My new schedule starts today! Weeee-ha! My suggestion of letting me start my new hours on Thursday wasn't met with open arms and I had to work my old schedule last night so that means I've had 4 hours of sleep. (i hope the person that vetoed my idea of starting thursday can't sleep today because of diarrhea. and i hope the person stubs their toes every time they get up to go to the bathroom) I know some folks can get by on that but it's not my preference. I need at least 8 to feel normal. As it is, right now I feel mean and my head hurts. And I just smashed 2 of my fingers while getting ready. It will be a beautiful sunny day in CustomerServiceLand!
It is kind of comforting to know that in exactly 12 hours I will be driving home.
I am gonna have to get a coffee pot.
10/31/05
10/30/05
Saturday Photo Fun
A freshly washed Tiny dog and Stinky dog. She wears the look of confusion for a few hours after the bath. She is modeling one of the new necklaces that I so graciously made for her on Friday night.
She knows that the party has officially started and that she will be eating popcorn soon.
Sweety is hiding from me. I said something that embarrassed him and he locked himself in the bedroom. I had to pick the lock to get in. I wish I had a recording of the mewling sounds that he was making.
He's not embarrassed any more. Just pissed. Every time I looked at him he would stick his tongue out.
I just delivered a blow to Oy's butt. She was trying to get to my glass and for some reason when she feels air on her ass she'll stop whatever it is that she's doing. (hey! me too!)
All in all, it was a rather nice night.
10/29/05
Hi, Saturday!
I thought this week would never end. Tonight was especially productive at work though; I made 3 new necklaces for Oy and one for a friend. How on earth can I bitch about a job where I have time to string tiny sparkly beads on elastic cord for my dog to wear?
I am going to go with Sweety to work today. I can nap at his office while he works and bug him while he drives. It's neat going places together. He's leaving in an hour or so and I'm debating whether or not I should even go to sleep. I'm afraid if I go to sleep then I won't want to get up and go with him.
When he goes to his meeting in December I'm going to go do something I've been wanting to do but haven't been able to talk him in to doing. There's a gay bar that does a Christmas play and it looks funny as hell. I'll go check that out while I'm home alone. I'm looking forward to it.
It's amazing how warm socks will keep your feet. I kicked off one of mine to use as a towel (i just spilled jalapeno juice on the desk) and that foot is freezing. I better hide that sock good. Tiny dog doesn't need it to chew on.
It will be a miracle if our pool is done by the end of the year. Someone came out and looked at our yard a couple of weeks ago and put one of their signs up in our yard but that's all the progress that's been made. I really hate having their sign in the yard. I don't like advertising. I think if they're going to put a billboard on my lawn then I should get a discount on the pool.
The boys have a ballgame tonight at 7:00 so we won't be able to go out tonight. I'll be glad when baseball season is over.
One of the good things about my new schedule is on Friday I'll get off at 9 and that's early enough for us to go do something. There's this bar that has karaoke on Fridays that we like going to. Neither of us sings but I like watching other people give it a go. And they make nice stout drinks there. Maybe we'll celebrate my new schedule by doing that next Friday.
I am going to go with Sweety to work today. I can nap at his office while he works and bug him while he drives. It's neat going places together. He's leaving in an hour or so and I'm debating whether or not I should even go to sleep. I'm afraid if I go to sleep then I won't want to get up and go with him.
When he goes to his meeting in December I'm going to go do something I've been wanting to do but haven't been able to talk him in to doing. There's a gay bar that does a Christmas play and it looks funny as hell. I'll go check that out while I'm home alone. I'm looking forward to it.
It's amazing how warm socks will keep your feet. I kicked off one of mine to use as a towel (i just spilled jalapeno juice on the desk) and that foot is freezing. I better hide that sock good. Tiny dog doesn't need it to chew on.
It will be a miracle if our pool is done by the end of the year. Someone came out and looked at our yard a couple of weeks ago and put one of their signs up in our yard but that's all the progress that's been made. I really hate having their sign in the yard. I don't like advertising. I think if they're going to put a billboard on my lawn then I should get a discount on the pool.
The boys have a ballgame tonight at 7:00 so we won't be able to go out tonight. I'll be glad when baseball season is over.
One of the good things about my new schedule is on Friday I'll get off at 9 and that's early enough for us to go do something. There's this bar that has karaoke on Fridays that we like going to. Neither of us sings but I like watching other people give it a go. And they make nice stout drinks there. Maybe we'll celebrate my new schedule by doing that next Friday.
10/28/05
Going Outside My Box
I stepped outside of my comfort zone last night. I bought a new cd. While this may not seem like a big deal to you - it is to me. The last time I got any new music from an artist I'd never listened to before it was a couple of months ago and it was Houdini and I got it because I like Anaglyph's blog. (see, if i read your blog and you crank out any music or a book i will be right on the frontlines looking for it. everyone unleash your inner musician/writer and i promise that you will have at least one buyer!) And I was really surprised that I really liked the cd. Prior to that I don't remember when I purchased something from someone that I haven't listened to. So I've been thinking maybe I should expand my music collection. On my way home I got the newest White Stripes cd. At work I was reading some magazine and it said it was good so I thought what the heck. At the worst I will be out 15 bucks but I won't starve because of it. And I like it. Maybe as I age my musical taste is veering away from the country "my wife left me and took my dog" music to something else. I've decided that I will try and get something new more often. I have just found a new country song that I'm a big fan of - Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off. I think he wrote this song about me.
I also got one of those thingies that you put on your visor to hold cds and I installed it backwards and on the wrong side of the visor. I don't like it. I like being able to see the cd covers. I think that's why I'm such a fan of books - I like seeing them sitting around and knowing immediately what's inside just by looking at the cover.
Sweety has to go to work tomorrow somewhere about 2 hours away. He asked me if I wanted to go but I'd much rather sleep than spend 4 hours in a car and then 6 hours napping on someone's desk. He may guilt me into it though. It is nice going on trips with him. We get to visit. I dunno, the song of my comfy bed and the internet at my disposal my whim.
I guess I'll fight the urge to go do some shots of tequila and get ready for work instead.
I also got one of those thingies that you put on your visor to hold cds and I installed it backwards and on the wrong side of the visor. I don't like it. I like being able to see the cd covers. I think that's why I'm such a fan of books - I like seeing them sitting around and knowing immediately what's inside just by looking at the cover.
Sweety has to go to work tomorrow somewhere about 2 hours away. He asked me if I wanted to go but I'd much rather sleep than spend 4 hours in a car and then 6 hours napping on someone's desk. He may guilt me into it though. It is nice going on trips with him. We get to visit. I dunno, the song of my comfy bed and the internet at my disposal my whim.
I guess I'll fight the urge to go do some shots of tequila and get ready for work instead.
Coveting
I am really tamping down the urge to get a Sidekick. I was looking at someone's tonight and I WANT ONE! The idea of having a small computer in my purse is quite appealing. I could get a Blackberry thing with the cell phone provider we have but I'd have to clear it through Sweety first. And I don't think he will want to help enable my internet obsession. So I was trying to decide if I should open up my own account and get a Sidekick and just not tell him. He'd probably find out though and then be pissed that I didn't do something under our cell phone plan. It would be $30 a month for just internet service with a Sidekick. That's less than my gym membership. Maybe I will cancel my gym membership and divert the funds elsewhere.
10/27/05
Happy HNT!
Disturbing, huh?Can you believe that Sweety got an erection taking this photo? BB would faint if he knew what I wore his mask with.
One of the downsides to my new schedule is that I won't be able to go to his company Christmas party in Atlanta this year. This is the one time of the year that I get to go to nudie bar and pet boobies so I was quite disappointed. Then I remembered some chick that was sitting at our dinner table last year during the company dinner was rubbing Sweety's leg and I was trying to decide if I should quit my job so I could go to the party but it seems that she has been fired. Boo freaking hoo. I hope she has to turn to hooking to keep herself fed. I didn't know she was rubbing on Sweety til after we left Atlanta because he knew I'd come across the table and poke her eyes out with my thumbs. I asked him when during dinner was this happening and he said it was right before he scooched his chair way over so he was sitting all up on me. Smart man.
And would you take a look at what Tiny dog has done to my favorite pair of shoes? She sure does love her some shoelaces. I'm going to start a trend; soon, everyone will want shoelaces that look like little paintbrushes on the end.
I got sex TWICE today! Yay me! I'm all effed out now. Must get some sleep.
10/26/05
Question
Does anyone know of a good program to keep pop-up ads from showing up? My AOL pop-up control is USELESS. I'd like to get something else but I'm afraid to download anything because then I'd run the risk of getting an internet disease.
I managed to get all our photos off the computer and on disks. At one point I thought I'd erased all our photos but after spending 15 minutes weeping at my keyboard and pleading with the computer to spew them forth, I found them. Not where they were supposed to be but at least I found them. The only thing lost during the photo saving fest were all of our naked photos. But I guess we can make more of those.
Besides dink with the computer I've done nothing really productive today. I drove all over Creation looking for a Dunkin Donuts and went and bought some beads to make Tiny dog some more necklaces. It's been cold enough in the morning that she can wear her hoodie. Pink, fluffy with fake fur trim around the hood. She loves it. Well, maybe not. But I love her in it.
There's a baseball game tonight. It will be nice to go to a ballgame and not be hot while we're there.
Oh, I did something horrible yesterday. I left the house the same time that I always do to pick the boys up from school. When I got there my usual parking space wasn't available because of some construction. So I had to search for a parking spot. I get to LB's(8) classroom and I can see kids putting on their backpacks and I think I've gotten there before the bell rang. About 5 minutes later LB comes up the sidewalk and I realize that he was out of class when I got to his classroom to wait. And his eyes are all red. I ask him if his nose has been runny and he advised me that indeed it had been - because he'd spent the last 7 minutes crying and looking for me. I still feel lower than a snake's belly. To make up for it I let him buy bottled rootbeer to have with his dinner and chocolate cake for dessert.
I managed to get all our photos off the computer and on disks. At one point I thought I'd erased all our photos but after spending 15 minutes weeping at my keyboard and pleading with the computer to spew them forth, I found them. Not where they were supposed to be but at least I found them. The only thing lost during the photo saving fest were all of our naked photos. But I guess we can make more of those.
Besides dink with the computer I've done nothing really productive today. I drove all over Creation looking for a Dunkin Donuts and went and bought some beads to make Tiny dog some more necklaces. It's been cold enough in the morning that she can wear her hoodie. Pink, fluffy with fake fur trim around the hood. She loves it. Well, maybe not. But I love her in it.
There's a baseball game tonight. It will be nice to go to a ballgame and not be hot while we're there.
Oh, I did something horrible yesterday. I left the house the same time that I always do to pick the boys up from school. When I got there my usual parking space wasn't available because of some construction. So I had to search for a parking spot. I get to LB's(8) classroom and I can see kids putting on their backpacks and I think I've gotten there before the bell rang. About 5 minutes later LB comes up the sidewalk and I realize that he was out of class when I got to his classroom to wait. And his eyes are all red. I ask him if his nose has been runny and he advised me that indeed it had been - because he'd spent the last 7 minutes crying and looking for me. I still feel lower than a snake's belly. To make up for it I let him buy bottled rootbeer to have with his dinner and chocolate cake for dessert.
10/25/05
Conversation
Setting: Me squeezing my fat ass into some jeans and Sweety is peeking at me from the bathroom door.
Me: Blah, blah, blah. (just trying to make small talk so he doesn't notice the gymnastics I'm doing to squeeze into the pants)
And I finally get them on.
Him: Wow. You should get a job as a structural engineer. Or a mass transit consultant.
Me: You know, calling your wife fat is one way to NEVER GET SEX AGAIN.
Him: I didn't say the f-word. I know you hate your job and it seems that you have definite talent in other areas.
Then he closes to door to do his "thinking" on the toilet.
Really, what's not to love?
Me: Blah, blah, blah. (just trying to make small talk so he doesn't notice the gymnastics I'm doing to squeeze into the pants)
And I finally get them on.
Him: Wow. You should get a job as a structural engineer. Or a mass transit consultant.
Me: You know, calling your wife fat is one way to NEVER GET SEX AGAIN.
Him: I didn't say the f-word. I know you hate your job and it seems that you have definite talent in other areas.
Then he closes to door to do his "thinking" on the toilet.
Really, what's not to love?
Sheesh
I was just made all weepy when reading about how Justin Timberlake defends Britney Spears in regards to her stolen baby pictures. I just thought it was really nice how he had nice things to say about her. Not that I care at all for the skanky thing but I thought it was touching.
I have embarrassed myself this morning and I'm home alone.
I have embarrassed myself this morning and I'm home alone.
A "Crappity Crap" & a "Yay!"
My schedule at work is changing. I'll be doing the same days of Sunday, Monday, Thursday and Friday but my hours will be 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. So I'll get to see Sweety in the evenings and go to bed with him every night. Yay!
But...
This change happens October 31. Which totally craps on my Halloween plans. I'd traded shifts with a girl at work and she was working Halloween for me and I was working her Saturday. With my new schedule she won't be able to and I can't find anyone who will trade with me now. Crappity crap. If I'd have known that the new schedule was going to start on Halloween, I wouldn't have even bid on the new shift. The boys and I have been planning this Halloween for the last freaking YEAR and now I can't go with them. Shit. I'm sure they won't need therapy for this later on. I may though for the guilt that is squashing me right now.
One nice side effect of the boys being home yesterday because of the hurricane was we got the house clean. So I can just vegetate today. We didn't have any huge problems with the hurricane. The electricity went off and on a few times but that was it.
I'm going to go lay in the dark and feel like a guilty stepmom now.
But...
This change happens October 31. Which totally craps on my Halloween plans. I'd traded shifts with a girl at work and she was working Halloween for me and I was working her Saturday. With my new schedule she won't be able to and I can't find anyone who will trade with me now. Crappity crap. If I'd have known that the new schedule was going to start on Halloween, I wouldn't have even bid on the new shift. The boys and I have been planning this Halloween for the last freaking YEAR and now I can't go with them. Shit. I'm sure they won't need therapy for this later on. I may though for the guilt that is squashing me right now.
One nice side effect of the boys being home yesterday because of the hurricane was we got the house clean. So I can just vegetate today. We didn't have any huge problems with the hurricane. The electricity went off and on a few times but that was it.
I'm going to go lay in the dark and feel like a guilty stepmom now.
10/24/05
Boo Freakin' Who
My mood has been pretty melon-collie for the last day or so. I don't know why. And I do know the correct way to spell "melancholy"; I just like melon-collie better. It makes me think of a border collie with a cantaloupe on it's nose and that thought helps to cheer me. I was only a little melon-collie last night so I was picturing a small melon on Charger's (that's my collie's name) head.
I sat in a new chair at work last night and this morning my back is hurting like it's being bitten by a thousand tiny ants. I don't feel sad right now. Just hurty. Wonderful!
It is raining cats and dogs outside. Rain bands from the lovely Hurricane Wilma. School was cancelled today so I'll get to bond with the boys instead of sleeping. Sweety has to drive a truck today because one of his drivers is on vacation. What really sucks is he has to drive in the direction of the hurricane. But I will stop thinking about that now because that brings to mind images of tractor trailer rigs that have been blown over on their side. I am sure he will be fine. Yes yes.
I hope the storm is long and strong enough that they close our office tonight. I do not want to drive in this crap.
This is Tiny dog dismounting after a rigorous session of humping Stinky's face. She knows that she is doing something that's unkind because whenever I point my camera at her when she's working it, she hops off. Little perv. That's my girl...
And here is poor Stinky trying to will me outside to watch her laze on the sidewalk. She loves to suck up the sun off the concrete but the second I go inside she turns into an insecure furball. I think she's afraid that I'm never coming back or something. I like how her ears prick up when she's all worried.
It is rare that I refer to the dog's by their "real" names of Tasha and Oy. They're just Stinky and Tiny now. Sometimes I call Oy "STD" for Super Tiny Dog. Sweety has taken to calling them "Ham and Egg". I call them my bitches a lot. I think that Tiny thinks her real name is bitch. The other day she was trotting across the floor and I said "hey bitch, how's it hanging?" and she actually stopped and looked at me. She doesn't do that when I call her Oy. I also call her "OyBean" (a little take on soybean). I should probably stick with one name for Tiny and use it exclusively or else she's never going to learn her name.
I should go lay down. I do hope the electricity stays on!
I sat in a new chair at work last night and this morning my back is hurting like it's being bitten by a thousand tiny ants. I don't feel sad right now. Just hurty. Wonderful!
It is raining cats and dogs outside. Rain bands from the lovely Hurricane Wilma. School was cancelled today so I'll get to bond with the boys instead of sleeping. Sweety has to drive a truck today because one of his drivers is on vacation. What really sucks is he has to drive in the direction of the hurricane. But I will stop thinking about that now because that brings to mind images of tractor trailer rigs that have been blown over on their side. I am sure he will be fine. Yes yes.
I hope the storm is long and strong enough that they close our office tonight. I do not want to drive in this crap.
This is Tiny dog dismounting after a rigorous session of humping Stinky's face. She knows that she is doing something that's unkind because whenever I point my camera at her when she's working it, she hops off. Little perv. That's my girl...
And here is poor Stinky trying to will me outside to watch her laze on the sidewalk. She loves to suck up the sun off the concrete but the second I go inside she turns into an insecure furball. I think she's afraid that I'm never coming back or something. I like how her ears prick up when she's all worried.
It is rare that I refer to the dog's by their "real" names of Tasha and Oy. They're just Stinky and Tiny now. Sometimes I call Oy "STD" for Super Tiny Dog. Sweety has taken to calling them "Ham and Egg". I call them my bitches a lot. I think that Tiny thinks her real name is bitch. The other day she was trotting across the floor and I said "hey bitch, how's it hanging?" and she actually stopped and looked at me. She doesn't do that when I call her Oy. I also call her "OyBean" (a little take on soybean). I should probably stick with one name for Tiny and use it exclusively or else she's never going to learn her name.
I should go lay down. I do hope the electricity stays on!
10/23/05
All Is Quiet
It's 9:45 a.m. and I've been up for an hour. In this time I have consumed one soda, a half glass of orange juice and one very tasty sesame seed bagel with cream cheese. There is something in tasty sesame seed bagels that is very sleep inducing. I'm trying to keep my peepers open til Sweety comes inside and then I shall nap.
He's putting bleach on the roof so when the hurricane rains come they will wash the roof for him. Nevermind all the effing bleach that will be running out of the gutters. Mental note to self: Do not stand under house eaves for I will be risking being BLINDED by bleachwater.
They boys had a baseball game yesterday and it went fairly well. They lost by one point but that's better than getting pounded. I sat in the stands and bonded with the exwife. Sweety said it makes him nervous to see us talking; he's afraid I may lose my manners someday and say something tacky. I have too much self control for that. I actually invited her to come to our house with her toddler for Halloween so he could trick or treat with his big brothers. See? I can be kind. The exwife was telling me all about the problems she'd has with her deceased husband's exwife and the problems that she had with her mother. At one point she said "I don't know why I'm telling you all of this." I figure since she's been babysitting for the last few weeks I'm probably the first other grownup that she's been able to talk to so I was the lucky recipient of everything that had been on her mind.
I think Tiny and Stinky dog have figured out that if they stay up long enough on Saturday nights that they'll get to party. Last night on the menu was popcorn, crackers with peanut butter and vodka with Crystal Light (Thank you, Chuck, for that idea!). Tiny dog got a little sauced pretty quickly and passed out. Stinky hung in with us for quite awhile though. I had to pull the lampshade off her head - she's one partying animal.
Sweety is still stomping around on the roof. Hope he doesn't fall off.
He's putting bleach on the roof so when the hurricane rains come they will wash the roof for him. Nevermind all the effing bleach that will be running out of the gutters. Mental note to self: Do not stand under house eaves for I will be risking being BLINDED by bleachwater.
They boys had a baseball game yesterday and it went fairly well. They lost by one point but that's better than getting pounded. I sat in the stands and bonded with the exwife. Sweety said it makes him nervous to see us talking; he's afraid I may lose my manners someday and say something tacky. I have too much self control for that. I actually invited her to come to our house with her toddler for Halloween so he could trick or treat with his big brothers. See? I can be kind. The exwife was telling me all about the problems she'd has with her deceased husband's exwife and the problems that she had with her mother. At one point she said "I don't know why I'm telling you all of this." I figure since she's been babysitting for the last few weeks I'm probably the first other grownup that she's been able to talk to so I was the lucky recipient of everything that had been on her mind.
I think Tiny and Stinky dog have figured out that if they stay up long enough on Saturday nights that they'll get to party. Last night on the menu was popcorn, crackers with peanut butter and vodka with Crystal Light (Thank you, Chuck, for that idea!). Tiny dog got a little sauced pretty quickly and passed out. Stinky hung in with us for quite awhile though. I had to pull the lampshade off her head - she's one partying animal.
Sweety is still stomping around on the roof. Hope he doesn't fall off.
10/22/05
Helloooooo, Internet! I love you!
I've been having the hardest effing time getting online. My computer took a total shit on me about 24 hours ago and I couldn't get online yesterday morning. Totally pissed me off. I admit it: I am an internet junkie. I can't help it. I think what I really need to do is reformat the computer and reinstall everything but I'm afraid that I'll kill the computer and it will never work again.
The past two days I've woken from my sleep thinking that it was Saturday. And then realized that it was a workday. I'm glad that Saturday really is here.
Agh! Shut up, Tiny dog! Silly bitch is barking at me. Doesn't she know it's 3:30 a.m. and Sweety is asleep? What's she trying to do? Get us in trouble? Just go chew on my sparkly underwear and be quiet.
Everybody's all worried about Hurricane Wilma. I'm just gonna ignore it. There's no sense in getting all riled up about it if we aren't leaving. The worst that should happen to us is a power outage. The hurricanes last year took care of all of our trees so none of those will fall on the house.
And in regards to my 2 truths and a lie -
The lie is that I can touch my nose with my tongue. I can't. My tongue is a shortie.
But I did wreck someone's house in high school. When I was 17 I had a friend who was 15 or 16 and she was "dating" some guy that was hitting 40. He was just totally using her and she was stupid and didn't see it. I got all pissed off one day after he'd hurt her feelings again and I knew he wouldn't be home that night so I completely trashed his house. I don't think there was anything left unbroken in there when I was done. And I peed on his bed (i tried to give him a number 2 but couldn't produce that on demand). And I never told my friend because I was afraid she'd tell him. I heard he spent the whole next day dragging his broken shit to the curb. I like enjoying my revenge quietly.
A drink was sent to me by someone famous in a bar (he did have a video on CMT) I was with some friends at a place he was playing at and the waitress brought me over a shot and told me that someone bought it for me. Now, whenever I'd go out, I wouldn't let guys buy drinks for me because then I felt like I had to talk to them. So I told her to take it back and she wouldn't. She pointed at the stage and said the he'd sent it and she couldn't take it back. So she left it on the table and at some point I did drink it. After the show I was outside waiting for my friend to come out and he came over and asked me if I wanted to him to autograph anything. I was kinda mildly drunk and grouchy so I just looked at him like he was crazy and asked if he saw me holding anything to be signed. He offered to let me check out his tour bus but I declined. Ah, my brush with fame...
Time for bed. I must get up early tomorrow and bond with my family so Sweety doesn't grouch about me sleeping all day.
The past two days I've woken from my sleep thinking that it was Saturday. And then realized that it was a workday. I'm glad that Saturday really is here.
Agh! Shut up, Tiny dog! Silly bitch is barking at me. Doesn't she know it's 3:30 a.m. and Sweety is asleep? What's she trying to do? Get us in trouble? Just go chew on my sparkly underwear and be quiet.
Everybody's all worried about Hurricane Wilma. I'm just gonna ignore it. There's no sense in getting all riled up about it if we aren't leaving. The worst that should happen to us is a power outage. The hurricanes last year took care of all of our trees so none of those will fall on the house.
And in regards to my 2 truths and a lie -
The lie is that I can touch my nose with my tongue. I can't. My tongue is a shortie.
But I did wreck someone's house in high school. When I was 17 I had a friend who was 15 or 16 and she was "dating" some guy that was hitting 40. He was just totally using her and she was stupid and didn't see it. I got all pissed off one day after he'd hurt her feelings again and I knew he wouldn't be home that night so I completely trashed his house. I don't think there was anything left unbroken in there when I was done. And I peed on his bed (i tried to give him a number 2 but couldn't produce that on demand). And I never told my friend because I was afraid she'd tell him. I heard he spent the whole next day dragging his broken shit to the curb. I like enjoying my revenge quietly.
A drink was sent to me by someone famous in a bar (he did have a video on CMT) I was with some friends at a place he was playing at and the waitress brought me over a shot and told me that someone bought it for me. Now, whenever I'd go out, I wouldn't let guys buy drinks for me because then I felt like I had to talk to them. So I told her to take it back and she wouldn't. She pointed at the stage and said the he'd sent it and she couldn't take it back. So she left it on the table and at some point I did drink it. After the show I was outside waiting for my friend to come out and he came over and asked me if I wanted to him to autograph anything. I was kinda mildly drunk and grouchy so I just looked at him like he was crazy and asked if he saw me holding anything to be signed. He offered to let me check out his tour bus but I declined. Ah, my brush with fame...
Time for bed. I must get up early tomorrow and bond with my family so Sweety doesn't grouch about me sleeping all day.
10/20/05
HNT & a Meme
Starting at the top left and going clockwise - LB, BB, Me, Sweety
And I've been tagged by Texas Soccer Mom. Usually I hate being tagged but in this instance this kept me from having to deal with writer's block.
Threesomes (heh, a word that is nice within itself!)
Three screen names that you've had: SquirrelyGirlieX, and Kyon0760
Three things you like about yourself: my sense of humor, nose, and the ability I have to turn Sweety into a slobbering mess in the bedroom
Three things you don't like about yourself: thighs, breasts, and my freckles
Three parts of your heritage: Korean, Irish, Cherokee
Three things that scare you: heights, crunchy bugs, fire
Three of your everyday essentials: the dvr, computer and cell phone (free night minutes!)
Three things you are wearing right now: my wedding ring and that's it
Three of your favorite songs: My mind won't settle on just 3 and I'm too lazy to pick.
Three things I want in a relationship: honesty, good sex, a listener
Two truths and a lie: When I was a teenager I totally vandalized someone's house that I was pissed at - I can touch my nose with my tongue - Someone famous sent me a drink in a bar once
Three things you can't live without: DSL internet service, my family, my canines
Three places you want to go on vacation: Korea, Las Vegas, New York or Chicago
Three things you just can't do: Wiggle my ears, dance, carry a tune
Three kids names: Lenore, Sylvia, Roland
Three things you want to do before you die: skydive, be comfortable around a bunch of people (not saying I'd want to do it all the time, just be able to), see my husband's exwife buried
Three Celeb crushes: Matthew Mccaughnahey, Vince Vaughn, Angelina Jolie
Three of your favorite musicians:
Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you: height, smile, sense of humor
Three of your favorite hobbies: reading, goofing around on the computer, napping
Three things you really want to do badly right now: go back to sleep, put a muzzle on yapping/howling Tiny dog, eat some breakfast
Three careers you're considering/you've considered: lawyer, veterinarian, neonatal nurse
Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy: I like boobs, I could probably drink a man under the table (or at least give it a go), I like to run the remote
Three ways that you are stereotypically a girl: My toes are always painted, I have a shower full of nice smelly stuff and a drawer full of various face creams
Three people that I would like to see post this meme: Bekah, MCB and I'm not gonna pick a third. I'm pretty sure these two will post it. I couldn't handle the rejection if someone didn't take my tag. Of course, if there is a third person out there who would like to do this, PLEASE do so!
10/19/05
Bah Humbug
I feel out of sorts. I dunno why but I do. The house is clean and usually I like to celebrate that by doing something. I just want to go back to bed but I'm not. We had over 8 hours sleep last night. There's no reason for me to feel tired.
Over the last couple of weeks I thought I'd wean myself off Paxil. Ha fucking ha. Not a good idea. After I got so mad at work a few times that I got an eye twitch and then started to cry watching some kind of lame ass commercial last night I decided to continue eating my little pills. Xanax and Paxil. Two great tastes that taste great together! What I hate about being on this medication is that I can't eat my diet pills. Drug interaction and all that. That may be one reason my house had disintegrated into a total pig sty. The day I cleaned it I ate a diet pill. (Okay, e, I know I said I'd throw them all away. I just couldn't.) Zoom zoom. Clean house but my mental state wasn't the best.
Maybe this is some sort of PMS induced funk. I hope so.
Eh, eff it. I'm taking Tiny dog to bed. Maybe when I get up I will have found my good cheer.
Over the last couple of weeks I thought I'd wean myself off Paxil. Ha fucking ha. Not a good idea. After I got so mad at work a few times that I got an eye twitch and then started to cry watching some kind of lame ass commercial last night I decided to continue eating my little pills. Xanax and Paxil. Two great tastes that taste great together! What I hate about being on this medication is that I can't eat my diet pills. Drug interaction and all that. That may be one reason my house had disintegrated into a total pig sty. The day I cleaned it I ate a diet pill. (Okay, e, I know I said I'd throw them all away. I just couldn't.) Zoom zoom. Clean house but my mental state wasn't the best.
Maybe this is some sort of PMS induced funk. I hope so.
Eh, eff it. I'm taking Tiny dog to bed. Maybe when I get up I will have found my good cheer.
10/18/05
Crapola
The plant watering and toadstool kicking didn't go quite as planned. I let the plant go too long without water. Instead of perking up after I watered it it just laid there. Crap. I watered the plant before my nap and was looking forward to seeing it standing when I got up. Realizing that the plant was dead kind of sucked some of the fun out of toadstool kicking.
Sweety read about my plans last night and said he almost went outside and pulled the toadstools up. I would've kicked his ass if he'd have done that.
While I was napping I gave Stinky dog a treat to nibble on. She puked on the bedroom floor. I guess it wasn't the tasty kind of vomit because Tiny dog didn't eat it.
I just went outside and annihilated all the ant colonies in my yard. I feel powerful. This is a good way to end the day.
Sweety read about my plans last night and said he almost went outside and pulled the toadstools up. I would've kicked his ass if he'd have done that.
While I was napping I gave Stinky dog a treat to nibble on. She puked on the bedroom floor. I guess it wasn't the tasty kind of vomit because Tiny dog didn't eat it.
I just went outside and annihilated all the ant colonies in my yard. I feel powerful. This is a good way to end the day.
Self Analysis
I figured out why I feel such violence towards poultry.
When I was three or four I was at my grandparent's house one day when they were killing chickens. Grandpa would wring their necks and then put them under a big bucket til they quit kicking. I was minding my own business, playing in the dirt, when suddenly a headless chicken came running right towards me. I will never forget how it's nasty little neck stump glistened in the sun. I quickly ran up the nearest woodpile.
I think this has led to my problem with birds. I'm transferring my animosity towards chickens to their other bird brethren. I'd like to kick a pigeon or break a crane's knees but I have no desire to be near a chicken. They are just too freaky.
It is so much fun to feed ducks. It's really neat to toss the bread on the backs of the ducks and then watch them beat the snot out of each other for the food.
I better go get some rest so I can punt toadstools properly.
When I was three or four I was at my grandparent's house one day when they were killing chickens. Grandpa would wring their necks and then put them under a big bucket til they quit kicking. I was minding my own business, playing in the dirt, when suddenly a headless chicken came running right towards me. I will never forget how it's nasty little neck stump glistened in the sun. I quickly ran up the nearest woodpile.
I think this has led to my problem with birds. I'm transferring my animosity towards chickens to their other bird brethren. I'd like to kick a pigeon or break a crane's knees but I have no desire to be near a chicken. They are just too freaky.
It is so much fun to feed ducks. It's really neat to toss the bread on the backs of the ducks and then watch them beat the snot out of each other for the food.
I better go get some rest so I can punt toadstools properly.
10/17/05
Fun Planned
I am so ready to be off on Tuesday and Wednesday. I have some serious fun that will be happening.
I'm a plant torturer. I like to let a plant go without water til it's all limp and droopy and funny colored and then give it some water so I can actually watch it straighten up. And I'll give it a little bit of sun. It's almost like magic.
My plan is to water the plant and while I wait for the water and sun to work their magic I'll go outside and kick the shit out of some toadstools. I love kicking toadstools. It's neat to see how far you can get them to fly. There are six of them that I've had my eye on and they should be good and ready for kicking by tomorrow. I'll actually get dressed to kick the toadstools. It would just look too weird for someone to see me in my robe kicking them in the front yard.
I can't wait. I am one party animal.
I'm going to entertain my fantasy of what it will sound like to punt a pigeon. The gentle slope of a pigeon's breast cries for a foot arch to launch it into the air. And just the idea of those brilliant orange feet scrabbling through the air brings a smile to my face. Lucky for the pigeons of the world, circumstances have prevented me from fulfilling this fantasy.
Hmmm, I hate the knobby kneed sandhill crane and I spend time thinking about kicking pigeons. I must have some problem with poultry.
I'm a plant torturer. I like to let a plant go without water til it's all limp and droopy and funny colored and then give it some water so I can actually watch it straighten up. And I'll give it a little bit of sun. It's almost like magic.
My plan is to water the plant and while I wait for the water and sun to work their magic I'll go outside and kick the shit out of some toadstools. I love kicking toadstools. It's neat to see how far you can get them to fly. There are six of them that I've had my eye on and they should be good and ready for kicking by tomorrow. I'll actually get dressed to kick the toadstools. It would just look too weird for someone to see me in my robe kicking them in the front yard.
I can't wait. I am one party animal.
I'm going to entertain my fantasy of what it will sound like to punt a pigeon. The gentle slope of a pigeon's breast cries for a foot arch to launch it into the air. And just the idea of those brilliant orange feet scrabbling through the air brings a smile to my face. Lucky for the pigeons of the world, circumstances have prevented me from fulfilling this fantasy.
Hmmm, I hate the knobby kneed sandhill crane and I spend time thinking about kicking pigeons. I must have some problem with poultry.
My Little Kleptomaniac
I've decided that Tiny dog is a klepto. First she gets caught eating my damn soup, then she moves on to stealing pacifiers from innocent babies. (See that little fat foot? It belongs to the cutest boy child ever. That's his equally cute ass sister looking at Tiny dog steal.) She took the pacifier straight to her hidey hole for safekeeping. (Notice her shiny collar and her new necklace. She's pimped out. I must be weird as shit. Making my dog jewelry.) I think she needs some kind of professional help to stop stealing. I'm not gonna worry about it unless I catch her robbing a liquor store or something.
I love watching other people's kids. For about an hour after they left I was thinking "gee, if I had one it would still be running around being cute and playing". But after I took a shower and got into bed I decided it was nice to only have to worry about not crushing Tiny dog in my sleep and not about keeping a tit ready for a baby to latch on to.
I love watching other people's kids. For about an hour after they left I was thinking "gee, if I had one it would still be running around being cute and playing". But after I took a shower and got into bed I decided it was nice to only have to worry about not crushing Tiny dog in my sleep and not about keeping a tit ready for a baby to latch on to.
10/15/05
Prostitution
It seems that Sweety is more receptive to giving me money if I ask right after sex. It has to be while he's still afterglowing and hasn't wiped his weenie off yet. I can handle the jokes about how he usually just leaves his money on the nightstand to pay instead of transferring it directly into someone's checking account. It's not that he's ever told me no when I needed a loan; he just grouches less if it's presented to him in this setting.
I got my hair cut, eyebrows done, painted my nails and trimmed the hoo-ha yesterday. It was like he got to have sex with a new woman.
Tiny dog got in my soup bowl last night when I got up from the couch for just a minute. It was broccoli cheese soup. Sweety took a picture to show to me so I could see how evil she really is. And he's started to call her "little tiny cheese head" so I can't forget what she did. We had to give her a bath so to wash the cheese smell off of her. Sloppy eating bitch. I guess if you're stealing food you can't be too picky as to where it goes.
Time to go wash Stinky dog. She's all relaxed on the couch. She has no clue that I'm fixing to drag her outside and soap her up and then squeeze her anal glands. Saturday morning fun!
I got my hair cut, eyebrows done, painted my nails and trimmed the hoo-ha yesterday. It was like he got to have sex with a new woman.
Tiny dog got in my soup bowl last night when I got up from the couch for just a minute. It was broccoli cheese soup. Sweety took a picture to show to me so I could see how evil she really is. And he's started to call her "little tiny cheese head" so I can't forget what she did. We had to give her a bath so to wash the cheese smell off of her. Sloppy eating bitch. I guess if you're stealing food you can't be too picky as to where it goes.
Time to go wash Stinky dog. She's all relaxed on the couch. She has no clue that I'm fixing to drag her outside and soap her up and then squeeze her anal glands. Saturday morning fun!
10/14/05
Clean at Last!
Well, 3 days after I said I was going to, I finally got the house company clean.
Now I won't be embarassed to have the babysitter here. And it is nice to breathe without having to swipe Stinky dog hairballs away from my face.
I wish I could stay here and enjoy the order but I gotta go to work. Ick.
Now I won't be embarassed to have the babysitter here. And it is nice to breathe without having to swipe Stinky dog hairballs away from my face.
I wish I could stay here and enjoy the order but I gotta go to work. Ick.
Conversation
Setting: 5 a.m. I'm in bed and Sweety has just left for work. I give him a ring on the cell phone.
Me: Hey, you have some cute little tail lights.
Sweety: Thanks, we do a lot of butt crunches to make it look nice.
Me: Do you know that you can take birth control pills and fool your body into thinking you're pregnant and you'll start to lactate?
*crickets chirping*
Me: Isn't that the neatest thing?
Sweety: What makes you think I'd know anything about that?
Me: I dunno. You have a lot of random information in your head. I think that it's very interesting.
Sweety: Why? Are you planning on needing to do that?
Me: Well, I thought maybe I could nurse Tiny dog. You know, bond.
And I was abruptly hung up on. So I called him back. The first 5 minutes consisted of me trying to get my cackling under control.
Me: Sorry about that. I thought it was funny.
Sweety: I was talking about our dominating chihuahau last night. About how she humps Tasha's head. I think she needs a little doggy strap-on.
Me: How could you even think such a thing about my sweet little dog! Anyway, they don't make them that small.
Sweety: You think I'm weird? You just suggested forcing lactation so Oy could lick it off.
Me: Oh no, I'm not going to make her lick. She'll suckle.
Sweety: Suckle? Oh shit. I've gotta go. Love you. Bye.
Me: Hey, wait you know I'm not really thinking of nursing my damn dog? Right?
I was just kidding. Have a good day Sweety.
I can only imagine the visions dancing in his head today. Heh heh heh. I can be one sick fucker.
Me: Hey, you have some cute little tail lights.
Sweety: Thanks, we do a lot of butt crunches to make it look nice.
Me: Do you know that you can take birth control pills and fool your body into thinking you're pregnant and you'll start to lactate?
*crickets chirping*
Me: Isn't that the neatest thing?
Sweety: What makes you think I'd know anything about that?
Me: I dunno. You have a lot of random information in your head. I think that it's very interesting.
Sweety: Why? Are you planning on needing to do that?
Me: Well, I thought maybe I could nurse Tiny dog. You know, bond.
And I was abruptly hung up on. So I called him back. The first 5 minutes consisted of me trying to get my cackling under control.
Me: Sorry about that. I thought it was funny.
Sweety: I was talking about our dominating chihuahau last night. About how she humps Tasha's head. I think she needs a little doggy strap-on.
Me: How could you even think such a thing about my sweet little dog! Anyway, they don't make them that small.
Sweety: You think I'm weird? You just suggested forcing lactation so Oy could lick it off.
Me: Oh no, I'm not going to make her lick. She'll suckle.
Sweety: Suckle? Oh shit. I've gotta go. Love you. Bye.
Me: Hey, wait you know I'm not really thinking of nursing my damn dog? Right?
I was just kidding. Have a good day Sweety.
I can only imagine the visions dancing in his head today. Heh heh heh. I can be one sick fucker.
Poor Fingers
Cuticle trimmers become a deadly weapon in the hands of the unskilled. At work tonight I decided to treat my gnawed little nubs to a manicure. And with the first swipe of my brand new cuticle trimmer I cut an artery. I didn't realize it til I looked down and saw that I was bleeding like a stuck pig on the keyboard. I put some superglue on it and now the finger is good as new.
It seems like I had some crap to say but fatigue has won the battle.
Night.
It seems like I had some crap to say but fatigue has won the battle.
Night.
10/13/05
Dear Sweety,
The reason that the house isn't all shiny yet is because you know that I prefer to work under pressure. Tomorrow, being the last day that I will have to clean, will produce a sanitized house.
I love you and your ENORMOUS penis.
Love,
Chickie
I love you and your ENORMOUS penis.
Love,
Chickie
Happy HNT & Some Dog Love
This was a photo that Sweety insisted on taking in the summer. Generally, I do my secret beauty rituals in secret but he caught me. I was running around the bedroom naked and when I realized that he was taking a photo whether I had clothes on or not, I asked for the courtesy of a towel to cover me.
And here's Princess Tiny dog.
She's looking around to see who is getting to see her look like this. Stinky dog is laughing her ass off in the background.
She is glaring at the costume out of the corner of her eye.
I think Tiny was embarrassed by the costume. When I was trying to take her picture she kept trying to run behind me. She's never done that before. I guess we all have our own humiliation threshold.
I don't know what the heck I was thinking with suggesting to Sweety that his exwife could go to Disneyworld with us. Temporary insanity I guess. I told him this morning that I've changed my mind on that. She is babysitting 6 children on top of having the boys and their 2 siblings. That's 10 freaking kids! And she used to bitch that we didn't pay enough attention to the boys when my niece was over here. I figure if she's not fostering togetherness with the boys there's no need for me to feel bad about it.
And here's Princess Tiny dog.
She's looking around to see who is getting to see her look like this. Stinky dog is laughing her ass off in the background.
She is glaring at the costume out of the corner of her eye.
I think Tiny was embarrassed by the costume. When I was trying to take her picture she kept trying to run behind me. She's never done that before. I guess we all have our own humiliation threshold.
I don't know what the heck I was thinking with suggesting to Sweety that his exwife could go to Disneyworld with us. Temporary insanity I guess. I told him this morning that I've changed my mind on that. She is babysitting 6 children on top of having the boys and their 2 siblings. That's 10 freaking kids! And she used to bitch that we didn't pay enough attention to the boys when my niece was over here. I figure if she's not fostering togetherness with the boys there's no need for me to feel bad about it.
10/12/05
La la la...
The house is still a mess...
But, I did take Tiny dog to Petco and swapped her raincoat and boots for a Halloween costume. Of course, photos of that will be forthcoming.
And I dusted off my creativity hat (oh, wait. I don't have a creativity hat) and made a collar for Tiny dog. Pink and sparkly. She loves it. She's knows she's unbearably cute.
Okay, I am really going to clean this damn house now.
But, I did take Tiny dog to Petco and swapped her raincoat and boots for a Halloween costume. Of course, photos of that will be forthcoming.
And I dusted off my creativity hat (oh, wait. I don't have a creativity hat) and made a collar for Tiny dog. Pink and sparkly. She loves it. She's knows she's unbearably cute.
Okay, I am really going to clean this damn house now.
Gotta Get Motivated
The house must be cleaned today. I cannot put it off any longer. This Saturday we're going to Halloween Horror Nights and we'll be staying in Orlando. NeighborGirl is coming over here to watch the canines and our friends kids. So I've got to really clean before she spends the night.
I used to never be a napper on the couch. If I was going to sleep I wanted to be in my bed. Not any more. It has become a Tuesday after dinner ritual for me to snug up on the loveseat with Stinky dog and Tiny dog for a catnap. I nap til Stinky's body weight becomes too uncomfortable. The couch is calling to me now but I'm ignoring it.
I've gotta take some dog clothes back to the store today. I got Tiny a raincoat and some shoes but they're too big. Wearing the coat just freaks her out so I guess I'll just get a big umbrella to carry when I'm walking her in the rain.
Tuesday morning Sweety effed me silly. I think that I'm still dinged out. Ever since then I've had sex on the brain.
Sweety's head is still hurting so he's going to go back to the doctor again today. I wish they'd find out what the heck is wrong.
Gotta go find some breakfast and start cleaning. I swear that I'm not touching the computer again til the house is clean!
I used to never be a napper on the couch. If I was going to sleep I wanted to be in my bed. Not any more. It has become a Tuesday after dinner ritual for me to snug up on the loveseat with Stinky dog and Tiny dog for a catnap. I nap til Stinky's body weight becomes too uncomfortable. The couch is calling to me now but I'm ignoring it.
I've gotta take some dog clothes back to the store today. I got Tiny a raincoat and some shoes but they're too big. Wearing the coat just freaks her out so I guess I'll just get a big umbrella to carry when I'm walking her in the rain.
Tuesday morning Sweety effed me silly. I think that I'm still dinged out. Ever since then I've had sex on the brain.
Sweety's head is still hurting so he's going to go back to the doctor again today. I wish they'd find out what the heck is wrong.
Gotta go find some breakfast and start cleaning. I swear that I'm not touching the computer again til the house is clean!
10/11/05
Whirled Peas
I think the world would be a happier place if everyone sat down for a snack of cornbread (not that crappy stuff out of a box) and sweet tea every night at 8 p.m.
Stupid
I am such an effing moron. I spent 10 minutes wandering around the parking lot after work looking for my car. When I first got out there I tried to open a car but the interior light didn't come on so I thought it was someone else's car that looked like mine. Basically, 10 minutes was spent circling the aforementioned car before I saw a dent in the side and realized it was my car and that I needed to try and open it again. I'd already decided that my car had been stolen and was wondering how long it was going to take to file a police report and worrying about how pissed Sweety would be when I told him I let his car get stolen.
When I got home I didn't pull into the garage, just parked in the drive so as to not wake the dogs. I'm getting all my stuff together and I hear a car alarm going off. For some reason, I thought I'd accidentally set off the neighbor's alarm. Then I realized that the noise was coming from inside my garage and that I'd hit the button to set the alarm off on the car that was in there. So much for my plan of not waking the dogs or Sweety.
And then, when taking Tiny dog out to pee, I tripped on her and sent her sprawling. I was just glad she didn't get squashed.
I am a danger to myself.
And I think I'm going through early menopause or something. I've been having the most disgusting night sweats. I mean sheet soaking stuff. During the day I'll wake up and move from the puddle on my side of the bed to Sweety's side of the bed. Sometimes I'll sweat up his side and have to move back to mine after it's dried. I looked up some of the symptoms:
hot flushes and night sweats - oh yeah, check and check
aches and pains - yup, but they could be contributed to my lack of exercise
crawling or itching sensations under the skin - oh my fucking goodness, this one has been happening and it's been driving me CRAZY!
headaches - not happening
vaginal dryness - yes again, but i think maybe i'm just dehydrated
reduced sex drive (libido) - eh, it comes and goes
urinary frequency - this is not a problem
tiredness - all the damn time but i am a lazy ass
irritability - not any more than usual
depression - can't blame this one on anything. it's just part of my personality
sleeping difficulty - yes, but i contribute it to my odd schedule
lack of self esteem - i think this one isn't an issue
forgetfulness - damn, i think tonight's losing the car episode illustrates this
The night sweats thing is what's really getting on my nerves. If it continues I may make an appointment with my woman doctor to see if my hormones are out of whack. My sister said she gets the sweats and her doc told her she didn't have enough progesterone. Maybe that's my problem.
The thought of not being able to have kids sooner than I'd anticipated made me reevaluate my stance on spawning. And I told Sweety it's a dumb idea to try and crank out a kid just because we might want one later and it could be too late. But who knows, my biological clock could start going off like the car alarm at any time.
When I got home I didn't pull into the garage, just parked in the drive so as to not wake the dogs. I'm getting all my stuff together and I hear a car alarm going off. For some reason, I thought I'd accidentally set off the neighbor's alarm. Then I realized that the noise was coming from inside my garage and that I'd hit the button to set the alarm off on the car that was in there. So much for my plan of not waking the dogs or Sweety.
And then, when taking Tiny dog out to pee, I tripped on her and sent her sprawling. I was just glad she didn't get squashed.
I am a danger to myself.
And I think I'm going through early menopause or something. I've been having the most disgusting night sweats. I mean sheet soaking stuff. During the day I'll wake up and move from the puddle on my side of the bed to Sweety's side of the bed. Sometimes I'll sweat up his side and have to move back to mine after it's dried. I looked up some of the symptoms:
hot flushes and night sweats - oh yeah, check and check
aches and pains - yup, but they could be contributed to my lack of exercise
crawling or itching sensations under the skin - oh my fucking goodness, this one has been happening and it's been driving me CRAZY!
headaches - not happening
vaginal dryness - yes again, but i think maybe i'm just dehydrated
reduced sex drive (libido) - eh, it comes and goes
urinary frequency - this is not a problem
tiredness - all the damn time but i am a lazy ass
irritability - not any more than usual
depression - can't blame this one on anything. it's just part of my personality
sleeping difficulty - yes, but i contribute it to my odd schedule
lack of self esteem - i think this one isn't an issue
forgetfulness - damn, i think tonight's losing the car episode illustrates this
The night sweats thing is what's really getting on my nerves. If it continues I may make an appointment with my woman doctor to see if my hormones are out of whack. My sister said she gets the sweats and her doc told her she didn't have enough progesterone. Maybe that's my problem.
The thought of not being able to have kids sooner than I'd anticipated made me reevaluate my stance on spawning. And I told Sweety it's a dumb idea to try and crank out a kid just because we might want one later and it could be too late. But who knows, my biological clock could start going off like the car alarm at any time.
10/10/05
Coincidence?
Sweety was getting the boys ready for school this morning when he spouted out with "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?". And he hadn't read my previous post about how that phrase was running through my head last night. How weird. We are two odd peas in a pod.
Long Day
Why on earth do I waste time worrying about hurting Stinky dog's feelings? I was thinking of taking Tiny to the dog park and then to lunch on Wednesday. Can't take Stinky too because they have to go to different parts of the dog park and I can't handle 2 dogs at the restaurant. So I decided that I'd take Tiny dog's cage out of the room where she and Stinky sleep so Stinky would think that Tiny was in another part of the house. While instead, she's really enjoying glorious freedom.
After I'd spent maybe 4 hours at work hatching my plan, I remembered that I needed to stay home on Wednesday to shampoo Tiny dog pee out of the carpet. But I was so proud of myself for thinking of a way to deceive Stinky dog. I worry too much about my dogs.
I have a feeling that the boom is fixing to be lowered on us at work. It seems that last week while our supervisor was out there were quite a few instances of people leaving early and calling in sick. Skating! Skating! See me twirl on the pretty, thin ice! We're going to a Halloween thing on Saturday night and I was going to ask if I could work on Wednesday and be off on Sunday but I think I'll just keep my yap shut and try to not draw attention to myself or my work habits.
For some reason, the phrase "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" was on a continuous loop in my head tonight. I think that phrase a lot and I like to bounce my head to the syllables. I wonder why.
Okay, I'm thinking crazy shit. It must be bedtime.
After I'd spent maybe 4 hours at work hatching my plan, I remembered that I needed to stay home on Wednesday to shampoo Tiny dog pee out of the carpet. But I was so proud of myself for thinking of a way to deceive Stinky dog. I worry too much about my dogs.
I have a feeling that the boom is fixing to be lowered on us at work. It seems that last week while our supervisor was out there were quite a few instances of people leaving early and calling in sick. Skating! Skating! See me twirl on the pretty, thin ice! We're going to a Halloween thing on Saturday night and I was going to ask if I could work on Wednesday and be off on Sunday but I think I'll just keep my yap shut and try to not draw attention to myself or my work habits.
For some reason, the phrase "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" was on a continuous loop in my head tonight. I think that phrase a lot and I like to bounce my head to the syllables. I wonder why.
Okay, I'm thinking crazy shit. It must be bedtime.
10/9/05
Chemistry Set Fun
Awhile back, LB mentioned he'd like a chemistry set. I'd always wanted one when I was a kid but never had one; so I hopped right on eBay and purchased one.
It had all these little bottles of chemicals and when you added water or alcohol to the bottles then you'd get the stuff that you need for experiments. On the last stinking bottle (methanol blue?) I goofed up and ended up squirting blue dye all over the new pantry door that was behind me, my shirt, the floor and the fingers on my right hand. And the shit won't wash off of anything it's touched. It looks like I've been finger fucking a smurf.
That's the blue stuff on my shoulder. I'm just glad that it missed my face. Someday, I'll figure out how to make the dogs eyes look normal when I'm editing photos.
It seems that washing my face in the toilet has removed any urge to have alcohol near my body. The thought of drinking makes me cringe up like a burnt spider. Who knew the cure for alcoholism was sitting in our toilet? I may make the rounds at some AA meetings and offer to bring people to my home for baptism.
There's nothing better than being woken from a dead sleep to "Daaaaad! BB just hit me!". As I laid there this morning I actually thought about how hard would the sprogs kick if I put a pillow on their heads and then sat on it. LB hasn't heard about how sometimes it is the messenger that gets killed.
Thankfully, the baseball game was called in the third inning yesterday because of rain. And even more importantly, the game was tied so everyone was in good spirits and not upset that our team had lost. Our team was playing much better. I think that Sweety and the coach really laid into the team about being lazy and not trying their hardest at the last couple of practices. You could tell they were playing better than they had at the previous games.
Sweety was kind enough to wash the canines last night. And as a show of appreciation, I initiated shower sex. (okay, really i wanted it but i made it sound like a thank you gift afterwards) He said if that's all he had to do then he'll start washing the dogs every day. I can deal with that.
It had all these little bottles of chemicals and when you added water or alcohol to the bottles then you'd get the stuff that you need for experiments. On the last stinking bottle (methanol blue?) I goofed up and ended up squirting blue dye all over the new pantry door that was behind me, my shirt, the floor and the fingers on my right hand. And the shit won't wash off of anything it's touched. It looks like I've been finger fucking a smurf.
That's the blue stuff on my shoulder. I'm just glad that it missed my face. Someday, I'll figure out how to make the dogs eyes look normal when I'm editing photos.
It seems that washing my face in the toilet has removed any urge to have alcohol near my body. The thought of drinking makes me cringe up like a burnt spider. Who knew the cure for alcoholism was sitting in our toilet? I may make the rounds at some AA meetings and offer to bring people to my home for baptism.
There's nothing better than being woken from a dead sleep to "Daaaaad! BB just hit me!". As I laid there this morning I actually thought about how hard would the sprogs kick if I put a pillow on their heads and then sat on it. LB hasn't heard about how sometimes it is the messenger that gets killed.
Thankfully, the baseball game was called in the third inning yesterday because of rain. And even more importantly, the game was tied so everyone was in good spirits and not upset that our team had lost. Our team was playing much better. I think that Sweety and the coach really laid into the team about being lazy and not trying their hardest at the last couple of practices. You could tell they were playing better than they had at the previous games.
Sweety was kind enough to wash the canines last night. And as a show of appreciation, I initiated shower sex. (okay, really i wanted it but i made it sound like a thank you gift afterwards) He said if that's all he had to do then he'll start washing the dogs every day. I can deal with that.
10/8/05
Aw, Shit.
"Now everyone at the bowling alley knows what your tits look like." was the sentiment Sweety greeted me with when I got home.
Oops.
I told him I was coming in here to take the picture down. But I've changed my mind. It's my blog. And my boobies. And I like them both. So, nyah :p
I couldn't get home fast enough so I could attack him in the bedroom. I've discovered that if I come in and throw it on him, when we're done he passes out hard enough that my cooking in the kitchen doesn't wake him.
Tomorrow there is another ballgame scheduled for the boys. I'll spend the next 12 hours praying for rain. I wish they played some kind of indoor sport. Like chess.
You haven't lived til you've fished a Lincoln Log out of a bassett hound's mouth. A bassett hound who does not want to give up her prize. I had to dig so far down Stinky's throat that I was afraid she'd gag.
I better get my silly ass in bed so I'll be chipper tomorrow. Ugh.
Oops.
I told him I was coming in here to take the picture down. But I've changed my mind. It's my blog. And my boobies. And I like them both. So, nyah :p
I couldn't get home fast enough so I could attack him in the bedroom. I've discovered that if I come in and throw it on him, when we're done he passes out hard enough that my cooking in the kitchen doesn't wake him.
Tomorrow there is another ballgame scheduled for the boys. I'll spend the next 12 hours praying for rain. I wish they played some kind of indoor sport. Like chess.
You haven't lived til you've fished a Lincoln Log out of a bassett hound's mouth. A bassett hound who does not want to give up her prize. I had to dig so far down Stinky's throat that I was afraid she'd gag.
I better get my silly ass in bed so I'll be chipper tomorrow. Ugh.
10/7/05
Slacking
As I sit here, surrounded by all the dog love and typing around Tiny dog licking the keys on the keyboard, I am acutely aware of how badly the canines need a bath. They smell kind of mildewy. Oh yeah, I just picked a mushroom out of Stinky's ear. On Saturday these funky bitches will be sanitized.
There's also a bunch of crap sitting in my front room that I need to go through. It's probably safe to throw something out if you didn't even know that you had it. If only I could motivate myself to cram it all in trash bags.
I was blown away at how many comments the HNT post received. Suppose it is true that sex sells! I would've replied to each comment individually, but it is late and as I have mentioned - I'm really slacking off at the present.
I've been pretty damn useless for about the last week.
Let me rely another snippet of conversation...
Setting: Me tapping on the keyboard and Sweety enters the room.
Sweety: If you didn't have to work and were home all the time would things be different?
Me: Well, yes. Different how? What brings this on?
Sweety (hugging me tightly and making me feel all loved): You know, you've stopped shaving your coochie.
Me: What! You want me to be home because you think I'll keep my thingy smooth? Good grief. If I'd have know that was all it took, I'd have started growing it out a long time ago. I'm going to quit shaving my armpits too.
I'm glad to know what he finds truly important.
There's also a bunch of crap sitting in my front room that I need to go through. It's probably safe to throw something out if you didn't even know that you had it. If only I could motivate myself to cram it all in trash bags.
I was blown away at how many comments the HNT post received. Suppose it is true that sex sells! I would've replied to each comment individually, but it is late and as I have mentioned - I'm really slacking off at the present.
I've been pretty damn useless for about the last week.
Let me rely another snippet of conversation...
Setting: Me tapping on the keyboard and Sweety enters the room.
Sweety: If you didn't have to work and were home all the time would things be different?
Me: Well, yes. Different how? What brings this on?
Sweety (hugging me tightly and making me feel all loved): You know, you've stopped shaving your coochie.
Me: What! You want me to be home because you think I'll keep my thingy smooth? Good grief. If I'd have know that was all it took, I'd have started growing it out a long time ago. I'm going to quit shaving my armpits too.
I'm glad to know what he finds truly important.
10/6/05
Fluffy Thoughts
I have been peeking in on the cutest baby in the world. Go. Look. Now. Makes me want a "little bean" of my own for about half an hour after I look at those photos. I actually made Sweety check out the site so he could bask in the cuteness radiating from the computer monitor. I'm going to wait until they get all the kinks worked out of cloning and then I'm going to see if her parents will mail me some hair or nail clippings so I can grow my own in the garage.
If it weren't a felony, I would love to put a couple a dozen white mice inside a big blue mail drop-off box. And then just hide and see what happens when someone opens it up. It makes me chortle with glee to even think about it. I wonder if those things have surveillance cameras around them?
I'd been sitting on an idea for a couple of months and finally presented it to Sweety. To make a long story short - I asked if, when we take the boys to the theme park, their mom (EW) and her boy-child could go with us. Sweety looked at me like I'd grown a second head. She's the one that gave us the tickets. A neighbor gave them to her and she told Sweety that she wouldn't be able to take the boys because she couldn't handle all her kids at the park. I just think the boys would like going with their little brother and I know they haven't been there with their mom. Sweety feels it's a good idea but that it would be nervewracking. I agree. But I think I could suck it up for a day and be friendly and not let that exterior crack.
He told me to let my conscience be my guide and I could ask her if I wanted to. I'm hoping that by making this offer it will negate some of the evil thoughts and malicious deeds that I've directed at her. And I think it will be something the boys would look back on in a nice way.
Maybe I've been watching too much of My Name is Earl.
If it weren't a felony, I would love to put a couple a dozen white mice inside a big blue mail drop-off box. And then just hide and see what happens when someone opens it up. It makes me chortle with glee to even think about it. I wonder if those things have surveillance cameras around them?
I'd been sitting on an idea for a couple of months and finally presented it to Sweety. To make a long story short - I asked if, when we take the boys to the theme park, their mom (EW) and her boy-child could go with us. Sweety looked at me like I'd grown a second head. She's the one that gave us the tickets. A neighbor gave them to her and she told Sweety that she wouldn't be able to take the boys because she couldn't handle all her kids at the park. I just think the boys would like going with their little brother and I know they haven't been there with their mom. Sweety feels it's a good idea but that it would be nervewracking. I agree. But I think I could suck it up for a day and be friendly and not let that exterior crack.
He told me to let my conscience be my guide and I could ask her if I wanted to. I'm hoping that by making this offer it will negate some of the evil thoughts and malicious deeds that I've directed at her. And I think it will be something the boys would look back on in a nice way.
Maybe I've been watching too much of My Name is Earl.
10/5/05
Shiny Clean Carpet!
The new carpet has landed! Thank you and amen!
The boys each got to pick out the carpet for their rooms. BB (being a little older and more conscious of the cost of things) chose the cheapest berber stuff that we would allow. LB (being younger and more "ME" oriented) chose the stuff that he actually liked, nice fluffy stuff that had to be special ordered. Both of the rooms look good but when you compare them, LB's looks much nicer. BB's room still looks eleventy billion times better than the stuff that was in there before. The old carpet was 17 years old. Yech.
I'm not a fan of berber and tried to steer BB to other stuff but he decided that's what he liked. I think he'll look at LB's room with a bit of envy though. Or maybe not.
I didn't have the installers put the furniture back in the bedrooms. After sharing my house with strangers for an hour I just wanted them to get out. They used the toilet and (cue Psycho theme song now) DID NOT PUT THE LID BACK DOWN!!!!! It grosses me out enough to lower the lid after people I'm related take a piss; I'm just going to avoid that bathroom til I see that someone else has lowered it.
The boys each got to pick out the carpet for their rooms. BB (being a little older and more conscious of the cost of things) chose the cheapest berber stuff that we would allow. LB (being younger and more "ME" oriented) chose the stuff that he actually liked, nice fluffy stuff that had to be special ordered. Both of the rooms look good but when you compare them, LB's looks much nicer. BB's room still looks eleventy billion times better than the stuff that was in there before. The old carpet was 17 years old. Yech.
I'm not a fan of berber and tried to steer BB to other stuff but he decided that's what he liked. I think he'll look at LB's room with a bit of envy though. Or maybe not.
I didn't have the installers put the furniture back in the bedrooms. After sharing my house with strangers for an hour I just wanted them to get out. They used the toilet and (cue Psycho theme song now) DID NOT PUT THE LID BACK DOWN!!!!! It grosses me out enough to lower the lid after people I'm related take a piss; I'm just going to avoid that bathroom til I see that someone else has lowered it.
Bird Sex
What a fruitful search I had on the internet! All kinds of bird porn out there.
We spied penguins, the knobby kneed birds, some delicious chickens, and the symbol of our great nation: the bald eagle!
I wouldn't mind having a nice bronze statue of the fucking penguins.
We spied penguins, the knobby kneed birds, some delicious chickens, and the symbol of our great nation: the bald eagle!
I wouldn't mind having a nice bronze statue of the fucking penguins.
10/4/05
Grouching
Dear Mr. Asswipe Carpet Installer,
Thank you ever so much for letting us know, 30 minutes after the appointment time, that you would not be coming over to install our carpet. I am sooooo very appreciative that you took the time to call. Of course, if you would have called before the fucking appointment time then I could have had some sleep today but really, it's not about me (the customer). We are just so grateful to have access to someone who is happy to install our carpet that we will take whatever shit you give us. We are all looking forward to living another day in a house where 2 bedrooms have been totally emptied into the rest of the place to make way for you, Oh Mighty Asswipe Carpet Installer.
Hope to see you tomorrow! Like you promised!
Sincerely,
The cranky, sleepy bitch that lives here
*
*
*
Luckily, Sweety called today to make sure I was awake to get the boys from school. I wasn't. In my sleepy daze I'd set my clock for a.m. instead of p.m. And then further in my sleepy daze I put on a shirt that was missing 2 buttons to pick them up in. After we left the school BB said 'i didn't want to say anything at the school, but there's a couple of holes in your shirt'. Great. I was flashing the elementary schoolers. At least I had on a new bra with no holes in it.
And on the way to school I saw another pack of 3 of those birds. I can't help it; Whenever I see them I want to hit those knees with a baseball bat. If I do, does that make me a bad person? And what's up with the group of 3 thing? Menage a trois? Has anyone ever seen birds having sex? I haven't. I'd like to though. Think it would be quite funny.
Gonna go look for some poultry porn on the 'net.
Thank you ever so much for letting us know, 30 minutes after the appointment time, that you would not be coming over to install our carpet. I am sooooo very appreciative that you took the time to call. Of course, if you would have called before the fucking appointment time then I could have had some sleep today but really, it's not about me (the customer). We are just so grateful to have access to someone who is happy to install our carpet that we will take whatever shit you give us. We are all looking forward to living another day in a house where 2 bedrooms have been totally emptied into the rest of the place to make way for you, Oh Mighty Asswipe Carpet Installer.
Hope to see you tomorrow! Like you promised!
Sincerely,
The cranky, sleepy bitch that lives here
*
*
*
Luckily, Sweety called today to make sure I was awake to get the boys from school. I wasn't. In my sleepy daze I'd set my clock for a.m. instead of p.m. And then further in my sleepy daze I put on a shirt that was missing 2 buttons to pick them up in. After we left the school BB said 'i didn't want to say anything at the school, but there's a couple of holes in your shirt'. Great. I was flashing the elementary schoolers. At least I had on a new bra with no holes in it.
And on the way to school I saw another pack of 3 of those birds. I can't help it; Whenever I see them I want to hit those knees with a baseball bat. If I do, does that make me a bad person? And what's up with the group of 3 thing? Menage a trois? Has anyone ever seen birds having sex? I haven't. I'd like to though. Think it would be quite funny.
Gonna go look for some poultry porn on the 'net.
Conversation
Setting: I'm in the kitchen and on my way out the door to work.
Sweety: Wow. We didn't have sex last night.
Me: Yeah, well sorry. I'll fix that for you soon.
Sweety: Oh no. We won't be having sex anytime soon.
Me (wondering 'what the hell? he always wants sex?'): Okay...why not?
Sweety: Because I'm on my period now.
And with that, I was stricken speechless as he walked me to the car with a cheery smile and waved me on to work. He said it so matter-of-factly that for just a moment it seemed to make sense. But he's not. I checked.
Weirdo. I love him.
Sweety: Wow. We didn't have sex last night.
Me: Yeah, well sorry. I'll fix that for you soon.
Sweety: Oh no. We won't be having sex anytime soon.
Me (wondering 'what the hell? he always wants sex?'): Okay...why not?
Sweety: Because I'm on my period now.
And with that, I was stricken speechless as he walked me to the car with a cheery smile and waved me on to work. He said it so matter-of-factly that for just a moment it seemed to make sense. But he's not. I checked.
Weirdo. I love him.
10/2/05
Some Visuals
Home from work early. My head feels like a watermelon. A phlegm filled watermelon.
But I'm not too sick to dink with Flickr!
Sweety on our new lot in Oklahoma! One acre! Ours! Woo hoo!
This is the lake that is a stone's throw away from the lot. Do you know what is not in the lake? SHARKS! It will be nice to swim somewhere where there are no jellyfish.
And this is our new picture for the living room. The heart border is on it's way out. I wanted to get the picture hung before one of the canines found it and chewed on the frame.
Now I'm tired. Gonna go try and hack up some snot.
But I'm not too sick to dink with Flickr!
Sweety on our new lot in Oklahoma! One acre! Ours! Woo hoo!
This is the lake that is a stone's throw away from the lot. Do you know what is not in the lake? SHARKS! It will be nice to swim somewhere where there are no jellyfish.
And this is our new picture for the living room. The heart border is on it's way out. I wanted to get the picture hung before one of the canines found it and chewed on the frame.
Now I'm tired. Gonna go try and hack up some snot.
10/1/05
Effing Spam
Due to the sudden influx of spammy comments, I've turned on the word verification thingy. I do apologize for any aggravation that this may cause a legitimate commenter.
I'm the kind of person that HATES advertising. When I bought my truck, I had all the stuff on it pulled off that said Chevrolet or the name of the dealership where I bought it. Why should I do advertising?
And to all spammers: Eat shit and die.
Back to our regularly scheduled program.
I'm the kind of person that HATES advertising. When I bought my truck, I had all the stuff on it pulled off that said Chevrolet or the name of the dealership where I bought it. Why should I do advertising?
And to all spammers: Eat shit and die.
Back to our regularly scheduled program.
Achoo.
I'm sneezing my fool head off and I don't know why. The left nose hole is stopped up again too. It may have something to do with flying this week. For some reason, being on a plane wreaks havoc with my head.
The canines are locked in the bedroom. I didn't feel like keeping an eye on Tiny for every second to make sure she wouldn't piss on the carpet so they're put up for now. She won't pee on the wood floor in my bedroom but will on the carpet. Maybe it just feels nicer to go on carpet.
Sweety's at the boys' baseball game. He should be home any minute. I weaseled out of it. I was tired and just didn't feel like going. So shoot me.
Some friends of ours were going to come over but aren't. I think their baby (the cutest baby ever) is teething. I'm kind of glad they didn't come over if the baby is cranky. I'd hate to have my illusion of the baby being perfect shattered. I don't think I've ever heard him cry. He's such a cute little old man.
I don't have a lot of kid toys. They all got tossed out not too long ago. So when I was at wallyworld this morning I got something for their daughter (who's 4) to play with. It's this little pet shop thing and all the animals have bobbly heads. Too effing cute. Since they're not coming over this will give me a chance to break the toy in.
My sister and her new husband are having trouble in paradise. She said he'll fuss at her and curse in front of my niece. She told me that she told him if the niece was his biological kid that he wouldn't talk like that. I told my sister that I wouldn't talk like that in front of any kid. Usually they get along but when they fuss it turns into a blowout and it's usually over something small. I hope they get their situation ironed out. My niece doesn't need any more drama in her life.
Geez, I wonder what's taking Sweety so long? I think I'll go surprise him and shave my legs. That way, if I get lucky later I won't get a friction burn on my fuzzy legs.
The canines are locked in the bedroom. I didn't feel like keeping an eye on Tiny for every second to make sure she wouldn't piss on the carpet so they're put up for now. She won't pee on the wood floor in my bedroom but will on the carpet. Maybe it just feels nicer to go on carpet.
Sweety's at the boys' baseball game. He should be home any minute. I weaseled out of it. I was tired and just didn't feel like going. So shoot me.
Some friends of ours were going to come over but aren't. I think their baby (the cutest baby ever) is teething. I'm kind of glad they didn't come over if the baby is cranky. I'd hate to have my illusion of the baby being perfect shattered. I don't think I've ever heard him cry. He's such a cute little old man.
I don't have a lot of kid toys. They all got tossed out not too long ago. So when I was at wallyworld this morning I got something for their daughter (who's 4) to play with. It's this little pet shop thing and all the animals have bobbly heads. Too effing cute. Since they're not coming over this will give me a chance to break the toy in.
My sister and her new husband are having trouble in paradise. She said he'll fuss at her and curse in front of my niece. She told me that she told him if the niece was his biological kid that he wouldn't talk like that. I told my sister that I wouldn't talk like that in front of any kid. Usually they get along but when they fuss it turns into a blowout and it's usually over something small. I hope they get their situation ironed out. My niece doesn't need any more drama in her life.
Geez, I wonder what's taking Sweety so long? I think I'll go surprise him and shave my legs. That way, if I get lucky later I won't get a friction burn on my fuzzy legs.
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