I am now 16.5 hours into the 48 hour Hollywood Juice Diet. Only 31 more to go. Actually, I may end it tomorrow at around hour 43, right after my "after" picture is taken. Go have myself some yummy Korean food on my way home. If I can get Sweety to take me to lunch since I'm broke. I'll use my feminine wiles in the morning when I get home and see if it scores me lunch :)
I got so disoriented this morning on my way home. I truly have no sense of direction. I had to get off the interstate to get gas. And took a wrong turn trying to get back on. I had driven about 10 minutes when I start to get to a town that I wasn't supposed to be going through. So I just turned back around and started over and took another wrong turn but managed to get home. Although my sense of direction sucks, I am blessed with the ability to not get freaked out when I'm lost. My thinking is "hey, i'm still in america, right?" I've accidentally been in the middle of cracktown at 3 a.m. just driving along happily, safe in the knowledge that my ignorance of where I am is keeping me safe from any would-be carjacker.
The stupid ass EW called this morning to see if BB(10) needed a jacket for school since it was cold outside. Sweety started to tell her it was so cold he decided to let the boys stay home but he did not. Usually the phone ringer is off but for some reason it was on this morning. There's nothing more that I like to hear than her horsey voice coming out of the phone at 7 a.m.
BB signed up for basketball this weekend. It starts the first weekend in May. I can't wait. This means that I will get to go to the games and have to interact with EW and by that time she will have probably pushed out child 4. Luckily this is something that Sweety isn't coaching so he can sit with me. She doesn't talk to me as much if he is there for some reason. I don't think I'll be able to bite my tongue if she starts speaking to me and I have one of my sarcastic zingers in my head. I've been very good about not poking the dog and irritating her to save Sweety some aggravation. I am more a fan of cold revenge. I've done some interesting things to make sure she's had a rotten day a few times. Sweety said that from seeing the planning and preparation that I will go to in an effort to make her crazy lets him know to never get on my bad side. I'm perfectly content to wait months before doing something anonymously and just sitting at home knowing that shit is hitting the fan at her house. I can be so bad when I want to be. It's part of my charm.
I've gotten sucked into being a chaperone for a field trip that BB has coming up. It's at the Science Center (the place we went for Sylvie's birthday). Rumor has it that we have a chartered bus for this trip which means air conditioning. Yay! The last trip I went on with him I had to fight girls in his class to get to sit by him on the bus. He is a cutie. And the last time the kids in the class behaved horribly. If they are that way this time I may take a taxi home.
4/25/05
4/24/05
4/23/05
It's Ten O'Clock and All is Well
Except the sprogs are still awake. It seems that earlier in the week, unbeknownst to me, Sweety pimped out one of my stories for tonight. At about 8:45 everyone is wanting to know when am I gonna tell the bedtime story that Sweety promised. I've told him not to do that. I need time to prepare for a story. Unfortunately the boys know that I am one kick ass story teller so I can't get away with any Goldilocks and the Three Bears crap. So instead of telling them a story, we let them all sleep in the tent they built in the toy room. They laid down an hour ago. I went to check on them about 10 minutes after they laid down and ignored the sound of Jolly Ranchers clacking in their mouths. 20 minutes ago I confiscated new candy that was being opened and everyone was warned to go to sleep. I am confident they will pass out soon. I should have just made up some sucky 10 minute story and put everyone in their own beds. But that's just not my way. If it's a story night they go to bed at least 30 minutes early cause the story will be at least 45 minutes long. I have promised to tell them a story on Tuesday or Wednesday night when I'm off. I'm gonna brainstorm at work the next couple of nights and come up with something good. One time BB wanted a scary story so I made up a story just for him, it was too creepy for the little ones but okay for him. He still talks about it. I don't have any ideas yet for my next group story. It will probably involve talking dogs (stinky dog and tiny dog) and magical powers. The kids seem to really like being endowed with super powers.
If this is rambly it is because I am working on big tumbler of wine #2.
Sweety is watching some kind of race on t.v. I am not a race person. Or an any kind of sports person. I'll just watch the news later and see who won. It's not like me watching changes the outcome.
He's been having some kind of weird head pains for a little while now. He said it feels like an icepick and comes out of nowhere. We can see this vein throbbing on his forehead. I've been trying to get him to go to the hospital this weekend but he won't. He says if it still hurts on Monday he'll go to the doctor. I don't know if we'll have sex tonight. I wouldn't want him to get all excited and have an aneurysm.
It seems that LB(8) has retired to his own bed. This must mean the other two are asleep in the toyroom. Good. I can go refill my glass without worrying about freaking out one of the boys by having them see me drink alcohol.
I'm starting the fucking Hollywood 48 hour juice fast-diet thingy tomorrow. So I will have nothing to eat til after I get my damn "after" shot done for the lipo. Woo hoo. I'm going to miss chewing food.
I think oral sex should quell the need for food. Of course, he can't finish cause I don't want his brain to explode due to the blood clot or whatever is going on up there. I told him that I'm sure it's nothing major. He'll just have to get used to the excruciating icepick-like pain for the rest of his long life.
If this is rambly it is because I am working on big tumbler of wine #2.
Sweety is watching some kind of race on t.v. I am not a race person. Or an any kind of sports person. I'll just watch the news later and see who won. It's not like me watching changes the outcome.
He's been having some kind of weird head pains for a little while now. He said it feels like an icepick and comes out of nowhere. We can see this vein throbbing on his forehead. I've been trying to get him to go to the hospital this weekend but he won't. He says if it still hurts on Monday he'll go to the doctor. I don't know if we'll have sex tonight. I wouldn't want him to get all excited and have an aneurysm.
It seems that LB(8) has retired to his own bed. This must mean the other two are asleep in the toyroom. Good. I can go refill my glass without worrying about freaking out one of the boys by having them see me drink alcohol.
I'm starting the fucking Hollywood 48 hour juice fast-diet thingy tomorrow. So I will have nothing to eat til after I get my damn "after" shot done for the lipo. Woo hoo. I'm going to miss chewing food.
I think oral sex should quell the need for food. Of course, he can't finish cause I don't want his brain to explode due to the blood clot or whatever is going on up there. I told him that I'm sure it's nothing major. He'll just have to get used to the excruciating icepick-like pain for the rest of his long life.
Housecleaning Interrupted
Taking a break from cleaning the pad. Sweety has all the sprogs so nobody is here to distract me. I'm about halfway done. Waiting for the kitchen and boys' bathroom floors to dry and then I'll start on our room and bathroom. I hate mopping. We're going to replace the tile in the kitchen with wood floor. I think I won't mop the tile again. Once it gets so sticky that our socks come off I'll jackhammer the tile out and let Sweety know it's time to install the wood floor. I'll worry with the boys' rooms and Sylvie's room/toyroom later. I have enough done that even if everyone comes home I can sequester myself in the area that needs to be cleaned without being bothered.
I've got about 2 weeks worth of mail I need to go through. That's on my to-do list after the whole place is tidy. I don't know why I put off opening mail. Probably because nothing that comes in my name is going to be very important.
Got up this morning and went to the gym and it was closed. Don't know why. They should have been open but there wasn't a sign up or anything saying if they'd open today. I came home and went for a walk instead. BB(10) wanted to go with me so we got to visit alone for about an hour during our walk. It was nice. I like doing things with the boys together but sometimes it's nice to be alone with one of them so I can pay attention without the other brother clamoring for attention.
I think the task of bathing stinky dog is going to be delegated to BB. On the walk he was telling me about washing his rottweiler at his mom's. I guess she's hard to handle and weighs around 120 lbs. If he can manage that I think he's ready to bathe a 45 lb. docile bassett hound.
It makes my knees stick when I bathe her. My cartilage is getting old. I told Sweety the other day that we may have to start using background music when we have sex to drown out the popping of my knees. When I hear them I worry that he may be distracted by the sound.
Agh. I better stop goofing around and resume cleaning.
I've got about 2 weeks worth of mail I need to go through. That's on my to-do list after the whole place is tidy. I don't know why I put off opening mail. Probably because nothing that comes in my name is going to be very important.
Got up this morning and went to the gym and it was closed. Don't know why. They should have been open but there wasn't a sign up or anything saying if they'd open today. I came home and went for a walk instead. BB(10) wanted to go with me so we got to visit alone for about an hour during our walk. It was nice. I like doing things with the boys together but sometimes it's nice to be alone with one of them so I can pay attention without the other brother clamoring for attention.
I think the task of bathing stinky dog is going to be delegated to BB. On the walk he was telling me about washing his rottweiler at his mom's. I guess she's hard to handle and weighs around 120 lbs. If he can manage that I think he's ready to bathe a 45 lb. docile bassett hound.
It makes my knees stick when I bathe her. My cartilage is getting old. I told Sweety the other day that we may have to start using background music when we have sex to drown out the popping of my knees. When I hear them I worry that he may be distracted by the sound.
Agh. I better stop goofing around and resume cleaning.
Exwife Rant
Yesterday LB(8) didn't go to school. We found out about it when the school called here looking for him. Sweety came home and went to the school with me when I picked up Sylvie(6) to see if LB would be there with the EW to pick up BB(10). And he was. Sweety asked her why he didn't go to school. She said LB was too tired because he tossed and turned all night. Then she got mad and walked away. The looks on her and LB's face when they saw that Sweety was with me were priceless. LB has a history of pushing his mom's buttons to skip school on Fridays. She called Sweety later to rant and rave about how he had no business questioning her parenting and that whatever goes on at her house is okay if she says it is. She then told Sweety that she could have taken the boys out of school for awhile to get over the death of their stepfather so he should be glad that they've been to school as much as they have. I so hope she fucking dies while birthing her next bundle of joy. I would lock myself in the bedroom and throw a one person party for at least a week.
4/22/05
P.S.
In regards to yesterdays post about BB forgetting his lunch money... It seems that Sweety didn't actually hand him the envelope with the money in it. He put it on the table and didn't tell BB that it was there.
I think maybe I was having some killer PMS yesterday. After I got up from my nap I scavenged in the kids rooms and ate all of the Easter chocolate that I could find. Felt better after that.
Tomorrow Sweety is taking all the kids bowling so I can stay home alone and clean the house. If the place is empty and I'm not tired I can get everything done in less than 2 hours. The plan is for me to get it really clean tomorrow and then all the kids are going to be given chores (other than just making their beds) to do to help maintain the cleanliness. And if that doesn't work I have a couple of cleaning services lined up for estimates. I'm thinking that maybe when Sylvie is gone and I have more time to just be at home I can get back on top of things. We shall see.
I think maybe I was having some killer PMS yesterday. After I got up from my nap I scavenged in the kids rooms and ate all of the Easter chocolate that I could find. Felt better after that.
Tomorrow Sweety is taking all the kids bowling so I can stay home alone and clean the house. If the place is empty and I'm not tired I can get everything done in less than 2 hours. The plan is for me to get it really clean tomorrow and then all the kids are going to be given chores (other than just making their beds) to do to help maintain the cleanliness. And if that doesn't work I have a couple of cleaning services lined up for estimates. I'm thinking that maybe when Sylvie is gone and I have more time to just be at home I can get back on top of things. We shall see.
4/21/05
Done
Wow. Just when I thought my bad fucking mood couldn't get any worse it does. Lucky me! Sweety called. Right after answering the phone I realized that BB(10) had left his lunch money here. This is the same kid who was so very sure to let me know this morning that he was out of money. When he told me I asked him where his lunch note was cause the cafeteria sends a note when they are out of money. He didn't know. I asked if he was sure he needed money since he didn't have the note. He was very sure. So he leaves the money on the table beside where his backpack was instead of putting it in the backpack. I told Sweety I'd take it to school this afternoon when I went to pick up Sylvie(6). He asked if I'd take it up there before lunch and I told him no, the kids took sack lunches today and BB could just drink water if he was going to be so forgetful. So Sweety pretty much hung up on me. Holy fucking shit. The kid forgets to take money so he can't get a 15 cent milk and stop the train cause someone needs to make sure the money gets there. I called Sweety back and told him I'd take the money right now. Get to the damn school and there is nowhere to fucking park because today is "vehicle day" and all kinds of emergency vehicles (police cars, ambulance etc.) are in the parking lot and kids are everywhere. Some lady came to my car while I was trying to park and asked me what I was doing and I gave her the lunch money. I think I'm annoyed because a 4th grader should be able to take the envelope with money in it that you hand him and put it in his backpack without incident. I mean if something comes up at school like his running club or something being cancelled he will leave his class to call Sweety repeatedly to make sure that he knows. Last week his teacher handed out a test that they needed to study for and he accidentally threw it away while cleaning out his desk and his teacher said "too bad" when he asked for another copy. (Go Teacher, I say!) I just thought that letting him drink water today would be a nice little lesson about responsibility but I guess I was wrong. I quit. I'm not checking any more homework, not gonna prod anyone about bathtime, not gonna ask Sweety if he's checked homework, not going to make sure that everything they need is in their backpack. One month til Sylvie is gone and then I'm not going to worry about what any kids are up to.
I'm a Grouchybutt This Morning
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Don't know why. I slept like a rock last night.
Put a few new photos up this morning. Someday when I have the "oomph" I'm going to actually fix my hair and maybe put some spackle on my face and take a picture.
Boy am I tired and pissy. Going back to bed.
Put a few new photos up this morning. Someday when I have the "oomph" I'm going to actually fix my hair and maybe put some spackle on my face and take a picture.
Boy am I tired and pissy. Going back to bed.
4/20/05
Clusterfuck
I spoke with my ex-sister-in-law today. Even though I divorced her brother we're still close and I love my nephews & niece to pieces. This guy that she's hooked up with and just had a baby with has apparently lost his mind and she needs to leave. Long story short, she asked if they (her & 3 kids) could come here. About a year or so I offered to let them come down here but that was before Sylvie(6) was living with us. I feel really bad about it but told her that I don't think my marriage could stand it. I got to thinking and of the 4 years we've been married only 6 months or so were spent alone. The rest of the time my sister has been here or my niece has been in and out. I can't invite any more drama in. Sweety is a saint.
And speaking of Sylvie...
She had a total meltdown today. I thought I was going to lose my mind. She threw a temper tantrum that would rival any 2 year old's. The screaming and wailing and stomping over nothing. I do not know what the fuck happened. She started wailing she wanted her mommy - which she only does when she's in trouble. So this time I said "okay. let me get her on the phone and you can tell her whatever you want." She didn't want to talk after I told her that. Got my sister on the phone and warned her what was going on before I put Sylvie on the phone. After she was done talking to Sylvie my sister wanted to talk to me. So while she was busy getting a pedicure I was listening to her child freak out.
On the bright side of things today: I got BB(10) some new fish for his tank. A dragon fish, 2 frogs and 2 tiny fish. He just found them. I told him the fish fairy must have stopped by and I bet that she was one neat fairy.
And speaking of Sylvie...
She had a total meltdown today. I thought I was going to lose my mind. She threw a temper tantrum that would rival any 2 year old's. The screaming and wailing and stomping over nothing. I do not know what the fuck happened. She started wailing she wanted her mommy - which she only does when she's in trouble. So this time I said "okay. let me get her on the phone and you can tell her whatever you want." She didn't want to talk after I told her that. Got my sister on the phone and warned her what was going on before I put Sylvie on the phone. After she was done talking to Sylvie my sister wanted to talk to me. So while she was busy getting a pedicure I was listening to her child freak out.
On the bright side of things today: I got BB(10) some new fish for his tank. A dragon fish, 2 frogs and 2 tiny fish. He just found them. I told him the fish fairy must have stopped by and I bet that she was one neat fairy.
Progress is Being Made
After exercising yesterday I learned that I've lost 8 pounds in the last month. Woo hoo! I must be getting some benefit cause I'm using heavier weights than when I started. I swear, I'm gonna mow the lawn this summer in a bikini and stilettos. Usually when I do something outside (which is rarely) I'm all covered up. Some of the other ladies of the neighborhood will be out watering their lawn or whatever with all of their business hanging out. Now, if someone has nice business to hang out, I like looking at it but this isn't the case on my street.
I talked with my friend Elaine last night. Awhile back I bought some of these sheets for her (cause I LOVE mine so much and found these on sale for her) but hadn't sent them to her yet. I told her that they were gonna be on their way and she told me not to send them cause she felt bad that I bought them. I decided to ask her again if it would be okay if I gave them to her because I would just take them back if she was going to feel like she needed to reciprocate in some way. She did agree to take the sheets yesterday. I am glad. I specially chose a color (canvas) that wouldn't show dog hair as bad as white sheets (and also to deter her from bleaching them. she had some sheets awhile back that she bleached and they fell apart). She has this neato crazy little dog that likes to hop in the bed. I like to spend money. One of the ways I sometimes justify it is by getting things for other people.
Last night the kiddos had a movie to watch and the girl next door came over and watched it with them. I made popcorn and hot chocolate for everyone. Hot chocolate is the one thing that I can cook well. The boys last night proclaimed that they love mine much better than the stuff you get in packets and make with hot water.
I think that children are never satisfied. At bedtime I was telling LB(8) goodnight and he asked me if he could pack a lunch tomorrow. I told him no because we were out of bread. He tells me to go get him some from the store before I go to bed. No please or asking me nicely to do it. When I told him I wasn't leaving the house for bread at 9 p.m. he puffs up and looks at me like a bloated frog. This is the kid that I used to call "little adolph" (as in hitler) in my head. I'm thinking to myself "okay. i took you all for ice cream after school, you got to have ordered in pizza and soda for dinner, you got to watch a movie, you had popcorn and homemade fucking hot chocolate and now you're gonna be sulky because i won't go buy bread right now like you demanded? look kid, are you on crack or what?" I told Sweety that I may stop doing so many nice things. I'll just pick 'em up from school and bring them straight home and make everyone eat beans and water for dinner next Tuesday.
We had some fantabulous sex not once but TWICE last night! Hee hee hee! Shower sex and then bed sex later when I wasn't expecting it. I just read this post over at Sarcastic Kitty's place and it summed up my last night. I'll be glad when he gets home today. It's neat still liking being naked with my husband. About this time in my last marriage I was plotting my escape.
One upside to the Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston breakup: All the trash magazines have pictures of Angelina Jolie in them every week now. Love it love it love it. I watched the Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow movie just to see her in it. And she's hot even with an eye patch on. I hope someday she hits the pages of Playboy. My life would be complete.
I better get offa my can and tidy the pad up. I need a maid. That looks like Angelina Jolie.
I talked with my friend Elaine last night. Awhile back I bought some of these sheets for her (cause I LOVE mine so much and found these on sale for her) but hadn't sent them to her yet. I told her that they were gonna be on their way and she told me not to send them cause she felt bad that I bought them. I decided to ask her again if it would be okay if I gave them to her because I would just take them back if she was going to feel like she needed to reciprocate in some way. She did agree to take the sheets yesterday. I am glad. I specially chose a color (canvas) that wouldn't show dog hair as bad as white sheets (and also to deter her from bleaching them. she had some sheets awhile back that she bleached and they fell apart). She has this neato crazy little dog that likes to hop in the bed. I like to spend money. One of the ways I sometimes justify it is by getting things for other people.
Last night the kiddos had a movie to watch and the girl next door came over and watched it with them. I made popcorn and hot chocolate for everyone. Hot chocolate is the one thing that I can cook well. The boys last night proclaimed that they love mine much better than the stuff you get in packets and make with hot water.
I think that children are never satisfied. At bedtime I was telling LB(8) goodnight and he asked me if he could pack a lunch tomorrow. I told him no because we were out of bread. He tells me to go get him some from the store before I go to bed. No please or asking me nicely to do it. When I told him I wasn't leaving the house for bread at 9 p.m. he puffs up and looks at me like a bloated frog. This is the kid that I used to call "little adolph" (as in hitler) in my head. I'm thinking to myself "okay. i took you all for ice cream after school, you got to have ordered in pizza and soda for dinner, you got to watch a movie, you had popcorn and homemade fucking hot chocolate and now you're gonna be sulky because i won't go buy bread right now like you demanded? look kid, are you on crack or what?" I told Sweety that I may stop doing so many nice things. I'll just pick 'em up from school and bring them straight home and make everyone eat beans and water for dinner next Tuesday.
We had some fantabulous sex not once but TWICE last night! Hee hee hee! Shower sex and then bed sex later when I wasn't expecting it. I just read this post over at Sarcastic Kitty's place and it summed up my last night. I'll be glad when he gets home today. It's neat still liking being naked with my husband. About this time in my last marriage I was plotting my escape.
One upside to the Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston breakup: All the trash magazines have pictures of Angelina Jolie in them every week now. Love it love it love it. I watched the Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow movie just to see her in it. And she's hot even with an eye patch on. I hope someday she hits the pages of Playboy. My life would be complete.
I better get offa my can and tidy the pad up. I need a maid. That looks like Angelina Jolie.
4/18/05
School Meeting is Over!
Whew. Found out that Sylvie is doing great with her progress in reading and writing. I'd spent the last week worrying because I thought the teacher only wants a meeting if it's bad. I laugh when I'm nervous and as soon as the teacher said all was well I got the giggles and could hardly keep them tamped down. I'm so relieved. Hopefully, my sister will work with her this summer so she won't be back at square one when school starts next fall.
15 minutes til I leave for work. Phooey.
15 minutes til I leave for work. Phooey.
What a Nifty Weekend
All went well this weekend.
On Saturday we went to the school early for the spring festival thing. I was scheduled to work 9:30 to 10:30 at the cakewalk. We find out after we get there that the thing doesn't start til 10:00 and we have 45 minutes to kill with Sylvie(6) and nothing to do but sit there. We're at the place where the cakewalk it going to be and I realize that I'll be working it alone and I start to freak out. I thought I'd be with someone and I could just quietly pass out cakes and wouldn't have to talk to anyone. And I just don't do social interaction well. Big groups of people freak me out - as do small groups and singletons that I don't know well. So Sweety offered to do the cakewalk while I took Sylvie around to the games and stuff. This guy is GREAT!! I was so tickled that he offered. And during his shift not one person came to participate in the cakewalk. So he didn't have to deal with people either.
Took Sylvie to the sitter's around 1:00 and then we met another couple at this really good seafood place before going to the casino ship. The casino ship sucked ass. And I don't mean in a fun "let me pet your prostate" kinda way. It was way crowded and the weather was bad so the boat rocked all night long. You couldn't walk a straight line. At the end of the night someone was saying that the other casino ship in the area couldn't sail because of the high waves so everyone came to this one. I couldn't get a seat at a blackjack table. Usually I play at the $5 table and was desperate enough to think about going to the $25 table but there were no seats there either. I then decided to try the slot machines. I don't like them but I was bored and stuck on that damn boat for 6 hours. I wanted to play the nickel machines so I could pull that little arm thing a lot but none of those machines were open. I got in an argument with some old hag because I started to sit down at an open machine and she told me it was saved and the person went to the bathroom. I didn't think you could do that and told her I'd just play a minute. So now some crazy old lady, with freshly tattooed eyebrows and an accent that causes her to spit on me while she's yelling, is 2 inches from my face. I sit down and am trying to feed my money into the machine. And some other woman comes up and says that tattooed eyebrow woman wouldn't let her sit down either. And the whole time this old bitch is still yelling right in my effing ear. So I called her a name. A really bad name. And she leaned over and stuck 2 nickels in the machine to hold it. So I picked her old bony ass up and threw her overboard. Just kidding. But I thought about it. Even though I couldn't play anything that I wanted to I still managed to lose all my money.
We stayed in a hotel that night instead of driving all the way home and the next morning at about 9 the phone rings and it's the baby sitter. I figure there's a problem with Sylvie and we must come get her right away. But no, the sitter forgot to tell us she has circus tickets and would it be okay if she took Sylvie with her son. Well of course it is! Woo hoo! Extra sleep for me!
Actually, we didn't get extra sleep but the morning sex was awesome. I've discovered something even better than getting the coochie licked. It would be having it licked and getting a leg massage at the same time. Have I mentioned that Sweety is freaking wonderful?!
Why is it that whenever I move from my desk that the dogs must follow me? They were both all cozied up, asleep in stinky dog's bed but when I get up just for a second they both come running out of the room. I come sit back down and they lay right back down to sleep. Tiny dog is in my lap now and she smells like stinky dog since they've been cuddling. Ew. I should Lysol her.
I'll be sooooo glad when I get off work tonight. I need to stay home and clean the house again tomorrow. It's not too bad. The biggest thing to do is wash the dogs. And there's nothing I like more than washing a damn dog.
I'm dinged out. Gotta go get some sleep.
On Saturday we went to the school early for the spring festival thing. I was scheduled to work 9:30 to 10:30 at the cakewalk. We find out after we get there that the thing doesn't start til 10:00 and we have 45 minutes to kill with Sylvie(6) and nothing to do but sit there. We're at the place where the cakewalk it going to be and I realize that I'll be working it alone and I start to freak out. I thought I'd be with someone and I could just quietly pass out cakes and wouldn't have to talk to anyone. And I just don't do social interaction well. Big groups of people freak me out - as do small groups and singletons that I don't know well. So Sweety offered to do the cakewalk while I took Sylvie around to the games and stuff. This guy is GREAT!! I was so tickled that he offered. And during his shift not one person came to participate in the cakewalk. So he didn't have to deal with people either.
Took Sylvie to the sitter's around 1:00 and then we met another couple at this really good seafood place before going to the casino ship. The casino ship sucked ass. And I don't mean in a fun "let me pet your prostate" kinda way. It was way crowded and the weather was bad so the boat rocked all night long. You couldn't walk a straight line. At the end of the night someone was saying that the other casino ship in the area couldn't sail because of the high waves so everyone came to this one. I couldn't get a seat at a blackjack table. Usually I play at the $5 table and was desperate enough to think about going to the $25 table but there were no seats there either. I then decided to try the slot machines. I don't like them but I was bored and stuck on that damn boat for 6 hours. I wanted to play the nickel machines so I could pull that little arm thing a lot but none of those machines were open. I got in an argument with some old hag because I started to sit down at an open machine and she told me it was saved and the person went to the bathroom. I didn't think you could do that and told her I'd just play a minute. So now some crazy old lady, with freshly tattooed eyebrows and an accent that causes her to spit on me while she's yelling, is 2 inches from my face. I sit down and am trying to feed my money into the machine. And some other woman comes up and says that tattooed eyebrow woman wouldn't let her sit down either. And the whole time this old bitch is still yelling right in my effing ear. So I called her a name. A really bad name. And she leaned over and stuck 2 nickels in the machine to hold it. So I picked her old bony ass up and threw her overboard. Just kidding. But I thought about it. Even though I couldn't play anything that I wanted to I still managed to lose all my money.
We stayed in a hotel that night instead of driving all the way home and the next morning at about 9 the phone rings and it's the baby sitter. I figure there's a problem with Sylvie and we must come get her right away. But no, the sitter forgot to tell us she has circus tickets and would it be okay if she took Sylvie with her son. Well of course it is! Woo hoo! Extra sleep for me!
Actually, we didn't get extra sleep but the morning sex was awesome. I've discovered something even better than getting the coochie licked. It would be having it licked and getting a leg massage at the same time. Have I mentioned that Sweety is freaking wonderful?!
Why is it that whenever I move from my desk that the dogs must follow me? They were both all cozied up, asleep in stinky dog's bed but when I get up just for a second they both come running out of the room. I come sit back down and they lay right back down to sleep. Tiny dog is in my lap now and she smells like stinky dog since they've been cuddling. Ew. I should Lysol her.
I'll be sooooo glad when I get off work tonight. I need to stay home and clean the house again tomorrow. It's not too bad. The biggest thing to do is wash the dogs. And there's nothing I like more than washing a damn dog.
I'm dinged out. Gotta go get some sleep.
4/15/05
A Thought
I realized that for the money I spent having maybe 2 pounds of fat sucked out of my body I could've hired a personal trainer to come make me kick my own ass every day for the last 4 months.
But that wouldn't have been nearly as instantly gratifying.
I think I'm seeing improvement though. I'm using heavier weights than when I started so I must be getting some muscle. And I'm coming to grips with the fact that I'm never gonna be a skinny minnie again like I was this time last year. I guess I'd rather be a non-jiggly 140 or 150 than an emaciated 135. And it is neat being able to do the reverse cowgirl squat position during sex instead of being to out of shape to do any tricks.
Now I need to get the balls up to throw away those jeans that taunt me. The ones that I can't pull past my thighs now. Maybe I'll hang onto them for another couple of weeks.
But that wouldn't have been nearly as instantly gratifying.
I think I'm seeing improvement though. I'm using heavier weights than when I started so I must be getting some muscle. And I'm coming to grips with the fact that I'm never gonna be a skinny minnie again like I was this time last year. I guess I'd rather be a non-jiggly 140 or 150 than an emaciated 135. And it is neat being able to do the reverse cowgirl squat position during sex instead of being to out of shape to do any tricks.
Now I need to get the balls up to throw away those jeans that taunt me. The ones that I can't pull past my thighs now. Maybe I'll hang onto them for another couple of weeks.
Be Careful with Leftovers
Upon arriving home this morning I saw a piece of pizza out on the kitchen table. And I couldn't help myself. I ate it. And it was good. Well, as good as several hour old pizza could be. I'm not sure where it came from. I think the babysitter left it. I think maybe I have food poisoning. Probably not a good idea to eat stuff just cause it's in your house.
I had to get up when Sweety was leaving this morning so I could balance my books since it's payday. And figured I may as well stay up cause if I go to bed for and hour it'll be way too hard to get back up to take Sylvie to school.
I'm going to go exercise after I drop her off. Perky girl be damned. I need to get my exercise in early so I can go back to sleep. I've already figured out that I can't say that I'll get up early and go work out before I go to work because I won't. Just gotta do it and get it over with. Ugh.
We're going on a casino cruise this weekend. I can't wait. I love Blackjack. I can sit and play for hours. I like to be in the first seat to the left of the dealer so I can go first. While I'm playing I don't drink. I don't like to mix my vices. I'm more of an extremist. If I'm gambling, that's what I'm doing. I don't want to fuzzy up my head. It's hard enough for me to think straight as it is. But when I'm done I'll go sit at the nickel slots and drink free drinks all night long!
I just realized this morning that my legs are messed up. I've smacked into some things and they've got bruises all over them. I'm the clumsiest person I know. If there's a piece of furniture less than 3 feet high I will trip over it. And I just LOVE clipping door frames and walls with my shoulders. I blame that on having no depth perception and my peripheral vision is bad. Really, it's true. My eye doctor says so.
I've gotta go scare up some Tums or something. I think there's an alien in my belly.
I had to get up when Sweety was leaving this morning so I could balance my books since it's payday. And figured I may as well stay up cause if I go to bed for and hour it'll be way too hard to get back up to take Sylvie to school.
I'm going to go exercise after I drop her off. Perky girl be damned. I need to get my exercise in early so I can go back to sleep. I've already figured out that I can't say that I'll get up early and go work out before I go to work because I won't. Just gotta do it and get it over with. Ugh.
We're going on a casino cruise this weekend. I can't wait. I love Blackjack. I can sit and play for hours. I like to be in the first seat to the left of the dealer so I can go first. While I'm playing I don't drink. I don't like to mix my vices. I'm more of an extremist. If I'm gambling, that's what I'm doing. I don't want to fuzzy up my head. It's hard enough for me to think straight as it is. But when I'm done I'll go sit at the nickel slots and drink free drinks all night long!
I just realized this morning that my legs are messed up. I've smacked into some things and they've got bruises all over them. I'm the clumsiest person I know. If there's a piece of furniture less than 3 feet high I will trip over it. And I just LOVE clipping door frames and walls with my shoulders. I blame that on having no depth perception and my peripheral vision is bad. Really, it's true. My eye doctor says so.
I've gotta go scare up some Tums or something. I think there's an alien in my belly.
4/14/05
Nooner
Oh my effing goodness. Sweety came home early for sex before I go get the kiddo from school. And it was GREAT. As Kayten would say: Hot pig sex.
I tried to get him to come back this morning after dropping the kids off at school but he was too far up the road.
I'm greedy with sex. The more I get. The more I want it.
I tried to get him to come back this morning after dropping the kids off at school but he was too far up the road.
I'm greedy with sex. The more I get. The more I want it.
The Pad is Still Tidy
I have noticed that the house being clean during influences whether or not I feel inclined to have sex later. Case in point: I spent all effing Sunday cleaning the house before work and being tired at work that night but the payback was on Tuesday & Wednesday since it was clean I could sleep during the day and felt like doing the whole smooth up and make myself smell good ritual after my shower at 10 p.m. note to self: get lazy ass out of bed early on sundays to clean. it will be worth it later. check. And the place is still in order on a Thursday. Woo-hoo!
And I spoke of what eating asparagus, squash and garlic all at once does to me here. It turns out that strawberries have the opposite effect on me. I will now spend my mornings off eating large amounts of strawberries and drinking water.
The EW's birthday is Friday and I guess the boys are throwing her a surprise party. BB(10) was telling me how hard it was going to be to get the cake when they were at the store so she wouldn't notice. I told Sweety about this and now he feels bad. Like he needs to take the boys out so they can get something for their mom. I vote a big, fat "fuck that". They haven't in the past so why should they do it now?
I'm going to take some time later to change the boys' names that I've been using here. They're not their real names but something that might be linked to them if someone who knew them stumbled across this. Sweety asked me the other day if it would bother me if the EW were to find this. My answer was that I could see how that could make an uncomfortable situation for him. So I shall adjust names and take their photos down. Just in case she ever goes blog surfing. She called Sweety yesterday cause the boys told her they go online here. And she was asking if we really let them do that because she doesn't know a lot about online except that it's BAD. Yeah you idiot. We let them lock themselves in their room and put them on the evil online. But first we make sure they're in the pedophiles-r-us chatroom. Sheesh.
Time for my nap.
And I spoke of what eating asparagus, squash and garlic all at once does to me here. It turns out that strawberries have the opposite effect on me. I will now spend my mornings off eating large amounts of strawberries and drinking water.
The EW's birthday is Friday and I guess the boys are throwing her a surprise party. BB(10) was telling me how hard it was going to be to get the cake when they were at the store so she wouldn't notice. I told Sweety about this and now he feels bad. Like he needs to take the boys out so they can get something for their mom. I vote a big, fat "fuck that". They haven't in the past so why should they do it now?
I'm going to take some time later to change the boys' names that I've been using here. They're not their real names but something that might be linked to them if someone who knew them stumbled across this. Sweety asked me the other day if it would bother me if the EW were to find this. My answer was that I could see how that could make an uncomfortable situation for him. So I shall adjust names and take their photos down. Just in case she ever goes blog surfing. She called Sweety yesterday cause the boys told her they go online here. And she was asking if we really let them do that because she doesn't know a lot about online except that it's BAD. Yeah you idiot. We let them lock themselves in their room and put them on the evil online. But first we make sure they're in the pedophiles-r-us chatroom. Sheesh.
Time for my nap.
4/13/05
Ouchy Day
This morning before my big workout, I decided to polish my toes and get my nails done. I'd picked off the fake nails a few weeks ago and had been completely indulging myself with chewing my nails. Disgusting? Yes, I know. Which is why I usually keep the acrylics on. The other day Sweety told me that my hands looked like I'd been in a fight with a bear and this morning they actually hurt so I went and put their shells back on. And got my pointy finger and my index finger glued together. If the nail tech isn't paying attention and actually glues your damn fingers together - that's probably a sign to hop out of the seat and go back home to chew your nails some more. Once we pried them apart and he finished the job, they looked nice.
Since my toes were looking so snazzy I wore flip-flops to school to pick up Sylvie(6) and then we went to the grocery store. She likes to ride on the cart, standing up on the end where you push it and pretend she's pushing it. I stopped to look at some strawberries and she stomped off the back of the cart and squashed my freshly polished big toe with her patent leather hard soled boot. A part of me died today in the produce aisle.
Sweety's sister is here and Sweety's insurance agent. I think she's buying some insurance and Sweety is adding on his or getting me some. I've never had life insurance before. I hope he's not getting ready to off me. The insurance guy bears a strong resemblance to someone I once dated. It's unnerving. The guy I dated was the salesman who sold me my truck in TX. Sweety knows this so he now pokes fun at me when insurance and car buying are brought up.
The birthday invitation was given to BB(10) today at school for his friend's party. I'm glad. The party is this Sunday. Who waits til Wednesday to give out invitations to a party on Sunday? I always thought you should hand them out a couple of weeks in advance. But usually when the boys bring one home during the week it's for a party that weekend.
I was trying to think of ways to get the school festival cancelled this weekend so I wouldn't have to follow through with helping for an hour but everything I came up with would have earned me time in the state mental hospital. I did have some damn good ideas though.
Since my toes were looking so snazzy I wore flip-flops to school to pick up Sylvie(6) and then we went to the grocery store. She likes to ride on the cart, standing up on the end where you push it and pretend she's pushing it. I stopped to look at some strawberries and she stomped off the back of the cart and squashed my freshly polished big toe with her patent leather hard soled boot. A part of me died today in the produce aisle.
Sweety's sister is here and Sweety's insurance agent. I think she's buying some insurance and Sweety is adding on his or getting me some. I've never had life insurance before. I hope he's not getting ready to off me. The insurance guy bears a strong resemblance to someone I once dated. It's unnerving. The guy I dated was the salesman who sold me my truck in TX. Sweety knows this so he now pokes fun at me when insurance and car buying are brought up.
The birthday invitation was given to BB(10) today at school for his friend's party. I'm glad. The party is this Sunday. Who waits til Wednesday to give out invitations to a party on Sunday? I always thought you should hand them out a couple of weeks in advance. But usually when the boys bring one home during the week it's for a party that weekend.
I was trying to think of ways to get the school festival cancelled this weekend so I wouldn't have to follow through with helping for an hour but everything I came up with would have earned me time in the state mental hospital. I did have some damn good ideas though.
Lazy Day
Last night we were catching up on the t.v. shows that we had recorded. I really like the DVR thing that we got added onto our cable. It's nice to be able to fast forward through the commercials. And now I can enjoy watching Desperate Housewives on Tuesday night when I'm off work. I freakin love that show. I'm not usually a t.v. watching person but I actually get excited when a new show is on. On Tuesdays everyone is in bed by 8 or 8:30 so I can hijack the t.v. Sweety likes to watch Dr. 90210. I'm not crazy about it cause I don't like watching surgery. But on the one we saw last night they had a girl who had a breast reduction and hers were very similar to mine so I had to watch. This chick went from a saggy DD to a perky size-i-don't-know and didn't have any implants. I was so impressed. They looked good. She could pass the "pencil test". And I realized last night that I may be able to get mine reduced and have my insurance cover it. I saw a little check list of physical things that being too top heavy causes and I had all of them. I don't mind the size they are but it would be nice to be able to wear summer tops that have little straps on them instead of stuff that has to hide my industrial looking bras. So I'm going to go check on that later.
I bathed stinky & tiny dog yesterday. Did it outside so I wouldn't have to heave stinky dog Tasha into the tub. She hated the whole experience, as she usually does. It was the first time that Oy had been given a bath outside and I guess the water was too cold or else she was terrified. After the bath she crawled into my fluffy blanket and slept for a couple of hours. And she was very subdued all night long. Maybe she was in shock. She's back to her regular, eye booger, ear chewing, crazy self this morning though. I'm glad. I was afraid I'd caused a major personality change.
I'm going to go work out later. The last few times I've been I haven't done as much as I should cause even though I'm wearing a sports bra, after about 15 minutes of jumping around my chest is numb. I may tape them down before I go today. I'm waiting til later in the morning to go cause I don't want to be there when Perky Girl is bouncing all over the place.
BB(10) is suffering the angst of childhood friendships. I guess one of his buddies is having a birthday party this Saturday and has been telling him that he's going to give him an invite but it hasn't materialized. Then yesterday he asked BB(10) for Sweety's phone # so him mom could call about the party but no phone call happened either. He was feeling pretty rotten last night. Sweety tried to cheer him by saying "hey, now you don't have to get him a present. just saved yourself $25, right?" I don't think it made him feel better. I told Sweety to save BB from any future instances of rejection he should just tell him that he's not allowed to go to any birthday parties. Just keep him at home til he's 18.
The diet thing is puttering along well. Yesterday was pizza night and I managed to not eat enough for a family of 5. And I had water, not soda. Later I had a slim-fast drink for a snack and pretended it was really melted ice cream. I'm going to measure myself later. I didn't do my measuring for the month of March cause I just knew it wouldn't be too good.
I got the house clean on Sunday before I went to work and it has managed to stay that way. I may start doing that instead of cleaning on my days off. It's nice to be able to do pretty much nothing on my off days, instead of cleaning. I'm going to straighten up LB's(8) room later. Because he has noticed that it has kinda become the catch-all for anything that we don't know what to do with ("why does BB have a desk and a fish tank in his room and I have the exercise stuff and broken computer?"). So I'm gonna load up the Pilot later with things that can be tossed.
I bathed stinky & tiny dog yesterday. Did it outside so I wouldn't have to heave stinky dog Tasha into the tub. She hated the whole experience, as she usually does. It was the first time that Oy had been given a bath outside and I guess the water was too cold or else she was terrified. After the bath she crawled into my fluffy blanket and slept for a couple of hours. And she was very subdued all night long. Maybe she was in shock. She's back to her regular, eye booger, ear chewing, crazy self this morning though. I'm glad. I was afraid I'd caused a major personality change.
I'm going to go work out later. The last few times I've been I haven't done as much as I should cause even though I'm wearing a sports bra, after about 15 minutes of jumping around my chest is numb. I may tape them down before I go today. I'm waiting til later in the morning to go cause I don't want to be there when Perky Girl is bouncing all over the place.
BB(10) is suffering the angst of childhood friendships. I guess one of his buddies is having a birthday party this Saturday and has been telling him that he's going to give him an invite but it hasn't materialized. Then yesterday he asked BB(10) for Sweety's phone # so him mom could call about the party but no phone call happened either. He was feeling pretty rotten last night. Sweety tried to cheer him by saying "hey, now you don't have to get him a present. just saved yourself $25, right?" I don't think it made him feel better. I told Sweety to save BB from any future instances of rejection he should just tell him that he's not allowed to go to any birthday parties. Just keep him at home til he's 18.
The diet thing is puttering along well. Yesterday was pizza night and I managed to not eat enough for a family of 5. And I had water, not soda. Later I had a slim-fast drink for a snack and pretended it was really melted ice cream. I'm going to measure myself later. I didn't do my measuring for the month of March cause I just knew it wouldn't be too good.
I got the house clean on Sunday before I went to work and it has managed to stay that way. I may start doing that instead of cleaning on my days off. It's nice to be able to do pretty much nothing on my off days, instead of cleaning. I'm going to straighten up LB's(8) room later. Because he has noticed that it has kinda become the catch-all for anything that we don't know what to do with ("why does BB have a desk and a fish tank in his room and I have the exercise stuff and broken computer?"). So I'm gonna load up the Pilot later with things that can be tossed.
4/12/05
It's My Saturday! Yippee!
It is most definitely worth it for me to work 4 10 hour days and have 3 off. My hardest part about work is just getting there. Once there, I'd rather stay an extra couple of hours and be done with it. Unless I come home early, of course. And even then I still have the 3 days off, hee hee.
I was thinking of making a seating chart for the sprogs. Because EVERY SINGLE TIME they get in a vehicle it is a big ol' whinefest about who sits where. It makes me want to rub my eyes with a cheese grater. If Sweety's taking them to school I'll say my goodbyes and then try to get as far away from the garage as possible so as to protect my ears from their high pitched conversation. I think sometimes the voices are at a decibel that only dogs and I can hear. Then I decided that a seating chart was stupid and if they get too unruly we can let them fight it out in the garage (with the door closed so the neighbors don't see) with baseball bats or tasers. note to self: check ebay for tasers.
Tiny dog Oy was caught chowing down on stinky dog Tasha's eye boogers this morning. Sweety said she was eating sand last night so I guess she must have cement in her belly now. I think Tasha likes the abuse. She just stood there while her eyeball was being poked by a sharp little nose. Maybe she's just given up.
There was one seriously scary looking dog out in our neighborhood this morning. It was tall and skinny and completely black and right in the big middle of the road. I would have mowed it down but it moved and I saw a flash of pink belly. When I took Oy out to potty I kept the leash short in case she needed to be reeled in quickly while under attack.
I realized yesterday I spend a lot of time concerning myself with dog poop. Is it in the yard? On anyone's shoes? Could someone bring me a bag so I can collect it? Has the dog pooped yet so I can go inside? Hmm, does her butt look like she needs to poop so I can get her outside? I was wondering this morning what size colostomy bag would be needed for a chihuahua and what kind of covering could I build for it so it couldn't be ripped off. I decided that a catheter for the dog would be okay too. I need a new interest.
I'm so not looking forward to the school carnival thing this weekend. Maybe it will get cancelled. I'm just not going to think about it again til Saturday.
I was thinking of making a seating chart for the sprogs. Because EVERY SINGLE TIME they get in a vehicle it is a big ol' whinefest about who sits where. It makes me want to rub my eyes with a cheese grater. If Sweety's taking them to school I'll say my goodbyes and then try to get as far away from the garage as possible so as to protect my ears from their high pitched conversation. I think sometimes the voices are at a decibel that only dogs and I can hear. Then I decided that a seating chart was stupid and if they get too unruly we can let them fight it out in the garage (with the door closed so the neighbors don't see) with baseball bats or tasers. note to self: check ebay for tasers.
Tiny dog Oy was caught chowing down on stinky dog Tasha's eye boogers this morning. Sweety said she was eating sand last night so I guess she must have cement in her belly now. I think Tasha likes the abuse. She just stood there while her eyeball was being poked by a sharp little nose. Maybe she's just given up.
There was one seriously scary looking dog out in our neighborhood this morning. It was tall and skinny and completely black and right in the big middle of the road. I would have mowed it down but it moved and I saw a flash of pink belly. When I took Oy out to potty I kept the leash short in case she needed to be reeled in quickly while under attack.
I realized yesterday I spend a lot of time concerning myself with dog poop. Is it in the yard? On anyone's shoes? Could someone bring me a bag so I can collect it? Has the dog pooped yet so I can go inside? Hmm, does her butt look like she needs to poop so I can get her outside? I was wondering this morning what size colostomy bag would be needed for a chihuahua and what kind of covering could I build for it so it couldn't be ripped off. I decided that a catheter for the dog would be okay too. I need a new interest.
I'm so not looking forward to the school carnival thing this weekend. Maybe it will get cancelled. I'm just not going to think about it again til Saturday.
4/11/05
Volunteerism
I just remembered this morning that I have volunteered to work the kindergarten booth at the school fair thing next Saturday. The first time the teacher sent the note out asking I didn't sign up but when she sent it out again because only 1 person had I felt compelled to put my name in the 10 to 11 time slot. Sweety laughed his ass off when I told him. I don't do crowds well. This should be interesting.
We do have an all night sitter for Sylvie(6) next Saturday so we're going to go out to eat and gambling that night. We're going out with the same couple we've been going out with. I'm going to try and not drink too much and start talking about boobies or anything that could embarrass me later. The nice thing about the lady half of the couple, Erica, is that she will drink as much as me. I like that. I like to feel like everyone is having as good a time as I am. That should be a nice way to wind down after keeping hordes of kids in line.
And Sylvie's teacher sent a note home today requesting a meeting on the 18th. I think she's doing better but I don't know if this is good or bad. I'm thinking the teacher only wants to talk to you if it's bad. We shall see.
We do have an all night sitter for Sylvie(6) next Saturday so we're going to go out to eat and gambling that night. We're going out with the same couple we've been going out with. I'm going to try and not drink too much and start talking about boobies or anything that could embarrass me later. The nice thing about the lady half of the couple, Erica, is that she will drink as much as me. I like that. I like to feel like everyone is having as good a time as I am. That should be a nice way to wind down after keeping hordes of kids in line.
And Sylvie's teacher sent a note home today requesting a meeting on the 18th. I think she's doing better but I don't know if this is good or bad. I'm thinking the teacher only wants to talk to you if it's bad. We shall see.
A Love Story
Once upon a time there was a girl. We'll call her Chickie. And she was freshly divorced. And she hated dating and going through all that first date awkwardness so she was serial dating to try and meet her next husband as quickly as possible.
One cold January day Chickie's friend Nat said "Hey, my friend's brother is coming to visit in April. You need to go out with him." So, under pressure Chickie said yes. Because surely by April she could find some way to weasel out of a blind date. Surely this guy will have a girlfriend or will have forgotten that he was supposed to have a blind date by then too, right?
But he did not forget.
He (henceforth Sweety) had talked to her online once or twice but she kept blowing him off because she was busy with 2 jobs, power shopping, serial dating and she really thought it was a waste of time to even bother with some guy 1000 miles away.
So Sweety gets to Texas and sends Chickie an e-mail letting her know that he's there and ready for their date. And she sends him an e-mail back saying she's busy "killing rats this week". This is Texas speak for "i'm blowing you off". Sweety actually thought that she had rats in her house and was busy exterminating them.
At about 10 p.m. on April 11, 2001 Chickie signs onto her computer. And sees Sweety's name up on the buddy list as signed on. She tries to click off AOL but she's laying on her arm funny and before she can hit the little red X, Sweety has sent her an IM. For a moment she debates over whether or not to just unplug the computer and then say her power went out but being polite wins over.
Somehow the subject of being hungry comes up and she asks him if he'd like to meet her at Taco Bell. (thinking this would be her way of asking him out on their date and of course he's gonna say no cause it's so late) And he says yes. Chickie's been cleaning the house all day and all of her underwear is in the dryer. And she's not looking to impress anyway. She puts on her rattiest jeans, shoes with no socks, a charity event bowling t-shirt, a wet bra and slicks her hair back in a broke pony tail. Then she hops in her sweet black Chevy truck with the silver lettering on the back that says "Devil to Some ~ Angel to Others" and she is off to Taco Bell. Only to realize that it is closed.
Sweety pulls up nanoseconds after she realizes the place is closed. And the first thing she thinks is "Oh crap. He's good looking." Her second thought is "Well, he's so good looking that he's probably not bright enough to string together sentences." He gets out of his car and she's feeling bad that she had him come to a place that was closed at 11 p.m. so she says the first thing that comes to her polite mind "Would you like to go eat at IHOP? I know they're open. It's only about 30 minutes away. I'll drive." And while she's asking she's hoping he'll say no because that would mean at least an hour of drive time that she's gonna have to make conversation with this good looking guy who's probably not smart. And he's gonna know he's good looking and be one of guy's that lets you know it.
He says yes and spends the whole time in the truck looking at the inside of his shirt. She thought it was some kind of crazy, serial killer trait but she finds out later that he'd stopped on the side of the road to change into a clean shirt and thought it was on backwards.
They get to IHOP and notice each others quirks. He orders a glass of milk and she is horrified. Doesn't he know restaurant milk is usually contaminated? You should never drink milk unless you pour it out of the jug in your kitchen and know it's not spoiled. And then he puts ice in it. She tries to explain to him her restaurant-milk-contamination theory but he is not swayed. He drinks the milk with zest and she almost vomits.
Sweety notices Chickie has ordered a whole plateful of food and isn't doing anything except picking pecans out of her pancakes. "What a wasteful person." he thinks. Later he finds out that she's just socially retarded and can't hardly eat in front of people.
At one point he says "So, you like bowling, huh?" And she thinks that he's really full of himself. She knows he's a bowler, does he think everyone else is too? Then he points to her charity bowling shirt and she feels like the biggest dork in the world. And she says "No. It was the only thing clean."
She's trying to poke down some food when all of a sudden, she hears something that sounds like a gunshot. She chokes, sputters, ducks down in the booth and then sees Sweety snickering because he's just popped a straw so it would make that sound. And she sees that look on his face and thinks "Oh wow. I could so like this guy. Too bad he lives in Florida."
After their midnight dinner Chickie asks him if he'd go to lunch with her the next day. She wanted an opportunity to get dressed and put some make-up on so he could see what she "really" looked like.
But when she talks to him the next day he tells her he can't eat with her because his sister can't babysit for him. Chickie is flabbergasted. All the signs were there she thought. She decides that Sweety must be gay. Then she tells her friend Elaine that she met the most perfect man last night, except he lives in Florida and he's gay. But it gives her hope that maybe she can find a nice heterosexual man living closer, perhaps Dallas. Sweety calls her back 15 minutes later and agrees to the date.
And they had a great time.
And they were married 86 days later and are living happily ever after.
The end.
One cold January day Chickie's friend Nat said "Hey, my friend's brother is coming to visit in April. You need to go out with him." So, under pressure Chickie said yes. Because surely by April she could find some way to weasel out of a blind date. Surely this guy will have a girlfriend or will have forgotten that he was supposed to have a blind date by then too, right?
But he did not forget.
He (henceforth Sweety) had talked to her online once or twice but she kept blowing him off because she was busy with 2 jobs, power shopping, serial dating and she really thought it was a waste of time to even bother with some guy 1000 miles away.
So Sweety gets to Texas and sends Chickie an e-mail letting her know that he's there and ready for their date. And she sends him an e-mail back saying she's busy "killing rats this week". This is Texas speak for "i'm blowing you off". Sweety actually thought that she had rats in her house and was busy exterminating them.
At about 10 p.m. on April 11, 2001 Chickie signs onto her computer. And sees Sweety's name up on the buddy list as signed on. She tries to click off AOL but she's laying on her arm funny and before she can hit the little red X, Sweety has sent her an IM. For a moment she debates over whether or not to just unplug the computer and then say her power went out but being polite wins over.
Somehow the subject of being hungry comes up and she asks him if he'd like to meet her at Taco Bell. (thinking this would be her way of asking him out on their date and of course he's gonna say no cause it's so late) And he says yes. Chickie's been cleaning the house all day and all of her underwear is in the dryer. And she's not looking to impress anyway. She puts on her rattiest jeans, shoes with no socks, a charity event bowling t-shirt, a wet bra and slicks her hair back in a broke pony tail. Then she hops in her sweet black Chevy truck with the silver lettering on the back that says "Devil to Some ~ Angel to Others" and she is off to Taco Bell. Only to realize that it is closed.
Sweety pulls up nanoseconds after she realizes the place is closed. And the first thing she thinks is "Oh crap. He's good looking." Her second thought is "Well, he's so good looking that he's probably not bright enough to string together sentences." He gets out of his car and she's feeling bad that she had him come to a place that was closed at 11 p.m. so she says the first thing that comes to her polite mind "Would you like to go eat at IHOP? I know they're open. It's only about 30 minutes away. I'll drive." And while she's asking she's hoping he'll say no because that would mean at least an hour of drive time that she's gonna have to make conversation with this good looking guy who's probably not smart. And he's gonna know he's good looking and be one of guy's that lets you know it.
He says yes and spends the whole time in the truck looking at the inside of his shirt. She thought it was some kind of crazy, serial killer trait but she finds out later that he'd stopped on the side of the road to change into a clean shirt and thought it was on backwards.
They get to IHOP and notice each others quirks. He orders a glass of milk and she is horrified. Doesn't he know restaurant milk is usually contaminated? You should never drink milk unless you pour it out of the jug in your kitchen and know it's not spoiled. And then he puts ice in it. She tries to explain to him her restaurant-milk-contamination theory but he is not swayed. He drinks the milk with zest and she almost vomits.
Sweety notices Chickie has ordered a whole plateful of food and isn't doing anything except picking pecans out of her pancakes. "What a wasteful person." he thinks. Later he finds out that she's just socially retarded and can't hardly eat in front of people.
At one point he says "So, you like bowling, huh?" And she thinks that he's really full of himself. She knows he's a bowler, does he think everyone else is too? Then he points to her charity bowling shirt and she feels like the biggest dork in the world. And she says "No. It was the only thing clean."
She's trying to poke down some food when all of a sudden, she hears something that sounds like a gunshot. She chokes, sputters, ducks down in the booth and then sees Sweety snickering because he's just popped a straw so it would make that sound. And she sees that look on his face and thinks "Oh wow. I could so like this guy. Too bad he lives in Florida."
After their midnight dinner Chickie asks him if he'd go to lunch with her the next day. She wanted an opportunity to get dressed and put some make-up on so he could see what she "really" looked like.
But when she talks to him the next day he tells her he can't eat with her because his sister can't babysit for him. Chickie is flabbergasted. All the signs were there she thought. She decides that Sweety must be gay. Then she tells her friend Elaine that she met the most perfect man last night, except he lives in Florida and he's gay. But it gives her hope that maybe she can find a nice heterosexual man living closer, perhaps Dallas. Sweety calls her back 15 minutes later and agrees to the date.
And they had a great time.
And they were married 86 days later and are living happily ever after.
The end.
I Knew It!
My pod-mate DW has found my blog. I had a sneaking suspicion and decided to just ask him. I figured if I was giving him the evil eye while asking he'd tell me the truth. He said he will delete the link. In return I will send him the watered-down version of my blog (embarrassing sexual references and the f-word deleted) I already do this for my friend Elaine in TX so I told him I'd send them to him too whenever she gets one. He's just started a blog to vent a little about his life. It's here. I decided if he has an affair, it's his own business. I've been guilty of doing some selfish things in my past and everyone's situation is different. Now I kinda hope he does meet someone soon cause it's the only way he'll get off his lazy butt and leave his wife. I think she's just trying to out-wait him.
The prettying up really worked Saturday night. I get out of the shower and walk into the bedroom. Sweety looks at me and says "ooohhh. nice. you've got a little heart shaped one in" (he was looking at the coochie which is pierced) And I'm looking at him like he's fucking nuts cause what he's looking at is a tampon string. I was busy scurrying to get some pretty drawers to wear to bed and he caught me before I was ready. I told him I was glad he found me so very attractive. That there could be a cotton string there but his brain turns it into some kind of rhinestone ornament.
My Grandma isn't doing too good. Just getting old I think. She's been very forgetful, forgetting to eat, taking wrong medications and just confused over anything that happened before she went to sleep. Her doctor said she needs to be in a nursing home getting 24 hour care. She refuses to go to a nursing home so my sister is going to go stay with her. Sis's fiance told her he would make her car payments so she could quit her job and go. I guess there is a reason for everything. Maybe this was the grand plan behind her leaving here in November and letting Sylvie stay. I wish I were closer to my family. Geez, I'm crying. I must be a little homesick. I'll be glad when my vacation gets here.
The prettying up really worked Saturday night. I get out of the shower and walk into the bedroom. Sweety looks at me and says "ooohhh. nice. you've got a little heart shaped one in" (he was looking at the coochie which is pierced) And I'm looking at him like he's fucking nuts cause what he's looking at is a tampon string. I was busy scurrying to get some pretty drawers to wear to bed and he caught me before I was ready. I told him I was glad he found me so very attractive. That there could be a cotton string there but his brain turns it into some kind of rhinestone ornament.
My Grandma isn't doing too good. Just getting old I think. She's been very forgetful, forgetting to eat, taking wrong medications and just confused over anything that happened before she went to sleep. Her doctor said she needs to be in a nursing home getting 24 hour care. She refuses to go to a nursing home so my sister is going to go stay with her. Sis's fiance told her he would make her car payments so she could quit her job and go. I guess there is a reason for everything. Maybe this was the grand plan behind her leaving here in November and letting Sylvie stay. I wish I were closer to my family. Geez, I'm crying. I must be a little homesick. I'll be glad when my vacation gets here.
4/9/05
My Face Is Burning
I sit here, waiting for this green mask stuff to dry so I can go shower. And exfoliate and shave and smooth back up again. It's hard being a woman. If I were a man I would only have one kind of soap and would use it to wash everything. I'd probably just use dishwashing liquid. Instead of all of these bottles of crap I have now. I actually bought some lotion and cream that is supposed to help reduce cellulite. We shall see. I have this one little bitty ripple of something (okay, maybe cellulite) and I didn't think it was that noticeable. Til Sweety said he'd seen it too and nicknamed it my "second ass". mental note to self: don't go to sweety to ask him if he sees something on my body cause if i do he most certainly will also. and will tell me. He says the key to our marriage working so well is that he doesn't hold his thoughts/comments back. I don't know if the stuff is going to get rid of the second ass but I'm quite smooth. And I do like rubbing myself.
Sweety and I have both been pretty grouchy people today. I think his grouchiness is lack of sex so I will try to ease his suffering tonight. He revealed to me that in his book oral sex isn't the same as real sex. I didn't know that. I thought the nights when I was tired and just did a nice servicing of him that it counted as sex. But he keeps count the number of days between actual sessions. This surprises me. I can get off just from giving him a blow job and I thought that the "days since i've had sex" meter started back at zero after that. I come, you come, we're even, right? If I get you to scream and eat a pillow it ought to count for something special, dammit.
I'm going to drag in the blue suitcase and pull out some toys. We will be doing a massage with a happy ending tonight.
This is the first Saturday night in FOREVER that I haven't had any alcohol. I forgot that I drank it all on Wednesday night. The night I fell asleep (passed out, call it what you will) while getting ready to initiate some foreplay. It will be interesting to wake up without a headache.
I have tons to do with the kiddos tomorrow before work. Sylvie(6) got a snow cone maker for her birthday and I've been putting off letting her drag it out. So we're doing that and a bike ride tomorrow. I can't wait. Cause there is nothing more fun than keeping your kid and your dogs from getting ran over. And then coming home to celebrate with a nice sticky snow cone. I plan on getting up early and getting everything out of the way early so I can take a nap before work.
The facial shellac has dried. I can go scrub my freckles off now.
Sweety and I have both been pretty grouchy people today. I think his grouchiness is lack of sex so I will try to ease his suffering tonight. He revealed to me that in his book oral sex isn't the same as real sex. I didn't know that. I thought the nights when I was tired and just did a nice servicing of him that it counted as sex. But he keeps count the number of days between actual sessions. This surprises me. I can get off just from giving him a blow job and I thought that the "days since i've had sex" meter started back at zero after that. I come, you come, we're even, right? If I get you to scream and eat a pillow it ought to count for something special, dammit.
I'm going to drag in the blue suitcase and pull out some toys. We will be doing a massage with a happy ending tonight.
This is the first Saturday night in FOREVER that I haven't had any alcohol. I forgot that I drank it all on Wednesday night. The night I fell asleep (passed out, call it what you will) while getting ready to initiate some foreplay. It will be interesting to wake up without a headache.
I have tons to do with the kiddos tomorrow before work. Sylvie(6) got a snow cone maker for her birthday and I've been putting off letting her drag it out. So we're doing that and a bike ride tomorrow. I can't wait. Cause there is nothing more fun than keeping your kid and your dogs from getting ran over. And then coming home to celebrate with a nice sticky snow cone. I plan on getting up early and getting everything out of the way early so I can take a nap before work.
The facial shellac has dried. I can go scrub my freckles off now.
What a Productive Day
We went and got fish for the effing fish tank I referred to here. They are pretty. BB(10) seems relatively pleased. When we got to the fish store he didn't really get to pick out any of the fish like he'd planned on so I told him to pick out a coral thingy and I'd get that for him. I felt bad cause I knew he was excited to pick something out and I could tell he was bummed when he didn't get to pick out a fish. It seems the fish he wanted would grow to great sizes and eat all the other fish. He kept trying to see how much all of the coral pieces were before he'd make a decision (this stems from being told way too much about the financial situation at his mom's i think) and I finally told him not to touch anything but to just show me which one he wanted. The freakin thing was $30. We only spent $15 on the fish. But he likes it. And if the fish die we can use it as a door stop.
I actually cooked tonight. Enchilada casserole. Everyone thought it was too spicy. So I lied and told them it wasn't even seasoned. Yeah, I'll let my kids think that they're going crazy and imagining tastes before I will admit there was a teensy sprinkle of southwest cayenne pepper in there. And I made a chocolate pudding pie. I was feeling especially nurturing earlier today.
Sweety took me to the Fed Ex place today to get my diet pills. I start my water and vitamin and phentermine diet tomorrow. Surely my heart will not explode. It hasn't yet. But, as everyone (my mom & sweety) keeps telling me, as I get older my body won't be able to handle things like it used to. Thanks. Hearing that sort of thing always makes one feel fucking wonderful.
The dryer ate a pair of my favorite panties. They were mesh with a little string of beads that hung down across the front. Somehow the beads got caught in the dryer door and got ripped off. Now all of the beads are in the crack between the dryer door and the dryer so when we open and close the door now it sounds like glass breaking and little bead bits fall to the floor like perverted fairy dust.
BB(10) told Sweety this morning that he has babysat for his mom. She left him alone with an almost 2 year old. Is it just me, or is that not the brightest thing to do? Maybe I am just overprotective. I'll check public restrooms to make sure nobody is in there just waiting for my stepsons to come in so they can do god-knows-what to them. We don't let them stay home alone here. I just think 10 is too young to be in charge of a toddler and a 130 pound dog that likes to eat cats. I'd appreciate any opinions on this. I don't know if maybe my opinion isn't right since I'm not a biological parent. BB knew that Sweety wouldn't be too pleased about hearing this so I think he made him promise not to say anything to his mom. I am so hoping that childbirth kills her. But it won't, with this one being the fourth one out of the chute it'll probably just fall out onto the floor.
Oh, interesting. I forgot to buy whipped cream for the chocolate pie. So Sweety is trying to make some out of whole milk and sugar. I must go watch the carnage.
I actually cooked tonight. Enchilada casserole. Everyone thought it was too spicy. So I lied and told them it wasn't even seasoned. Yeah, I'll let my kids think that they're going crazy and imagining tastes before I will admit there was a teensy sprinkle of southwest cayenne pepper in there. And I made a chocolate pudding pie. I was feeling especially nurturing earlier today.
Sweety took me to the Fed Ex place today to get my diet pills. I start my water and vitamin and phentermine diet tomorrow. Surely my heart will not explode. It hasn't yet. But, as everyone (my mom & sweety) keeps telling me, as I get older my body won't be able to handle things like it used to. Thanks. Hearing that sort of thing always makes one feel fucking wonderful.
The dryer ate a pair of my favorite panties. They were mesh with a little string of beads that hung down across the front. Somehow the beads got caught in the dryer door and got ripped off. Now all of the beads are in the crack between the dryer door and the dryer so when we open and close the door now it sounds like glass breaking and little bead bits fall to the floor like perverted fairy dust.
BB(10) told Sweety this morning that he has babysat for his mom. She left him alone with an almost 2 year old. Is it just me, or is that not the brightest thing to do? Maybe I am just overprotective. I'll check public restrooms to make sure nobody is in there just waiting for my stepsons to come in so they can do god-knows-what to them. We don't let them stay home alone here. I just think 10 is too young to be in charge of a toddler and a 130 pound dog that likes to eat cats. I'd appreciate any opinions on this. I don't know if maybe my opinion isn't right since I'm not a biological parent. BB knew that Sweety wouldn't be too pleased about hearing this so I think he made him promise not to say anything to his mom. I am so hoping that childbirth kills her. But it won't, with this one being the fourth one out of the chute it'll probably just fall out onto the floor.
Oh, interesting. I forgot to buy whipped cream for the chocolate pie. So Sweety is trying to make some out of whole milk and sugar. I must go watch the carnage.
Gonna Cut Their Squeakers Out
Why is it that children must be so LOUD? And it wouldn't be so bad if at least I could understand what the hell they were yelling to each other. I wish they were all muties. At least just for a few hours this morning.
I'm going to go put on my happy face and see if I can engage them in some type of play. Some type of quiet play.
Or maybe I'll just go play Bejeweled.
I'm going to go put on my happy face and see if I can engage them in some type of play. Some type of quiet play.
Or maybe I'll just go play Bejeweled.
4/8/05
Home Early...Again
So shoot me. It was just such a lovely evening. I felt compelled to leave work 2 and a half hours into my shift. The thought of sitting in that chair for another 390 minutes was overwhelming.
Sweety wasn't too pleased to see me. He's afraid I'm going to get fired. So I explained all the things I check on before I make the decision to let a headache send me home. I'm just an ant. There's a thousand other people doing what I do. As long as I fly under the radar my absence shouldn't be noticed. And if it is then I'll just have to keep my nose to the grindstone for awhile and be a good little soldier.
I hope the sex later makes him happy that I came home early. If it doesn't, the next time I leave early I may go to the movies or something instead of coming home so soon.
When I was loading pictures into my new online album I downloaded some that Sweety had taken of me right after the liposuction. Geez. I'd forgotten how disgusting that was. Everyone needs a photo of themselves, naked, drugged up, standing in the shower with fluid squirting from a dozen different holes (but skinny as hell). He said he took the pictures because when would he ever get to see such a thing again? My Sweety is a sicko.
Sylvie's dad has agreed to let my sister's fiance adopt Sylvie once they are married. I'm glad. Hopefully, if Sylvie has a male influence around she won't be pregnant at 14. I just hope everything works out. Maybe I'll worry less about my niece when she's with her mom if her stepdad seems to be an okay guy. I can't believe I've eaten birth control my whole freaking life and I still got lucky enough to get the worry of parenting.
If stinky dog doesn't stop licking her toes I am going to go insane. Fuck dog. Give it a rest. Good. She felt my thoughtbeams and has left the room to groom elsewhere.
I better go make nice with Sweety.
Sweety wasn't too pleased to see me. He's afraid I'm going to get fired. So I explained all the things I check on before I make the decision to let a headache send me home. I'm just an ant. There's a thousand other people doing what I do. As long as I fly under the radar my absence shouldn't be noticed. And if it is then I'll just have to keep my nose to the grindstone for awhile and be a good little soldier.
I hope the sex later makes him happy that I came home early. If it doesn't, the next time I leave early I may go to the movies or something instead of coming home so soon.
When I was loading pictures into my new online album I downloaded some that Sweety had taken of me right after the liposuction. Geez. I'd forgotten how disgusting that was. Everyone needs a photo of themselves, naked, drugged up, standing in the shower with fluid squirting from a dozen different holes (but skinny as hell). He said he took the pictures because when would he ever get to see such a thing again? My Sweety is a sicko.
Sylvie's dad has agreed to let my sister's fiance adopt Sylvie once they are married. I'm glad. Hopefully, if Sylvie has a male influence around she won't be pregnant at 14. I just hope everything works out. Maybe I'll worry less about my niece when she's with her mom if her stepdad seems to be an okay guy. I can't believe I've eaten birth control my whole freaking life and I still got lucky enough to get the worry of parenting.
If stinky dog doesn't stop licking her toes I am going to go insane. Fuck dog. Give it a rest. Good. She felt my thoughtbeams and has left the room to groom elsewhere.
I better go make nice with Sweety.
Missed Delivery
Crapola. The Fed Ex guy came to deliver some yummy, tasty, oh so good for you, diet pills and I didn't wake up when he knocked. I finally found a place online yesterday that will deliver to FL and I figured it would be Monday before I got them. Usually I put a sign up that says I'm a day sleeper so knock hard, but I wasn't expecting him today. Maybe I'll go pick them up tomorrow if Fed Ex is open. I have absolutely no willpower when it comes to eating. If I have something to keep me from being hungry then stuff doesn't even appeal to me. I still eat, just not bags of chips and blocks of cheese and soda by the gallon. And the high helps me keep the house clean :)
I go get my "after" photo for the liposuction on the 26th and I'd like it to look STUNNING. I'm getting there.
I go get my "after" photo for the liposuction on the 26th and I'd like it to look STUNNING. I'm getting there.
If You Wanna Peep
I now have photos. I used flkr and it was easy to use. I never could get that hello thing to work for me.
I can't believe I wasted all morning doing this. The house is still kinda chaotic but it is now nap time before work. I guess the mess'll still be here tomorrow to clean.
I can't believe I wasted all morning doing this. The house is still kinda chaotic but it is now nap time before work. I guess the mess'll still be here tomorrow to clean.
4/7/05
Fitness Secrets
HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO?! Cocoa beans - another vegetable!!!
It's the best Feel-Good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO?! Cocoa beans - another vegetable!!!
It's the best Feel-Good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
I am a Computer Guru. Really.
Well I'll be damned. I finally figured out how to make a "Blogs I Read" link list. I'm trying to figure out how to insert a "cast of characters". Maybe later when I feel braver about effing with my template.
One of these days I'll figure out how to use the hello/picassa stuff and post some pictures.
My brain is tired now. I'm playing hooky from work. I didn't feel good. Really. I think I need a glass of wine.
One of these days I'll figure out how to use the hello/picassa stuff and post some pictures.
My brain is tired now. I'm playing hooky from work. I didn't feel good. Really. I think I need a glass of wine.
Completely Mortified
Last night due to the backache, I ate 2 xanax and had 2 glasses of wine. Was feeling frisky to shaved everything nice and smooth in the shower, put my hair in pigtails and sprayed on some nice smelling stuff. Came out of the shower, saw Sweety laying on his stomach and decided to do a surprise attack and lick his behind. And passed flat out mid-lick. He went to sleep with me in the fetal position between his knees. I don't guess I'll mix any kind of pills and alcohol in the future. But my back feels okay this morning. We came home for a quickie after taking the kids to school so all is forgiven. I am still horrified though that it happened.
This is my compliment from The Surrealist Compliment Generator:
I like your eyes. With ketchup.
Yesterday I got my friend in Texas, Elaine, some 600 thread count sheets. I had a coupon for 20% off so it was a sign. When we bought ours they were almost $200 but with the markdown and my coupon I got em for 80. Ha! And while I was there I got BB(10) some in a discontinued color for 60. I think it's a good investment. They will never wear out. He noticed them as soon as he got in bed. He called me in to tell me thanks again. I like my stepkids. They are neat.
And I love my niece too. But I will be so glad when her mom reclaims her. This full time parenting thing is exhausting. With the boys its okay cause I know they're here forever but with Sylvie(6) it's just different for her and us cause we know she'll be leaving soon.
This is my compliment from The Surrealist Compliment Generator:
I like your eyes. With ketchup.
Yesterday I got my friend in Texas, Elaine, some 600 thread count sheets. I had a coupon for 20% off so it was a sign. When we bought ours they were almost $200 but with the markdown and my coupon I got em for 80. Ha! And while I was there I got BB(10) some in a discontinued color for 60. I think it's a good investment. They will never wear out. He noticed them as soon as he got in bed. He called me in to tell me thanks again. I like my stepkids. They are neat.
And I love my niece too. But I will be so glad when her mom reclaims her. This full time parenting thing is exhausting. With the boys its okay cause I know they're here forever but with Sylvie(6) it's just different for her and us cause we know she'll be leaving soon.
4/6/05
I Need Some Drugs
Wow does my back hurt. Effing ouch. I think it has something to do with it fixing to be that time of the month. I may go chew my last 2 Xanax and have some wine. If it won't stop hurting at least I'll pass out.
Oy is asleep in my lap. Gross little dog. I saw her again checking out Tasha's eyes to see if any more tasty eye boogers had formed. I heard a slurping sound and realized it was her tongue on the other dog's eyeball. Must be hard work, scavenging for mucus, cause she's passed out.
I had a stir fry of yellow squash, asparagus and garlic. It is my new favorite dish. Of course it has 2 side effects: asparagus pee and (as sweety informed me last night) he can smell garlic when he's muff diving. I've given him permission to leave the area if he finds it intolerable.
BB(10) brought a fish tank over from his mom's. It got to be too much work so she suggested he bring it over here. Thanks you stupid cow. Like I don't live with enough of your old shit already? And she asked Sweety to unload a fucking swingset when he went over to pick up the boys. I told him if he really loved me that he'd drop it on her foot. Just cause she picked a genetically unsound specimen for a second husband and he's bit the dust doesn't mean she gets to fall back on Sweety for anything. I will be nipping this in the bud if it starts to come up anymore. I think I'll wait for the birthing of her next child and give it a couple of months for the postpartum depression and hormones to kick in - then maybe I can think of something quietly evil to make her miserable.
Oy is asleep in my lap. Gross little dog. I saw her again checking out Tasha's eyes to see if any more tasty eye boogers had formed. I heard a slurping sound and realized it was her tongue on the other dog's eyeball. Must be hard work, scavenging for mucus, cause she's passed out.
I had a stir fry of yellow squash, asparagus and garlic. It is my new favorite dish. Of course it has 2 side effects: asparagus pee and (as sweety informed me last night) he can smell garlic when he's muff diving. I've given him permission to leave the area if he finds it intolerable.
BB(10) brought a fish tank over from his mom's. It got to be too much work so she suggested he bring it over here. Thanks you stupid cow. Like I don't live with enough of your old shit already? And she asked Sweety to unload a fucking swingset when he went over to pick up the boys. I told him if he really loved me that he'd drop it on her foot. Just cause she picked a genetically unsound specimen for a second husband and he's bit the dust doesn't mean she gets to fall back on Sweety for anything. I will be nipping this in the bud if it starts to come up anymore. I think I'll wait for the birthing of her next child and give it a couple of months for the postpartum depression and hormones to kick in - then maybe I can think of something quietly evil to make her miserable.
Yech. Fucking Gross Dog.
I just saw tiny dog Oy chowing down on an eye booger that was in stinky dog Tasha's eye. She had her head pinned down so she could get it all.
I'm not hungry anymore.
I'm not hungry anymore.
ABC's
Something stolen from Kat
Accent: Southern (Texan/Okie)
Bra size: 34DD
Chore I hate: Mopping
Dad's name: Robert
Essential make-up: Liner/Mascara
Favorite perfune: Gaultier
Gold or Silver: Gold
Hometown: Tiny town in OK
Interesting fact: My body rejected my nipple piercings. The others are fine.
Job title: Customer Support
Kids: 2 stepsons (mon thru wed) and niece (til school is out)
Living arrangement: House, 3 bed/2 bath
Mom's birthplace: Korea
Number of apples eaten last week: Zero
Overnight hospital stays: Zero
Phobia: Crunchy bugs (june bugs, roaches, spiders)
Question you ask yourself a lot: What the fuck? (accompanied w/head pounding on desk)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic leaning towards Atheist
Siblings: One sister
Time I wake up: 6:50 a.m. and back to bed til 1 p.m.
Unnatural hair color: Trying to go back to natural brown but having to dye over all the processing to get it there
Vegetable I refuse to eat: None (I can choke anything down to be polite)
Worst habit: Picking
X-rays: One
Yummy food I make: Meat loaf
Zodiac sign: Leo
Accent: Southern (Texan/Okie)
Bra size: 34DD
Chore I hate: Mopping
Dad's name: Robert
Essential make-up: Liner/Mascara
Favorite perfune: Gaultier
Gold or Silver: Gold
Hometown: Tiny town in OK
Interesting fact: My body rejected my nipple piercings. The others are fine.
Job title: Customer Support
Kids: 2 stepsons (mon thru wed) and niece (til school is out)
Living arrangement: House, 3 bed/2 bath
Mom's birthplace: Korea
Number of apples eaten last week: Zero
Overnight hospital stays: Zero
Phobia: Crunchy bugs (june bugs, roaches, spiders)
Question you ask yourself a lot: What the fuck? (accompanied w/head pounding on desk)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic leaning towards Atheist
Siblings: One sister
Time I wake up: 6:50 a.m. and back to bed til 1 p.m.
Unnatural hair color: Trying to go back to natural brown but having to dye over all the processing to get it there
Vegetable I refuse to eat: None (I can choke anything down to be polite)
Worst habit: Picking
X-rays: One
Yummy food I make: Meat loaf
Zodiac sign: Leo
I Need to Start Censoring My Opinions
I said something tacky last night. Sweety and I were talking about my sister and her new man or fiance or whatever and he said something about the guy being in his 30's and never married before. I don't think this is a bad thing and told Sweety that. He said something else about how it was odd or something and I had a thought to myself of "Gee, what's so bad about having your first marriage at 35 as opposed to being in your 3rd? (as is sweety)" And I kind of smirked when I thought it. I guess Sweety felt the smirk cause then he started pestering me to know what I was laughing at. So I told him. Then I apologized and told him the next time I say 'you really don't wanna know' he should listen. I tried to make something up to tell him but couldn't come up with anything else on the spot.
Gonna go eat lunch with Mary today. She had her unemployment hearing the other day and said it went well. I guess her lawyer caught a supervisor from work in a contradiction (lie) and it was obvious. I hope everything works out for her.
I dropped the kiddos off at school this morning. I didn't walk them to their doors. Just went thru the parent drop off line. By the time I listen to everyone pick at each other over breakfast, fuss in the bathroom, grouch about the temperature in the house and whine over who gets to sit where in the car, I just want everyone out of my presence. And the parent drop off line is the quickest means to that goal.
For Halloween we went to Universal for their Halloween Horror nights thing with some other people and I decided to wear new tennis shoes to the event. After walking around for 8 hours and drinking a couple of gallons of beer my big toes were completely bruised. Upon taking the polish off of them today, I see that the nails are finally back to their normal color instead of purple. Thank goodness. I thought I was going to carry the physical reminder of that night forever.
Gonna go eat lunch with Mary today. She had her unemployment hearing the other day and said it went well. I guess her lawyer caught a supervisor from work in a contradiction (lie) and it was obvious. I hope everything works out for her.
I dropped the kiddos off at school this morning. I didn't walk them to their doors. Just went thru the parent drop off line. By the time I listen to everyone pick at each other over breakfast, fuss in the bathroom, grouch about the temperature in the house and whine over who gets to sit where in the car, I just want everyone out of my presence. And the parent drop off line is the quickest means to that goal.
For Halloween we went to Universal for their Halloween Horror nights thing with some other people and I decided to wear new tennis shoes to the event. After walking around for 8 hours and drinking a couple of gallons of beer my big toes were completely bruised. Upon taking the polish off of them today, I see that the nails are finally back to their normal color instead of purple. Thank goodness. I thought I was going to carry the physical reminder of that night forever.
4/5/05
Randomness
Diet Coke with Lime is R.E.V.O.L.T.I.N.G. Nasty nasty I say. I was reading this blog and I've been reading it for awhile and this person seems to think it's very tasty. So when I was out the other night I picked some up. (After having a discussion with myself in the supermarket about whether or not it was really lame to buy something because someone in blogland said it was good.) I had one glass and I think it ruined my tastebuds.
And I see tonight that
Kayten is perhaps throwing in the towel. A couple of weeks ago a blogger (blogginbex) I really like reading decided to quit and now this one. Rats. This impedes my electronic voyeurism. I'm one of those people who will probably go thru your medicine cabinet in your bathroom. I like reading about peoples regular lives.
Here comes Sweety.
And I see tonight that
Kayten is perhaps throwing in the towel. A couple of weeks ago a blogger (blogginbex) I really like reading decided to quit and now this one. Rats. This impedes my electronic voyeurism. I'm one of those people who will probably go thru your medicine cabinet in your bathroom. I like reading about peoples regular lives.
Here comes Sweety.
4/4/05
Back to Normal
Spring Break is over! Yaaaay! Was getting Sylvie(6) dressed this morning and realized that she couldn't wear the outfit that was ironed because she wouldn't be able to take it off to go to the bathroom. It's a skort thing that had shorts attached and a zipper in the back. She couldn't work the zipper. One of the items of clothing that her mom sent that's real cute on the hanger but useless for the child in real life unless her butler can follow her around to tend to her zippering needs. Thanks sis.
Stinky dog is passed out on my Korean blanket again and Oy is in the bathtub. They both need to be bathed. I spend a lot of time trying to keep the place dog odor free. Of all the dogs in the world, I have to choose one that's terrified of everyone but me and has a skin condition. She is pretty though. A fine example of bassett houndness.
Sweety told me that Oy almost got ran over last night. I just bought a harness and a leash for her because she's been acting CRAZY when I take her outside. He didn't have it on her cause he said she hasn't given him any trouble. (I think he just feels stupid having a 2 lb-leopard shirt wearing-dog on a leash) Geez, don't tell me that my dog was Almost ran over. I only want to hear about it if she's been smacked. Now when I'm at work I'll be wondering if she'll make it til I get home. I don't think he'll be taking her out leashless anymore though.
I found my flannel jacket yesterday! I was so relieved. It belonged to my Grandpa and it was the only thing of his that I wanted after he passed away. I've had it for almost 15 years but it wandered away from me a few weeks ago. I found it in the bottom of LB's(8) closet. It was making me sick cause I couldn't find it.
Stinky dog is passed out on my Korean blanket again and Oy is in the bathtub. They both need to be bathed. I spend a lot of time trying to keep the place dog odor free. Of all the dogs in the world, I have to choose one that's terrified of everyone but me and has a skin condition. She is pretty though. A fine example of bassett houndness.
Sweety told me that Oy almost got ran over last night. I just bought a harness and a leash for her because she's been acting CRAZY when I take her outside. He didn't have it on her cause he said she hasn't given him any trouble. (I think he just feels stupid having a 2 lb-leopard shirt wearing-dog on a leash) Geez, don't tell me that my dog was Almost ran over. I only want to hear about it if she's been smacked. Now when I'm at work I'll be wondering if she'll make it til I get home. I don't think he'll be taking her out leashless anymore though.
I found my flannel jacket yesterday! I was so relieved. It belonged to my Grandpa and it was the only thing of his that I wanted after he passed away. I've had it for almost 15 years but it wandered away from me a few weeks ago. I found it in the bottom of LB's(8) closet. It was making me sick cause I couldn't find it.
4/3/05
Our Bet
If the next Pope is black, I am going to embrace Catholicism. I'm not a religious person at all but Sweety seems to think the next one will be black. I don't think that will happen before the next president is a woman. Sweety knows that I am an extremist. If he wins the bet I will quit my job and stop eating birth control and will boing out babies til my uterus is mush.
Thank you and amen.
Thank you and amen.
4/2/05
I'm Mean Spirited and I Don't Care
Guess who's air conditioner is broken in her house? The exwife's. Ha! I hope her 8 month pregnant belly gets heat rash all over it. Can a heat rash blister? I hope so. It's kind of ironic that her a/c is out and her late husband was an a/c installer. Maybe it's his way of saying hi from the afterlife.
We dropped the boys off there this morning. LB(8) was getting out of the car and pointed towards the front of the house and told me to look. I thought he was showing me their rottweiler so I said "oh wow, she is big" He was getting out of the car when I said it and he opened the door back up to tell me "not our dog. our new truck" And I thought "I hope you roast this weekend". This goes back to me getting rid of my truck to trade in on a people mover that can hold 8 bodies. The boys know how traumatic it was for me to tell my truck goodbye.
I wrote this post when I found out she was trading her van in for a black truck. I guess if you're gonna be stepping out soon to look for a new man you don't want it to be obvious when you roll up that you have 4 kids.
My sister has landed a new man. He's in the military, about 10 years older than her, and sounds to be really nice. I think she will use him all up soon. They are planning on marrying after Sylvie gets back. He just bought a new house (that she helped pick out and furnish) and she is planning on letting her car get repossessed because he has a new car that is paid for and is putting it in her name. This is a guy who wanted to date her awhile back but she wasn't interested. She had said she wasn't attracted to him. She hasn't said that she loves him but that she knows that she'll never find anyone who will treat her so well. When he asked her what kind of engagement ring she wanted she told him at least 2 carets. Holy fucking shit. I asked her if she didn't feel a tiny bit greedy even having the words come out of her mouth. Wait a sec, I take that back, he didn't ask her what kind of ring she wanted. She told him she wouldn't get married unless she had at least a 2 caret ring. She is a user of people and she doesn't realize it. She thinks it's okay to just take and take and take from people and then she gets all upset when it ends (which usually coincides with the funds running out). She was planning on having him come up here with her when she picks up Sylvie(6). I managed to get her to understand that maybe her daughter would like to spend some time alone with her instead of being thrust into a new situation with this man that she hasn't even met. She is such a selfish fucking moron who doesn't think past her own nose. She called Sylvie's dad (who hasn't contacted her in 4 years) to see if he'd let this guy adopt Sylvie. Of course, he said no. She was surprised at this. She thought he'd be happy to no have to pay child support and it wasn't like he had anything to do with her anyway. I wanted to ask her if it would be okay for Sweety and I to adopt her because, hey, it's worked well for the last 5 months. Idiot. I'm gonna quit thinking about my sister. I'm getting annoyed.
We got the kite in the air today. Hip, hip, hooray! Sweety stopped in a field on the way home from the mall and all we had to do was put the kite down outside and it took off in the air. There was none of that running around fast with the kite above my head nonsense. Sylvie had fun. I did too.
We dropped the boys off there this morning. LB(8) was getting out of the car and pointed towards the front of the house and told me to look. I thought he was showing me their rottweiler so I said "oh wow, she is big" He was getting out of the car when I said it and he opened the door back up to tell me "not our dog. our new truck" And I thought "I hope you roast this weekend". This goes back to me getting rid of my truck to trade in on a people mover that can hold 8 bodies. The boys know how traumatic it was for me to tell my truck goodbye.
I wrote this post when I found out she was trading her van in for a black truck. I guess if you're gonna be stepping out soon to look for a new man you don't want it to be obvious when you roll up that you have 4 kids.
My sister has landed a new man. He's in the military, about 10 years older than her, and sounds to be really nice. I think she will use him all up soon. They are planning on marrying after Sylvie gets back. He just bought a new house (that she helped pick out and furnish) and she is planning on letting her car get repossessed because he has a new car that is paid for and is putting it in her name. This is a guy who wanted to date her awhile back but she wasn't interested. She had said she wasn't attracted to him. She hasn't said that she loves him but that she knows that she'll never find anyone who will treat her so well. When he asked her what kind of engagement ring she wanted she told him at least 2 carets. Holy fucking shit. I asked her if she didn't feel a tiny bit greedy even having the words come out of her mouth. Wait a sec, I take that back, he didn't ask her what kind of ring she wanted. She told him she wouldn't get married unless she had at least a 2 caret ring. She is a user of people and she doesn't realize it. She thinks it's okay to just take and take and take from people and then she gets all upset when it ends (which usually coincides with the funds running out). She was planning on having him come up here with her when she picks up Sylvie(6). I managed to get her to understand that maybe her daughter would like to spend some time alone with her instead of being thrust into a new situation with this man that she hasn't even met. She is such a selfish fucking moron who doesn't think past her own nose. She called Sylvie's dad (who hasn't contacted her in 4 years) to see if he'd let this guy adopt Sylvie. Of course, he said no. She was surprised at this. She thought he'd be happy to no have to pay child support and it wasn't like he had anything to do with her anyway. I wanted to ask her if it would be okay for Sweety and I to adopt her because, hey, it's worked well for the last 5 months. Idiot. I'm gonna quit thinking about my sister. I'm getting annoyed.
We got the kite in the air today. Hip, hip, hooray! Sweety stopped in a field on the way home from the mall and all we had to do was put the kite down outside and it took off in the air. There was none of that running around fast with the kite above my head nonsense. Sylvie had fun. I did too.
4/1/05
ooohhhh...
I just realized it's April Fool's Day. Oh goody. One of my favorite days of the year.
The other day when Sylvie was opening her birthday box from her mom, I saw that in the box was some "trick" candy. It was labeled "farting candy". I suppose it tasted like crap. Of course I quickly gave the 2 pieces to the boys. BB(10) spit his out after a few minutes but LB(8) ate his. I swear, you could sprinkle sugar on dog poop and that kid would eat it. Sweety didn't think my little joke was funny.
The other day when Sylvie was opening her birthday box from her mom, I saw that in the box was some "trick" candy. It was labeled "farting candy". I suppose it tasted like crap. Of course I quickly gave the 2 pieces to the boys. BB(10) spit his out after a few minutes but LB(8) ate his. I swear, you could sprinkle sugar on dog poop and that kid would eat it. Sweety didn't think my little joke was funny.
TGIF
I just had to rescue one of my bras from the tiny dog's evil clutches. I don't think I'd put her in the microwave over a 40 dollar bra, but you never know. Mental note to self: make damn sure the bras are hanging securely over the doorknobs in the future.
I was stuck on the phone with someone for 2 minutes past my 2 a.m. quitting time. Now my space time continuum is going to be all effed up. Maybe I'll be able to regain my 2 lost minutes later today.
Sweety's off to work early and I'm fixing to let Sylvie get in bed with me so she'll sleep in. And I'm gonna make stinky dog go outside to squeeze out a teaspoon of pee so she won't be waking me up early. She likes to tap dance on the hardwood floor with her bassett hound high heels on when she's excited or hungry or needs to potty and it drives me nuts. Whenever I hear her tapping on the floor I picture her in my head with small red high heels on. The kind with ankle straps. Kinda like Dorothy's in the Wizard of Oz but stillettos instead of flats.
Boy. I just devoted way too much thought to that description.
Sweety says that I devote too much time to visualizing things that don't exist. The other night I was telling him about the "memory box" I keep in my head. If I start to think about something that I'd really rather not then I'll take the thought and stick it in my mental memory box and close the lid. I described the box to him (old, wooden, dusty, no lock but a latch) and how I also picture myself jumping up and down on the top to close it when I've got the memory stuffed inside. He thought it was weird. Well, see if I let you in on my personal filing system again, mister!
Better go get my pj's on and get the sprog in bed. I hope she's docile tomorrow. I'll be glad when Spring Break is over.
I was stuck on the phone with someone for 2 minutes past my 2 a.m. quitting time. Now my space time continuum is going to be all effed up. Maybe I'll be able to regain my 2 lost minutes later today.
Sweety's off to work early and I'm fixing to let Sylvie get in bed with me so she'll sleep in. And I'm gonna make stinky dog go outside to squeeze out a teaspoon of pee so she won't be waking me up early. She likes to tap dance on the hardwood floor with her bassett hound high heels on when she's excited or hungry or needs to potty and it drives me nuts. Whenever I hear her tapping on the floor I picture her in my head with small red high heels on. The kind with ankle straps. Kinda like Dorothy's in the Wizard of Oz but stillettos instead of flats.
Boy. I just devoted way too much thought to that description.
Sweety says that I devote too much time to visualizing things that don't exist. The other night I was telling him about the "memory box" I keep in my head. If I start to think about something that I'd really rather not then I'll take the thought and stick it in my mental memory box and close the lid. I described the box to him (old, wooden, dusty, no lock but a latch) and how I also picture myself jumping up and down on the top to close it when I've got the memory stuffed inside. He thought it was weird. Well, see if I let you in on my personal filing system again, mister!
Better go get my pj's on and get the sprog in bed. I hope she's docile tomorrow. I'll be glad when Spring Break is over.
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