly cherry on the front. Unfortunately, I wasn't quick enough to capture it on film.

Got paid this morning and am broke again but it feels good. I am able to mark one of my little bills off my list because it's paid off now. My plan is to pay off my credit card before the summer and then charge it back up when I go on vacation this summer.

We have our regularly scheduled trip to Oklahoma/Texas planned and then we're making time for the blogger/hnt get together. I don't think Sweety is too crazy about the location but he's coming with me. I think he'll have fun. He'll have more fun with me than he would sitting at home wondering what the hell I was doing by myself in the big city.

My work buddy, PM (aka Titus in the comments) has gotten a new job so he'll be leaving soon. I'm going to miss having him around but I'm happy for him because he's going to a better place. (gee, that sounded like a eulogy.) When I worked overnights I worked with him every night but since starting this new schedule we're on different teams and I only see him a couple of times a week. I'm glad that I haven't been working with him too much the last few months. This way his leaving won't cause as much separation anxiety as it would have awhile back.

Tiny dog drew blood when Sweety was harassing her the other night. I think she's developed a taste for it.

Domestic Issues

I don't remember exactly what happened on Saturday afternoon to put me in such a pissy mood. I know I came outside to bond with the family and Sweety made some crack about how I would just stay out for a couple of minutes and then go back in. And I'd actually come outside with the intention of staying out there as long as him and the boys were outside. But when he said that I got annoyed. And then I just didn't really have anything to say so I did go back in. But I told him first I was finished using words on him for the day. Later when I came out I said something to him he remarked on my broken vow of silence so I said something snarky like 'i figure as long as i live with you, i may as well talk to you'. And we made nice-nice but I was still pissed over some things that were said and I was kinda freaked out by some of the things that were floating around in my noggin that I was thinking of saying. Things like "I'm just gonna take the canines and put them in the car and go to Oklahoma".

So before bed I wrote the Words post. When he called to apologize last night he told me that he realized how upset I was after he read that post and he felt bad. At that time I'd already written the previous post about poking out his eye with the microwave so I went back and edited it.

When he got home last night he was being very nice. I got a full body massage using some kind of good smelling oils and then he actually scrubbed me down in the shower. And then we had some fantastic bedroom gymnastics. As we were getting settled in for sleep, Sweety read this post. The conversation went as follows:

Him: Well you motherfucker. Next time we have sex I'm just gonna get mine and then roll away. Talking about braining me with the damn microwave. Why don't you just rig up a shotgun to blow me away? Or maybe put a full paint can above the door to land on me? How about you just douse me in gasoline the next time I'm in the shower and set me on fire?

Me: (I can't speak because I'm laughing to hard. And I'm trying to snicker quietly because I can tell he's really offended.)

Him: I think I'm gonna fix your laptop so it fucking electrocutes you the next time you open it up. You should watch that "Home Alone" movie and get yourself some more ideas.

Me: I did edit the post...

Him: Yeah, but you were thinking of blinding me with my own microwave.

And on that note, we went to sleep. And I slept with one eye open.

Heh.

We keep our microwave on top of the icebox. And the icebox sits just inside the kitchen where the door to the garage is. I just realized if I opened the door to the microwave and turned all the lights off that Sweety would probably lose an eye (or whack himself in the head really good at the least) on the prong thing that holds the door closed when he walks into it. I could even hide in the pantry and witness the carnage. The idea came to me as I was getting something to drink and it tickled me so much that soda came out of my nose.

I was pretty pissy with him yesterday but thought I was over it today. Maybe, subconsciously, I'm not.

It's nice to know that the microwave can be used as my secret weapon.

Edited @ 10:47 p.m. - Sweety just called and offered a fine apology for yesterday. He is safe from the microwave.

Words

Isn't it scary how powerful words can be? That you can open your mouth and by saying a few syllables, change your life? Sometimes I keep quiet because I don't know what I may say. Maybe I'll say something nice or maybe I'll say something that's best unsaid.

Late Night Lunacy (i love alliteration!)

I think every bag of Cheetos should come with 2 little fingertip gloves for your pointy finger and thumb. So you don't get the orange fingers. I don't mind the orange fingers at home but at work I feel kinda conspicuous sucking it off. So the gloves would be nice.

Sushi made it's debut at the jobsite cafeteria today. The California rolls tempted me (when I eat it, I know it's "fake" sushi but I can't handle unheated fish) and when I got a little heavy with my wasabi hand, I damn near choked to death. In a vain attempt to put out the fire I ate one of those pieces of ginger (which I now know are the parsley of the oriental dining world. not tasty but pretty on the plate) And it tasted just like my sea salt body scrub smells. And that made me gag and want to rub it on my elbows to exfoliate them. I don't know why, but whenever I see those thinly sliced ginger pieces I have the urge to lay them across my eyelids and walk around looking like I have no eyes just to freak people out. I bet the ginger would burn the eyes though.

Payday is only 4 days away! Woo hoo! I may have mentioned that when I started my new schedule in October that I lost my 15% shift differential and was getting nothing. In December I found out I should be getting 10% and that's showing up on my checks now. I am so pleased. Baby needs a new pair of shoes, you know? And I need to pound down some credit card debt.

Happy Video HNT!

Me, Sasha (the laptop), and if you look closely you can see Tiny dog in my lap. She's feeling a bit under the weather so she wasn't hopping around like a ferret on crack. And the part of the film where the picture goes all herky-jerky? That's where Sweety was waggling his stuff to make me laugh. And as you can not hear, I still can't get the camera to record sound. Maybe it doesn't have that capability.


Share Video at DropShots.com

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

Career Change

I'd like to be a pediatric surgeon/orthodontist. So I could install feeding tubes directly into the stomachs of youngsters and wire their jaws shut. Carpentry would be one of my hobbies. I'd make sturdy oak boxes. Boxes with little holes cut in the top that you could cram a feeding tube into. Digging. I'd like to be a good digger too. Holes big enough to stick my big oak, child-size boxes in.

LB(9) decided to hurl a stone at his brother earlier. And then when I confronted them LB said that BB(11) used a bad word. And then a screaming match erupted between the two and I nipped it in the bud by sending them to their rooms and then chewing them out individually. I don't think there will be any more rock throwing or any hint of any kind of inappropriate phrases coming out of anybody's mouth for the next little while.

Miscommunication

This post describes a recent sexual mishap in all its horrifying detail. Please skip on over if you're squeamish.

Saturday morning Sweety and I both woke up feeling frisky and decided to do the deed before starting our day. We've been going at it for quite some time and he was behind me when I uttered words that will probably never pass my lips again "Could you just put the head of it in and come in my ass?" Why this occurred to me, I do not know. (for the record, we hadn't obtained the 4 hours of anal dvd mentioned in the previous post) It seemed like a good idea at the time. By saying this what I meant was "mess with my behind til I'm good and relaxed and then do it" but he interpreted it as "fuck the hell out of me and when you get ready to come just power stroke on in there".

Oh.My.Word. Nothing ruins the mood faster than screaming "OUT! OUT! OUT!" at your husband while scrambling away from The Penis of Doom. And what's even worse, it took him a few moments to realize what I was saying so he was chasing me across the bed. During the 5 seconds it took for him to quit following me with that thing I remember thinking "If he doesn't get his dick out of me right the fuck now I will turn around and bite it off." When I calmed down I was very pleased to see that in the excitement and confusion that he'd came all over the damn place. Because there was no way I was going to finish if he hadn't.

As I sprawled with my head over the bed, crying little tears that Tiny dog was licking up, we had a very clear conversation about various things that I may say during sex and how he should interpret them. I'm kinda glad this happened because I know we are now on the same page when it comes to things that may be said during sex and their meanings.

I've gotta give him credit. We've been having almost 5 years of mind-freaking-blowing sex and this is the first time there's been a moment in it that I haven't enjoyed.

Oh, Lookee Here!

Heh, I figured out how to put moving pictures on here. It is silent because I like silent movies. And I don't know how to make my camera record sound yet.


Share Video at DropShots.com

Thank you to MollyNormal for giving me this fine idea from her blog. This should unleash my inner cinematographer. I'll be ready for the Oscars next year.

Obsession

I must admit that I've been a bit bummed since finding out that Angelina is having Brad's baby. Now I can never marry her. If Sweety kicks the bucket, my next spouse won't have children with someone who is still living. I couldn't handle another exspouse. But thanks to a handy link I found at Scotty's site, I can have my own Angelina Jolie dress up doll. This should ease my sadness.

Long Time No See

Well, it's only been five days since I visited my little bloggie but that is quite a stretch for me.

I've gotta bicycle! I'm very excited. A friend at work gave it to me and I love it. It's red. And has gears (different speeds?). And a spring thing where the seat is so you bounce along if you hit a pothole instead of having your teeth rattle out of your head. It hasn't been on it's maiden voyage with me yet but it will be going out this evening. When I was a kid I loved riding a bike. My dad and I went on a trip that was about 50 miles round trip when I was 10 or 11. It took us 8 hours but it was fun. I'm just hoping some non-driving fool doesn't mow me down. I plan on only riding on the sidewalk or taking it somewhere there are bike trails.

This weekend was pretty slow. I felt kinda sluggish from my puking/backache bout on Thursday night and didn't really want to do anything on Saturday. We left the house to go to the store for a rake on Saturday and ended up at a restaurant meeting some friends. And I just felt so crummy I wanted to leave. But after 2 tequila shots I felt a bit better. A few of the people came to our house and we ordered pizza and watched a couple of movies. Managed to get in bed early enough so I didn't feel like total crap at work on Sunday.

I'm really trying to curb my cursing. Especially the quiet cursing that I do to myself in public when someone pisses me off. My new phrase for people is "cabbagehead". Someone at work heard me say that and they asked me to repeat myself and then they wanted to know what I meant. I told them I thought that was better than saying "fucking idiot". Of course, when I'm in my car and suffering from road rage my favorite phrase is still "why don't you go fuck yourself with a brick?"

Someone gave us 2 porn DVDs. 4 hours of anal porn each. Not my cup of tea. I'd rather put a flaming q-tip in my eye than do what some of those chicks in those movies do.

Sweety heard my audiopost and wanted to know if I was reading it. No. It took me 3 or 4 "takes" before I recorded myself and I didn't stutter or stammer my way through. I've never liked the sound of my voice and anytime I've had to speak in public I've gotten hives.

The Sickest Joke I Know (and I only know two)

fyi: no cursing, just tasteless

So, do I sound like what you'd expect?
That's Stinky dog Tasha that you hear in the background.

Dear Zube Girl,
The world is ready to hear your "hineylicker" song.
Sincerely,
Chickie

I thought that joke would be a nice intro into this post. I am sick. I think it's ebola. Came home because my back was killing me. It felt like an army of ants that were all whacked out on meth were poking it with needles. Got home and puked a bit in the guest bathroom (so the dogs wouldn't know I was here) Ran a hot bath and laid in the tub so the little jet things could hit my back. Back still hurt and I contemplated drowning myself but I couldn't turn over far enough to do it. Realized that I needed to pee. Tried to get out of the tub but my back was so tweaked that I couldn't. Peed in the tub. Dozed off in the tub until the water got cold. After all the water drained outta the tub I managed to heave myself out and damn near took out the shower curtain. Flopped my wet self down on the bed til the pukes came back over me. Have you ever been vomiting while naked and suddenly felt a tiny wet dog nose probing your anus? Not a good thing. Sat on the toilet and commenced vomiting into the trash can. Noticed I was puking on two bras that Tiny had chewed on and rendered useless. Had to keep beating Tiny dog away from the trash because she wanted a bite of the puke while it was still hot. Couldn't keep her from eating the stuff that splashed out though. Thankfully, the hot bath helped a teensy bit on my back. On a scale of 1 to 10 it gets an 8 now instead of it's previous 17.

Happy Sparkly HNT!

This is my "I don't need a damn man" ring. It is two carets of screaming gaudiness. The design is two flowers made out of round diamonds and then there are little marquees shaped "leaves" around then and then round channel set diamonds are in it too. I used to wear it with everything. Even my boxer shorts and t-shirts. It's not worn around the house anymore because I don't like to get Stinkydog hair on it. I like to wear it on my right middle finger. I figure the "fuck you" finger is the perfect place for such a ring. After we married, Sweety told me that the first time he saw it he thought that I was rolling in money since I worked two jobs and seemed to be a really well put together person. But now he knows the truth.



This was going to be the replacement but it didn't grow on me like I thought it would. I had a coupon to use at Zales so it was cheaper than what they're on sale for now. I may try to eBay it before returning it.

And to be fair here is my wedding ring because sometimes it's okay to need a man.

Technology is Great!

There's a sandwich place (Panera Bread) near my work that has free wireless service! I found it yesterday when Sweety took me to lunch. Woo hoo! Now I can feed my internet addiction while away from home. I really only plan on using it on Thursdays. I don't usually get around to looking at the HNT pictures from the people that comment here til Saturday or sometimes the next Tuesday or Wednesday. Then I feel compelled to read any of the posts they wrote after the HNT post. Last Saturday I spent over 4 freaking hours looking at everyone's blog that had been kind enough to comment on mine. This way, I can see HNT shots on Thursday and visit with Sweety on Saturday instead of hiding from his evil eye when he sees me reading a blog. This new access to wireless internet service could save my marriage.

Aging

Night before last I did something I didn't think I'd ever do. I couldn't get any sleep. At about 3 a.m. I thought "Hey, Mom sleeps in her recliner when she can't sleep, maybe that would help?" I wasn't ready yet to go throw in the towel and embrace the fact that my decrepit self needed to sleep in a chair but by 3:30 I was ready to try anything. I slept 2 hours in the chair and felt fine when I woke up. I'll be ready for my AARP membership soon.

The current song stuck in my head: Portland Oregon (there's a 30 second ad to get through before the video). It's on Loretta Lynn's album Van Lear Rose that was produced and arranged by Jack White. And I know that it's been out forever but I just heard it. I downloaded it during a break in my porn downloading fest last week and I bet I've listened to it a hundred times.

Titlefree!

Took the sprogs to see Wallace & Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit this afternoon. Pretty cute movie. It'll have a home here when it comes out on DVD.

Sweety and I went saw The Ringer a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't as tacky as I thought a movie would be about some guy who was trying to cheat the Special Olympics. Not gonna win any awards though.

I traded working today for tomorrow. I guess it was going to be slow at work today due to MiLK day so we were given the option of being off today and getting 8 hours of vacation time to use later if we'd work tomorrow. You can never hoard up enough vacation.

Blogger comments are going nutty on me again. For the last couple of weeks I haven't been getting an email telling me when I get a comment and when I leave comments I get an email telling me it wasn't delivered. In a few weeks my mailbox will probably be crammed full of those emails that are lost in space right now. But it's okay Blogger, I love you because you're free.

When BB's beloved Indianapolis Colts lost the football game on Sunday I thought he was going to spaz out and fall into a coma. The loss prompted him to take his Colts hat off for the first time in a month.

I have about the same fondness for the internet that BB has for his football team. I'm not on the computer all the time but it's nice to know the internet is waiting for me to connect to it.

Sweety brought me 2 surprises yesterday! Flowers in a glittery vase and some orange Tic-Tacs. I love orange Tic-Tacs. I hide them til they get old (because they're nice and chewy when they're old) and then eat them later. Kinda like an alligator burying it's food til it's good and rotten and soft.

I'm having some buyer's remorse today. On my lunch break yesterday I bought a ring. One of those things that are marketed as "right hand rings". I already have one of those (I got it during my divorce 5 years ago and called it my "i don't need a damn man" ring) but I thought this was pretty too. But after wearing it I've decided I can live without it. It's a pretty common design and it's not as sparkly as the one I already have. I'll just stick with what I've already got. It's freaking huge and gaudy but I like that I haven't seen one like it and that I got it before the phrase "right hand ring" had been coined. And sometimes when I look at it I'm reminded of the look on my exhusband's face when he saw it when we were getting our divorce finalized. Priceless.

The concrete stuff has been poured in for the pool! That was done on Saturday. I'll be glad when it's all done and the backyard isn't a construction zone. I can't wait to see if the canines have sea legs.

You know what I hate? When someone's on the phone with you and they keep sucking snot. Blow your nose or eat the shit, agh!

The sleepies are assaulting me. Gonna fold some clothes and try to perk up before the husband gets home.

Faith

I realized tonight that I pray more to the soda and vending machines at work than I ever have to any religious deity. I start my prayers in the elevator when I'm on my way to the breakroom and really start in earnest once I've put my money in. When I'm waiting for my bag of chips to fall: Please don't get hung up and not fall! Please, just spit the chips out nicely, Mr. Vending Machine. And if you really want to be nice you could give me two things for the price of one! To the soda machine: Please, have one more can of Coke! Don't tell me that you're out of Coke with your blinking red light! And when my prayer works, I am so grateful that I have to choke back tears. And if it doesn't, I'm don't hold it against the machine. I like to steel myself for not getting the snacks that I want so if I do get them it's a nice surprise. I've discovered I have a better chance of having my prayers answered if I hold my breath from the time I lay eyes on the machine until the snacks are safely in my hands.

Sandwich, Anyone?

When I was growing up the kid that lived next door had a crush on me but I didn’t like him. He got on my nerves. I was around 12 and he was a couple of years older than me. He developed a habit of coming over to see if we’d feed him and was just really starting to bug me. (and let me say that it’s not like his family didn’t have the funds for ample food, it was just his excuse to come over) So, one day when I was home alone and he came over I told him to stay on the porch and wait for his sandwich. I went inside and made him a sandwich with canned cat food filling and poured him a soda. He polished off the sandwich and stated that it was the best sandwich he‘d ever eaten. At this point I couldn’t contain myself and told him that it was really cat food and would he quit coming over so damn much. He didn’t believe that I really fed him cat food. I had to show him the empty can and the knife I used to spread it before he believed that he’d really just ingested cat food. He quit mooching for food after that.

Miscellany

There is nowhere that Tiny dog will not go if she's searching for peanut butter.





I had to set the camera down and rescue her before she walked off the bed after the last picture. Stinky dog's having fun licking the peanut butter out of Tiny's ears.


Bad Girl commented in the previous HNT post about the corner of the rug in the photo. That's actually a blanket. Tiny's standing on it above and here is the other side:



This is the best blanket in the universe. My Mom gave it to me for Christmas 7 or 8 years ago. I think it's called a Korean mink blanket. I love when it's cool enough here that I can open the windows up and use it at night. It's soft soft soft and very heavy so you're nice and tucked in when you get under it. Sweety said he married me to gain access to the blanket.

Thanks to all for your HNT comments! I'll spend the next few days catching up on HNT shots and blogs.

I'm really liking the new template too. It started out like this but after spending 3 good hours effing with it on Wednesday, we have this result before you. I actually have the alien one up at another blog I keep but I didn't want to look at it here everyday. (the other blog's just like this one except I yank out most of the cursing and sexual references. one of my good friends likes to keep up with me but she's not fond of those things) Now when I post pictures, my sidebar doesn't move down to the bottom of the post screen. That really bugged me. And that profile pic? You can read about that here. I know it's a sad story and I feel bad about borrowing the photo and exploiting the kitty even further but I couldn't help myself. The photo called to me.

Happy HNT!

This is my fabulous umbrella. For years I've always had one of those small umbrellas that you can put in your purse or glove compartment and I always kept losing them because they were so small. After suffering through a downpour one evening I decided to go and buy the best umbrella that I could find.



While it may not be the biggest umbrella out there, it is one of the strongest. It has a double canopy to the wind can't turn it inside out and it opens automatically.

When I'm using it at work and I see other people in the parking lot with their wimpy umbrellas I like to pretend that my umbrella makes me invisible so they can't hear me calling their umbrellas pussies.

You see that messed up part of the wall by the electrical outlet? That's some of Tiny dog's handiwork.

What I've Done So Far:

Downloaded lotsa music onto the laptop.

Viewed an immense amount of porn on aforementioned laptop. I even figured out how to download the movies I really like! And since the children will never be on this computer, I don't have to worry about accidentally corrupting them.

Three cheers for me!

Gonna go clean now so Sweety won't think I laid in bed all day.

She Amazes Me

That bint of an exwife just blows my mind. We find out today that LB(9) didn't go to school on Friday. I asked him if he was sick or told his mom that he didn't feel good. Nope, she just asked both the boys if they'd like to stay home. BB(11) had the good sense to go but LB did not. I advised them that in the future, if their mom asked them if they wanted to stay home and they weren't sick they better go to school. They went to stay the weekend at the beach (which is 30 minutes away) after school on Friday and I think she wanted to get an early start on the weekend. It was supposed to be just her and the boys but her new boyfriend and his kids went too. The boys were a little attention starved when they got here on Monday. LB(9) asked me this afternoon if we could all go to the beach alone sometime.

Sweety called her after he found out but she didn't answer the phone. He's going to try and call her again tomorrow and if he doesn't get her then I have been given free reign to do whatever I feel like.

My plan is as follows:

Knock on her door and say -
"I'm here because Sweety is just a little too agitated to talk to you. If the boys miss any more school on Fridays then you will only be seeing them on the weekends. Have a good day."

I do hope Sweety doesn't change his mind and tell me to leave it alone. It just pisses me off. They need to go to school.

Friday is the ONLY day that she has to get them to school (unless it was her weekend then she takes them on Monday morning) and if it's going to be such an almighty trial for her to get them there then they can just stay here during the school week.

Wombats and eBay

After we get our fence up, I'd like a wombat. I know it's probably illegal to have one but I'd keep it hidden. Or maybe some Cornish hens or a miniature donkey. They could keep the grass eaten down and Sweety wouldn't need to mow. Surely they'd stay away from the pool and not fall in it.

Kristine at Random and Odd is doing something interesting. She has up for bid on eBay parts of her wedding. I hope she gets lots of money. I like reading about her family. If you use eBay, stick her auction on your "items watching" list so as to generate some more buzz about it.

For the longest time Sweety has been pestering me to sell something on eBay. I wasn't going to share the idea because now you will all know what a sick fuck he is but I feel like telling secrets today. He thinks I should start some kind of site (basically some kind of fetish hair site), get a following on it, grow my hair out really long and then auction off getting to shave my head. I think he is a damn loon.

Bonus! Four More Weird Habits!

1. When eating sunflower seeds I eat the shell too.

2. I brush my tongue til I gag when I brush my teeth. If I haven't gagged then I'm not done brushing my teeth.

3. I groom my eyebrows obsessively. I want to make sure that they're all pointing in the right direction. No wild hairs that are brushed down or sticking out. Sweety's noticed this habit and now when he's getting ready to go somewhere, he'll make a fist, lick the side of his hand, and groom his whole head like he's a cat. I love watching him do that. Funny as hell.

4. Chewing gum is always swallowed at the end of its usefulness with me.

Five Weird Habits

Texas Soccer Mom has been kind enough to tag me. So I'll share 5 weird habits. Please forgive me if I've mentioned any of these before

1. I wash out empty food containers and dry them in the sink before they are thrown away or put in the recycle bin. I think I got this habit from my Grandma. Clean trash just looks nicer to me.

2. When dining in a restaurant I can't eat until everything is arranged just right on the table. Nothing pleases me more than having a seat by the window so I can put all of our trash bits (straw wrappers, sugar packets, etc.) on the windowsill and off the table. And I like for everyone to clean their plate so I can stack the dirty dishes up neatly.

3. If the neighbors are outside I'll refrain from going out til they go inside. Even if this means not checking the mail or making the dogs hold their bladders shut. And if I happen to be out when the neighbors come out I have to stifle the urge to sprint indoors. I just don't like talking to people.

4. When eating Snickers Ice Cream bars I have a set method for it:
Carefully pick off the frozen chocolate shell.
Lick out the frozen peanuts.
Eat the ice cream bar that's left in 5 bites.

5. When I'm drinking something I always take 5 big swallows with the first drink.

Hmm. I now see I have a pattern with fives.

I'm not tagging anybody but feel free to share your own quirks.

AAAAAAGGHHHHHH!

Oh motherfuck! Some effing asshole threw a motherfucking ROCK at ME in my own car while I was driving home today! It was dark and I was zipping along, on the phone with my Mom, and suddenly something whacked the windshield right in front of my face. The sound was loud enough I felt my eardrums shake. Broke the fucking windshield of course. Cocksucker. I hope the fucker that did it dies a horrible, fiery death. I am not kidding. It could have knocked a hole in my pretty little head. Agh, bastard.

And then I walk through the door and see this shit:

In case you need an explanation, that's Tiny dog fucking EATING Stinky's bed. I wrap it in a trash bag in case Tiny feels like taking a piss on it and she worked the cover off and chewed through the damn bag and started in on the foam rubber. Ungrateful whore.

I need to go calm the eff down before I stroke out.

Things I'm Pissed About

My dad has picked up a girlfriend on the internet.
This wouldn't be so offensive to me if he weren't already married. And it wouldn't be so offensive to me if he were trying to be secretive about it. He hasn't mentioned girlfriend to me but he introduced my sister to her via webcam. My sister (who was totally shocked when dad said "hey, come here and say hi to my girlfriend!) said she looks younger than her (she's 26) and he showed sis some photos that he said he took of girlfriend. They were taken on the beach. We think maybe when they visited me last year he met her at the beach. I feel sorry for my stepmom. He got a package in the mail from her (stepmom noticed the stamps from out of the country and the girl's name on the box) but he wasn't home when it was delivered so my stepmom got to spend a few days glaring at it. If I was her, I'd have opened it and then threw it away. My dad talked my stepmom into quitting her job a few months ago and now she can't get another one. They live in a really small town, her english is limited and her old job was keeping house for a lady. It bugs me that he pestered her for months to quit her job and now this has been sprung on her. My mom's Korean, his current wife is Thai, the new girlfriend is from the Philippines. I think he can't decide what kind of Asian he likes best. I'd love to say something to my dad about this but I've kept my yap shut since it isn't any of my business. I'm still fucking pissed, though.

Tiny dog has started munching on the bathroom wall again.
The area has been maced. Hopefully, she will outgrow this soon. I'd like to have all of her teeth yanked out and get her declawed but I know it would be hard to find a veterinarian who had low enough standards to do such a surgery. So I'll just continue to put the doggy mace on the walls while making sure that Tiny sees me doing it.

My period.
Where the HELL is it? It is late by a week. I'm never late. I don't think there are any hitchhikers in my uterus. I took a pregnancy test on my break at work yesterday because I'm so freaked out about it. Maybe it will come today since I just paid for a pregnancy test. Dear birth control: Please don't fail me now. Sincerely: Me Maybe my period is on vacation somewhere nice with the skin cancer that I know will be visiting me in a few years.

And what's up with this crap where for the last few Fridays I've thought it was Saturday when I woke up? It really sucks after about 5 minutes and I realize I'm going to have to go to work. And tomorrow when it's really Saturday, I'll be subdued in my celebration of it until I confirm by checking with my cell phone that it really is Saturday.

I've bitched enough. I'm going back to bed for an hour and 45 minutes of sleep with Tiny before I have to get up and get ready for work.

Half-Nekkid Again!

This was taken after I realized Sweety had taken this one a few weeks ago.

Happy HNT!

Time Flies

Tiny dog, Oy, March 13 of 2005.
Two pounds of terrified fur.


And today.
4.5 pounds of wall eating terror.
Tomorrow she will be a year old.

I guess I should go break the seal on the adult dog food.

Pictures!

Here we are at the Land Of The Mouse. Don't we look festive? It was the last thing we checked out before going home. I was so ready to leave. Stranger in the corner is some kid who was lying on the sidewalk.



And this is me checking out the slide in the kiddy play area. I got going fast enough that it hurt my ankles when I landed. I love slides. And merry-go-rounds.



The pool digging has officially begun! The first thing BB(11) asked was if he could go play in the hole after the construction crew left. Kids don't have very many useful brain cells. Sweety was looking at the hole and thought they put it too close to the house but I managed to convince him that all was going as it was supposed to before he called the pool place and ripped into someone. We're supposed to have so many inches of deck away from the house and the hole was cutting into it by 4 inches. I figure by the time they concrete the pool and put the coating on it, we'll get the 4 inches back. That was my expert explanation.

I can't wait to have a pool to take some Half-Nekkid Thursday shots in it!

By the way, the laptop wasn't utilized for downloading pictures today. I tried but kept getting an error message. I think I'll read the instruction book at work tomorrow.

Football

I'm not a football fan. Probably because I don't understand what the hell the players are doing on the field. And because it seems weird for me to worry about people who are making millions of dollars just playing a game. Whenever Sweety or the boys watch a game, I remind them that the same outcome will be had if they don't watch the game. Why not just wait for the news to come on and see who won?

Last night Sweety was watching FSU play somebody and I was so pleased to recognize one of the players when he was named: Ernie Sims. I knew who he was because of Bonanza Jellybean's post where she talked about his red eyes. What a wonderful learning tool this blogging has become!

And while I was dozing off, listening to the game go into overtime and more overtime, I was trying to think of what could happen that would pique my interest in football. And that would be if football games were played by homeless people or bums. The winner would get a house or liquor money. That would be more neat to see than millionaires chasing after a piece of dead animal, in my opinion.

Conversation

Setting: On the couch. I'm zooming around on the internet with the aid of Sasha - Sweety is tormenting Tiny dog.

Me: I know the laptop has a card reader. I'd like to put my digital camera card in but I'm afraid I'll break it.

Him: Good grief. You're not gonna break anything. Just stick it in there. It's kind of like eating pussy for the first time. You don't have a guide book; you've just gotta get in there and :insert slurping sound here and Sweety shaking his head wildly like a rabid dog:

Me: That was just the motivation I needed.

I will be brave and puke some photos up tomorrow using the laptop.

Randomness

My knees are crap. Especially the left one. On Sunday I spent many hours sitting in an odd position (tapping away on laptop Sasha) and when I stretched my legs, my knees hurt like hell. Lefty is still sore. It felt like I needed to wiggle my kneecap so I did that manually yesterday and heard a loud popping sound and then my knee really screamed at me. When I walk I'm not putting much weight on that foot. Just kinda flinging my leg in front of me. Gimpy Anna, that's me. I've never injured myself doing anything so I will contribute this to getting old. There's a bottle of champagne in the icebox. Wonder if that would make it feel better?

The boys are at their Mom's today and they go back to school tomorrow. It's so nice to have the house to myself without any background noise.

I just realized I hit my one year "blogiversary" on January 1. Woo hoo, go me! If my blog were a baby it would be walking and talking!

We've put in all of our vacation bids at work and I pretty much got everything I wanted. Since this is my 5th year with the company I get three weeks of vacation instead of two! And 16 personal hours! Now if I could just get a 30 hour schedule instead of 40, I'd be set. People in hell want ice water too though.

We also have a new supervisor at work. I think this is my 7th supervisor since I've been there. Also the youngest. I think she's 22 and looks to be blond and perky. She doesn't squeak when she talks so I have nothing to complain about.

I'd really love to get some Chinese food today but I've been avoiding the restaurant for the last couple of months. I've only been in there a couple of times. The first time the cashier asked me where I was from and after realizing she wanted my bloodline and not my street address I told her I was Korean and we had a little conversation. The next time I go in she comes around the counter (and in my space bubble) and tells me she needs advice. Apparently she likes someone who is either much younger or much older than her and they're just friends and she doesn't know what to do. I told her that I personally was a big chicken and would probably just drop little hints and see what happened to avoid full on rejection but she didn't like that idea. So I told her she just needed to spill her guts and see what happened. That way, if he liked her it would be out in the open and if he didn't then she'd know that too and could quit wasting her time. She seemed very nervous when I left but she said she was going to go gut spilling. And now I'm afraid to go back to the restaurant because what if she's all heartbroken now? I don't want to hear about that. I wish the place had a drive thru window. Maybe I'll find another Chinese place.

Conversation

Setting: New Year's Eve. At a restaurant. We've been conversing about our weight loss.

Me: I may start tanning again. I know it's bad for me but I feel better when I look like a walnut.

Him: Heh, you may want to wait on that. Right now it'd kind of be like the exwife tanning when she was pregnant.

Me: So, you're comparing me to your ugly-ass exwife when she was pregnant and grotesquely huge? Thanks motherfucker.

Him: Oh shit. That's not what I meant.

Me: Shut up before I kick you.

Sometimes we pick at each other just a little bit too much. I stuck my elbow in his kidney later when he was asleep so we're even now.

Burnt Money

Well, I did something stupid. The laptop came with a $250 mail-in rebate. But to utilize that you need the UPC barcode that was on the box. And that is at the local landfill since I sat it out with the trash on Friday. Sweety is really pleased. I think a quote from him would be "You know what? You do some really boneheaded things sometimes." I guess I do. It makes my stomach hurt to think about it so I won't.

We really rang in the New Year in a big way! We went out to eat and had the worst dining experience EVER. My food was burnt and the waitress was as useless as tits on a boar hog. I've never been anywhere where they really burnt my stuff. But it was crowded and we were pissed and didn't bother to complain. We'd went to a bar before eating (while waiting for a table at the restaurant) and I gave the girl at the bar who brought me potato chips a better tip than the restaurant waitress got. After dinner we were both grouchy and tipsy so we just came on home instead of going back to the bar. I was in bed by 11:00. I think this is the first New Year's Eve in 12 or 13 years that I haven't had a good luck kiss at midnight. Oh shit, and today is when I realized that I threw out the laptop box. Surely this is not a sign of what 2006 has in store for me.

The boys and I watched March of the Penguins tonight. I loved it! My favorite part was the penguin fuck scene. I do find birds mating interesting. And I really hated seeing some of the baby birdies freeze because of their parent's negligence. I'll fast forward through those parts the next time I watch it.